A Long Road Home (Qui/Obi angst) [#17 - 02-11-03] (Fourth Update!) COMPLETED

I'm here too, late.

And yes, we demand the Obi post!

 

Cascadia : Oh, I thought that was just my Internet problem - and trust me, it hadn't been the first time it messed me up. And thanks.

Suzuran : Well, I'll get it up when I type it out - have it written, but I'm not quite satisfied with it. You'll probably get sometime later today.

Aunecah

 

I missed two wonderful posts!!

Really great ones! I really wanna kill the council right now, but I will restrain myself for now

 

Arwen : Thank you. Well, we'll see about your opinion of the Council as the story proceeds.

Sorry for not posting yesterday - I don't know if it's only me, but my Internet has been acting very funky and irresponsible. I couldn't post - saying that, I'll post it today as soon as I can find the time to type it up.

Aunecah

 

Yes, here it is - Obi post.

~*~*~*~
The Jedi Temple was a happy place to live - for many, for those who could live here. Obi-Wan Kenobi knew no other life than that of a Jedi's. The edifice that towered over the rest of the buildings was very clearly visible from even kilometers away, where he was in a ship that was taking him far, far away from Coruscant and the Temple, the only home that he had. He watched as its tall spires grew smaller and smaller as the ship he was in arced toward the dark velvet of the space. That day, he left behind something he was, and his will to live. He would live in - the Jedi had taught him that all life was precious, and he wasn't about to foresake his teachings and kill himself - but he wouldn't live because he wanted to, and certainly not because he had to, but because he was expected to, because he was supposed to.

"Why won't you take me as your apprentice?" Desperation filled his voice as he asked the towering Jedi Master the question he had been asking himself since he had been old enough to know that he would be escorted without honors out of the Temple and out of the Jedi Order if he wasn't chosen by a Master. It was unfair; he worked hard, he did everything he could to impress those who came to watch the Initiates duel or lift blocks or display their Force-skills in some other way - and hopefully choose one of them as an apprentice. But nobody seemed interested in him - he didn't know whether it was because he was truly worthless, or because there were many others who were more worthy than him.

"He said that it wasn't about me," Obi-Wan told to the small group of audience - others who had been rejected from the Temple this month. All of them were around his age, and were entertaining various degrees of frustration and sadness on their faces. Of the five people that were sitting in a rough circle along with him, three were girls, two were boys, three were non-humans, and two were humans - other than Obi-Wan, that is. It was almost nice to know that no matter what species you came from, you felt the same thing as everybody else when you were dragged out of your home and told to never return to it."He didn't want to take any other apprentice after his last one turned."

"I am not like Xanatos," Obi-Wan said stubbornly. Qui-Gon Jinn's face didn't change any, but Obi-wan felt the Jedi Master's shields going up a notch, as if he thought his emotions would leak through otherwise. For a moment, Obi-Wan felt happy - that Qui-Gon was struggling to contain his emotions; whether it was anger or pain or hatred, he didn't care. Then, he sighed - gaining pleasure from torturing others was a sadistic nature, most unworthy of a Jedi.

"I would appreciate it if - "

"I am not going to turn," Obi-Wan interrupted.

The conviction in his voice seemed to take Qui-Gon back.

Silence reigned a long moment that trailed on for an eternity before the Jedi Master broke it by speaking:

"How can you promise me that, when you have no idea what is going to happen in the future?"

"Aren't you the one who always said that we should live in the present, in the 'here and the now'?" Obi-Wan challenged.

"You're dodging the question."

"No, I'm only following your teachings."

"I knew it was a little too late for any last minute changes," Obi-Wan said with a sigh, staring at the floor.

The bulkhead to his left was completely overtaken by a very large viewport. The silvery-blue swirls of hyperspace tunnel glided through the plexiglass, falling on the gleaming gray floor in spidery shadows. He had wanted to see the hyperspace all his life - he had been given a chance two times already, and he was now passing up the third and possibly his last chance - but he didn't have the heart to enjoy anything; he wondered if he ever would be the same again, able to enjoy what little part of life that he could.

The secondary passanger cabin in the moderately large ship was where they had been in throughout the entire trip. Two times a day, the manserv

 

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Was that a dream? It looked like a dream. ?

I loved the post, and it had a kooky feeling to it.

 

Yeah, Suzuran - it was a dream, but I had recollections within the dream, so that's why I was alternating between italics and normal style. And thanks.

Aunecah

 

I loved the descriptions of the sky and stars, etc.

It was a flashback within a flashback of Obi remembering when he was sent away, wasn't it? Great way of showing what happened.

