A Night to (Almost) Remember: (JA ) Humor - completed

>>"Have you been listening to Obi-Wan's favorite things?" Simeon asked him.<<

That was the begining of the end for me! I laughed like a demented Nerf through the rest of that post! LOL!

 

Wonderful post, Bravo !

I can't wait to read the next few posts, that I think would conclude the story.

 

Ooooh, and we still have the epilogue to come!

More!!!!!

 

Oh, go on then. You can have part one of the epilogue as well!

***************

EPILOGUE:


"Where are you off to tonight, padawan?" Qui-Gon asked as he reclined idly, sitting in the comfy chair.
"Nowhere master. I thought I'd just have an evening in. Maybe do a little meditation."

Qui-Gon's affected nonchalance evaporated almost immediately into the anxious lip-biting type of annoyance.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "You don't want to go out at all? There must be some cantina that you could find to drink yourself senseless in."
"I thought you didn't like that sort of thing." Obi-Wan said with a reproving smile. "Not after the events of three weeks ago."
"I think the least said about three weeks ago the better, don't you?" Jinn fingered his reformed beard, recalling precisely the kind of torture that had been inflicted upon his masterly person. "Seriously, why don't you go out tonight, hmm?"
"There isn't anywhere I want to go." Obi-Wan rested his head calmly against the back of the sofa. "I felt that perhaps I should rest in view of tomorrow's agility test."
"You'll have no problems with that." Qui-Gon waved the obstacle away.
"How do you know?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Because I'm setting the tests." Qui-Gon replied. "Now, I really think that you should go out and enjoy yourself. It doesn't do to get tense and worked up about these things. It would be very unproductive."
"But I'm not." Obi-Wan frowned.
"I'm just saying that it would be very bad if you were to get tense, that's all."
"I'm not remotely tense."
"Good." Qui-Gon ground his teeth. "Very glad to hear it."

Obi-Wan watched as his master's eyes drifted to the chrono.

"Because if it was a matter of money," Qui-Gon reached into his pocket and pulled out an array of credits, "I could always give you a loan?"
"I don't believe in borrowing, thank you master."
"Why not?"
"You taught me not to."
"Oh."

Qui-Gon looked heartily displeased.

"Doesn't Simeon want to go out?" Qui-Gon asked.
"I shouldn't have thought so." Obi-Wan laughed. "Not after what An-Paj caught him doing yesterday morning."
"Which was? Or do I not wish to know?"
"Well," Obi-Wan lazily stretched his booted feet onto the footstool in front of him and crossed them, "it transpires that a joke he tried to play on Dimallie backfired just a little. He managed to get hold of a giant Kupacha fruit?the ones that look like human heads from the back because of all the long hair and pretended he'd accidentally cut off Quirida-Xac's head. Needless to say his master didn't find it quite so funny, especially when Dimallie burst into tears of hysteria."

"Cleaning freshers, is he?" Qui-Gon guessed.
"From now to eternity." Obi-Wan nodded.

Qui-Gon drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair.

"What about Jay? Doesn't he want to go out?"
"Grounded."
"Tanni?"
"He's ill, master. He came out in big lumps and his hair has all fallen out. It would be like going down town with a threadbare rug by my side."
"Where's your compassion?"
"It's covered with cat dander."

Jinn sighed.

"How about Jodi?"
"Off planet."
"Zac?"
"Playing Gabali."
"Kylenn?"
"Studying."
"Bant?"
"Busy."
"Sybelle?"
"With her boyfriend."
"Letina?"
"Washing her hair."
"Ambianca?"
"With Letina's boyfriend."
"Jasmyn?"
"Not speaking to me."
"Meri?"
"Got the flu."
"Hmiol?"
"I'm not that desperate!" Obi-Wan looked stung.

Qui-Gon started to tap his feet on the ground the same way that Rela did when she was agitated. Odd, Obi-Wan thought. He'd never noticed that before.

"What about Jemmiah?" he said through hardly moving lips.
"Sorry master? Did you say something?" Obi-Wan asked overly politely.
"I said," Qui-Gon repeated with the distinct feeling his padawan had manoeuvred him into this situation, "what about Jemmiah?"
"She'd round at Rela's for the evening. I think she's staying over night." Obi-Wan answered.

Rela! The answer to all Qui-Gon's problems! Oh, how he could just hug her right now!

"Why don't the three of you go out, hmm? When was the last time you did that?"
"That would be

 

Posted by JEMMIAH:

***************

"How was your day?" Qui-Gon asked Leona as she sat down on the sofa and tried to get comfortable.
"Well," Leona sighed, "I think tiring would be the best description."

Qui-Gon passed a glass of red wine to the healer and then excused himself whilst he went to the kitchen, tying an apron round his waist. Leona tried to smother her laughter at the sight of Qui-Gon, having great difficulty marrying his usually severe and reserved reputation with this image of domestic perfection before her.

