A Planet Forgotten (JA, w/ Obi-torture)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Ty-gon Jinn, Apr 9, 2000.

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  1. Daniel Nittel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2000
  2. Avene Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 28, 2000
    star 4
    Hi again. Apologies for bringing this thread up again, but I hadn't read it since my last post. I honestly can't believe it's taken me the best part of an hour to read all this.

    Although Nathan's comments all made perfect sense and were well written, I believe that Motti has some serious psychological problems. I truly find it hard to comprehend how someone can despise an artform in such a way.

    If you're reading this Motti, then I suggest you seek professional help. It's clearly obvious that your hatred (a dark side trait) towards rap is causing you distress. A popular term I would use here is "Get over it".

    Now, here's where you're wrong. It does take talent to rhyme over a beat. There are so many factors to take into consideration when rhyming, such as flow, delivery, timing, punctuality, lyrics, and a lot more. MC'ing (The correct term for rapping) is also a competitive artform. MC's will compete against each other at Freestyling. This is where they must rhyme live 'off the top of the head', whilst still keeping their rhymes in time, aswell as making sure it all makes sense. It's not easy, believe me. I run a hip hop recording studio and have worked with many MC's over the years. Of course, some kids just can't grasp it, but those who can are all quite talented and put in a lot of hard work and practice.

    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If you're lucky you might get some idiot scratching a record on a turntable.

    Now, I don't know if I should take this as a personal insult, as I scratch records myself? What you were referring to here is the art of Turntablism where the turntable is used as a percussive instrument. Trust me, it takes a hell of a lot of hard work to perfect. To be any good at it, you need to practice on a regular basis just like any other music instrument. One difference being, turntables can be used for a range of different musical parts including drums, bass, horns and so forth. I suggest you visit a turntablist site such as http://www.skratchpiklz.com http://www.skratchpiklz.com where they have some videos you can view.

    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Precious few rap "songs" have any instruments in them other than drum machines and a vocalist (and 50% of that equation is a machine, NOT programmed by the rap artist). If you're lucky you might get some idiot scratching a record on a turntable. Of the few rap "songs" that do feature other instruments they either have to bring in outside instrumentalists, or simply rip off the music from an existing rock song. 3 examples off the top of my head: M.C. Hammer "Can't Touch This," Vanilla Ice "Ice, Ice, Baby," and 2 Live Crew "**** Shop."


    I'd have to agree with the "ignorant" statement Nathan made about you here. If you really knew anything about hip hop, you would not have used Vanilla Ice, Hammer and the 2 live crew as examples of artists who sample other peoples music. No matter what people think of sampling, it's not that easy. Just say you take a bass part off one record which is in the key of Em9 at a tempo of 87bpm. Then you take a horn part from somewhere else which is in the key of Am7 at 95bpm, and you want it to play in sync and in key with the bass. To make these parts work together requires a lot of talent and hard work. Although this is what hip hop artists and producers do all the time.

    Now, in regards to your drum machine comment. In my case, I use my drum machine for nearly everything. This would include bass, strings, guitar, electric piano chords, melodies etc. It still takes a lot of work, and all the different parts still need to be in key with one another. Most hip hop producers these days work in a similar fashion. The instrument sounds aren't usually other peoples music either, but rather individual notes.

