A query for the ladies

I totally agree, Just A Slacker. And, even though I am a guy, Id love to have children someday.



Then I could mold them in my own image. Excellent....

 

I sometimes think about having kids, but especially after surviving the failure of my marriage, I'm very reluctant. I shudder to think how it would have been if we'd had children. However, for the following reasons, I still entertain the notion:

1. I've long since outgrown any delusions of immortality. I worry that when I'm old, I won't have anyone to take care of me. When I visit my grandmothers at the nursing home, I wonder about those who don't have any family and never receive visitors. That would be a hard, lonely way to spend your last few years.



2. I know my parents want grandchildren. My mother tries to laugh it off, and makes jokes about "grandpets", but I know that she not only wants them, she wants them desperately. Thus far, neither my sister nor I have shown any interest in reproducing, and I think it's weighing down on her.

I don't think I'd make a very good father, but I doubt I'd ever be fooder for Jerry Springer, either.

 

i've always wanted to have children, but at what point in my life i'd want them, i have no idea.

 

Children with devorced parents make out alright, trust me on that. I know from personal experience.

 

if i get to a point where i'm older and haven't married, i might consider adopting older children. don't really know though, it would depend on how financially stable i am and such.

 

I am just wondering something. All those people that say that they are never having kids: Where would you be if your parents thought that.

 

A paradox. If I didn't exist, why would I care?

 

Whats the big deal? Some people just dont want kids. Its not a life requirement. I dont think I will, I doubt I'll even marry. Settling down isnt for me. I wish to be be a maker of films, and this will make me busy. And when I am not doing that, I wish to travel about. I'll have to time to get married and such forth.

 

Adoption is the way to go... I'm not going through all that painful crap. Besides, those kids at adoption agencies are already here and they need parents.

 

I'd love to have kids, with the right guy someday after we've been married for a couple years or so...

 

no thanks
my sisters have kids and they drive me nuts, I am just not good with them
I have tried (trust me have i tried) to take care of them when my sisters needed me but they don't even ask anymore.

 

I definitely want to have kids when I'm old enough. I love them. My neighbors have 3 kids (between the ages of 5 and 10) and I've known the youngest since he was a week old. I love them as if they were my own brother and sisters, and after babysitting them and being around them for almost 6 years, I can't imagine being an adult and not having kids.

 

The decision to have or to not have kids is very personal. And not wanting kids is not a crime, better to know that you don't want kids than be one of those people who keeps on having children even thought they are unwanted or treated badly. There is no law saying you must reproduce.

 

I very much want to have children. One day. NOT today. Or even the day after that. Or the day after that....

Twenty five sounds like a reasonable age to start thinking about that. And that's only if I'm married. I AM NOT raising a child alone.

I mean, I do believe kids from single parent families turn out fine. I know. I am one. My parents divorced when I was really young. My dad still supports me and loves me and everything but I live with my mom.

It's not the children I would be worried about, though. Kids are great adapters. It would me! I spend two minutes with my three year old brother (who I love to pieces) and I realize that I don't even have the energy for children NOW! At least not 24/7. I can't imagine being able to care for any child, no matter how much I loved them, without the help of someone else who I trusted and loved. So, that means, either I enlist my sister for slave labor OR I actually manage to make my future marrige work. I hope for the latter. Much as I love my sister.

So, basically, as terrified as I am of childbirth as I am I'd do it if I was in a stable marriage.

 

I really don't think it's a crime to not want to have kids. Like I said earlier, it's better to know you don't want them, or that they won't fit, and not have them, then to have them and neglect them or resent them because your life will have chnaged so drastically.

What bugs me though is those parents that treat their children as just another status symbol thing. The house, the SUVs, the kids, the cell phone.

It may sound old fashioned, but I think if I was with someone that had my children (and I am talking about a wife and not my baby's momma. There is a distinction), that I would want her or me to stay at home until the kids are old enough for school. Why even have them if the only time you see them are in the morning to drop them off at day care and in the evenings to pick them up?

Sure it's harder financially, but isn't spending those formative years with a parent more important? My mom stayed home until all of us were in school and then went back to work and she said she would rather have been a moomy that a nurse any day of the week. It was just more rewarding to her.

