"A Knight of the Order Planning Thread--SPOILERS"

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by DarthIshtar, May 22, 2001.

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  1. Clarus Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 18, 2000
    star 4
    So, who's writing the next post, and what should it be?
  2. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    I think Angel is up next, with an Ani/Obi reconciliation. But she's been absent from the boards from over a month. You're on deck, Clarus. You wanna make plans for an Ani/Obi post in case she doesn't turn up?

    Angel, where are you?
  3. Clarus Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 18, 2000
    star 4
    Well, I know she's been in AZ since the July 25, and was supposed to return today. Don't know why she hasn't posted on the boards, though.
  4. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
  5. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I've paid my dues, time after time...

    Clarus, you need something to do. Go for it!
  6. Clarus Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 18, 2000
    star 4
    What was the next post supposed to be about? It's been awhile . . .
  7. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    I think some kind of Ani/Obi reconciliation is next, Clarus. Not a total reconciliation, but some kind of acknowledgement of the breach between them. We discussed it a few pages back, before we scattered to the four winds. You can hit me up on AIM, if you're still up...
  8. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    A few questions. 1) Where is everyone? 2) Is this going to be abandoned? 3) Is there another planning thread on the FFWRB I haven't heard about?
  9. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Pulling this up so Lothi can find it. Ish, we might want to move this to the FFWRB before one of the mods locks it out.
  10. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I'll reincarnate this over at the FFWRB.
  11. DarthLothi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2001
    star 4
    Here's my first attempt. *ducks*

    _______________________________

    Obi-Wan pushed aside the tent flap and stepped out into Tatooine's chilly predawn air. The arc of Tatoo I just peeked above the horizon, its purplish hue a cool contrast to fiery yellow it would become in just a few hours. The soft light seemed to smooth the rough edges of the landscape, giving the stark cliffs in the distance an almost welcoming quality.

    It was strange, Obi-Wan thought, how a slight change in tint could alter one's entire perception of something.

    The breeze ruffled his hair and carried away the stench of death that seemed to cling to every part of him. He had been up all night, assisting the few doctors with the thankless task of sorting people into the "treatable, possibly treatable, death probable, and death imminent" categories. There were far more in the last two than Obi-Wan cared to remember. He pressed the heels of his hands to his face. His eyes felt raw and gritty, but he could not afford the luxury of sleep right now.

    The aroma of strong kaf reached his nose, and he opened his eyes to see a dark-haired, dark-eyed young man holding out a mug. Obi-Wan took it with a nod of thanks. He sipped the steaming liquid, chagrined at the slight charge it gave him. A Jedi should not need such a crutch. He sipped again, wondering at how something so harsh could bring comfort.

    He stared out over the sands, wondering if Anakin and Padmé would return to the city, or if he would have to go and get them. He would probably have to go after them, given the wave of profound anguish he had felt from his Padawan before Anakin slammed his shields down. Obi-Wan feared the worst.

    The young man's voice broke into his thoughts. "You're a Jedi, aren't you?"

    Obi-Wan turned to look at him. The boy appeared to be about Anakin's age, but his shoulders were hunched and his face was already haggard from years of work under the harsh twin suns. His dark eyes were bitter and accusing.

    "Yes, I am."

    "Why now?" the young man asked. "Why do the Jedi come now? Where were you when the uprisings were crushed and Hutts murdered hundreds? Where were you when these soldiers first started attacking us? Why do you come now, when there is so little left to save?"

    Obi-Wan had no answers for him. The boy wouldn't understand Core World politics and the forces that drove government (and Council) decisions, the money that changed hands to keep him and his family in slavery. Nor would he care. He saw only the suffering around him. Nothing that Obi-Wan could say would change that.

    So he kept his silence.

    The boy glared at him a moment longer before stalking away. His bitterness hovered about him like a cloud.

    Even Qui-Gon couldn't save all the children.

