Before A Mission Gone Wrong. Obi-Qui. JA. One shot shortie.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Valairy Scot, Apr 23, 2006.

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  1. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Title: A Mission Gone Wrong
    Author(s): Valairy_Scot
    Timeframe: JA
    Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn
    Genre: Sadness
    Keywords: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn
    Summary: I don't know if this is a vignette, or just a small moment in time story.
    Notes: Someday, this may became a real story.




    A Mission Gone Wrong


    I was the first to arrive, staring pensively at the sun getting ready to drop over the horizon. This mission was not going as planned, something was terribly wrong. If help didn't arrive soon, two rescuers would soon be added to the death toll, for soon, there would be no life left on this planet. It was that dire a situation.

    I heard soft, slow, dragging footsteps, and knew Obi-Wan had arrived. He came and stood by my side, silent. There was no need for words between us; we both knew what we faced.

    We knew there was nothing more we could do, but still we tried, traipsing through the countryside, seeking life and seeking to give hope. But both were now in short supply.

    I turned and looked at his face.

    ?Oh, Obi-Wan,? I sighed when I saw his weary face. He was bone-achingly tired, and his eyes had seen too much this day. So had mine. This day, as well as all the ones that had preceded it since we had landed on this planet. We spent our days apart, doing what we could, joining up at sunset when no more could be done.

    ?Eat something and then rest,? I said softly. He sat, but made no move towards the concentrated rations in his belt. ?Padawan, you need to eat something. Eat.?

    Normally, any such repetition of an order, even couched as a request, would have him instantly obeying me, so I was surprised that he made no move. He sat, more falling than sitting, and looked up at me with empty eyes and simply shook his head. He wasn?t defying me ? he never did ? he just couldn?t comply. At first I thought he was just too tired, but then I looked at his face again and saw the hint of an apologetic grin. Sudden realization hit me.

    ?You gave the last of your food away!? I accused him, and he nodded slowly. I wanted to be exasperated with him, but pride warred with anxiety. He had seen someone in greater need, and had reacted. It was the compassionate thing to do, if not the correct thing. We were, however, down to the last of our own reserves, so all he had done was hasten the inevitable end by just a few days.

    As had I.

    I squatted by his side, tilted his chin upright with a finger and looked deep into his eyes, those changeable blue-gray eyes, now more gray than blue with fatigue and hunger.

    ?I understand, Obi-Wan,? I said softly. ?Your connection to the Living Force leaves something to be desired, I often think, but I have never doubted your compassion towards others.

    His eyes shone at me, and I smiled, somehow. I was worried, very worried, for this planet was dying from hunger and malnutrition. Help was supposed to be on the way, but hadn?t arrived yet. Obi-Wan and I had been sent ahead with a transport full of food to distribute and asked to survey the countryside. When the Senate supplies arrived, we would be there to direct its distribution to the most needy and oversee order.

    The aid was supposed to have arrived a month ago. Obi-Wan and I had immediately rationed our concentrated rations; it should have kept us going for up to six months, if we were very careful. Now we were both out ? not for lack of care, but because we didn?t lack for caring. We had seen too many beings in dire straits, and how could we hang onto our food cubes when beings were dying around us.

    Now we were victims, too.

    I sat down by Obi-Wan and put an arm around his shoulder. He leaned his head against my shoulder and closed his eyes. We sat there quietly, my mind recalling the first time Obi-Wan had been exposed to terrible suffering, something no boy so young should have to face willingly. He had done what needed to be done, but afterwards, he had curled up next to me without a word, seeking reassurance, or so I had thought. I h
  2. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwww that was so sad. My heart ached for both of them. :_|

    So can there be more?
  3. Stella_Ripple Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    :_| There was an aching sadness that really touched me there!
    We were, however, down to the last of our own reserves, so all he had done was hasten the inevitable end by just a few days.

    As had I.


    Like Master, like padawan, eh? Compassionate to the end! [:D] And awww that scene with the baby really made me tear up *sniff* lovely! Might we expect an ending [face_batting]
  4. raisedbywolves Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2005
    star 2
    Ouch, that was heartbreaking! The scene with the baby was very touching and hurtful. Poor Obi-Wan. And that they've been there long enough that he's skin and bones and his belly is swelled up :_|

    I'm just going to pretend that the ending would be a happy one, OK?
  5. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    That was unbelievibly sad!

    I'm just going to imagine the supplies got there in the nick of time.