"In what way tiring?" he enquired as he started to get the plates ready for the meal he had prepared.

Leona shrugged.

"Well, you know what it is like. I was up at four in the morning. Gave Quirida-Xac a bed bath. Changed his sheets. Lanced a few boils, removed a few gangrenous toes, patched up several initiates, reattached a few severed limbs, delivered several babies and then when I got my breath back An-Paj whisked me off to the store cupboards for some hanky-panky. That lasted a good few hours. Then I managed to stagger to the Bacta tanks and?"

She caught sight of his open mouth.

"Joke." She grinned.
"Oh, yes. Of course." He grinned. "I knew that."

Leona raised an impertinent eyebrow.

"What's for dinner?"
"My speciality. Qui-Gon Jinn's Spicy Nerf in hot Korrassi mustard sauce."
"Sounds good." Leona smiled. "Not all the masters are so domesticated. You know how it is; they like to pretend they are wonderful cooks but they live on carry out most of the time."

"Not us." Qui-Gon said, suddenly spotting the packaging from the duck fritters he and his padawan had eaten that afternoon lying on the work surface and hurriedly shoving them in the garbage unit. "We don't always have fancy meals. I think sometimes plain food is better although Obi-Wan will eat anything including the wrapper given half the chance."

"Dex was telling me that he likes to eat healthily. Lots of salads and things." Leona mused.
"That's because anything other than a salad is too complicated for him to make." Qui-Gon remarked. "He's lived off salad ever since he became a knight. Before that Quirida-Xac used to stuff him with all sorts of food, in fact you have never seen such a well-stocked larder! No wonder Dex was the most popular padawan in the temple. Everyone used to go round to his apartment and shovel food down like there was no tomorrow. I'm afraid when it came to cooking Dex did not learn from his master."

"But Obi-Wan's had a good example." Leona looked at him appraisingly.

Qui-Gon nearly blushed at the complement.

"Thank you. I like to think I've taught him all he needs to know?"

***********************

"Hmmm!" Obi-Wan sighed as he and Jemmy lounged along the floor in Rela's living room area. "Hot, greasy Corellian Gwelm Sausage deep fried and covered in Takkini sauce."
"Nothing like the good old fashioned junk food when it comes to having a night in." Jemmy agreed. "But I'd be worried about the damage you did when you dropped your sausage on the carpet."
"Nothing wrong with it." Obi-Wan frowned. "Do you think I was going to let the little matter of some fluff come between me and my supper?"
"No Ben," Jemmy just stared at him, "I meant the damage to the carpet. Not the sausage."

Obi-Wan looked at the stain.

"She'll never notice." He remarked.
"But the sauce is eating a hole in the fibres!" Jemmy answered.
"Look," he said with his mouth full, "we can clean that up before she comes back." He wiped his oily fingers on his tunic. "But not just now. I can think of much more important things right now."
"Yeah?" Jemmy's face lit up.
"Uh huh. This food. Pass the salt, would you?"

Jemmiah wondered momentarily what she saw in him and wordlessly did as he requested.

"Thanks." He winked.

He could see the displeasure in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She said.
"Tell me."
"I'm fine."
"Look, if it's about how I ate those last chips I'm sorry?"

Jemmy sighed and shook her head.

"Get on with your food. Your sausage is getting cold."

**********

 

hm.. didn't read this the first time, do ya think Jemmy and Leona are up to something?

 

Posted by JEMMIAH:

************

When Mace finally arrived at the refectory he found that Qui-Gon and Dex were already there waiting for him. The lights in the eating halls had been deactivated for the night and the two tall figures could be plainly seen lounging against the wall of the corridor outside, kicking their heels against the skirting in total boredom.

"Sorry that took so long." Mace held his hands up. "I had council business to attend to. You know how it is."
"Council business?" Qui-Gon challenged incredulously. "At this time of night?"

"I had reports to finalize before tomorrow's morning session." Mace replied tartly." Those of us who actually work round here don't have spare time to fritter away on social chit-chat. Now," Windu continued, ignoring the raised eyebrows aimed in his direction, "Dex said something about this being urgent, yes? Where's the fire?"

"I'll tell you on the way." Qui-Gon mumbled, furtively looking from side to side before hurrying towards his left in a quick, long-legged jog. The other two exchanged non-plussed looks and then followed on.

"I hope this IS important," Mace growled as they tried to keep up with the ground-eating strides that Qui-Gon was taking, "because if I've been dragged away under false pretences I will NOT be amused."

"Yeah, where are we headed Qui?" Dex hissed. "This is starting to resemble one of our many padawan escapades."
"I hope not." Mace grumbled. "We always got caught. Even when we hadn't done anything we still got caught."

Dex chuckled. "Do you remember our code names? Commander Qui-Gon the intrepid, Captain Dexter the fantastically courageous and Lieutenant Mace the?what was your title?"

