Before - Legends A Man Without Burden -(Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan) Complete 1.6

Ohmigosh. What a slap in the face!

Never would have seen that coming!

This thing is shaping out to have quite the plot and a whole collection of little mysteries. And the cliffy at the end! Thou art cruel-ish, lady.

But very, very good at this storytelling business.

Wow.

Thank you for the update! The new sections really do add depth!

 

Loved it, LE. Beautiful language and absolutely heart-breaking. I can't wait for the next post. Very, very well done.

 

Layren Thank you for the comments about the fic and the art!

StellaRipple Thanks for reading.

Kynstar .but then again it is tehir society and they only do what they believe is right Yeah, but still, pretty freaky. Thank you for reading.

VL You're so sweet. Thank you.

Kestrel_Kenobi Thanks!

Mind_Tricked Thank you for reading.

BrightFeather Hey, who says I'm not killing Obi-Wan?

JediTigris Thanks for reading and replying.

Valairy_Scot Thanks for reading.

Magenta_Moonshadow Thank you!

kenobiwanobi Thank you for reading.

Knock_Out Thank you.

ithesock Die in Qui-Gon's arms? Hey, that sounds like a pretty good idea! Thanks!

ardavenport Thank you for reading.

maychorian He's been through a horrible ordeal. But his master has him now. Yes he does. Thank you for reading.

Lurkalidth Hi! So good to see you around! Thank you for the comments.

Arwen_Jade_Kenobi Thanks for reading!

Shadowolf Thank you very much.

Bastet Kill Obi-Wan? Well since everyone keeps mentioning it maybe I should...

LilQui-Gon Thanks!

River_Stone Oh thanks so much. I just loved your recent challenge response.

diane You're such a generous, kind person. Thank you.

Sakura Thank you.

PK

Fluffsayer Well thank you!

Indra Thank you very very much.


Here's the second part. There will be a small conclusion to follow. Much mush, I assure you.



- - -

?It?s remarkable,? Tela, the taller of the women, shook her head, ?No one survives the Mouth.?

The Dloraii and the Jedi trekked through the misted brush, dodging the low droop of leaves, speaking quietly to avoid onlookers.

The other woman, Kueza, allowed Tela to lead, while she remained near Qui-Gon. She watched the younger man huddled within the other?s arms; concern hardened a few soft lines on her face. When she spoke, she gazed upward at the Master. ?We can see them bring the poor things down to the shore. Usually they kick or scream, or have this resigned, horrific expression on their face. But he?? She paused, releasing a breath and straying to study the restless horizon, ?He was unconscious. We didn?t think there was any hope.?

Tela took over the narrative, ?The bloody goorhas always wait, to make sure they don?t break off the boards and get to safety. So we can?t get to them before it?s too late. We try to find their bodies, once it?s over. Sometimes we don?t. But when we find one, we bring it back, and give it a proper burial. If anyone knew?? The shudder that didn?t wrack her body was instead present in her voice, ?We would suffer a worse fate.?

Qui-Gon exhaled slowly, the warm air burying into Obi-Wan?s thick, limp hair. He tried very much to balance his compulsive appraisals of his Padawan?s condition with his need to understand the unspoken evils of Dloraii, and its obviously twisted government. But he found himself drifting to Obi-Wan more as they walked. His touch brushed against a cool cheek, a bowed back, a bloodstained wrist. When he drew himself out of the intimate exchange, it was with pained reluctance. ?You?re incredibly brave,? He told the Dloraii women, voice weak and rough, ?To risk yourselves in order to return some dignity to the victims.?

Kueza touched his arm. ?It?s the least we can do. Whenever I see someone being taken down to the Mouth?? She drew her arms tightly in against her chest, ?I see myself. It could so easily be me in their place. In the main villages, I?d be an outcast, in line to be drowned.?

?Because you?re?? Qui-Gon had found himself comforted by the women?s presence, and spoke without thinking, knowing-seeing- just why this courageous

 

Oh, loved the little touches of description - low droop of leaves, scorched overuse of muscle. Great little jewels in your story. I hated that people were being drowned for being different - how truly horrible that they can't even be themselves without fear. Great job on the explainations of the world view and how some have to hide their inclinations. Or even their weight.