    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>And, now after you?ve already proved you have no taste or tact, you prove you are a complete idiot by suggesting that any rap could even near the quality or cr
  3. Xecuter666 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2000
    star 1
    uh, maybe you could (if space permits), post a couple of versions, one with oldschool music and another with the rap stuff...
    we plan on posting 3 versions, 2 style changes and 1 for extra-high quality...
  4. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    I'm so sorry this story dropped out of sight for a while. I re-wrote that post- and my computer's hard drive crashed! mad.gif I'll try to start it up again.
  5. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    I'm back!
    -----
    Obi-wan came up in the hall, and knocked on the door. He heard a voice inside the Jedi Temple room say "It's open, come in!"
    The door slid open on command with a mechanical whoosh, and Obi-wan stepped inside the room to find Jo'nar Nebl on a viewscreen, monitoring a planet.
    "You ready to go?" Kenobi asked.
    "Sure, just let me finish what I'm doing here."
    Kenobi sat down on the bed.
    Nebl pressed a few buttons, then stood up. "I'm going to go change, I'll be back in a second." Then he grabbed something out of the drawer and went into the bathroom.
    Nebl had offered to go swimming with Obi-wan as both their masters were in conferences with Council members that day. He had even checked to make sure that the Jedi Temple pool would be open for them.
    Kenobi, dressed in his swim trunks and holding a sabacc deck for something to do later, got up and moved to Nebl's chair, and looked at the planet.
    It was unlike anyplace he had ever seen before. It's appearence was green, but it was mostly blue and purple in tiny crisscrossing lines. The planet had a beautiful red clear sky, and would obviously be a nice place to live.
    It was the seventh planet in its system. The planet was divided by large channels of water into its four hemispheres.
    "You looking at that planet?" came Nebl's voice from the bathroom.
    "Yes," Kenobi replied. "I've never seen anything like it."
    "Care to guess which planet that is?"
    "I wouldn't have enough of a clue to venture a guess."
    "That's Eldorado."
    Kenobi sat in stunned silence for a minute, then spoke again. "No way."
    "Would I lie? It's really Eldorado."
    Nebl came back out, now also dresses in swim trunks and carrying towels, when the computer began beeping.
    "I didn't touch anything!" Kenobi said, jumping out of the chair and backing away from the computer.
    "I know you didn't," Nebl said. "We just got a probe into the atmosphere. Let me check the readings."
    A chart came up, showing massive signs of life, and lots of cities and technology.
    "Can that be the planet Master Yoda was talking about?" Kenobi asked.
    "Just forget about it for a second, let's go swimming."
    "Yeah, you're right."
    They stood up, grabbed their towels, and went out of the room.

    When they reached the Jedi Temple Gardens, they came into the pool area, laid down their towels, and jumped in.
    They had a private pool, leaving them to do what ever they wanted.
    They were in the middle of a volleyball game when they heard a voice yell "Out of the way you should get! Cannonball I am doing!"
    Obi-wan barely had time to turn around before something hit him in the face.

    When he woke up, he was on a healer's table, wrapped in a spare robe. One of his eyes had swollen shut, and the other was still seeing stars.
    He heard Nebl's voice- "He's waking up!"
    Finally he began to see again. Nebl was standing over him, still dressed in his swimsuit, wrapped in a towel, his hair still dripping. Obi-wan turned to see Yoda, dressed in brightly striped red swim trunks, not wet, with a large bruise on his foot where he collided with the Padawan.
    "Get out of the way in time, you did not," the Master said. Then he added, "Sorry I am."
    "That's okay, Master Yoda," Kenobi replied, sitting up. "I thought you were in meetings all day?"
    "With Bant, my meeting was. Got done early we did."
    A thought hit Obi-wan. "While we have you, Master Yoda, you might want to look at something Jo'nar found on his computer- there's definately life on Eldorado."
    The look on Yoda's face showed what a surprise that was. Then he shook his head. "A misread it must be."

    That night, the Council had called a meeting for all the attendees of the previous night's meeting.
    Kenobi, now dressed in normal pants, a shirt, and his own robe, sat by Qui-gon.
    Yoda hobbled in on his Gimer stick, now dressed in his normal robe, and sat down. "A misread it is not," he said. "Eldorado it is."
    "A team must be sent," Mace Windu said in response.
    Deries replied "My padawan has recommended Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi."
    "Will you go, Master Jinn?" Ki-Adi Mundi asked.
    "Of course we will," Jinn said. "Come
  6. Kid Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2000
    star 1
    WOO HOO !!! Welcome back...on with the Obi torture....
  7. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Well, this is getting suspenseful. What's with this Eldorado, and how will Obi-Wan get tortured? As if Yoda falling on him wasn't enough? Looking forward to more!
  8. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    *runs around and screams like a mad Sith*

    YAHOO!!! He's back!

