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A Planet Forgotten (JA, w/ Obi-torture)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Ty-gon Jinn, Apr 9, 2000.

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  1. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Okay, I tried this story before, but no-one was replying, so I'm trying it again.
    PLEASE post feedback, both positive or negative.
    And while I do have to build up the story first, rest assured that this will contain considerable Obi-torture.
    It was morning on Coruscant. Obi-wan Kenobi rolled in bed to look at the chronometer- 6:30.
    He was in his room at the Jedi Temple.
    There was a Jedi Council Meeting this morning, and he had to get up, his presence was requested. A small commlink beeped.
    He answered "Hello?"
    "Obi-wan, good to see you're up."
    That was his master, Qui-gon Jinn. "I'll meet you before the council in a few minutes, master."
    He then turned off the commlink, setting it on the bed.
    He stood up, and stretched, looking out the window. He moved over to the other side of his room. He changed pants, pulled on his boots, put on a shirt and robe, grabbed his lightsaber, and left the room.

    Kenobi was 17, and had been training with Qui-gon Jinn for five or six years now. He respected Jinn very much, though their relationship did have its trials. The largest of these happened on the planet Bandomeer- their first mission together, where Obi-wan was almost left to die, but Qui-gon came back for him. Obi-wan wore traditional brown Jedi robes, and kept his hair cut short in the style of a padawan, with a long braid in the back.
    Now, as he walked through the hall, he was greeted by another Jedi padawan, who was his same age, give or take a year. He was wearing the same style of clothing, his hair cut the same way.
    "Hello," the man said. "My name is Jo'nar Nebl. You're Obi-wan Kenobi, right? Master Jinn's padawan?"
    "Yes," Kenobi replied. "Nice to meet you, Jo'nar."
    "Likewise. I know Master Jinn very well. I was going to be his padawan, actually."
    "Really?" Obi-wan asked.
    "Well, I thought so, at least. When word reached me that you were dead on Bandomeer, I was next in line for apprenticeship."
    "You heard I was dead?"
    "Well," Nebl said, "I didn't have the most reliable sources."
    "Obviously. So, what are you doing now?"
    "I've been apprenticed mostly to Men'lar Dereis, and I monitor activity on other planets," Nebl answered.
    "Sounds interesting."
    "Not quite as interesting as you would think. You don't get to go anywhere. You just sit there watching the monitors."
    The two reached the turbolift elevator. There, they turned around, and waited as it started the long ascent to the Inner Sanctum.

    The journey to the top was a long one, but Kenobi enjoyed looking out at the landscape of Coruscant.
    From the view in the elevator, he could see most of the top layer of the city. There were few places that were not built on top of another building. The Temple was one of them, but it had to be entered at street level. From here, you could see the bustling skies, the spaceports, the city below. Kenobi enjoyed watching this.
    He turned around again, to see Nebl watching the levels as they neared the Inner Sanctum.
    "Almost to the top?"
    "Yeah," Nebl replied. "We're almost there."

    Qui-gon Jinn was sitting with the Council today for the meeting. He looked around to see the actual council members all watching him, waiting for Obi-wan. Mace Windu, Yoda, Eeth Koth, Adi Gallia, Depa Billiba, Yaddle, Ki-Adi Mundi, Oppo Rancisis, Saesee Tiin, Plo Koon, Even Piell, and Yarael Poof, along with the Jedi Knight Men'lar Deries, several other Jedi, and Chancellor Finis Valorum of the Galactic Senate, all
    watched and waited anxiously. Finally, the doors opened, and out walked Kenobi and Nebl.
    As Kenobi sat, Nebl began to pass out small pamphlets. "We have recently been informed of an interesting situation. It seems we have been receiving signals of cities and technology on the planet Eldorado."
    This sent a wave of shock rippling through the council.
    Dereis looked at Nebl. "Go on."
    "Eldorado-" Valorum mused, "Very interesting."
    "Eldorado?" Kenobi asked.
    "You have not heard the story?" Windu was surprised.
    "Tell you the story, I will," said Yoda.
    From there, Yoda launched into the story of Eldorado.
  2. Jedi Erica Amidala

    Jedi Erica Amidala Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 16, 1999
    Lets get tto that Obi torture!!!

