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Clone Wars A Merry TCW Christmas

Discussion in 'Star Wars TV' started by Barriss_Coffee, Dec 18, 2010.

  1. Barriss_Coffee

    Barriss_Coffee Chosen One star 6

    Jun 29, 2003
    This was apparently on the ForceCast last year, although it was brought to my attention sometime ago by the one and only Koonfan.

    Without giving too much away, it's a rendition of Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas, by James Arnold Taylor (Obi-Wan Kenobi) and Corey Burton (Cad Bane/Ziro). Hilarity ensues.

    [link=]A Youtube version of the broadcast can be found here. Listen at your own risk.[/link]

    Merry Christmas, y'all. [face_coffee]
  2. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Ahh, if it isn't the gift that keeps on giving! Glad you liked it, Barriss, and hope the love spreads further! [face_laugh]

    Merry Christmas to all this coming Saturday! :D

    And yeah, the LACWAC Christmas special should be coming soon. Not sure where it should go, though. :p

    EDIT: What the heck. I think I'll spin my Christmas yarn in here, and at some point, get it on the fanfiction forum once it's done. :p
    ?twas the eve before Life Day and on Coruscant,
    Its people were feeling a period of want.

    For you see, despite all their riches, their opera, their cake,
    The war had left nothing but sadness in its wake.

    So day in and day out, boarding hovercrafts so speedy,
    The rich and the privileged felt incredibly needy.

    The Supreme Chancellor, with a smile oh so charming,
    Delivered an address that many would find alarming:

    ?My friends,? he declared with great pontification,
    ?I?m pleased to say we?re winning with no ramifications!
    ?Yet I know the burdens of this war are on everyone?s mind,
    ?So this year I?ve a plan of quite a different kind!?

    The people listened, halfhearted, what a bore.
    What could Palpatine possibly have that was in store?

    The blasters, the taxes, the endless war days,
    Worse still, Papanoida was working on new plays!

    And yet they listened, with hope and with dread;
    After all, what else could they possibly do instead?

    ?This year I proclaim to mark the day of life for all Wookies,
    ?A special HNN broadcast! They?ll get cookies!?

    And some started to cheer, and some started to shout.
    Holonet News Network? What on earth was THAT all about?

    And in the HQ of the great broadcasting giant,
    A Kel Dor named Kuun Fan cracked a smile most defiant.

    (Setting aside the fact that you couldn?t see past his mask,
    The gesture meant that he was up to the task.)
  3. fistofan1

    fistofan1 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 8, 2009
    BC, that link put a huge smile on my face. :)

    And koonfan, all I can say is =D= [face_laugh]
  4. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Glad you liked those, fistofan1! [face_peace]

    I'll probably wait a bit before posting the next parts, just to give people some time to soak it in. XD

    More to the point: James Arnold Taylor and Corey Burton Christmas Special for the win! Man, it'll be tough to top that one if they ever feel so inclined to try again! [face_laugh]
  5. fistofan1

    fistofan1 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 8, 2009
    Ziro Loo Who nearly made me fall out of my seat laughing. :p
  6. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Cad Bane makes for a surprisingly good Grinch. No wait. Scratch the 'surprisingly'. He's PERFECT for the role. [face_laugh]
  7. Chance the Jedi

    Chance the Jedi Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 25, 2005
    Great stuff.=D= I remember listening to this last year on the ForceCast live.

    Oh, and the recent Weekly ForceCast has a new version of something like this.
  8. Rogue_Follower

    Rogue_Follower Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Nov 12, 2003
    ............ o_O

    That was... interesting. A pretty good rendition, though.

    Can we get the TCW voice actors to read The Glove of Darth Vader? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?
  9. ILuvJarJar

    ILuvJarJar Jedi Knight star 6

    Oct 19, 2008
    [face_laugh] Ziro Loo Who!

    That was perfect in every way. :p
  10. Darth_Zandalor

    Darth_Zandalor Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 2, 2009
    In relation to the Grinch Rendition, I found probably the absolute perfect picture to go with it!


  11. Barriss_Coffee

    Barriss_Coffee Chosen One star 6

    Jun 29, 2003
    ^ That is awesome...[face_laugh]
  12. Darth_Zandalor

    Darth_Zandalor Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 2, 2009
    I should point out that it isn't mine, I just thought it was incredibly appropriate.
  13. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    We now return with the next part of the LACWAC Christmas special, as seen on Stuff-We'll-Never-See, and that pretty much brings us up to speed. :p

    All the Wookies on Kashyyyk loved Life Day a lot,
    But the Count, several star systems away,
    DID NOT.