    Obi-Wan finished his kaf and wandered toward the edge of town. The whine of an engine cut through the air and he saw a speeder approaching from the direction of the Wastes.

    Padmé brought the speeder to a halt next to Obi-Wan. Her grim expression and Anakin?s empty stare told him more than words ever could.

    Anakin saw him and his expression hardened. He vaulted from the speeder and advanced on Obi-Wan until they were toe-to-toe. Obi-Wan could see the tension in his apprentice?s body and feel his pain trickling out around his carefully held shields.

    ?Padawan, I?m??

    Anakin poked him in the chest. ?Don?t say it, Obi-Wan. She?s dead. Dead because of the Council?s inaction and your evasions.?

    ?Anakin?.? Padmé grabbed the young man?s arm.

    Anakin shook her off. ?They knew, Padmé! He knew! They knew the clones were attacking Tatooine and still they did nothing! Said nothing! Mom would still be alive if??

    A harsh voice interrupted them. ?Shmi is dead?!?

    They turned to see the dark-haired young man who had given Obi-Wan the kaf. He stood rigidly, his fists clenched by his sides.

    ?Who are you?? Anakin demanded.

    ?I should have known you?d forget,? the young man sneered. ?Just like the rest of the Jedi.
  12. DarthLothi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2001
    star 4
    um, Ish, J-J, was this OK?
  13. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    My first reaction was to criticize some of the action processes, but now that I've reread it, they make sense in context and relating to the style of the scene. So, if J-J has no problems, I suggest we put it up at AKOTO sometime soon. Dialogue was well-done. Emotion appropriate and believable.
  14. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Very nice, Lothi! I can't believe you've been hiding this long. There are some awkward transitions, but it's a nice scene. You show Obi-Wan's almost reluctant affection and Anakin's need for some kind of stability.

    I say go ahead and post it. I think any problems you amy have will smooth themselves out with practice.

    Yay, we're going again! Am I next, and if so, where are we going?
  15. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Yes, you're next and I have no idea. I know this is an Anakin fall story, but we never got it through to the end.
  16. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    I went back and re-read some of our previous discussions to try and remember where we were headed with this. It really only served to upset me because we were really on a roll with this thing.

    I think the next thing we were planning was a return to Coruscant and Ani having to answer to the Council. Let's throw this around some - Council's reaction (super-pissed, somewhat pissed, resigned?), does Palpy intervene on Ani's behalf, does Ani tell the Council to get bent and go to work for Palpy, at what point do he and Padme seriously contemplate marriage, etc.

    I'm going to PM AA, since she's re-emerged (at least over at AAEF) and see if she's still interested in this. Clarus said she's pretty much out of the fic business for awhile. And AoI has pulled a MAJOR disappearing act.
  17. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Come on, guys, tell me what you think....
  18. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I think, as long as Yoda's still the jollygreenjedi on the council, they won't ever be resigned. Superpissed is too cliche. Pissed is more understandable and there could be something underlying.
  19. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    ok, somewhat pissed because Anakin deliberately disobeyed, put personal concerns ahead of the mission, acted on his fear instead of trying to understand and control it. Yes or no?

    Do we have him tell the Council to kiss his @$$ and take the job with Palpy? Or does he stay with Obi and stew in his resentment for a while?

    Sorry for all the questions - just want to make sure we're on the same wavelength.
  20. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Okay, I have an idea where to go, but need input. Anakin is called before the Council to explain himself, they berate him, he loses his temper and says he's going to work for Palpatine. Council forbids it. Anakin is in trouble with the Navy for going AWOL and Palpatine bails him out, as well as interceding with the Council to get Ani to work for him.

    Thoughts? Please?

  21. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I think it's a good idea for everyone (the Council and the Navy) to be pissed at him. That way, when Palpatine is his lone advocate, his savior, he's more likely to bow to his wishes. Something Palpy can lord over him. :D
  22. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Here's part of the next post. it can stand like it is (I think), if someone wants to pick up from here, or I can keep going. I have a heavy work schedule next week, so it will be slow.