"MACE THE INCREDIBLY BORING." Qui-Gon deadpanned.
"Ha ha." Mace grouched. "How come I had to be the Lieutenant? Why couldn't I have been the Commander?"
"Because," Qui-Gon answered over his shoulder, "Some of us are born to lead and others are born to be council members."

Qui-Gon stopped at the turbo lift and pressed the down button, waiting for his two companions to catch up. The gentle hum of the lift came to a sudden halt and the cylindrical door slid round. Qui-Gon walked into the brightly-lit transporter just a Mace was beginning to get ansty.

"So where are we going?" Windu frowned.
"The gardens." Qui-Gon replied.

Mace, who had just walked into the lift spun round on his heel and walked straight out again, only to be caught unceremoniously by the collar of his tunic and hauled backwards, choking and spluttering.

"No you don't." Qui-Gon said firmly as Dex followed them in, the doors entombing the three of them.
"I'm NOT going to the gardens!" spat Mace.
"Yes you are." Jinn said patiently.
"No I'm not! Every time I do something horrible happens, like I get an insect with pincers the size of a Sailbarge stuck up my nose or a large gardening implement impaled on my?"
"Yes, Mace. I understand. It's unfortunate but you have to keep in mind that you were unlucky on both occasions. Anyone could have tripped on the rake."
"But it wasn't anyone, it was me!" yelled Mace heaving a thumb at his chest. "And as for that damned Fork-Tailed Stinger, I bet you trained it to fly up my nostril!"

Dex peered up at the tattoo on Mace's head.

"You can't really see it now. All you can see is a sort of dingy, dirty mark. People will just think you haven't washed."
"I've been scrubbing and scrubbing at that thing until I thought my skin would wear out." Mace grimaced. "Just one more reminder of how I do not want to go into the gardens."
"Do you want to make sure that holo recording of the cantina crawl gets destroyed? Do you really want to risk Captain Demodae getting her hands on it and selling copies for exorbitant prices?"
"What do you mean?" Dex frowned.

Qui-Gon reached into his tunic and brought out Jemmiah's letter.

"I found this when I was going through the contents of my padawan's pockets."
"So much for trust." Mace commented.
"You were lucky that was all you found." Grinned Dex. "Especially after the cantina crawl."
"I b

 

Posted by JEMMIAH:

**************

All three of the guilty looking co-conspirators froze; desperately trying to ascertain what if anything was lurking out there in the gloom.

"Nothing." Mace remarked caustically. "You imagined it."
"What if he didn't?" Dex felt like pulling his hood over his face incase anyone should recognize him. "S'pose someone's out here? Watching us?"
"Who would want to watch us?" Mace asked, his voice not sounding as level as it had previously. "You'd have to be a lunatic to be out in the garden at this time of night."

The other two looked at him.

"OK. Point." He admitted. "But it was YOUR idea, Qui."
"I still think I can feel eyes upon my back." Jinn replied with a wary glance over both shoulders.
"Now who's getting scared?" Dex challenged.
"I am NOT scared." Qui-Gon's voice soared.
"Yes you are. You always pretend to be tough but when push comes to shove you have the backbone of a marshmallow." Interjected Windu.
"At least I'm not afraid of insects!" Qui-Gon retorted. "I wouldn't go flapping my arms about like a giant flightless bird just because some teensy insect decided to set up house in my nasal cavity!"
"Teensy?" Mace became indignant. "It was the size of a Hutt! You've never seen anything so darned big in your life!"

Qui-Gon circled the council member predatorily. "Yes, well. You always did have a problem when it came to comparing the size of things. You have an unhealthy obsession with my feet which springs from Sith knows where?"
"Shut up." Mace eyeballed him. "There's nobody here, except for us and the alien creature inhabiting Dex's mind."
"Hey, why pick on me?" Dex sulked. "I haven't done anything wrong."
"Whose fault is it then? Your imaginary friend?"

Silence.

"You promised you wouldn't say!" Dex pouted.
"You had an imaginary friend?" Qui-Gon laughed.
"Yeah, he had more interesting conversation than any of my real ones." Snapped the Corellian.

A twig cracked suddenly in the distance as if someone had stood upon it.

"Whoa! There IS someone here!" Mace jumped back.
"See! I told you so!" Qui-Gon mumbled.
"So what do we do? Whined Dex.
"How does run away grab you?" Windu shuffled further back.

Qui-Gon grabbed hold of his robe again.

"Just listen!"

There was no further sound. Nothing save the rippling of water, the almost musical sound of the wind stirring the chimes hanging from the trees and the?

"CROAAAAAAAK!"