    eldorado As in the disney movie, "The Road to El Dorado"?
  3. Nomi Jade

    Nomi Jade Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 2, 2000

    [This message has been edited by Nomi Jade (edited 04-09-2000).]
  4. Nomi Jade

    Nomi Jade Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 2, 2000
  5. Mekial

    Mekial Jedi Master star 1

    Dec 9, 1999
    Obi-torture? Yippie! Keep going! tongue.gif
  6. Kid Jedi

    Kid Jedi Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 2, 2000
    I was wondering what happened to this thread!I'm readin', I'm readin'....I think the Obi-torture will get everyones attention.
  7. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Jedi Erica Amidala-
    When I came up the name, I hadn't yet heard of The Road To El Dorado, it was more a literary allusion to Voltaire's Candide, but the Eldorado in that story is supposedly the same city as in the movie.
  8. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Yoda sat back and told the story of Eldorado.
    ?When a young padawan I was- around the age of 100, sent to visit Eldorado, I was, where a disturbance in the Force was detected around their Viceroy...

    Yoda crept to the back of the viceroy?s office, finding file after file on everything that was behind this disturbance. He opened one. It was all about how the Viceroy had himself assassinated the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Since then, he had been underhandedly been extorting money from other nearby planets.
    Each file confirmed it.
    ?Hold it right there!? Yoda stiffened- the voice had come from nowhere. Put your hands up and turn around!?
    Yoda did. He expected to see one of the Viceroy?s guards, but it was the Viceroy himself, blaster ready.
    ?Stand up!? Yoda did. ?I said stand up!?
    ?Standing I am,? Yoda protested.
    ?Okay, just put the file back.? As soon as the Jedi replaced the file, the Viceroy shot the stack. What wasn?t instantly vaporized went up in flames. The Viceroy then turned the gun on Yoda, and pulled the trigger.
    One quick jar with the Force, and the gun shook, the blaster bolt going in some other direction. A bright beam leapt from a tiny handle, and Yoda?s lightsaber struck the Viceroy down. He took the small camera off his robe- he had gotten a picture of every page of every file.

    A few days later, Yoda was called back to Eldorado. But he was only allowed to watch from a distance. A warship, bearing the insignia of a planet or organization the Republic didn?t recognize, had descended on the planet, and was destroying everything in sight. Beams of blaster bolts rained on the planet like hail, burning whatever was unfortunate enough to be hit. Smaller snub fighters, deployed from within the warships buzzed over the surface, shooting down anything standing. More warships had descended already, covering the planet?s surface. There was a bright flash of light, and the warships suddenly lifted, blasting into hyperspace.

    Yoda took a few steps on the planet?s surface. It was scarred, burnt, with nothing left but the metal remains of a few buildings. The now-black ground still smoldered. He immediately walked back to the ship. It was obviously the work of one of the planets that had been cheated by the Viceroy.

    For several days, they monitored Eldorado, watching for signs of life, or for the returning warships. But no signs ever came.
    They watched for nearly a month.
    Finally, an asteroid shower shorted out communications.

    ?Only recently have we replaced the communication satellite in that system.?
    Kenobi sat back in disbelief.
    ?And that satellite,? Nebl began again, ?has been sending us signals of cities, technology, and most importantly- life.?
    ?I would suggest that we send a team of Jedi to Eldorado, to see what these signals are,? Deries piped up. ?My padawan has suggested Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi.?
    ?It will be necessary,? Mace Windu replied, ?But not at this time. We will wait to monitor more signs from the planet.?
    Nebl packed up from his short presentation- knowing Yoda would have to tell the story pretty much ate up all his time, but didn?t leave him much to explain. He and Deries left.
    Yaddle and Even Piell went up to Yoda, and began talking, making plans.
    Kenobi interrupted. ?Master Yoda, how is it possible for life to exist on a planet like that? It sounded so horrible.?
    ?Padawan Kenobi,? Yoda said, ?Felt anything we have not. Perhaps a misread, it is. Do not worry. Fear is the path to the dark side.?
    ?I know, Master Yoda.?
    ?Like to join us for a bite to eat, would you??
    ?No thank you, Master Yoda. I?ll eat with Master Qui-gon today.?
    ?Obi-wan!? That was Qui-gon now. ?I?m surprised that Yoda never told you that story. How long did you train with him??
  9. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 11, 2000
    Interesting. Now get to that Obi-torture.
  10. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Don't worry, I will- just as soon as they get to Eldorado. And I'm going to torture more than Obi-wan, you should see what's in the rusty workings of my mind.
  11. Kelly Kenobi

    Kelly Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 23, 2000
    I anxiously await what evil you have in store for our favorite Jedi eek.gif eek.gif
  12. Mekial

    Mekial Jedi Master star 1

    Dec 9, 1999
    I worry what Ty-gon has in store for him.

