Beyond - Legends A multi-pov short about the re-taking of Coruscant

tell me what you think of it currently, it will be edited and lengthened after finals week.

Dramatis Personae

Grask Lar?kia, male Bothan, political student at Imperial University
Srit Grase, male human, Imperial Royal Guard
Deetsen Myrile, female human, Imperial Starfighter Academy cadet
Kiljian Lisden, male human, entrepreneur arms smuggler for Imperials and illegal weapons builder


The Dark Times


An Aspiring Politician

It had been three years now since I?d left my homeworld of Bothawui. I?d entered the Imperial University on Coruscant, in hopes of one day being a Senator for my homeworld. I was naive then, I knew little of the actual government, as few did.
As I had found out, through some ?illegal? means, the Senate had been dissolved some six and a half standard years ago. The systems had been under control of the regional governors. The Imperial government was extremely frugal with what information they let out to the public. They often dispelled much of the information that the Rebel Alliance had been putting out as rumors and propaganda.
Still, the professors of government and political science at the university, who were under the payroll of the Empire, would deny the death of the Emperor, which had supposedly occurred some two and a half years ago. They also told us the tales of a New Republic being formed from the Rebel Alliance were nothing more than propaganda.
I wished the tales were true, never aloud though, as that could be grounds for an execution under Imperial Law. My dreams of being a politician, making the decisions to help shape the galaxy, would never be filled under the Empire?s control. The Empire was extremely oppressive to ?alien? races, or non-humans. They held even stronger prejudices towards Bothans. Many Bothans had defected from the Imperial control in their system and begun working with the Alliance.
I had seen some of my fellow Bothans at the academy disappear. One told me only days before his disappearance that his father had provided intelligence to destroy a superweapon of some sort that belonged to the Empire. He said his father had paid the ultimate sacrifice, and revealed his fear that he would face retribution for his father?s actions.
Somehow through all this I had managed to not draw any attention to myself. I had actively been trying to glean as much information as I could from off-world sources. Most of these sources were anti-Empire and just so much as reading their publications or watching their news holos, were grounds for execution. I had also begun covertly meeting with other Coruscantians to discuss these matters.
I eagerly awaited the day when this New Republic would bring down the iron-fisted rule of the Empire, and release the people of Coruscant and other Core worlds from its stranglehold. The oppression needed to end, and hopefully the New Republic would have use for an ambitious young senator.

* * *

A Loyal Guard

I had been in service for a number of years now, about seven, I think. I had once been one of the Emperor?s closest Royal Guards. I had received my training on the planet Carida and was handpicked by the Emperor himself. For over four years, he had entrusted his life to my skills. But I hadn?t been there the day that Rebel scum Jedi killed him. In fact, I had barely escaped with my own life, as the second Death Star was turned to particles.
Being stationed in the Imperial palace hadn?t been so bad, but these past few years I?d begun to wonder. The public still, for the most part, believed the Emperor lived. Of course I knew that to be false. I?d wondered, however, if the Empire was becoming weak.
I?d been an extremely loyal Imperial, the most loyal of the loyal, but corruption seemed to be rampant these days. The people seemed unruly and in dissent. The New Republic, as the Rebels now called themselves, seemed to be winning over support.
It was only a matter of time now, before they made their sweep into Coruscant. Being as close to the Imperial?s forces as anyone could be, I kn

 

is it cause I'm a newbie?

 

Heh, can't ask me. I'm technically one, too.
It usually takes more than a day for people to catch on that a new story's been added. Plus, things fall to page 2 obscurity really fast around here, as i've found.

On to your tale.

I like the idea of having monologues (sp) by different characters recounting an event, it's neat. The perspective you place upon each of them is substantial and their thoughts and ideologies are all unique, which can be difficult to do. So, good work there.

With regards to their actual character it feels a little too even, in that their speech patterns and word choices are all consistant nearly across the board. This is more a matter of acting than literature, but it would really help throw in some color. For example, you could have the politian be grandios and portentious. The Forlorn pilot has the sarcasm, but she needs to be a little more bitter, possibly. Still, i think that's the one who is the most different, so play with that one and use her as the 'beauty shot' so to speak. You got some potential here.


Oh, and about the story the comes after. I'm not entirely clear on who's perspective we're being given. Is that just a follow-through of "the respectable one" or are we jumping around?

Anyway, keep it up. You may very well be on to something here.

 

wow, yeah I didn't even think about how similar the dialogue was. I'll fix that eventually, and the format is 1 for each of the 4 characters and then another 1 for each of the 4 characters...if that answers the question