    Growling malevolently on a Hand called Invisible,
    His resentment and scheming were most indivisible.

    "The fools laugh, and they sing!" the grouchy Count hissed.
    "Why, if I had my way, none of them would be missed!
    "Every year it's the same! All the fun, gifts and cookies!
    "It must end right now, this tradition of Wookies!"

    So he called in his minions and a cad of a hunter,
    Who were in the middle of a game they called
    [link=]'Puppy Punter'.[/link]

    "How may we serve, Count?" "What's de job and de pay?"
    "Followers," Dooku yelled, "We topple LIFE DAY!

    "For too long have the fools tried to be happy,
    "Counting their blessings when all else is crappy!
    "They don't care that we happen to be stuck in a rut,
    "So they can take their holiday and shove it right up their-"

    Declared Ventress, "Destroy Life Day? It's never been tried!"
    And the Count shot a glare. Were it Force Lightning, they'd be fried.

    "Republic morale is low, their spirits are shaken!
    "One fell swoop of despair, and the galaxy is taken!"

    "A swoop of a [link=]pear[/link]? How's dat gonna help?"
    Dooku facepalmed. "I was using a
    METAPHOR, whelp!
    "The HNN fools intend to give a broadcast of hope.
    "By the time we're through with them, their lives shall hang by a rope!"

    "Pardon, Count," asked Grievous, "but doesn't it go hang by a thread?"
    "Question my brilliance once more," screamed Dooku, "and you'll all soon be DEAD!"

    So they packed all their bags and loaded their blasters,
    Headed to Coruscant to do the will of their masters.

    The Count cackled and laughed, with no one in sight.

    (Wondering "Why not Kashyyyk"? Well, if you must pick a nit,
    The Count went for the metaphorical head, so don't be a tit.)
  14. Trebor Sabreon

    Trebor Sabreon LACWAC-y Mod of SWTV & New Films Force projection star 4 Staff Member Manager

    Sep 15, 2010
    Happy Christmas, everyone! :)
  15. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    It wouldn't be a Christmas special without some anvilicious morals. :p

    Back on the core world, reporters lamented.
    Palpatine's task seemed almost demented.
    All the staff, all the crew, all the droids and the employed,
    Had their Life Day wishes (such as they were) completely destroyed.

    The newscasters weren't casting, the reporters were silent,
    And if they didn't get more Jawa Juice, it could turn violent!
    Moping and whining, despairing galore,
    The people in charge they would surely deplore!

    Except for a few, the proud, the crazy,
    The ones whose hopes were either inspired or hazy.
    Kuun Fan and Ku-Al-An, reporters in arms,
    Went around HNN working their charms.

    "Chin up! Don't despair! Let's be of good cheer!
    "If we gave it some thought, we could make it a good year!"
    Their mods and their chiefs knew not what to say,
    Most of the others just turned away.

    "We've had a rough year, but we made it out alive!
    "Our censored stories numbered merely ten out of fifty five!"
    "The rest," Ku-Al-An noted, "were edited, 'tis true,
    "But I'd say you're right! Let's stop being blue!"

    Slowly yet surely, the process wore down
    The hopeless demeanours and persistent frowns.
    At least for a few, but a few was enough,
    To get off their rears and start doing stuff.

    An R2-astrodroid, a few Zabraks, and an ally most wizard,
    A brightly plumed Kowakian Space Monkey Lizard!

    So Coruscant's newsroom began to work fast,
    Thinking about a special Life Day broadcast.

    Suddenly, an explosion! An invasion! Without even knocking!
    "Life Day is canceled, so clean out your stockings!"

    (Can't rhyme plurals with singulars? Don't get bet out of joint,
    Don't worry about it, it's not the main point!)
  16. Darth_Gamek

    Darth_Gamek Jedi Knight star 6

    Aug 10, 2009
    I LOVE hearing Corey do Cad Bane in a lower tone. That's one of the things I liked about Evil Plans.
  17. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    From the smoking debris of the HNN wall,
    In the locked down block were villains all!

    A raspy voice, a festive hat and a striped candy cane
    Marked the advent of the ruthless Cad Bane!
    To his side, with a red bulb, smaller than Frodo,
    Was the antler'd butler droid (voiced by Seth Green), Todo!

    Dress of emerald green clashed with lightsabers red!
    The assassin Asajj's glare spoke "One word and you're dead!"
    Grievous alone refused to dress up like a fool,
    Though he did think his carrot nose and top hat were pretty cool.