    Very nice story,

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  6. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Layren: I do hope there will be more, but I like to write and finish a story before I post it, so it may be a while. If you numbered the sections, I write like: 3, 7, 10, 5, 1, 4, 9, 11 - in other words, earlier chapters change with subsequent ones and often are written after the later chapters. It's a weird way of writing, but it's mine.

    Stella_Ripple: An ending, yes, if there's a story.


    raisedbywolves: Ouch, that was heartbreaking! The scene with the baby was very touching and hurtful. Poor Obi-Wan. And that they've been there long enough that he's skin and bones and his belly is swelled up

    I'm just going to pretend that the ending would be a happy one, OK?

    I'm sorry if that line was unclear, but that was Qui-Gon hoping Obi-Wan would NOT be reduced to skin and bones in a few weeks or so. Not that he already was.

    Oh, and I hate to kill Obi-Wan off. So you can assume any ending you want for this story. And if there's a true story coming out of this, they'll be okay. Of course.

    Kelia: Sometimes sad is so cathartic to write, even if life is currently good.
  7. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    But for now, I would hold him in my arms and keep him safe. I would leave our fate to the Force, for I had lost my faith in the politicians.


    Never trust the Senate to follow up on those promises! o_O

    Interesting vignette! :)

    Darth RL is after me, or I would have found it sooner. [face_shhh]

    Star
  8. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    :( ... beautiful, you moved me to tears...

    Lovely writing - if there is more could I ask for a pm?

    thanks!
  9. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Oh my! :_| That was sad! Now I need fluffy mush to counteract it! :p

    So we had continued, trying to help and knowing we had little to offer, and each day was no different than the one preceding it.

    Time was running out.

    So there we sat, together, watching the day turn to night, and wondering how many more days into night would come before help came, or if it ever would. I wondered if any of us would be alive, then.

    ?Sleep, my padawan,? I said, and wrapped my arms around him to hold him by my side. I hoped his sleep would not be forever, some weeks or months hence, that already slender body reduced to skin and bones before my eyes, his belly bloated and swollen in that sign of approaching death by starvation.

    But for now, I would hold him in my arms and keep him safe. I would leave our fate to the Force, for I had lost my faith in the politicians.


    Gorgeous as always! =D=
  10. ___Sithspawn___ Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2004
    star 3
    I'm accidentally stalking you.

    That really was sad - all bleak beauty. The scene with Obi-Wan and the baby hit home; my eyes were watering. The ending got me as well - such a despairing, hopeless conclusion. I love those.

    Brilliant.

    =D=
  11. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Good news - I'm working on a "real story" based on this. It's pretty rough and I'm not happy with the 1st chapter (too dry, too expository, etc.) but I've got 22 pages roughed out, tentatively called Mission of Mercy. I am still totally missing a middle, though.

    Update: First chapter is getting there, have somewhat of a middle and now no ending, working on 54 pages now. Unless I kill our team (no I will not!) I'm not quite sure how one ends a story where everything living is going kerplunk into the Force.
    Maybe send the Death Star back in time and blow up the planet (hmm, no, don't quite think that'll work).

    I've also pulled in Master Ceil and his padawan Jiam d'Alvo, originally one shot OC's in To Spare His Heart

    Star_Drifter: Yeah, never trust politicians. ;)

    Kestrel_Kenobi: beautiful, you moved me to tears... I'll PM you when I get "the story" posted. This was written near when I was watching an episode of ER with all the problems in Darfur (spelling?).

    VaderLVR64: Fluffy mush, huh? Hmmm, I'll try to think of some lovely mush. Got any fluffy bunnies overflowing your place?

    -sithspawn-: You stalk me all you want! You're a loyal reader and I love and appreciate that!
  12. Lady_Snow_Kaguya Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2005
    star 1
    omigosh.....that was just....*lip quivers*
    poor Qui, if he angsts any more he'll be Carth.
  13. kenobiwanobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2005
    star 3
    You did a beautiful job! This little pice had me tearing...I know it was a one shot but I am ready for more!
  14. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Such a lovely piece=D=

    Never trust a politician especially
    those on Corruscant[face_skull]

  15. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    But for now, I would hold him in my arms and keep him safe. I would leave our fate to the Force, for I had lost my faith in the politicians.

    Aaaaaah, such a tragic and unwinnable situation for them to be in. That mission are no heroics that can save that mission. But at least they're in it together. :)

  16. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    Oh, heartwrenching! The bit with the baby was so sad. Obi did all he could, which was probably more than he realized.

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