    --------------------------

    Anakin slouched in a plasteel chair outside Commander Rymoth's office, trying to ignore the looks of pity he was getting from the petty officer who served as the wing commander's clerk. The outer office was furnished with battered chairs and tables done in the style that Anakin thought of as "Navy-issue Ugly." The room reeked of stale pastries and overcooked kaf.

    The wing commander's summons had come as soon as Anakin's ship had touched down in his squadron's hangar. His fellow pilots had gathered around, wanting to know where he'd been and why he had taken a squadron fighter without permission. He'd ignored them and tried to head for the door when his squadron commander cut him off and told him to report to the wing commander immediately.

    You've really stepped on it this time, Skywalker. Rymoth is furious. He's had Navy brass and Jedi Masters breathing down his neck ever since you left.

    The intercom on the petty officer's desk chimed and Anakin heard Commander Rymoth's tinny voice through the small speaker.

    "Is Skywalker out there?"

    "Yes, sir," replied the petty officer.

    "Send him in."

    The petty officer looked up. "I heard him," Anakin growled, getting to his feet and marching into Rymoth's office.

    He halted one meter in front of the wing commander's desk and came to attention. He kept his eyes locked on the wall just above Rymoth's head. "Sir, Lieutenant Skywalker reporting as ordered."

    Commander Rymoth, a dark-haired man in his forties with a craggy face and cold blue eyes, regarded him silently for a moment. Anakin resisted the urge to fidget and kept his eyes on the wall.

    " 'As ordered,' " Rymoth repeated. "Now that would be a first for you, wouldn't it, Skywalker?"

    "Sir?"

    Rymoth stood and walked around his desk. He circled Anakin, who remained at rigid attention, knowing what was coming.

    "Cheerful and willing obedience to orders, Skywalker. Something I have not seen from you from the day you walked into the ready room," Rymoth said. "Your squadron commander has stuck his neck time and again defending you, because you're a great stick, a competent flight lead and the flight officers, for some unknown reason, admire you and want to be like you. But not anymore."

    "The list of your offenses is long and egregious." He ticked them off on his fingers as he paced the room. "Low-level atmospheric passes over friendly command posts. Constant violation of mission parameters, including landing your ship to fight ground troops with your laser sword."

    "Lightsaber," Anakin corrected through gritted teeth, his blood boiling. This chair-warmer never climbed into a damned cockpit long enough to understand what was really happening on the battlefields. He flew just enough to keep his rating and flight pay.

    "Whatever," said Rymoth, not breaking his litany. "Fraternization with the enlisted crews. Theft of supplies from Republic depots--"

    "The paperwork was in order. Just because the paper-pushers wouldn't --"

    "I don't want to hear it, Lieutenant!" The large vein in Rymoth's temple throbbed. "Regardless of where you think those parts were needed, the fact remains that they were designated for another squadron and they somehow ended up with yours. I couldn't prove you were involved, but it had your fingerprints all over it!"

    "Now," Rymoth said, stopping in front of Anakin, "you are finished. As your wing commander, I am preferring charges against you for being AWOL, desertion in time of war, theft of Republic property, disobeying the orders of a superior officer, namely General Kenobi."

    "But--"

    "No buts, Skywalker." Rymoth wagged his finger in Anakin's face. "No fast talk or Jedi tricks. Your hero's medals won't get you out of this, nor will the fact that General Kenobi is your mentor. And I don't care if you're beddi
  23. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Wow, now I can't wait for the rest of that post. Of course you knew that. Loved the assault and battery part. Go Anakin. And, um, yeah, finally someone's calling him for all the stuff he's been doing. But at least he has honor.
  24. Jedi-Jae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Here's all of it. Lothi, get your butt in here and comment, since you pestered me all evening!