[Edit: Spelling]

 

I think having kids is not for everyone. I see people who have kids because that's what you do or because of the status is gives them or even just because it happened. Being a parent is an awesome responsibility. If you have kids they should be extremely important to you and you should be dedicated to raising them and raising them well.

I love kids. I do a lot of babysitting and childcare and I know what a responsibility it can be to have kids. There have been many times when I've come home tired and glad that I could now relax. When you're a parent you're on the job 24/7.

There is no way I'm even near ready to have kids now, but maybe in quite a number of years when I'm married. They are very interesting creatures indeed.

 

I'm definitely not old-fashioned. It's a terrible hang-up, but without the faintest shadow of a doubt, this I know: if my wife told me she wanted to stay at home with the kids, I'd lose respect for her. It wouldn't be right, but that's how it would be. In every relationship I've been in, as soon as it started getting serious, I made this confession: "If you would like to be a homemaker, find someone else. I won't be supportive." And yes, it was a show stopper more than once.

 

Wow, Zanzibar, that's interesting. I've never heard that one before. Why do you feel that way? (Just curiousity. )

 

You haven't heard it, but it's not an uncommon sentiment. Most won't readily admit to it, but in unguarded moments, I've heard similar opinions from many people, both men and women. I'm of the opinion that self-deception is by far the repellent, though. In any case, the reason is simple, and quite ignoble: jealousy. I wouldn't have that option to stay at home with my children. Oh, you hear all about stay at home dads, but they're rare, and they have to contend with a great deal of stigma. Even more importantly, however, I would be jealous -- intensely so -- of the bond my wife would be able to forge with our children by being with them and taking care of them all the time. It would quickly destroy the marriage.

 

So you would rather send your young children, not even school age, to day care rather than allow their mother to actually shape them until they are old enough to go to school because you are afraid they will get closer to her than you?

That seem awful selfish to me.

I would rather my children be raised by one of the parents until they are old enough to go to school than to just pack them off to daycare. And for some women (and men) being a full time mommy (or daddy) is far more rewarding than any career can be.

I'm not advocating chaining a wife to a stove and using her as a baby factory, but I don't see where having your children and then raising them yourself is such a burden. My mom did that and once we were all in school she resumed her career. She decided to put her children first. I admire that in her.

I guess I just don't see parenting as something that is only done around work schedules, especially for very young children.

 

So you'd rather have one of you work to pay for childcare, school, cleaning services, and all those other expenses that come about when both partners work than have one stay at home? Hmm.... Interesting.

I think people should choose what is best for them and their children and put those interests above anything like who works where and when. It sounds like a bit of insecurity when you feel threatened by either your wife's bond with your children or the stigma that comes with being a stay-at-home father. I can see why you say that though, but I wouldn't immeadiately assume the stay-at-home parent has a closer relationship to the children.

Interesting, very interesting. I do think a lot of people (both male and female) would agree with you. I personally would find the solution that works best for my children, my husband, and me.

 

eventually yes. they are alot of pain and suffering, but it's suppoesed to be so rewarding in the end. not to sound all corny, but its like creating a life, and thats awsome as long as you care for it.

 

I want to have kids someday. Knowing my luck though I'd end up with multiple births in a row. But I think I was a cute baby and why on earth would I want to deny the world another cute kid?

 

Yes, I am aware of all the psychological implications. I've heard it all argued passionately. I even agree I'm probably in the wrong. Has it changed the way I feel? Nope.

 

Zanzibar -- I hope you realize that a big reason why men work and women stay at home is because men make more money than women. It's not right, mind you, but that's the reality in today's working world. If you had to live on one income, you'd chose the biggest, right? I know I would.

Now, I'm not married, but I just moved in with my boyfriend, so I'm starting to get a better picture of how things work in a partnership. He's unemployed right now, so I'm the major breadwinner. But it won't always be that way.

Some women work so their husbands can go to law school or medical school -- then they switch places when he gets the high-paying job and she stays at home with the kids. That's purely a financial thing and it makes sense. I'm more of a practical person, so scenarios like this make sense to me.

But honestly -- I'm not sure I want kids. I'm almost too old now, and I don't like the idea of being a new mom at 40! Sometime very soon, my boyfriend and I will have to have "The Talk" about kids!