Before - Legends A Little Night Work.....(Holiday Challenge--Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, OCs)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Apocalyptic_Jawa, Dec 8, 2004.

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  1. Apocalyptic_Jawa Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 1
    (Author's note: I'll admit up front that I'm not terribly well versed--read, "at all"--on the Jedi Apprentice era, so my characterization could be woefully off-base. But I hope you'll enjoy this anyway.)



    Relka hated the snow. Absolutely hated it. His Gran physiology was supremely unsuited to the cold temperature, so he was bundled up heavily against the chill. It still felt like he could reach up and snap his eyestalks off like icicles, though.

    His breath plumed in the air, as he crouched near the edge of the rooftop. Fat snowflakes drifted out of the night sky, settling in a thick blanket over the dreary gray streets and buildings all around. There was little traffic out, due to the weather, so an eerie quiet had fallen over the city.

    And why was he here on Urelk III--in the dead of winter, no less--when he could be on Tatooine enjoying the Boonta Eve revelry? Why, for the credits, of course.

    Several blocks from where he crouched stood the estate of one Jaspar Ponell--Senator for this particular colony world. Somewhere in that building was an encrypted datacard that the good Senator had stolen from one of his fellow legislators. Whatever was on that disc must be awfully juicy, as Relka was being paid an obscene amount of cash to steal it back before it could be decoded.

    Politics could be so profitable.

    Relka took out a pair of electrobinoculars that had been adapted to his triple-eyed gaze, and scanned the grounds of the compound. He saw the token guards at the gatehouse, and others huddled near the building's main doors. No real challenge there. This should be a br--

    His thought broke off, as he spied a figure turning the corner of the Senator's home. A figure in distinctive brown robes. Relka lowered the electrobinoculars, then raised them again, to confirm that he wasn't imagining things. The Jedi was still there.

    What in the world could the Jedi be--

    "Whatcha doin'?"

    Relka nearly jumped out of his skin at the small voice coming from behind him. He swivelled, his hand shooting to the stun pistol at his hip. He stopped when he saw it was just a human boy--bundled up as heavily as Relka, with tousled dark hair. Couldn't have been more than ten, though Relka always did have trouble gauging human ages.

    "What are you doing here?" he asked the boy.

    The boy shrugged. "Just playin'. And I asked you first."

    "I'm doing grown-up stuff. Now maybe you should just run along and play somewhere else."

    "What kind of grown-up stuff?"

    "The kind that bores little kids," Relka answered. "Now scat!"

    "What's with the electrobinocs?" the boy asked, pointing at the gear. He walked over and squatted down in the snow next to Relka, to get a better look at the device.

    Relka shook his head. It wasn't that he disliked children. Really, he was quite fond of them. Had a couple of his own, in fact. But right now... "Listen, kid, I've got work to do--"



    "Am I bothering you?"

    "Maybe a little."

    "Oh." The boy mulled this over for a few moments then said, "Can I watch? If I'm real quiet?"

    Relka sighed, chuckled and finally gave up. "What's your name, kid?"


    "Taren. Okay. You really want to know what I'm doing?"

    The boy nodded.

    "You really, really want to know?"

    A more fervent nod.

    "Okay." Relka pointed down the street to the estate. "I'm going to go pay a visit to the Senator's house. And I'm going to steal something. And then I'm going to leave."

    Taren's eyes widened. "That's illegal!"

    Relka chuckled. "It sure is. That's half the fun."

    Taren considered this, then grinned. "Need any help?"

    "I admire your spirit, kid, but no chance."

    "Aw, c'mon!" Taren protested. "Nobody likes the Senator. I could be your lookout! Just like in the holovids!"

    Relka opened his mouth to shoo the kid away, then closed it, an idea beginning to percolate. He'd intended to just break in and nab the datacard--a quick in and out, no muss, no fuss. But if the Jedi were involved...well, that put a whole ne
  2. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    That was great! A superb entry for the holiday challenge. Now if only my muse would speak to me...

    Great work!
  3. SarkaVrae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    star 5

    great job! you had me drawn in right from the start! very "smooth" writing--easy to read/understand, and transitioned well! I loved it! :)
  4. Apocalyptic_Jawa Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 1
    Thank you, VaderLVR64 and SarkaVrae! :)

  5. CapNJaxWench Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2004
    star 1
  6. Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2003
    star 4
    Great job as usual, Apocalyptic_Jawa! Loved the exchange regarding Qui-Gon's hair. It's just kind of...girly [face_laugh] [face_laugh] And Obi-Wan trying to pretend he hadn't laughed... LOL! Taren is an awesome character, one of the best OCs I've read. Do you have more planned about his earlier life? I'd definately love to read it if you do!
  7. sidious618 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    That story was great! I'd like to see a sequal explaining what the datacard was all about.

    Here are a few comments:
    1)Really interesting OCs. They weren't cardboard cut outs at all.
    2)You captured Qui-Gon perfectly. He's tied at number one for my favorite Star Wars character so that's high praise!

    Hope to see more from you.
  8. Apocalyptic_Jawa Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 1
    CapNJaxWench: Thank you! :)

    Knight_Aragorn: Thanks! I've got a couple of ideas for early Taren tales, but when I could get around to them is another matter entirely. (I wish plot bunnies came with built-in "free time" to actually do them.)

    sidious618: Thank you! I didn't have any plans to follow up on the datacard, but I'll keep it in mind. And thanks for the characterization comments--glad to get a stamp of approval from a Qui-Gon fan! :)

  9. karebear214 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 7, 2002
    star 4
    Great story! I also would be interested in seeing more of these OCs
  10. Jedi_Chani Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 30, 2004
    star 1
    I agree, I'd like to see more of these OCs as well. Great story you've got here!
  11. Apocalyptic_Jawa Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 1
    Thanks, karebear214 and Jedi_Chani! :)

    To see more involving Taren, feel free check out the stories in my signature. :)

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