Saga A Little Early (Humor)

Title ? A Little Early
Author ? Baroncoop
Characters - Vader, Obi-Wan, Luke, Han, Leia, Chewie
Genre - Humor
Timeframe ? Death Star
Summary ? Obi-Wan and friends show up just a wee bit early, and things go completely ?.different. Much like this story.


?Death Star front desk, how may I help you?? the sweet voice came out of the wall speaker.

?I would like to get some room service, please.? Princess Leia said from inside her cell.

After what seemed like five minutes of typing sounds over the speaker, the voice came back. ?Oooh, sorry, ma?am. Lord Vader already has an appointment with you in two minutes.?

?Oh.? Leia paused for a moment. ?Is it a massage?? she asked hopefully.

?I?m not sure. It looks like he has the torture chamber booked up for this one.? The receptionist said. Leia thought about it for a moment, and then decided she probably wasn?t going to be getting a mud bath.

?Five star rating my ass.? She mumbled under her breath. This was the last time she would go to an Imperial time share meeting.

?Thank you for choosing the Death Star, ma?am. We know you have a wide range of choices in planetary destruction, and thank you for choosing us.? The front desk clerk recited. ?Have a nice day, rebel scum!? She chirped, happily.

Princess Leia had barely sat down on her cot when the door lifted and Darth Vader strode in, followed closely by a round, hovering droid. Vader stood in the doorway menacingly before noticing that Leia was watching the droid behind him. Turning, he let out an annoyed sigh and shooed the droid out of the room.

?Damned thing has been following me all day.? Vader said angrily. ?I have no idea what it?s for. I tried using it during my volleyball game, but it?s impossible to spike.? He shook his head for a second and the sound of rattling could be heard inside his helmet. ?Plus, the sand really DOES get everywhere.? Vader was droning on, and it was all Princess Leia could do not to roll her eyes.

Suddenly, the door whooshed open to reveal two stormtroopers, a wookie, and an old man in jedi robes. After a moment of awkward silence, the jedi looked at his watch and asked, ?Ummmm, I take it we?re early??

Incredulous, Vader could only say ?Obi-Wan? I have not felt your presence since ?.. Well since you threw me into that pit of lava.? Drawing his lightsaber, he continued. ?And now I have you right where I want you.?

Eyes darting around nervously, Obi-Wan grabbed one of the stormtroopers and pushed him towards Vader. ?Hey! This guy?s your son!?

?Hey!? Luke?s voice came from inside the armor. ?Thanks for selling me out! Wait, what??

Obi-Wan tried to run, but ran into the wookie and fell on his back. Vader shoved past the stormtroopers and placed his lightsaber at the older jedi?s throat. ?Now,? he breathed ominously, ?You will do what you should have done years ago.?

Realizing he finally had no choice, Obi-wan sighed, and reached into his pocket. ?Fine. I hereby award you with your Jedi Master patch.? He pulled the patch out of his robes and handed it Vader, who opened his cape to reveal a sash with every jedi scout patch sewn onto it.

?And?? Vader asked with great ominousness-ness in his voice. With another sigh, Obi-wan reached back into his robes and pulled out a refreshing can of coke, and handed it to the Dark Lord of the Sith. ?Told you I could become a Dark Lord of the Sith and take over the galaxy.? Vader told his old master before helping him to his feet. ?So, what do you want to do now?? he asked.

?Wait wait wait.? Leia said, stepping between the two of them. ?First off, you became a Sith, destroyed the jedi, and took over the galaxy on a BET?!? Vader and Obi-wan glanced at each other, and nodded.

?And now that he paid up, what, you?re DONE?? she asked incredulously.

?Well, yeah.? Vader said. ?Of course, I need to put in my two-weeks notice to the Emperor. He's gonna be pissed. You know how long it takes to train a replacement Dark Lord??

In the background, a clearly still confused Luke asked ?Now, when you say he?s my FA

 

Eyes darting around nervously, Obi-Wan grabbed one of the stormtroopers and pushed him towards Vader. ?Hey! This guy?s your son!?