    [This message has been edited by Mekial (edited 04-11-2000).]
  13. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Okay, I had a post, but my comp ate it! ARGH.
    I'll post soon.
  14. Laheara

    Laheara Jedi Youngling star 1

    Mar 13, 2000
    It ate it 10 days ago and still hasn't spit it back up?
    Or are you hiding on us?????
    I look forward to new posts if even get that spit back up.
  15. Katri Tai

    Katri Tai Jedi Youngling star 1

    Feb 26, 2000
  16. Short Round McFly

    Short Round McFly Jedi Youngling star 6

    Nov 13, 1999
    I'm thinking of using Too Legit to Quit in the credits of my upcoming CGI project. I was wondering what rap songs you would suggest go good with SW?
  17. Darth Milarc

    Darth Milarc Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 25, 2000
    Rap song with Star Wars? Definetly a no no!
  18. Shawn PTH

    Shawn PTH Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 22, 2000
    Well Techno and metal worked well with both the PTH trailers. I think rap could work, but it deppends on the song and how you use it. Its just a matter of matching lighting, visual mood, and sound together. sometimes it works, sometimes it clashes. Experiment.
  19. Qui-Gon Tim

    Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep star 5

    Apr 1, 2000
    A quick suggestion- leave rap in it's own little galaxy far...far..far....far...far...far...away. If you need music to match any SW-type pic, stick with the classics that inspired John Williams- namely Wagner, Beethoven, Mozart, etc. Trust me, rap really doesn't belong in SW.

    Please, Chewie, Don't Hurt 'Em
  20. Avene

    Avene Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 28, 2000
    Yeah, but what if it was one of Jabba's entertainers rapping in Huttese?

    Actually, nearly everyone I know in the hip hop community here is a big Star Wars fan. So it probably wouldn't be too out of place. And the PTH guys have shown us alternative music can work. Just as long as it's something decent. Although, Too Legit to Quit.... errr, isn't that MC Hammer? In which case it may not be too popular.

    As for going with the standard John Williams music.. well, yes, it's ok, but can be a bit boring when you hear it so many of the fan films.
  21. Avene

    Avene Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 28, 2000
    Oh, actually.. if you want a suggestion.. why not use some of Dj Shadow's music? He's a big Star Wars fan, and he has some orchestral sounding tracks, but with fat beats. Anything off his Entroducing album would work really well.

    Also, I record instrumental hip hop tracks myself aswell. I'd have no problems with anyone using them for their film. Anyone interested in hearing anything can contact me
  22. Motti

    Motti Jedi Youngling

    Mar 20, 1999
    Oh god no! Don't put a (c)rap "song" in a SW film! That would be like putting feces into a perfectly good apple pie. Leave rap and other no-talent forms of expression out of SW, they have no place there, they don't belong. I could understand using non-classical music, but please use music that took talent and intelect to create (clearly rap does not satisfy either of these stipulations). And don't bother responding and calling me a racist or some other BS, I'm against rap regardless of who makes it (it's especially silly when white people rap). I hate rap not because of who makes it, but because it sucks.
  23. I Will Make It Legal

    I Will Make It Legal Jedi Youngling star 4

    May 16, 2000
    Avene, DJ Shadow rocks my world. Beauty.
  24. Eminem

    Eminem Jedi Youngling star 1

    May 16, 2000
    You's be not talk abouts my music like that!
  25. BigChris

    BigChris Jedi Youngling star 2

    Mar 11, 2000
    Um, I think that a rap song, if use correctly could work out really well. Like in s action sequence or something. Sorry Motti, but rap/hip-hop is not crap. I believe it is some of the most creative music out there. If it wasn't, it would have died away, like the whole Seattle "grunge" thing. Anyway, I respect your opinion though.

    Big Chris
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