"What the Sith hell?!?" Qui-Gon exclaimed, all ideas of dignity and composure abandoned completely.
"It's?it's a toad." Dex said happily, a hand clutched convulsively to his chest. "That's all! Phew!"
"There's the eyes watching your back." Mace sighed, waving a relieved if shaking hand at the critter on the lawn. "It's one of the Emperor Toads that Jemmiah introduced so considerately to our ponds a few years back. I thought they were all gone?"

"It's like that kids tale." Dex mused.
"Sorry?" Qui-Gon asked, wondering what the heck Dex was babbling about. "What do you mean? What tale?"
"The one about the Princess who had to kiss a frog."
"Why did she have to do that?" Mace studied the warty little creature as it hopped away towards the ponds. "Did she have a thing for amphibians?"
"You know, Jemmiah always says you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome Prince." Qui-Gon remembered.
"Not me." Dex grinned, puffing out his chest. "I'm prime quality toad?"
"I think you've regressed back to your childhood." Qui-Gon said sadly. "If you and your imaginary friend would care to tear yourselves away from Neverneverland we might actually find what we are looking for. Now, what makes you think it's this tree?"

"Not telling you." Dex refused.
"Why not?"
"Because you've been horrible to me ever since we got out here." He answered in a fed up voice. "It's like when we were initiates and you two used to gang up on me just cause I was littler!"
"Awww, poor little Dexie diddums." Mace wobbled his bottom lip with his finger.
"So, if we say sorry you'll tell us?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Maybe."
"Okay then, we'r

 

Posted by JEMMIAH & MOUSE2

***************

"How long before Rela gets back?" Jemmiah murmured with her eyes closed, arms still wrapped around her boyfriend's chest. "What time is it anyway?"
"I don't know and I don't care." Obi-Wan smiled.
"This is good isn't it? Just being able to be together like this."
"Hmmm." Obi-Wan agreed. "Although I preferred it when we were a bit more energetic."
"Ben!" Jemmy scolded.
"Don't Ben me. That's a typical female reaction. You spend the night with them, you do all sorts of things you'd rather your master never found out about and then they come over all coy and shy."

Jemmiah frowned and sat up, pulling the bed sheet in front of her.

"There, you see! What is the sense in that?" Obi-Wan laughed.
"The sense in what?"
"Trying to cover your modesty! As if it really matters considering the things that we got up to?"
"Ben!" Jemmiah looked genuinely shocked.
"There you go again! It is so hilarious! There's no need to do that. I liked what I saw on closer inspection?"
"How have you got so coarse all of a sudden?" Jemmiah demanded.
"Pent up frustration." Obi-Wan eyed her wolfishly.
"You need a good, long cold shower." Jemmy posed impishly.
"I don't think I can walk to the fresher." Obi-Wan shook his head. "I'm worn to a frazzle?"
"You are a disgrace." Jemmiah reprimanded him before tugging on his braid. "But I like it."
"Ow! I wish you wouldn't do that." Obi-Wan whined, rubbing at the base of his skull where the braid connected.
"Next time it won't be your pigtail." Jemmy warned.
"Promises, promises!"
"That does it! Out! Now! Into the shower!"
"You're keen." Grinned Obi-Wan. "You want to be my loofah?"
"You know what you can do with your loofah." Jemmy said pointedly.
"Yes, I can?"
"BEN!"
"OK, OK. I'm going to the fresher room." Obi-Wan stood up to make a sensible retreat.

"You know what would have made it even better?" he asked Jemmiah.
"Tell me."
"Breakfast in bed."

Jemmiah threw the pillow after him and Obi-Wan tried to dodge it half-heartedly, taking a few stumbling steps to the side.

"Gods, I've no strength." He groaned. "I can hardly walk straight. My master is going to kill me! I have an agility test in four hours time!"

Jemmiah said nothing but made a little disparaging noise with her throat to let him know what she thought his chances were.

"It's not funny! Obi-Wan's eyes widened ridiculously. "Qui-Gon will demand to know why I'm walking like a crab!"
"Go have that shower." Jemmy suggested. "Maybe you will loosen up a bit. Maybe I'll stop by and?"
"Yes?" Obi-Wan said hopefully.
"Pass you the plasti duck at the side of the bath."
"It doesn't get any better than that." Sighed Obi-Wan dramatically as he crawled forward step by agonizing step.

Jemmy listened as he made his way to the fresher room, still mumbling as he went.

"I've ruptured something." He muttered to his feet. "I just know I have?"

**************************

"Ahhhh shudddup!" Rela frowned at the cacophony of noise stemming from the tank of locusts. "What is this, my seven standard alarm call?" Rela sat up for a moment and looked at all the cages.

?I hate you all!? she said dryly then flopped back down.

Rela lounged on Spider?s sofa with one arm thrown over her eyes. All she could think about was that it was going to take her another three weeks to get over her new case of the willies and that Obi and Jemmy owed her big time!

?Morning!? Spider said in a cheerful singsong voice.
?Not you too!? Rela moaned.
?Obviously not a morning person are we??

