A New Hope: The Pants Version

The film line by line but with the word pants in there, somehow. There will be some nuggets among the crud.

I'll start.

C-3P0: Did your pants hear that?

 

THREEPIO: They've shut down the main pants. We'll be destroyed for pants. Pants are madness!

 

Dang it! I saw this over on the PM board, and I wanted to bring it up here. However, I thought I'd first check to see if it had already been done. I'm glad I did, otherwise there would be two.

Anyway.... you forgot the opening scroll. Allow me:

A long time ago, in some pants far, far away...

 

PANTS WARS: EPISODE IV: A NEW PANTS

 

It is a period of civil pants. Rebel pants, striking from a hidden base have one their first victory over the evil Galactic Pants.

 

During the battle, Rebel pants managed to steal secret pants to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Bellbottom, an armored pair of pants with enough denim to destroy an entire store full of pants.

 

Pursued by the Empire's sinister pants, Pantsless Leia races home wearing her pants, custodian of the secret pants that can save her people and restore pants to the galaxy...

 

THREEPIO: Did you hear pants? They've shut down the main pants. We'll be destroyed for pants! This is pants!

 

THREEPIO: We're pantless!

 

C-3PO: There'll be no escape for the Pantsless this time. What's that?

 

THREEPIO: Artoo-Detoo, where are pants?

 

C-3PO: At last! Where have your pants been? They're pantsing in this direction. Who are we going to pants? We'll be sent to the pants mines of Kessel, pants into who knows what? Wait a minute, where are you pantsing?

 

STORMTROOPER: The Death Star pants are not in the pants computer.

 

VADER: Where are those pants you intercepted? What have you done with those pants?

 

(choking)
We've intercepted no pants. This is a pantsular ship. We're in diplomatic pants...

 

VADER: If these are consular pants, where are the pants? Commander, tear these pants apart until you've found those pants, and bring me the passengers. I want them pantsed!

 

STORMTROOPER: There's one. Set for "pants"!

 

STORMTROOPER: Her pants will be all right. Inform Lord Vader we have some pants.

 

THREEPIO: Hey! You're not permitted in pants! You'll be deactivated for pants!

 

C-3PO: Don't you call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight pair of pants. Now come out, before somebody pantses you. Secret mission? What pants? What are you pantsing about? I'm not pantsing in there. Oh no! I'm going to pants this...

 

GUNNER: There go some more pants!

 

PRAJI: Hold your pants. There are no pants. It must have pantsed-circuited.

 

THREEPIO: That's funny...the pants don't look as bad from out here...are you sure these pants are safe? Oh.

 

LEIA: Darth Vader, only your pants could be so bold. The Imperial pants will not sit still for this. When they hear you've pantsed a diplomatic...

 

VADER: Don't play pants with me, Your Pantsness. You weren't on any pants mission this time. You pants directly through a pants system. Several pantsmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel pants. I want to know what happened to the pants they sent you.