  9. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    I'm so sorry I was gone so long.
    Now for more good news- I can't write my next post for a while- I have finals this week.
    But I'll get it done ASAP.
  10. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Well, I can do one more before finals...
    -----
    The ship touched down on Eldorado.
    It had been hard to find a landing platform- the ship obviously didn't have many dealings with off-world.
    Qui-gon and Obi-wan stepped off the cruiser.
    "Thank you," Jinn yelled to the pilot.
    Now the green hue with criss-crossing lines made sense to Obi-wan.
    The planet was of a forest, but much of it had been cut down for progress. Marble streets were incredibly regualar and square, and in the middle of every block, it intersected a canal from a system of the same regularity. Glistening purple glass skyscrapers lined the streets, but they left hollow spaces in the middle of the block wider than the canals. Along the canals in the center of the block, the planet's original flora was still allowed to grow.
    The sky was a beautiful red with orange clouds, just as observed on the probe.
    The plants were of all different colors, though the grass, the vines, and the moss were still green, giving the planet its look. Trees with brown trunks bore pink leaves and bright yellow fruit, while the bushes were blue with silver veins. Ferns were amazingly pearlescent, and the ground itself shimmered gold.
    Public transportation was obviously conducted on the jet black repulsorlift monorail track that floated over the planet and coupled to some buildings.
    As they entered the street, they saw a map of the planet near a crosswalk. It was indeed divided into hemispheres according to the line of business done there. The northwest was commercial, the northeast was agricultural, the southeast was industrial, and the southwest was military. All had homes in the large buildings, also used for the business.
    "We should meet with the local people," Jinn reminded Obi-wan. "I'll go this way, you go that way."
    "When shall we meet?" Kenobi asked.
    "Let's meet back here in two hours."

    Kenobi still hadn't found anyone- they were all still probably working.
    He entered a building. He found a map, which showed there was a resteraunt on top. //That's probably a good place to find someone.//

