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Saga ~A New Start~ Obi-Wan one-piece

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by _Jedi_of_Destiny_, Aug 9, 2005.

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  1. _Jedi_of_Destiny_

    _Jedi_of_Destiny_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 17, 2003
    Thanks for clicking. :)

    This is an Obi-Wan poem during his solitude on Tattooine.

    A New Start


    Billowing clouds of sand blinding?
    Shielding my eyes with the sleeve of
    my robe. A storm is coming?already
    here. I watch it with one eye; glimpsing
    shapes and figures from imagination
    from memory, the past?the past, it
    haunts me, unlike a sandstorm which-
    wipes everything clean, a new start
    I stand, an insignificant speck--in the eye of the storm
    Watching all demolished in a cleansing
    sand squall; though the sand sweeps away?
    knowledge of what came before---
    remembered by two watchtowers; glowing
    fiery, orbs; Twins: witnessing and taking note
    impassive and uncaring but onlookers
    all the same. I want to be like the sand, the Suns
    Suns recall mistakes; sands wipe the slate clean;
    Making it opportune to start a new life
    While not repeating the mistakes of old
    Storm dies out- leaving a settling dust
    I walk, not away, but toward my new beginning

    **************
    Please tell me what you think. I crave reviews.
     
  2. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    Ooh, I really like this! :D I love the flow of the poem - there's a sense of confusion that really seems to support Obi-Wan's reflections on all that he has lost. You've really captured his character here, the way that he looks to the future despite the past.

    Fantastic work! =D= =D=
     
  3. JOINME

    JOINME Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2005
    I stand, an insignificant speck--in the eye of the storm
    Watching all demolished in a cleansing
    sand squall;


    A wonderful poem! Very haunting.. the style, Obi's thoughts like a rush, stream of consciousness, fits in well witht he images of the sandstorm.. it really conveys the intensity of his emotion, of his feeling like a failure, like
    an 'insignificant speck' as you wrote...

    but of course there's the message of hope, with the ending, and its' like the whipping sandstorm has suddenly died down, everything is silent...

    very very cool. :D
     
  4. Rassick

    Rassick Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2004
    Very, very good! That's Obi-Wan totally defined right here. _Jedi_of_Destiny_, feel free to let me know if you need help or co-authors for this kind of stuff. Not only do I know Obi-Wan pretty well, but I'm also an English major and so I know things like poetry pretty well, too. ;)
     
  5. Star_Drifter

    Star_Drifter Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2005
    "I want to be like the sand, the Suns
    Suns recall mistakes; sands wipe the slate clean;
    Making it opportune to start a new life
    While not repeating the mistakes of old"


    Great imagery! =D=

    I'm glad that I found this! :)
     
  6. _Jedi_of_Destiny_

    _Jedi_of_Destiny_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 17, 2003
    Knight_Aragorn

    Ooh, I really like this! I love the flow of the poem - there's a sense of confusion that really seems to support Obi-Wan's reflections on all that he has lost. You've really captured his character here, the way that he looks to the future despite the past. Fantastic work!

    Thanks, Aragorn. I was a bit worried about the flow of the poem. I rarely write poetry that soesn't rhyme and I'm glad you thought it was good. Thanks. :)

    JOINME

    A wonderful poem! Very haunting.. the style, Obi's thoughts like a rush, stream of consciousness, fits in well witht he images of the sandstorm.. it really conveys the intensity of his emotion, of his feeling like a failure, like
    an 'insignificant speck' as you wrote...


    Thanks, I'm glad you liked this. :D Yep, Obi'wans thought were meant to be like the rush of a sandstorm and then slowly die down.

    but of course there's the message of hope, with the ending, and its' like the whipping sandstorm has suddenly died down, everything is silent...

    very very cool.


    Thanks. [face_blush] :D


    Rassick

    Very, very good! That's Obi-Wan totally defined right here. _Jedi_of_Destiny_, feel free to let me know if you need help or co-authors for this kind of stuff. Not only do I know Obi-Wan pretty well, but I'm also an English major and so I know things like poetry pretty well, too.

    Thanks for the offer, Rassick and I'm happy you liked it. I have another poetry thread that has Padme and Anakin poem in addition to Obi_wan ones. Go Here if your interested. :)

    Star_Drifter

    Great imagery!

    I'm glad that I found this!


    Thanks. Me too! :)



     
  7. PadawanEstel

    PadawanEstel Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 23, 2004
    Wow, I really like your style. It flows wonderfully and has great imagery as well. =D=
     
  8. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Suns recall mistakes; sands wipe the slate clean;
    Making it opportune to start a new life
    While not repeating the mistakes of old
    Storm dies out- leaving a settling dust
    I walk, not away, but toward my new beginning


    Fantastic flow of thought.
     
  9. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    remembered by two watchtowers; glowing
    fiery, orbs; Twins: witnessing and taking note
    impassive and uncaring but onlookers
    all the same.


    Beautiful image! Giving the suns their own personae. =D=

    Yeah, I suck at reviewing poetry. [face_blush]
     
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