Rela just grunted in reply.

?Breakfast time my lovelies!?
?That just killed my appetite for the whole day.? Rela muttered. ?They owe me big! HUGE!?
?What do you think they?re up to this morning?? Spider asked wickedly.
?Well if they?re not doing what we think they?re doing, they better be cleaning up my place.?

?Ever the romantic aren?t you Rel? I can?t wait to see what happens when you find the man of your dreams."
?What was that?? Rela quickly asked.
?I asked if you wanted Din

 

OMG.. this is too much!

 

Posted by JEMMIAH & MOUSE2

*******************

Rela sighed.

"Mrs. Krabople: meet Obi-Wan Kenobi." The redhead pointed at the flustered padawan.

Jemmiah quickly unraveled the damp towel from her hair and with one deft move tossed it under arm to Obi-Wan. The padawan snatched it in mid air with the aid of the force and covered his lower area so fast that Spider thought it was a case of blinking and missing something.

"Spoil sport." Spider pouted.
"Forget whatever you think you saw." Obi-Wan groaned.
"Forget?" Spider's eyebrows disappeared incredulously. "How am I s'posed to do that?" she looked down at the senseless figure on the ground. "How is SHE s'posed to forget either?"
"Oh, please," Obi-Wan begged, "this is embarrassing enough as it is."
"I don't think you've got anything to worry about!" Spider remarked with evident satisfaction. "Had a good evening, Jemmy?"
"Fine thank you." Jemmiah said bluntly. "It would have been even better if a circus act hadn't barged in on us just when we were?"
"Yeah?" Rela grinned.
"?getting dressed." Jemmy finished.
"Oh." Spider looked disappointed.

Jemmy stared long and hard at the unconscious Mrs. Krabople with displeasure.

"What do we do with this one?" she asked Rela. "This is your neighbor, right?"
"The one and only." Rela said sourly. "She means well but she can be a bit much, if you know what I mean."
"Really. I'd never have guessed." The dry remark hissed its way between Jemmiah's teeth. "I think we'd better work out what the heck we are going to say when she wakes up."
"I think we'd better start off with S-B getting into some clothes." Rela folded her arms. "Just look at you! You're dripping water all over my carpet."

Obi-Wan prayed she wouldn't spot the mark on the floor?

"Oh, go put your pants on."
"Awwwwwww." Spider whimpered. "Not fair!"
"Watch it, treacle. Unless you want another piercing with one of Rela's bread knives." Jemmiah growled.

When Obi-Wan retreated, at least pretending to look meek and chastened, the three girls were alerted to a small moaning sound on the floor. Sure enough, Mrs. Krabople was beginning to come round.

"Perhaps if we got some water?" Jemmy mused.
"Er?yeah. Good idea. Spider, go get a glass of water, huh?" Rela pointed to the kitchen. "There's a tumbler on the right by the sink.
"What then?" Spider asked over her shoulder as she went to fetch the poor lady a glass. "I think she'll be demanding whisky in this!"

Another groan came from the woman, her eyes not yet opened but her head shaking from side to side as if in denial of the image that had been before her not so long ago.

"Why was she here?" Jemmy asked, puzzled.
"Lonnnnnnng story." Rela muttered. "She tries to baby me. Likes to look out for me, you know? Can get a bit embarrassing at times, I can tell you."
"I can imagine." Jemmy smiled. "But she's been married, hasn't she? Surely the - rather wonderful- sight of Ben with no clothes isn't going to shock her?"
"You don't understand. This woman is a walking surveillance unit. She sees, hears and knows everything that goes on here. The moment she thought she heard anything out of the ordinary she'd be round here like a Hutt at slave girl auction?"

Jemmy's face twitched slightly.

"Oh. Sorry." Rela said. "Look, maybe that's an idea. She's an OK person once you get to know her. A bit of a softy really, if you look deep enough. If we play to her maternal feelings then we might just get away with a ticking off and no horrified reports of midnight romps getting back to the temple."
"What do you mean?" Jemmy frowned.
"Tell her your life story. Tell them you were a slave and that you?"
"NO!" Jemmiah looked shocked.
"She won't mind. She'll look up to you."
"I can't do it!" Jemmy's face had gone all red with the indignity.
"Then lie! Make something up! Stretch the truth! But do it quick and make it VERY good because she's beginning to come to."

Spider walked back into the room armed with her tumbler of water.

"Here." She held out the glass.

 

Posted by JEMMIAH:

****************

Jemmiah's feelings swayed somewhere between hurt and anger, the invisible emotional pendulum swinging backwards and forwards at irregular intervals causing her to experience pain and outrage in rapid succession. And above all the question she wanted the answer to the most:

Why?

Why would Ben do such a horrible thing? She kept telling herself that there must be some mistake, that he would never purposefully taunt her with such memories of her past?the same way that Kryztan had. One thing was for sure; Ben was nothing like Kryztan.