Great job. I want mush now!

 

Nice job LE! Is there more?

 

Beautiful LuvEwan. I really enjoyed this.
I look forward to mush!

 

As always, sheer mastery! All of your work is powerful and strikes at a nerve deep inside of me. Lovely!

 

Dloraii was in unspoken turmoil, and there was much to be done about that, but Obi-Wan was safe. That burden was, quite blissfully, gone.

Ohhhh, very much to be done. What terrible, master-race sort of traditions these people have. The two who helped Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were wonderful. Thanks for the satisfying Part 2, and I'm looking forward to that little bit more.

 

Your story is very touching! I loved that part!

 

::deep, satisfied sigh::

Oh, beautiful. As always, LE, your writing ravishes me.

I got a little teary toward the end, with Qui-Gon longing so badly for a glimpse of Obi's eyes, or a smile, or a word. It's like that, when someone you love is sick and unconscious. You just want some tiny sign that it's going to be all right.

The last line . . . words fail me. How wonderful that the burden is lifted now--that his burden is not Obi-Wan, but the loss of him. And now he really is a man without burden, because Obi-Wan is safe.

 

I'm so glad Obi-Wan is going to be alright. I'm assuming he's going to wake up soon, because you promised us mush to come. Riiight?

 

I absolutely love this story! Wonderful job.

May the force be with you and may fate be kind to you

 

I started this, but didn't have time to finish the first post.

I finally got to finish it, and read the next section, too.

What a nasty planet!

This "Dloraii culture" is certainly one that I could do without!

Poor Obi-Wan! But at least he is alive...

I am anxious to see how they can get off of this planet.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

 

Wow, great job. I'm definitely impressed. Not only do you manage to write a truly touching, nerve-wracking story, but you also work in a look at and exploration of intolerance. There is only one word for this, and that is brilliant. The end got me too, because it was so true to life. I loved this. Thank you.

And, basically, what everyone else has been saying. I don't think I can restate it any better than they did.

 

This is good! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a quick recovery for Obi-Wan? Please PM me if you have a list for that?

 

Marvelous Marvelous! Obi-Wan's still alive! Excellent job LE! I really enjoyed this little fic!

 

Qui-Gon had to know everything was truly going to be fine. His apprentice stank of the water that had nearly killed him, and his wrists were bloodied ruins. There had to be a counteraction, a flash of unmarred eyes, a hint of replenishing smile.

I was really touched by this post. Qui-Gon's quiet affection for Obi-Wan was just beautiful and reflects the small but undying faith and hope of his companions in such dire circumstances. A beautiful, balanced story that just makes the readers awed and grateful that you are here to write for them.

 

a sweet little touch of mush

 

diane Thank you for the lovely review. And I hope this is mushy enough for you.

LilQui-Gon Here's a little more--and I do mean a little. Thank you for reading!

Kestrel_Kenobi Thanks!

VL You're so kind to say things like that. Thank you.

ardavenport Thank you.

Mind_Wiped Thanks for reading and for the reply.

maychorian Thank you, may. Your reviews always mean a lot to me.

Bastet Here's Obi, awake and ready for mush. Thank you for reading.

kenobiwanobi Thank you!

Star_Drifter And a happy new year to you too!

Leona Thank you, so much.

Sakura_Tsukikage I'm glad you liked the little bit about intolerance. I thought it would fit with what happened to Obi-Wan. Thanks for the review!

Sionnach_Airgid Thank you for reading.

Layren Thanks!

River_Stone You know how to make someone blush! Thank you. It means a lot, coming from such a talented and unique writer like you.

PK



- - -

When Obi-Wan?s eyes opened, it was not the bright flourish of blue Qui-Gon had anticipated. The lids barely permitted a glimpse of pupil through a lens of watery redness.

Qui-Gon braced the sides of the face. ?Obi-Wan? Young one, I?m right here.?