?Hey!? Luke?s voice came from inside the armor. ?Thanks for selling me out! Wait, what??

Obi-Wan tried to run, but ran into the wookie and fell on his back. Vader shoved past the stormtroopers and placed his lightsaber at the older jedi?s throat. ?Now,? he breathed ominously, ?You will do what you should have done years ago.?

Realizing he finally had no choice, Obi-wan sighed, and reached into his pocket. ?Fine. I hereby award you with your Jedi Master patch.? He pulled the patch out of his robes and handed it Vader, who opened his cape to reveal a sash with every jedi scout patch sewn onto it.

?And?? Vader asked with great ominousness-ness in his voice. With another sigh, Obi-wan reached back into his robes and pulled out a refreshing can of coke, and handed it to the Dark Lord of the Sith. ?Told you I could become a Sith and take over the galaxy.? Vader told his old master before helping him to his feet. ?So, what do you want to do now?? he asked.

?Wait wait wait.? Leia said, stepping between the two of them. ?First off, you became a Sith, destroyed the jedi, and took over the galaxy on a BET?!? Vader and Obi-wan glanced at each other, and nodded.

?And now that he paid up, what, you?re DONE?? she asked incredulously.

?Well, yeah.? Vader said. ?Of course, I need to put in my two-weeks notice to the Emperor.?

I absolutely love it! Wonderful.

 

loved it, great humor

 

Holy moley!!! That was genius, Baron C.

LOL Moment...well, there were many, but this was my favorite:

?Thank you for choosing the Death Star, ma?am. We know you have a wide range of choices in planetary destruction, and thank you for choosing us.? The front desk clerk recited. ?Have a nice day, rebel scum!? She chirped, happily.

ROTFLOL

I bow in the prescence of your greatness!

JP

 

Really?? Vader was now very confused. ?That seems like a lot of coincidence that all of these people I now just happen to be here at the same time.?

?Not really.? Obi Wan was more serious now. ?Darth?. This is an intervention. We all think you?ve been using the dark side too much.?

Stunned, Darth Vader did the only thing he knew how to do when confronted with bad news.

?NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!? He roared, shaking his hands over his head in what he assumed looked like frustration and rage. Stunned by the noise, Luke stumbled backwards before tripping and falling down the bottomless pit nearby.

?Where?d that come from?? Han Solo asked, shocked.

?What, the pit?? asked Vader. ?They?re all over the place. You can?t seem to turn around without there being a bottomless pit or lava, or a sarlaac somewhere. Hey, you want to marry my daughter??



LOL! Your too funny... or warped I havent decided. This got better and better as it went along. Your right there are an aweful lot of drop offs in SW. This is the first time I noticed that.
Dont be a stranger. I always need a good laugh! Thanks!

 

Aww, thanks you guys. Or, if I had texted this response, it would be aww thx u guyzzzz. Or maybe that was if I were a teenage girl? I dunno. I just know more is forthcoming!

 

That was so funny! I could actually see all this happening in a twisted sort of way. I love the fact that it was all a bet...and how Vader asked Han if he wanted to marry Leia.

 

That was hilarious!!

Loved Vader being willing to walk away from the darkside, the Emperor ect all for a Jedi Master patch.

Great job on this

 

?Thank you for choosing the Death Star, ma?am. We know you have a wide range of choices in planetary destruction, and thank you for choosing us.?

Fantastic, haven't laughed so much in ages.

 

Oh my gosh, that was HILARIOUS!!!

- Serena

 

Stunned by the noise, Luke stumbled backwards before tripping and falling down the bottomless pit nearby.

?Where?d that come from?? Han Solo asked, shocked.

?What, the pit?? asked Vader. ?They?re all over the place. You can?t seem to turn around without there being a bottomless pit or lava, or a sarlaac somewhere. Hey, you want to marry my daughter??

Awesome! This was really funny.

 

Hey thanks guys! I was away for a while, but I'm back now, and here's hoping my increased class load doesn't distract me too much from the REAL work: keeping people laughing. Or at least entertained.