EDIT: Oh, I didn't refresh the page before I posted my reply. Part of it was a dream and part was a flashback. Cool!

 

Cas - okay, let me see if I can make this really crystal clear. The whole thing is a dream, but inside the dream there's a flashback. I hope that was what it came out to be. Anyway, I'll go type up the next post now. Maybe I'll get to finish and post it tonight - else I'll post it early tomorrow morning as is my custom (though all my readers seemed to belong to the nightly shift).

Just a question - are you actually on the Internet in the morning, or would you like it if I just posted in the evening? Because either way is fine with me.

Aunecah

 

Okay, Aunecah. My mind just hasn't been on reading today. I understand now.

I'm on the internet at different times. Recently, I've been a little busy and haven't had as much time, though. Sorry, I guess that wasn't much help.

 

That's completely fine, don't worry about it Cas . It's just that as I looked at the posting times of my readers, I realized they usually were around 5:00 PM (board time) or sometime after that. So I thought it might be better to just post it then than up it later.

Aunecah

 

Another great one!

More please!

 

Thanks Arwen . More should be coming along today sometime.

Aunecah

 

Aunecah- Sorry I did not post sooner...I have been away from the comp for a few days! Whew! I go away and look at your posts- awesome! Obi-centric posts rock! Keep up the great work- I look forward to reading more of your work!

 

NyghtFyre : Don't worry about it. And thanks.

Here's the next post ? an "actual" Obi-Wan post, so as to speak. And it's a long one too . Enjoy.

~*~*~*~

His brain felt as if it had been recently stuffed into a high-power electroblade bin. A splitting headache tore through the middle of his head, sending him gliding down a rainbow of pain and agony. His lungs were screaming for oxygen, and he tried to give into their demand ? not as if he had any choice, anyway ? but he wasn't breathing fast enough, not nearly hard enough. He found it very hard to think about anything other than the world of white that was pulsating in a painful, hypnotic rhythm beneath his eyelids. It almost appeared as if the only reason he was still in existence was to feel the agony that was coursing through his veins, pounding a pulse into his bloodstream, bringing it about to the point of boiling ? not that he ever doubted it.

Hot. Incredibly hot. Painfully hot.

His hand flew up to rub his forehead ? and met the thin sheet of perspiration that had enveloped his face, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead and neck in a chaotic choreography by some unseeable force. This was madness wrought upon by some indelible hole that had started somewhere in his brain and surreptitiously wormed its way into the forefront of his mind and was now sitting stubbornly in the middle and refusing to budge. Every time he thought, he caused the hole to move and the hole did not like to be moved around as if it were a sub-par creature of little importance, and it didn't hesitate to show him that it wouldn't tolerate that kind of an intolerance from him.

He didn't care, because he couldn't. Besides, why should he care?

Fighting against his rebellious mind, Obi-Wan slowly opened his eyes. For a moment he panicked, praying that the lights weren't turned on to full blast as they usually were; if his eyes snapped shut again, he didn't think he had any energy left in him to open them a second time. Thankfully, the lights weren't on at all. In fact, the room was an eerie dark, like it hadn't been ever before. He was less thankful for being subjected to a spectroscopy of torture. He had set himself for the maddening assault of torment that ripped through every neuron in his brain like a ravaging beast that had been starved hungry for far longer than advisable, and he knew it; his brain, as per its usual custom, didn't disappoint him.

Ignoring the throbbing in the back of his brain as best as he could, Obi slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position and surveyed the room (as if he had never been here before).

The room was spacious and unlit, having little in the way of furniture. Actually, other than the bed that he was half-sitting, half-lying on, the only other piece of furniture in this room was a chair by the window, which was currently empty, though he had an unjustifiable feeling that somebody had spent long hours in it these past days. In the dim light that was filtering through the window and casting the room into pale, spindly shadows, Obi could see that the walls were a light-gray and lacked the usual decorations and holoframes that made a place look homely.

This looked suspiciously familiar.

He had been here before, and he knew that with every single instinct in his being. Even the general sense of the room he got from the Force was familiar ? vaguely and distantly, true, but familiar nevertheless. Obi-Wan ran a hand through his damp hair ? damp? ? trying to fit into place a name to what he was seeing. He stopped abruptly because even the mere thought made his head explode into the fiery chasms of a volcano with a fresh howl that reverberated in the corners of his mind.

As soon as he stopped trying to figure it out, the answer came to him, almost reluctantly as if it were disappointed that he had stopped playing hide-and-seek with it and didn't see any point in lurking anymore:

He was in the Healers' ward.