    ------------------

    Anakin slouched in a plasteel chair outside Commander Rymoth's office, trying to ignore the looks of pity he was getting from the petty officer who served as the wing commander's clerk. The outer office was furnished with battered chairs and tables done in the style that Anakin thought of as "Navy-issue Ugly." The room reeked of stale pastries and overcooked kaf.

    The wing commander's summons had come as soon as Anakin's ship had touched down in his squadron's hangar. His fellow pilots had gathered around, wanting to know where he'd been and why he had taken a squadron fighter without permission. He'd ignored them and tried to head for the door when his squadron commander cut him off and told him to report to the wing commander immediately.

    You've really stepped on it this time, Skywalker. Rymoth is furious. He's had Navy brass and Jedi Masters breathing down his neck ever since you left.

    Anakin shifted in the chair again and looked down at his grubby flight suit. He wondered if he should have taken the time to change into a fresh uniform, especially given the wing commander's apparent displeasure with him. Ah, forget it, he thought. If I'd gone to change uniforms, he would be pissed about me not reporting to him right away.

    The intercom on the petty officer's desk chimed and Anakin heard Commander Rymoth's tinny voice through the small speaker.

    "Is Skywalker out there?"

    "Yes, sir," replied the petty officer.

    "Send him in."

    The petty officer looked up. "I heard him," Anakin growled, getting to his feet and marching into Rymoth's office.

    He halted one meter in front of the wing commander's desk and came to attention. He kept his eyes locked on the wall just above Rymoth's head. "Sir, Lieutenant Skywalker reporting as ordered."

    Commander Rymoth, a dark-haired man in his forties with a craggy face and cold blue eyes, regarded him silently for a moment. Anakin resisted the urge to fidget and kept his eyes on the wall.

    " 'As ordered,' " Rymoth repeated. "Now that would be a first for you, wouldn't it, Skywalker?"

    "Sir?"

    Rymoth stood and walked around his desk. He circled Anakin, who remained at rigid attention.

    "Cheerful and willing obedience to orders, Skywalker. Something I have not seen from you from the day you walked into the ready room," Rymoth said. "Your squadron commander has stuck his neck out time and again defending you, because you're a great stick, a competent flight lead and the flight officers, for some unknown reason, admire you and want to be like you. But not anymore."

    "The list of your offenses is long and egregious." He ticked them off on his fingers as he paced the room. "High-speed, low-level passes over friendly command posts. Unauthorized modifications to your starfighter. Constant violation of stated mission parameters, including landing your ship to fight ground troops with your laser sword."

    "Lightsaber," Anakin corrected through gritted teeth, his blood boiling. This chair-warmer never climbed into a damned cockpit long enough to understand what was really happening on the battlefields. He flew just enough to keep his rating and flight pay.

    "Whatever," said Rymoth, not breaking his litany. "Escorting unauthorized personnel, namely that female Senator, into squadron areas. Fraternization with the enlisted crews. Theft of supplies from Republic depots--"

    "The paperwork was in order. Just because the paper-pushers wouldn't --"

    "I don't want to hear it, Lieutenant!" The large vein in Rymoth's temple throbbed. "Regardless of where you think those parts were needed, the fact remains that they were designated for another squadron and they somehow ended up with yours. I couldn't prove you were involved, but it had your fingerprints all over it!"

    "Now," Rymoth said, stopping in front of Anakin, "you are finished. As your wing commander, I am preferring charges against you fo
  25. DarthLothi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2001
    star 4
    OK, OK, I'm here!

    I liked it, but that's not unusual. Anakin is kind of Craig Lowell from The Brotherhood of War series - do what you think is right, and piss on everyone else.

    So Palpy bailed him and oh, btw, is the only person to show him a shred of sympathy after all that happened. So Ani trusts him - bad news.

    The only error I saw was this: Palpatine gave his a slight smile.
    Should be gave him as slight smile.

    So where's Ish?
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