    And wearing lights shining brightly, a clanker platoon,
    Lead by a little drummer droid...banging a spoon.

    Wide-eyed with disbelief, Kuun Fan started a cry.
    "Why cancel Life Day, Bane? Why?"

    The Duro smiled slyly in a manner most cunning,
    "Ain't nothin' personal, son, no need for running.
    "You see, I've a client, some systems away,
    "And he's got issues with happiness and this holiday.
    "So for de right price, I've come to hijack
    "Your core-wide holonet in a precision attack.
    "Just pass us de codes, no need for a hero...
    "...or de population of dis structure's gonna be zero!"

    To the holocomm did an employee run, really fast,
    A nondescript Twi'lek with some sort of past.
    But mechanical fingers belonging to a cyborg so tall
    Grabbed the being and threw him at the far wall!
    BANG CLANG went the durasteel, CRACK WHACK went his bones!
    "And there's plenty more where THAT came from if you send in the clones!"

    The mood was intense, cuttable by vibroknives,
    The whole of HNN feared for their lives.
    All of a sudden, Bane's techno-service droid squealed with glee:
    "Hey! You're the guys behind Stuff-We'll-Never-See!"
  18. Gry Sarth

    Gry Sarth Ex 2x Banhammer Wielding Besalisk Mod star 5

    Jun 24, 1999
  19. Kualan

    Kualan Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 4, 2008

    I love this more than 'How The Sith Stole Christmas' (though it's a shame that never was concluded).

    And brilliant festive creativity from koonfan as always! Merry Christmas / Happy Life Day LAWAC!
  20. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Wow. This special MUST be good. Its drawn out a Wild Kualan! [face_laugh]
    Though really, your 'How The Sith Stole Christmas' was just tons of fun too, and I absolutely loved how you were able to fit in all sorts of EU-material references. That RHYMED. :D

    There's about one or two more entries left after this. Mind you, this is where you might have to start suspending your disbelief and start thinking that the inhabitants of the GFFA might actually abide by the laws and tropes of a Christmas special. Like the law that stipulates that everyone in a musical scene must break out into song and dance, without exception. [face_laugh]

    "All we need are de codes to reach all of de rims,
    "And you can enjoy your Jawa Juice filled to de brims."
    Bane's offer sounded good, but Kuun Fan protested.
    "No good can come from that! Our wills won't be tested!"

    A devillish hum drew closer to his face,
    Asajj Ventress made to put him in his place.
    "Little Kel Dor," she purred, "What difference will it make?
    "When people say 'Merry Life Day', we know it's all fake.
    "They may raise up the trees, the bells and the cheers,
    "But the fact is the holidays haven't been jolly for years!"

    The crew pondered this statement, but Kuun Fan just shrugged.
    "You guys really have issues if Life Day has you bugged."

    Grievous growled. "Enough games! Tell us the codes or you'll all die!"
    "But if we die, we can't tell. Science will say that's no lie."
    Marth Gaul's point struck a nerve, though it was well taken.

    Curses! LOGIC! Dooku's plan was shaken!

    The Cerean Ku-Al-An caught the room's attention.
    "I think we've no choice but to start negotiation."
    So they got in their corners, in twos and in fives,
    A few said "Give 'em the codes, they're not worth our lives!"
    Others retorted by saying "We can't give in!
    "If we let them take Life Day, the terrorists win!"

    "We've go to buy time," someone said, "We've got to delay!
    "If we hold them off, the Coruscant guard might save the day!"
    Now some doubted they'd come, but pain awaited if they ran,
    And nobody else had any ideas, so the agreed on the plan.

    So the Kel Dor asked Cad "How much are they paying?
    "Seems you don't really care, if you don't mind my saying."
    Bane admitted "Got no use for life day, but de Count writes a fat check."
    Asajj and Grievous wondered aloud: "What the heck?"
    Ku-Al-An said, "That's it, then. If we can match or raise his offers,
    "Then we'll pay you to leave, with more cash in your coffers."

    Dooku's servants exclaimed "We have a mission, you bum!"
    And moved to remove that bounty hunter scum.
    Bane pressed a few buttons on his Nintendo Power Glove,
    And a sudden shift came like death from above.
    The battle droids' lights flickered, their eyes green and red,
    And they aimed their weapons at the Seppies instead!