A grimace deepened the lines of exhaustion carved into the pain-bleached face. Obi-Wan grasped onto the wilted neckline of Qui-Gon?s tunic, and to the teacher, it seemed as though it were a method of grounding himself, as though if he released his hold, he would be adrift in the clogged waters of the Mouth again. ?Mmphh?tastes?bad.?

The hideous, polluted waves trickled into Qui-Gon?s psyche and he shivered with the thought that they had tainted his apprentice?s mouth, throat, down into his belly. ?It?s alright,? He whispered as he reached blindly for the tea recently refreshed by Kueza, ?We?ll fix that.? He held half a cupful to Obi-Wan?s mouth.

Obi-Wan drank in breathless spurts, then pulled away, wiping his chin haphazardly with unsteady fingers. His eyes were still elusive; glassy slits had to search a moment before locating the Master?s face. ?Did they?did they h-hurt you??

Qui-Gon smoothed the sharp angles of his Padawan?s sea-washed hair. His defense against the barrage of emotion was entirely insufficient, for tears had warmed his eyes and wet his face as soon as his charge had awakened, and they only increased as his gaze lingered on. ?I?m fine.? He said hoarsely, ?We?ll be fine now. We?re in a safe place.?

?Oh,? Obi-Wan very slowly relinquished his rigid stance, falling gradually to the bed. Then he seemed to stiffen again, ?I think?am I bleeding??

?Not anymore. It?s all been taken care of.?

?Oh,? The young man said again, in a way that would have been humorous, if the circumstances were brighter. His fingers curled around the worn tunic fabric, and his temple touched to Qui-Gon?s neck. ?Alright. Alright then.?

And he was gone, back to slosh through the soft voids of unconsciousness. This time, Qui-Gon allowed himself to go, too.

- - -

?Master??

Qui-Gon blinked, squinting through the sleep-bleary darkness. It was a few spinning seconds before he remembered Dloraii, the Queen?the Mouth.

And the women. This place of unconditional shelter and acceptance.

He relaxed against the mattress then, and looked down his chin at the face of his Padawan. He felt a smile burrow from his lips down into his chest, and it contracted with pain and simple exultation. He reached out to caress Obi-Wan?s cheek with his thumb. ?Yes, young one??

?Why am I??? The inquiry was stalled as the apprentice grappled for words, his embarrassment fairly ringing through the Force itself.

Qui-Gon chuckled softly. ?Because I couldn?t find your clothes, and I wasn?t feeling very patient at the time. Now, how are you feeling??

 

I love how Obi-Wan wakes up and is quickly embarrassed by his state of undress. Very sweet!

 

Oh, I loved that part, that his riches were the Padawan who blessed his life and the knowledge that they were together. Your language, as always, is a feast for the spirit. It always brings out such emotion and I can't even figure out how you do it but you do it so very well.

Loved the ending. I was worried that you would kill off Obi-Wan. Well, you have been known to do that. But this is much better.

Loved that Obi-Wan was embarrassed by the lack of clothes. Loved the whole thing. Great job.

 

diane I think she killed him before in this fic... or was that another fic I'm thinking about? I can't remember... I've read soooo many!

LE this was an awesome ending!! Loved the mush and the 'around-about-way' that Qui was telling Obi about his love for him! That the woman couldn't have that - love. Love isn't something that can be bought or acquired thru drastic means (like killing someone - henceforth her attempt with Obi). It takes time for love to bloom and take affect.

Well done! Loved it!

 

Qui-Gon covered the side of his apprentice?s head with a large, warm palm, as if to protect him even now, with the danger behind them and peace rolling out as the night. ?The Queen was jealous of you, my Padawan. She wanted something that only you possess, that you never have to share or relinquish?but I?d say she realizes that now.?

Just splendiferously perfectly wonderful, right there.

A lovely way to wrap this up, LE. What a terrible thing, to wake to the realization that someone has tried to kill you for reasons you don't understand. I'm sure Obi-Wan will need time to recover. But Qui-Gon is with him, and he'll never let go.

Just leaves me with lots of warm feelings. Thank you!

 

Beautiful, Marvelous ending, LE!! So very glad Obi-Wan's alive!