Yet there it was for all to see and hear.

Whilst the cool, rational part of her told her to find her boyfriend and seek an explanation (if he could come up with one) the wounded, angry side began to flare dangerously. She didn't trust herself not to go in there and do him some permanent damage. No, she had to keep away until she calmed down.

If she ever did.

Whatever his explanation, this really, really hurt.

Her memories of Nargotria never seemed to fade and she didn't expect them to either, but they had been less prominent in her mind up until the cantina crawl and Kryztan's little rant outside the Hell's Chance. Whilst she hadn't wanted to see Ben hurt she was touched at the way he had defended her when for one of the few times in her life she had felt genuinely defenseless. That was why this whole brothel thing riled her so much. Why go to all that trouble to stick up for her like that and then turn round and do this? it made no sense.

"Speak to Obi-Wan." Evla said.
"Not yet." Jemmiah said distantly. "I can't."
"The longer you leave it the more awkward it's going to become."
"I know." Jemmy nodded.

Evla sighed and decided to give the girl some time alone with her thoughts, retreating to her bedroom to do some reading.

Jemmy waited for another five minutes until the anger she knew would dissipate had done just that. Now only the hurt remained?and the sudden desire for revenge.

She sat by the holoterminal again, not daring to replay the dreaded message incase her fury started to spike once more, taking big, calming breaths before keying in the connection to a person she had come to regard as one of the few friends she had outside the temple. Her patience paid off when a familiar, wild haired figure answered her call some minutes later.

"Oh, it's the runaway." The figure crossed its arms. "Trashed any more apartments recently or is it just something you've got against me?"
"Rela." Jemmy faltered slightly, trying to choose her words. "Are you free to talk?"
"What's this if we aren't talking?" the red head stared back. "Hey, what is it? What's wrong?"
"I need your help." Jemmy replied.
"Hell, Qui-Gon hasn't found out has he?"
"No?no, I don't think so. Could you come round at some point? I need to talk."
"I dunno. I've got a home that looks like a Huttese orgy's taken place in it." Rela squinted at her transmitter. "You're really worked up about something."
"Please, if you're free?"
"Sure. I'll have to eject Mrs. K out the front door. She rarely gets the chance to come in and now she is inside it's going to take the devil's minions and a barrel load of explosives to shift her."

Jemmy didn't smile.

"I'll be round as soon as I can." Rela nodded.

****************************

"This really isn't necessary." Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed to little slits of pain as Simeon pushed the beleaguered Jedi along in a more conventional form of chair. The wheels caught the side of the ramp into the next corridor and slipped, sending a spiral of searing fire up Qui-Gon's back.

"Unless you want your next words to be your last, I'd choose them very carefully." Qui-Gon warned the black haired padawan.
"My, somebody's a grumpy old master this morning." Cates said cheerfully.
"Less of the old!" Qui-Gon frowned, as the wheels squeaked all the way down the corridor. "I'll tell your master about your disrespect and he'll?"
"Laugh." Nodded Simeon.

Jinn glared.

"I'm sorry about the whee

 

"and that's Mr Darling to you"

Heheheheehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe...

Sorry run out of oxygen, have to stop for breath.

That's as funny as it was the first time around!

 

*snicker* Sorry, I just had to drop by and get a good ol' dosage of Jemmy humor!

 

Posted by JEMMIAH & MOUSE:

*************

Rela had been true to her word and was fairly prompt in arriving at the temple. Her friend's behavior puzzled and worried her in that Jemmy could usually be seen with a devious grin of some description plastered across her face, and the quietness that sat in its place was rather unsettling. The Corellian had hardly uttered a word since Rela had set foot in the temple precinct.

"Hey?" Rela asked as gently as she could. "What's wrong with you? And why are we headed out to the gardens?"
"To get some privacy." Jemmy replied.
"From what? Slow down Jem, what's going on here?"

Jemmiah said nothing, merely increasing her stride in accordance with the level of annoyance she was feeling, leaving Rela to struggle alongside her.

"Look, I can't help you if you won't tell me what the matter is." Rela said, legs pumping furiously to keep up.
"What's up?" Jemmy stopped in her tracks. "I feel like I have been used, that's what up."
"By whom?"
"Ben of course! I feel so humiliated! I can't believe that he'd do something so? insensitive!"
"Whoa!" Rela halted her flow of words. "Done what? What's so bad?"

Jemmy walked over to her favorite tree and sat herself down on the grass beneath it, motioning for Rela to do the same.

"You know it's difficult for me to speak about?things. My past." She twisted her hair round her finger in agitation. "If I were to, I think that people would start to look at me in a funny way. You know, not feel comfortable with me."
"Heck, I understand that." Rela nodded. "Mind you, I like admitting to people that I've had a drink problem in the past. I like freaking them out. I tell 'em how I used to get so angry drunk on Tequila that I nearly killed a person once." She paused. "Then I ask if they want to buy me a drink. It's amazing that nobody has wanted to so far."