    "You see, my compadres, your tin soldiers are now under my command.
    "And you're surrounded. Your obedience I'd like to demand."
    Grievous sputtered and coughed. "What? Where? When? How?"
    "Ain't it obvious?" Bane drawled. "I'm in control, I make de rules now!"

    So he faced HNN. "Alright, kids, if ah can get paid,
    "By all you fine folks, I'll call off this raid.
    "Gimme somethin' good, though. Ah don't work for free.
    "If you're pulling my leg, I'll go on a torture spree."

    Well, that solved one problem, but a new one was rising.
    They were shopping for Cad Bane now, and that was surprising.
  21. CloneUncleOwen

    CloneUncleOwen Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 30, 2009

    "Poo poo to dee Whos."

    Merry Christmas![:D]
  22. AvadaKenobi

    AvadaKenobi Jedi Knight star 2

    Mar 2, 2009
    James Arnold Taylor is at it again in 2010, filling our stockings and our hearts with Christmas cheer, Jedi style. This time, he brought Tom Kane--playing our favorite Jedi Grand Master--along for the sleigh ride as they lead us through a wonderful rendition of Twas the Night Before Christmas.

    Thanks a lot, JAT and Tom. You guys are great! I smell a new Star Wars Christmas tradition.:D =D=

    [link=]Twas the Night Before Christmas: Clone Wars Style[/link]
  23. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Let's hope that these boys will redefine what 'Star Wars Christmas Special' means! [face_laugh]

    And here we are with the finale of the LACWAC Christmas special!

    The crew's valuables and credits were the first things to go,
    As Todo collected the loot to and fro.
    The hat-wearing Duro frowned at the lot.
    "Dis is just petty creds. Is dat all you got?"

    Grywry Wrathsarth, a fellow Duro, replied
    "Well, there's our items. That's something we haven't tried."
    "Well, dat sounds a lot better, but here's my criteria.
    "Stuff I can trade, use or sell, so no cafeteria."

    Though it pained them to part with their tools and their gifts,
    They let a droid escort follow them to the turbolifts.
    They got all their presents, they got their boxes and wrappings,
    They got food, toys and games, all the holiday trappings.
    Toys for the little ones, the office, even their elders.
    There were tools like hydrospanners and even arc welders,
    Holotoys and games, old records and movies,
    And music recordings like Kuun Fan's "Let's Get Groovy" (by the Groovies)
    They got all their goods and showed them to Todo's price reader,
    Why, Bane even got Marth Gaul's new hoverspeeder.

    By the time they were finished, almost no item was left.
    Why, not even the fried nuna escaped the grand theft.
    With a tip of his hat, Bane sighed. "It ain't a bad amount.
    "But unfortunately, it's nowhere near my reward from the count.
    "Now, any last words before I let you all fry?
    The plucky Kel Dor reporter faced his mates. "Well, we did try."

    To Bane he requested "Since this might be our last holiday,
    "Could we have a last office party to see off Life Day?"
    Normally this sort of thing would be immediately rejected,
    But something stirred in his heart (an organ he'd thought he ejected).
    With a begrudging grunt, Bane let the crew get their stuff,
    And saw them set up in a manner growing less gruff.
    "Dey've lost their last chance to get out, yet dey mingle."
    And as Bane looked, something within him started to tingle.

    HNN shared a few laughs, a few hugs, though not any kisses,
    Talking of families and jobs and plenty of near misses.
    They had no money, no presents, yet all just the same,
    The crew rallied together and played a small Life day game.

    Grievous and Ventress gagged, they found it most sickening.
    Yet the cold bounty hunter's resolve was...weakening!
    A nostalgic feeling from old days of his past,
    Which Bane could have sworn he'd vowed they'd be his last.
    "Dey sing without presents! Dey laugh without tags!
    "I stole their cars, their money, dey should be in rags!
    "Maybe de kid's right, and there's somethin' to dis after all.
    "Maybe nothin' we do can make Life Day fall..."

    Then to the Duro's surprise, Kuun Fan and Ku-Al-An
    Gave a personalised holo to Todo, their biggest fan.
    They invited Bane over for some of their Jawa Juice,
    Citing a temporary holiday truce.

    The one holding everyone hostage sat down for a drink,
    And as he shot the breeze with the crew, he did think.
    Back in his young gunslinger days, with the pals he had made.
    Hanging out in cantinas while he was learning the trade.
    Those days were now gone. He gave them all the chop.
    After all, for bounty hunters, it's lonely at the top.

    So he had a few laughs, found some chicks with which to flirt,
    Nobody stopped him, though, they didn't want a nap in the dirt.
    Then like a dark blue enigma, he left with the loot.
    He even brought along the separatist leaders to boot!

