Saga A Life Long Gone - Darth Vader reflects

Title: A Life Long Gone
Characters: Darth Vader
Time: Post-ROTS- Pre-ANH
Genre: Angst, vignette

A Life Long Gone

It is not often that I allow myself to open that chest. It belonged to another man; one who is long dead. I have no business rifling through the small treasures of his life. However, there are times when I cannot resist the temptation to pry into his secrets and attempting to discover where he went wrong.

I know the contents of the box by heart. I can discern each object by touch alone, even through my thick gloves. I can picture each item in my mind. And with every image, a memory is brought briefly to life, only to die when I close the lid on their secrets once more.

I open the chest and reach in blindly with my hand, the one that still bears the remnants of a lost humanity. I do not care what I touch first, but for once I resent the layers of leather and cloth between my ruined flesh and the contents of the chest. Usually I am grateful for the barrier; for it keeps me from corrupting what lies hidden there with my touch.

I pull out what my questing hand finds first. I hold it up to the light, marveling that this plait of hair looks much as it did the day its removal signified a young man?s passage from Padawan to Jedi Knight. It is the color of the sands of Tatooine, an accursed place that slowly drains the life of those who live there. I set it aside; it is unimportant. The owner of the braid was forgotten long ago, and this small remnant is all that is left of the brash young Jedi. He paid the ultimate price for his failures.

I find a lump welling up in my throat as my fingers close around a small circlet of metal. I grasp it tightly, enclosing it in the black glove. I cannot bear to look at it. I know every line engraved on it, every scratch and irregularity on its surface. It is a Nubian Marriage ring.

It is slightly worn now; the design showing signs of age. I do not need to see it to know this. This always surprises me, for it was worn so briefly. And I do not touch it very often, I'm quite sure of that. It is still beautiful, but I will not open my hands and expose it to my eyes. An angel gave it to her beloved husband on the day their vows were exchanged.

It was a troubled time, and he was going away to war. They thought this ring would keep them safe, but they were fools who hoped in vain. They are both dead now, that husband and wife. But I know they would be sickened by my possession of this symbol of their love.

I put it aside, still unseen. I feel even more an interloper when I touch it, as if I am peering into windows and seeing that which I am not meant to see. I can only touch it briefly before the shame which sweeps over me becomes overwhelming.

The next object I touch is rather heavy. It was a gift from one generation of Jedi to another, before I swept their kind from the galaxy. I test its weight in my palm, letting the subtle vibrations of the Force surround me. It is just a stone, but it seems to rest reluctantly in my hand. It is not a sentient being, of course; though the Force surrounding it is discordant. The Force knows what the stone does not. The Force can sense my darkness, my unworthiness. I place it on the table, and immediately feel the loss of the stone's Force, its dim light fading away completely.

There is only one more item in the small chest. It does not take me long to find what remains there. It is small and pushed up against a corner. For a moment I fancy that it has hidden there, trying to avoid my touch. That is nonsense, I know this. It is a small, inanimate object that cannot care who touches it. It does not pass judgment as I do.

I pick it up and I am not pleased to notice that the black glove trembles. I lift it to the light, letting it dangle on the leather thong that holds it. It is a japor snippet, somewhat crudely hand-carved. I know that the hands which carved this were rather clumsy at the time, shaking with fear and sorrow and the first, confusing brush of a childish love. A little boy carved t

 

A moving tribute to how much vader thinks he has changed and the objects of the past remind him of things. I am very glad I got to read this

 

Poor Vader It's even sadder knowing he brought it on himself, really. But I can picture him having that jappor snippet hidden away somewhere, and the river stone was a beautiful touch

 

Darn you! One of these days I'll learn my lesson and not click on your viggies without hankey in hand.

They matter to no one anymore, least of all to me.

I imagine it's probably easier for him to tell himself that. Not sure if it's completely true. Heartbreakingly beautiful as always.

 

Great job with this, Vadey. I loved the things he chose to keep - to remind him of the things Anakin would have treasured but Vader can not. Loved that he was glad of his glove so that he could not contaminate Anakin's gifts.

Really lovely.

 

It is slightly worn now; the design showing signs of age. I do not need to see it to know this. This always surprises me, for it was worn so briefly. And I do not touch it very often, I'm quite sure of that.