Jemmy didn't smile.

"Look toots, I know what you're saying. You think that people will treat you like a plague victim if you tell them why you're so screwed up."
"Exactly." Jemmy nodded. "And that's what I love about Ben! He doesn't assume anything. Doesn't ask anything. It doesn't matter to him?at least I used to think so." She finished sadly.
"So what's changed?" Rela asked.

"Rela, I'm not making myself out to be some tragic heroine. I hate all that kind of thing. You're supposed to be able to lean from your past. But I admit that I had an unpleasant time of things until Master Jinn and Ben came and took me away. I was so astonished - I can still feel the sensation now if I close my eyes - that anyone could possibly want anything to do with me considering where I came from that I thought that I must be dreaming. They would speak to me like I was a human being, not a possession. It took me days and days to get used to it." Jemmiah smiled at the memory.

"I kept trying to do things for them on the journey to Coruscant. Little things like shining their boots and fetching their food. Master Jinn had to take me to one side and tell me to stop fussing. No," she recalled wistfully, "he told me to stop fussing 'please'. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had asked me instead of telling me to do something and it was a bit of a shock.

The fact that there were two people who didn't care about my history was so important to me. It really, really helped. I know Qui-Gon was curious. Is still curious, come to that. Ben doesn't mind at all which is so vital to me because?" she tried to think of the words. "I feel damaged. It doesn't seem to matter what I do or how old I become; I just can't shake the feeling. I'm contaminated. You know what I'm talking about."

Rela nodded slowly.

"Imagine my delight when I thought that I'd fallen for someone who was already special to me as a friend, who understood what I am like and why I am like it. Someone who puts up with all the horrible things about me."
"You're not horrible." Rela remarked crisply.
"I can be Rel, and you know it. Hell, I know it. That's why when I found out today that Ben seems to think of me

 

Posted by JEMMIAH & MOUSE

*************

I don?t believe I?m wearing this.? Rela moaned as she, Jemmiah, Tabby and a few other girls from Madam Ying?s made their way to the Healers.

?You look good Rel.? Jemmy told her cheerfully. ?Not as good as me, but really good.?
?Jemmy I couldn?t compete with you, even if I wanted to.?
?I know.?
?There?s that Corellian humility cropping up again.? Rela bit out sarcastically.
?You two both look good. If either of you ever need a job, we could work something out.? Tabby told them.

Jemmiah and Rela looked at each other then turned back to Tabby.

?No thanks.? they told the girl in unison.
?That?s the reason we?re doing this in the first place.? Jemmy clarified.

The small group of girls continued towards the Healers. Thankfully no one saw the scantily clad group, otherwise security would probably have been called. Jemmiah was wearing the red and gold dress that Leona had given her. The same dress that Obi-Wan had liked so much the night before. Tabby, one of the girls from Madam Ying?s was wearing a similar dress, but silver and blue. Rela had gone with a two piece black out fit, mainly because it went with her boots. Although somehow Jemmiah had persuaded her to wear her hair down, and had been commenting on it ever since.

?I knew you had curls, but I never thought that they were so...? Jemmiah started.
?Demented?? Rela supplied for her.
?That?s as good a word as any.? Jemmy replied.

The odd looking group soon arrived at the Healers and Tabby turned to the two girls that knew it best.

?Now what?? she asked.
?We find him.? Jemmiah supplied in a deadly voice. ?Which way Rel??
?I?m not the one with the accident prone boyfriend. You should know this place better than me.?
?I though you knew this place like the back of your hand??
?I know the vent system. I still get turned around in the hallways.?

Jemmy just stared at Rela.

?You ~are~ weird.? Jemmy told her echoing Obi-Wan?s earlier statement.
?Tell me something I don?t know. Fine.? Rela closed her eyes and started to point. ?Let?s go this way.?
?Lead the way ladies.? Tabby told them as they made their way into the Healers.

***************

Qui-Gon lay on the bed in a drug induced haze praising the Force that An-Paj had stopped the torture session. He started to hear voices, but quickly passed it off as the painkillers. They began to get closer and sounded somewhat familiar.

?I knew it was the other way.? the first one said.
?Then you should have said something.? the second answered.
?I thought I did.?
?Nope. Is that who I think it is??
?We can?t pass this up.?
?We are totally busted, but you?re right we can?t pass this up.?

The two voices slowly made their way towards him. Two blurry bodies suddenly came into his line of vision and from what he could tell neither were wearing very much.

?Something?s not right.? a familiar Corellian voice said. A very fast blurry thing started waving in his face.
?Stop it.? he mumbled.
?He?s drugged.? the same voice said happily.
?Drugged? He?s doped to the gills! This is going to be good.? a second voice chimed in.
?Hello Kai.? it said.