    They weren't empty-handed, though, they too got some gifts.
    For Ventress, an Obi-Wan poster, and some coupons for face lifts.
    Grievous didn't get any lightsabers for his collection,
    But he had a new Roggwart doll on which to shower affection.

    Perhaps that day his head wasn't screwed on quite right,
    Or his Nintendo Power Gloves weren't fitted so tight.
    Maybe Bane saw that Life Day was worth more than a price,
    Or a chance to reclaim his past before he learned he couldn't be nice.
    Whatever the reason, his head, gloves, or history,
    The story behind Bane's HNN raid shall remain a mystery.

    So the great raid had ended. The crew sighed in relief.
    Optimistic as ever, th
  24. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    ((Aaaaaaaand an epilogue!))

    Dooku yawned as he arose in his spacious quarters. In the private sanctity of his room, he could allow himself to feel the natural impulses of a living being. Yawning was a luxury when you had his kind of strain.

    The lighting adjusted itself, the only other indication of time aside from the chrono. It was a mere artificial version of the rotations of a planet, barring the odd tidal locked ones...did those still exist? He didn't care. Day or night, they would all follow the new order! Now where was he again? Ah yes.

    As he shuffled to his medicine drawer, feeling the Dark Side feed his body and his joints slowly crack into place, he opened the ornately designed cabinet. There were dozens of containers there in various shapes, sizes and colours. Reaching out into the Force, Dooku did what was a natural part of his daily routine, and...

    ...started to throw away one set of pills after another.

    "Assassination attempt. Disgruntled person. Assassination attempt. Apprentice's assassination attempt. Disgruntled person. Disgruntled Mandalorian. Disgruntled Mandalorian. Disgruntled Mandalorian. Apprentice's assassination attempt. Expired pills. Disgruntled Mandalorian. Assassination attempt. Expired pills. General Grievous's cough medicine. Disgruntled person. Litigator's secret stock. Assassination attempt."

    With cold, surgeon-like precision, the Count of Serenno (not to be confused with the Barber of Seville) relied on his sharp mind and strength in the force. He picked apart his medicine cabinet, until finally, he was left with only the few pills he had left. Apparently, Lord Sidious saw fit to stuff them in his cabinet somehow in order to keep him alert.

    Just as his morning's rituals were about to be complete with the mechanical actions of cleansing his dental material using an apparatus crafted just for such a task, the door to his chambers slid open with a hiss akin to that of the rock snakes of Cicarpous.

    A battle droid walked in, bearing a handheld holodevice.

    "Excuse me, Count!" he warbled. "I bring you a status report on the Life Day mission!"

    After a quick gargle and spit (not unlike the old Vintage Festivals' taste-offs), Dooku replied in his baritone voice "Well, let's have it then."

    The droid shuffled in place nervously, if that adjective could be used on a mechanical being without feelings.

    "The General and the Supreme Leader were left on a neutral planet bearing strange items. The bounty hunter left with the crew he was given, but-"

    "WHAT?!" the Sith Lord howled. The droid flinched and shrank back, bumping into one of Dooku's precious vases. As it shook and wobbled, the former Jedi simply tipped it back in place with the power of the Force.

    "Y-Y-Yes," the unfortunate automaton replied, "We don't know what happened, but he did leave this behind to be delivered to you."

    The droid placed the item delicately on the floor and slid it towards the Count. It had a label on it, upon which was written 'With regards from the Jedi Council'.

    Dooku's brows knitted. Were it possible for them to get any more furrowed, he'd likely have a crease the size of Beggar's Canyon or enough knitting to clothe his ship's droid crew in garish holiday sweaters. It also had enough emotional poison to choke a ronto.

    The unfortunate droid chose to flee while he still had the legs and processors to do so, leaving Dooku alone with the disclike holo. He regarded it coldly, calculatingly. If those fools from the Jedi Temple saw fit to mock him on this holiday, he would hear what they had to say. Hate was useful, after all.

    The holo flew into his hand with a mere gesture of his hands and the focus of his mind. And as he activated it, he saw-


    -a time long past. A [link=]simpler time[/link]. With the best of apprentices, and the wisest of friends. Before the dark times. Before the fall.

    A frustrated growl escaped his lips as he made as if to dash the holo upon the floor of his quarters. And yet...he paused. And considered the picture.

  25. Ulicus

    Ulicus Lapsed Moderator star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 24, 2005