Why do I get the feeling that Vader has touched it quite often, and perhaps it is his own touch that has worn down the design? Another lovely vignette!

 

Great viggie.

A very touching look into Vader's thoughts as he touches Anakin's gifts, his memories.

 

This is one of those vigs that hurts to read.


AnakinsHeir already mentioned the first thing that caught my eye.

This was the other:
But I cannot bring myself to destroy the only good thing the little boy ever created.

Perhaps a bit of foreshadowing regarding his inability to kill Luke...



*feels the sudden urge to go watch ROTJ*

 

*cries* Can't say much more, but this is one of the best viggies I've seen in a while.

 

You made me feel sorry for Vader!

I felt really bad for him here. He protested so much about how unimportant all these things were, yet he kept them carefully preserved. I think he brought them out quite often and felt unworthy each time he did so.

 

Another great vignette, VaderLVR64! It reminds me of when Vader told Luke, "You were right. Tell your sister you were right."

I really enjoy your stories.

 

Another good one, Mom. But what else am I going to say?

Just kidding, I loved it. We see Vader the same way!

 

Another great vignette! And so sad

 

You know how much I love this. The idea that Vader would hold on to treasures from his past life is so poignant and moving.

It is slightly worn now; the design showing signs of age. I do not need to see it to know this. This always surprises me, for it was worn so briefly. And I do not touch it very often, I'm quite sure of that. It is still beautiful, but I will not open my hands and expose it to my eyes. An angel gave it to her beloved husband on the day their vows were exchanged.

It was a troubled time, and he was going away to war. They thought this ring would keep them safe, but they were fools who hoped in vain. They are both dead now, that husband and wife. But I know they would be sickened by my possession of this symbol of their love.

Still my favorite passages.

But I cannot bring myself to destroy the only good thing the little boy ever created. I stare at it one more time before replacing it in the chest. I put back each item, trying to pretend that my care as I do so is just a matter of habit. These are the treasures of a life that was destroyed long ago.

Love the irony and foreshadowing here because, of course, his children become his greatest creation.

 

Again, an amazing vignette and an amazing insight into Vader's psyche!

 

I love the way you have Vader almost completely disassociating himself with Anakin, treating them like they're two completely different people. Almost as if Anakin lived a long time before Vader.

It creates a rather interesting picture of Vader, and how he sees himself, and his former self. He can't see them as being part of the same whole, so it traps him.

And I think I've babbled entirely too much tonight.

Wonderful viggie, my friend, wonderful.

 

Hananiah Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it.

Darth_Kinwon I've always loved the story of the river stone, and that was a way to link Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Anakin. Thanks for reading!

obi_ew I'm very flattered! I think there's more of Anakin left than Vader wants to admit. At least, that's how I see him!

dianethx Thanks! I thought Vader would feel unworthy to touch what belonged to Anakin.

AnakinsHeir You're right, he goes to that chest more often than he can admit, even to himself.
Thanks for reading!

JediMaster_Jen Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Jedi Trace I did have his children in mind when I wrote the line about not destroying the only good thing he had created. It hurt to read? Thanks!

Ana_Labris Thank you very, very much!

DreamOfKenobi Thanks! I'm always glad to make someone feel sorry for Vader. You're right, he does feel unworthy.

SkalenFehl Thank you so much, I enjoy your work very much, too!

VadersMistress Thank you!

LaYa_ Thank you!

Gina Thank you! And thanks for telling me it wasn't garbage, LOL! I appreciate you taking a look at it before I posted.

Arwyn_Whitesun Well, he IS my favorite character! Thank you so much!

Kazzy Thank you! I've always thought that was the only way he stayed sane, to think of Anakin and Vader as two different people.

Thanks to all who read this!

 

That was very, very lovely. Well done!

 

Very sad, and very believable.

 

Wow, that was amazing

Well done !

 

well done. waaaaaaaaaa so sad.! Someone hold me

 

very sad and touching...great work.

 

*sniff, sniff*
So sad! So awful! So tragic! I'm so glad in the end he returns to the force and reconciles the two parts of himself! You did an excellent job!
(and I told you I'm going to follow you around, reading all your viggies! hahahahahaha....)

 

Beautifully written. A side of Vader hidden from the the public eye.

 

Beautiful. Truely beautiful. Well done.