Only one person that he could remember at the moment called him that.

?Rela?? he asked
?Actually I was thinking of changing it to Scarlet. Kinda fitting don?t you think? Especially considering what I?m wearing.?
?No.? he managed to get out.
?That?s okay because I?m preparing myself to become part of Captain Demodae's crew. The pay is ~very~ good.?
?Jemmiah?? he croaked.
?The one and only, but we wanted to come by and see you first.?

That made Qui-Gon happy. His two little girls were so concerned about him that they felt they needed to see him. Thank the Force that they got along so well together.

?It?s the beard. We?re going to have to get rid of it again.?
?What? No, please.?
?I like the beard Jemmy. It?s easier to spot all the gray.?
?That?s why we have to get rid of it, Rel.?
?It?s Scarlet if you please. Hey Kai! While she?s shaving of

 

lol....

 

Posted by JEMMIAH and MOUSE

***************

"What are you two giggling about?" Evla asked, glancing up from the holofilm she was watching.
"Nothing." Jemmiah replied too quickly. "Absolutely nothing."
"Hmmm." Evla turned her face back to the film but kept one ear trained at all times on the two young ladies as they lay stretched out on the floor surrounded by flimsypics all heaped about them. Every now and then the sound of a pair of utility jack scissors could be heard trimming away at the pics, interspersed with more giggling.

"How about this one?" Jemmy grinned. "You think he's good?"

Rela shuffled round on her knees to get a better look.

"Naaaaaaaaah!" she dismissed the selection with a wave of her hand. "There are far better ones in here. Like?" she ferreted around with her hands amidst the flimsy mountain, "?this one!"
"Lyfar Darrington." Jemmy tutted.
"Nothing wrong with ol' Lyf. He's a bit of a looker, if you ask me."
"Nice body." Jemmy agreed. "If we took his torso and then?" she placed a picture of some other male over Lyfar's head, "and this one's face then we might have something half decent."
"What about we take this pic of Rex Victory's body and put on this pic of?.Master Windu!" Rela laughed. "Or Obi-Wan! Poor old Scrub Brush! We never did get any pics of him and the girls?what if we make one up and hang it in the refectory."
"I've got an even better idea!" Jemmy laughed. "How about we do a slide show of all our favorite Jedi from the cantina crawl?"

Rela's eyes lit up.

"Hey, yeah! That would work. But where've you hidden the holochip? C'mon Jem. We're friends, aren't we?"
"Not saying."
"Jemmy?look. I like you. You're almost like my sister, practically. So," she clapped a hand onto Jemmiah's shoulders, "how about you let me have a copy of the chip, huh? For your bestest friend?"
"You help me set this up and I'll think about it." Jemmy replied cautiously.
"Deal." Grinned Rela, looking back at the pics. "So where is the chip?"

"The real one is buried in the gardens at a location known only to myself." Jemmy smiled. "As for the copy?"

Her hands went to the locket round her neck, sliding the chain over her head until she held the necklace in her hands. Gently she undid the catch. In one half there was a picture of herself. In the other a picture of Obi-Wan.

"Urgh!" Rela grinned. "Soppy doesn't go far enough."
"Ben bought me this locket." She replied. "And it's extremely ugly and old fashioned and I absolutely hate it. But I also love it because it was the thought that counts. Not to mention the fact that it's perfect for hiding tiny holochips in."

Sure enough, Jemmy opened up the back?

And out fell the chip.

"How much juicy stuff can we get from this?" she asked Rela.
"I don't know," Rela smiled, "but I'm gonna be dreaming about it all night!"

**************

NEXT DAY:

He was in that dammed wheelchair again. The constant eeeeek! was almost annoying enough to take him mind off the pain in his back. Almost. The only good thing about it was the fact that Leona was pushing him this time, and she wasn?t whistling.

?Almost there.? She told him cheerfully.
?Couldn?t you just have brought me something down?? Qui-Gon asked.
?You of all people wanting to STAY at the Healers? The only thing that could surprise me more was if it was your padawan who had said that.?

They reached the refectory way too soon for Qui-Gon?s taste. At least the eeeking would stop once they got there. Leona slowly wheeled him inside, too slowly for Qui-Gon?s taste. He felt that everyone was watching him. Watching him and grinning. Then he saw it.

?What in the lower pits of Hell?!? he yelled.

Hanging in the middle of the room was a large, blown up holo of him. Him lying on his stomach surrounded by scantily clad girls. Two of which seemed awfully familiar.

?So that?s how you threw your back out Qui!? Dex yelled at him.
?Yeah, some punishment!? Mace agreed. ?I get stuck doing manual labor for a master who?s aim is rivaled only by Yoda, a

 

Oh my !,

That was one hell of a post, absolutry hilaroius.

Congrat's to all the writers for creating this master piece.