That wasn't exactly special news.

He had been in many Healers' wards in the past

 

Loved the descriptions of Obi struggling with his mind, nicely done there.

And the talk with Mace and Adi was very interesting.

Nice post, Aunecah.

 

Thanks Suzuran . Yeah, the talk between Mace and Adi was what delayed the post today ? I wasn't too sure how it was because I have a teeny-weenie trouble when writing convincing dialogue, and obviously Adi/Mace conversation had a lot to do with dialogue. Glad to know you like it.

Aunecah

 

WOnderful description once again! I wonder what Adi has up her sleeves for this dilema!

 

Great job! Obi-Wan's waking was nicely done. All his confusion and everything.

And I really liked the conversation between Adi and Mace. You're giving them more character and making them real. I thought you did a brilliant job with it.

 

Arwen : Thanks. And you never know.

Cas : You're too kind. I always adore your statements.

I wanted to write another post today, but can't - have a mountain of Calculus homework to eat down today and I better get down to work immediately. Till later then.

Aunecah

 

I was meaning to have this post and the previous one as one post - but that was before the one before achieved the length of five pages. Thinking that a 1-paged post would be completely fine after writing the 5-paged posts for so many long, I broke them up. And what should happen? This one is nowhere near 1 page. Not that I'm complaining though.

Well, you all know the drill when I write mush or action. Anybody who's lurking out there in this story, reply to this one post - even if you don't like it.


(I'm posting a little earlier than usual - I hope that doesn't make this story end up in the drain.)

~*~*~*~

It was late in the night, but not late enough to justify the emptiness of the corridors. However, with the storm finally coming down upon them, sending a blast of chill into the night air and even into the buildings at a few places (most notably the corridors), most people were avoiding running around the Temple and were concentrating instead on enjoying the cold night with a cup of hot chocolate, in the warmth of their own rooms.

Qui-Gon barely thought about the storm or the coldness as he trudged down one corridor after another, without really paying any attention to where he was going; his legs seemed to know where to take him. He was almost happy for not meeting anybody on his way; he didn't think he could talk with anybody at this moment without coming off as rude and arrogant, and even Jedi got offended sometimes.

For many minutes after the dream had released him from its clutches, throwing him painfully onto the ground, Qui-Gon lay tossing on his bed, trying to make sense of what was going on, and what the dream meant, if it actually meant anything. He did not attempt to go back to sleep ? he knew it was futile, and he was never the one to waste time trying something that he knew was not going to happen.

He was a gem in the Living Force, having an uncanny perception with the creatures of old and young, large and small, but his connection with the Unifying Force was tenuous at best, and he knew it. Qui-Gon rarely ever had visions, and even those visions had rarely ever come true.

And Jedi didn't dream.

Around twenty minutes into lying on his bed and staring up at the blurry building-lights and the lightning from the outside dance on the ceiling, Qui-Gon had come to conclusions ? that he knew to be true from the beginning anyway. The vision was clearly about what had already happened.

Though they were especially rare, they were usually true. He didn't know why the Force wanted to show him what Obi-Wan had gone through when the Order had sent him to AgriCorps, when Qui-Gon had abandoned him ? unless it was to show him that his actions has consequences that were more evil and terrible than he had originally guessed them to be.

Either that or Obi-Wan had been having a dream, and Qui-Gon saw that dream through his eyes. This school of thought didn't make him feel all the much better, either, because the only way he could have shared Obi-Wan's dream was through a Force-bond. And a bond Qui-Gon had not formed with Obi-Wan.

Theory held it that there were many bonds ? anywhere from a way two complete strangers could connect to each other to the bond shared by mates. But Qui-Gon knew of only one bond ? that between a Master and an Apprentice, and between him and Obi-Wan, that was the only bond that he knew of that was possible. His thoughts backtracked quietly as his pace quickened, almost as if to compensate for the decelerating mind.

That was not true ? Qui-Gon knew more than one bond, though not many knew about it. He didn't have any doubts that Master Yoda knew about it; Mace had most likely figured it out, and Qui-Gon's old mentor, Dooku, had probably suspected it already. Love wasn't forbidden by the Jedi Order to the Masters ? only marriage. However, love was discouraged, as even Masters of old didn't always achieve the level of patience and skill in the Force to not get sidetracked.

Qui-Gon rubbed his forehead in frustration, angry wit

 

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Aunecah- The last two posts have been superb! One thing that amazes me is your vocabulary- you use such wonderful words to describe and characterize. Wow! I look forward to more of this story and can't wait for the next post!

 

NyghtFyre : Thanks.

Aunecah