Beyond - Legends A Place Of Death [2009 Dare Challenge]

Title: A Place Of Death
Author: Ceillean
Characters: OC's
Timeframe: doesn't really matter
Genre: Drama
Notes: 2009 Dare Challenge. Take a look-see.
It was an interesting dare. I enjoyed writing it. Very different from what I usually write, I think.
Hope you like it, whoever sent this to me.


Here is your Dare for BEYOND THE SAGA:

-Someone is captured, whether or not they're rescued is up to you
-Something must blow up
-Stormtroopers need to be involved somehow
-No more than three characters can speak
-You may use familiar characters, but you must completely make up all settings (ships, planets, whatever) in the story



The desert is a place of death.

The sun burns the skin while the wind picks up grains of sand that inflict more pain. Thirst is the worst of all ailments. Finding water on the planet Idria is nearly impossible. As is finding hope to ever depart the world that had once flourished with yellow grass and tall trees, that had once been a metropolis of busy streets and alleys, crowded spaceports and markets. Idria had been splendor and magnificence, enchantment and beauty ? until they set foot upon the land.

Until the Empire had sent out their legions of white armored murderers to clean Idria?s surface of aliens and humans alike. Only few survived the first wave of the attack and only few ever dared to fight back. No one had come to help.

Whatever for?

Idria is an unknown planet in the far reaches of space. There is nothing important, nothing special ? besides three young lives perhaps.

Idria.

A desert.

A place of death.

+++

A ball of white hot flame engulfed the young Idrians as they ran for their lives. Just not fast enough. Within seconds their pale golden skin blistered along their long bones, melting into a thick mold of indistinguishable biological mass. The scent of singed hair and cooked flesh permeated the air. Cries were drowned out by the deafening roar of the explosion behind them.

What had once been an underground weapons cache was now nothing more than yet another hole in the ground.

Bodies flayed as they were hurled through the air by the shockwave. With sickening crunches and painful thuds, they landed on the desert floor in a heap of limbs. Out of the group of six, two survived.

It took several long moments for Natal to get her bearings. The bright purple sky above her hurt her violet eyes but she didn?t have the strength to turn away. Moving hurt.

?We have to hurry.? Tusir?s distorted voice sounded odd along with the ringing in her ears. Of course, Natal knew that he was right. The strike team had effectively eradicated the weapons cache but they still had a job to do. But getting to her feet would force her to face the carnage. Already she could smell the blood, the gore mixing with the warm sand.

Her stomach heaved while she let the faces of her friends pass through her mind. They were all dead, their lifeless bodies broken and scattered all around her. Natal turned onto her side and emptied her stomach, crying milky tears for those who had died for a cause that had already been lost from the beginning.

?If we find the Essence user, he will help us.?

?You believe so fiercely, Tusir.? Natal hissed between clenched teeth while she wiped her mouth with her sleeve. ?Blind faith will ultimately get you killed.?

?I hope ??

?There is no such thing as hope!? She snapped, her voice dripping with purest venom while she stared at him and shook her head, black feathery hair falling to her shoulders. At least, what was left of it.

?They will have died in vain if we give up now. The white armored men will not hunt us while they try and save their precious weapons.?

Natal nodded slowly, feeling lightheaded as the scene before her finally settled in.

Death. All around them.

?Let?s go.? Without so much as a backward glance, Natal got to her feet and began walking a straight line, ignoring the pain in her arms and legs, the st

 

a very beautiful story and glad to see the Jedi survive and being rescued.

Great response to the dare

 

What a beautiful story. Very descriptive. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

 

Gorgeous imagery, Ceillean. This is a very wonderful story. I love all of the descriptions of the places and people you created. For some reason, the opening sequence that describes Idria reminded me of Dune.

 

Your visit in the 'vaults' did you good, hon.



I am glad you found some time for witting. It is beautiful and intense. And it had a desert in it!

 

Well, thank you for writting!

 

I was really touched by this fic, Ceillean. Your depth of description of the opening scene as well as the intensity of your Jedi's failing hope was brilliantly displayed. You really set the scene and the mood with such richness that I was wrapt with attention as the two native freedom fighters raced to save the Jedi.

Very well done. I may return to write more, as I'm in a hurry, but is a special piece of writing.

 

A place of death and a place of hope at the same time... that touched me. The story flowed right to the end.


Well done, Ceillean.

 

This is beautiful, Ceillean!

I loved everything about it. The way you constructed it, from the Idrians to the Jedi and back, the way the desert played its part in it and the thoughts they all had, the Jedi, and Natal. And the descriptions are not only supurb, but they are also such an integral part of the story, wonderfully done!

And I'm glad the Jedi was rescued after all, making the desert more than a place of death

 

This is actually the first time I've received comments like this before. I'm utterly speechless.
So thank you so much for reading and I'm really happy that you liked it.

Thanks again.

 

But it was hard. With every step she took, she felt like a traitor to her people.

They had died.

She had lived.

The desert was a place of death.

Beautifully done!

 

Gorgeous fic! Your descriptions are so rich and vivid that the story and characters just come to life.

Perhaps the desert was not only a place of death.

Perhaps the desert was indeed a place of hope.

Beautifully put, and very true.

Fantastic job on this, Ceillean!

 

Very well done. What hasn't been said already?

The pacing was spot on with going back and fourth with Natal and the captured Jedi.

I loved the repetition of "The desert is a place of death" and that in each passage it took on different meanings, especially at the end. It was almost like an epic poem....but without the epic (if it wasn't for that 2500 word limit! ).

The description of the deaths in the beginning were very detailed. I compared it to the violence in the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan. Very PG13!

It seems from your own intro that you didn't take this on as a dare, but as a challenge. That makes this little project its own test subject; those who showed the most fear in taking their assigned stories called it a dare.

To paraphrase Yoda, no fear in you I sensed.

 

You had me spellbound through that whole piece. Great dare response. The world you created was great. I especially liked your use of repetition.

Seventy-eight days in which he had been certain his friends would find and rescue him, sixty-one days in which he had hoped that the search was still ongoing; forty-three days in which he had been tortured and asked questions he could not begin to answer. Twenty-eight days in which his hope had slowly dwindled. Ten days in which he knew his time was up.

There's something really beautiful in that paragraph.

Stunning work!

 

Oooh! I very much like the scenario you created for your OCs. I agree with the others about the flow and description of the story; you do it very well. My favorite part was in showing a Jedi as a victim, not a hero. Jedi are not all powerful and cannot always be the guardians. They're beings, incredibly gifted (or cursed) beings, but still have failings and grief like anyone else. It was nice to see the savior being the saved, and it was good to see that Natal wasn't willing to give up even when she most wanted to.

 

This was pretty amazing. Very poetic with the imagery and that repeated refrain that you tweaked the meaning of at the end. You have a great imagination, good job.