    As he reached the top, he found a bartender, and a woman.
    He sat down at the bar, and the woman sat next to him. He looked over to start a conversation, and at once noticed how beautiful she was.
    She was tall, with silky, sandy hair that draped over her shoulders. She had a wonderfully cute face, with the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen. She was probably pale in the winter, but here in the summer on Eldorado, she had a golden tan. Her figure was to die for, and she showed it off in her tight dress.
    Kenobi tried to say something, but the words didn't come out.
    "I haven't seen you before," the girl said. "Are you from one of the other cities?"
    "Yes, I am," he replied. "My name is Obi-wan Kenobi."
    "Pleased to meet you, Obi-wan Kenobi," she said. "My name is Jaina."
    Obi-wan signaled the bartender. "Can I buy something for the lady?"
    The bartender came over. "What would you like to buy her?"
    "I'll have a ruby bliel, please," she said.
    "Make that two," Obi-wan added.
    Obi-wan reached into his pocket and pulled out some money to pay.
    "Sorry," said the bartender, "We don't accept Republic credits here."
    "Oh, okay," Obi-wan replied. "I have something else in here."
    "Don't worry," Jaina said, and paid.
    "Thanks," Obi-wan said, placing the daktari back in his pocket.
    When he did, Jaina caught a glimpse of his lightsaber.
    "What that?" she yelled, pointing. The bartender looked away, and she threw an elbow into Obi-wan's eye.
    He could feel the swelling coming back. When he opened his good eye, Jaina was gone. "Why the heck would she do that?" he wondered aloud. The bartender was equally dumbfounded.
    Obi-wan turned around to watch the sunset.
    When he settled down on the railing, he suddenly heard someone running behind him. Then he felt Jaina's hands slam into him, push him over the railing, and throw him off the roof.
    -----
    A preview for next time:
    Normally, the train ran on repulsorlifts even above the track, but only by as much space as Obi-wan's fingers occupied. Now, under the weight of the monorail c
  11. ObWanKenobeee Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 22, 2000
    star 1
    I just figured out you were back now. Post soon.
  12. Kid Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2000
    star 1
    OH, that hurts !!! Poor Obi....post soon !!
  13. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Obi-wan had easily fallen several meters already, but he could still see the satisfied smile on Jaina's face.
    He squirmed in the air, and looked down. The marble streets were now covered in people. Nothing would obsure his fall until he hit the street, unless he might possibly hit the monorail track...
    WHAM! His entire left side slammed into the track. He caught the side of the track with his hand, and pulled himself up. He looked down the track in both directions, but couldn't find a place where the track coupled to a building. He walked down the track a bit, but still didn't see anything. He slid back down the side of the track to try and find a support he could climb down. But it became painfully obvious that the track was on repulsor lift for its entire length.
    Kenobi began climbing back up. He saw a light, and hesitated. He heard a thundering noise. Suddenly, he found a train bearing down on his hands.
    Normally, the train ran on repulsorlifts even above the track, but only by as much space as Obi-wan's fingers occupied. Now, under the weight of the monorail cars, he could hear the sickening pop-snap-crunch of each induvidual finger breaking.
    Another light appeared in the distance. A second train was coming. Kenobi wouldn't have a long chance to free himself from the track, but it would be a chance, so he shut out the pain and concentrated on the Force.
    The train finally passed by, and Kenobi used the Force to propel himself off of the track, and away from the road. He passed through a place where a canal intersected a street, still above the trees, hoping the foliage would slow him down.
    SLAP! He caught a branch to the face.
    WHACK! His arm slammed against a trunk.
    THUD! He caught a limb where his legs came together.
    When he pulled himself off, he was only a meter or two from the ground. He splashed down into the canal.
    He pulled himself onto the golden dirt, and collapsed from exhuastion.

    When he woke up, he was on a boat. His eye had swollen shut again where Jaina had hit it- his head hurt too much to try to open the other. He could feel the rocking of the waves.
    A voice spoke. "This is the man you saw, Jaina?"
    A second voice spoke. "Bryc will pay us handsomely for this."
    A third piped up. "He's definately alive, though. His clothes are sticking to him. He pulled himself up out of the water."
    Obi-wan cracked his eye. There were four men around him. They were dressed as the men Obi-wan had seen on the street. They wore pants, but no shirt, and curious tatoo markings adorned their arms. Each had a golden tan. Jaina was behind them, dressed like the women- in a short skirt, and a rough-hewn top that barely covered her chest. The whole scene looked like a page out of a "Galactic Geographic" magazine issue.
    "He's waking up," Jaina said, noticing the open eye. And with that, she pushed his head down, and hit the back of it with a board. Obi-wan passed out again.

    The men dragged him to a building in the center of town, where they found a turbolift.
    When they tossed Kenobi in, finally waking up again, they hacked into the controls, and went down, below street level.
    A man greeted them there. He was burly, with the same tan, dressed in pants and an open shirt. He must have been this "Bryc." His captors saluted.
    A thousand questions raced through Obi-wan's mind. Why did Jaina try to kill him? Where was he? Why had he been abducted? How was life on Eldorado at all?
    Bryc answered him simply. "Maybe I should tell you the story of Eldorado."
    "I've heard the story."
    "From another Jedi perhaps? Then you obviously didn't hear the whole story."
    And Bryc launched into his version of the story of Eldorado.

    [This message has been edited by Ty-gon Jinn (edited 06-11-2000).]
  14. Kid Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2000
    star 1
    WOO HOO !!! A post !!!
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