Saga A Rose In The Ashes -- OC -- Viggi

Title: A Rose In The Ashes
Genre: Drama
Timeframe: n/a
Characters: OC's
Notes: Written for the Writer with the Force Challenge a while ago.
And my first time posting in "The Saga"

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Smoke rose to the heavens above, twirling in breathtaking patterns as a cold breeze blew it askew. Amid crimson blaster fire and anguished screams dust particles swirled into the air, merging with the putrid smells of burnt flesh. The wind carried along screams and shouts of aliens, humans as they were brutally herded into waiting vehicles like wild animals. The once beautiful, lush landscape with its tall trees and flourishing farms was no more, replaced by blackened craters and slowly decaying corpses that would soon burn, similar to the buildings that were now leveled to the ground.

Imperial Commander Talon Clay stood straight, shoulders strained beneath his perfect grey uniform as he gazed across the chaos and disorderly mess.
He watched with deeply anchored misgivings as the inhabitants were driven from their homes, parted from their loved ones and left to grieve for their dead. And still the people of this world stood with pride. But as he gazed into their eyes as they were cuffed and transported to the vehicles behind him, he realized that the Empire had only won a small victory here. These people could be easily overrun but never would they be easily broken.

?How much longer?? Clay asked as he gave the Trooper standing next to him a side long glance. The Empire?s foot soldiers, the Empire?s trusted symbol for the public eye ? and Clay had always had trouble trusting them. Not being able to see a person?s face while in conversation felt more than just a little odd. Within the eyes Clay could always detect either lie or truth but with the Stormtroopers his talent was wasted.

The metallic and muffled reply sent cold shivers down Clay?s spine but due to his arduous and tedious training no one had the chance to notice, ?The city is almost clean, Sir. Citizens have been catalogued and the ships will be headed to the Mid Rim within the hour.?

Clay nodded curtly, ?And we?ll be off to the next city to wreck even more havoc.? The white helmet with inset black eyes turned his way and Clay was certain the man beneath the mask was giving him a curious look. But the Imperial Commander didn?t much care. He?d seen and heard too much to care.

Clay shifted his attention back to the inhabitants and he couldn?t help but compare the current scene to cattle. Sentient beings treated with no more respect than a Bantha. It was a degrading scene, a scene Clay would have chosen to change if he had been given the chance. But the Empire was all he had left; his rank, his honor bound allegiance to the Emperor ? there was nothing else for him to live for. Not since his family had died.

Thoughts of his wife, of his beautiful little daughter crossed his mind and he let a small, yet sad smile play across his face. He couldn?t put into words how much he missed them.

Commander Clay walked with military regal, hands behind his back as he surveyed humans as well as aliens. And then his breath caught in his throat as he watched a little girl standing amidst destruction, amidst death. She was wearing a red dress, made of a thick material to ward off the cold, her curly brown hair billowing around her head as it danced with the wind. It was a strange scene, Clay thought.

Black smoke filled the sky, fires flickered orange as the flames rose higher, darkened scorches of blaster fire scarred the earth ? and here stood this precious little being among all this devastation. And she was smiling.

Blue eyes twinkled as she suddenly ran towards him, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was in mortal danger. It was not wise to run towards an Imperial Commander when surrounded by armed men. From the corner of his eye, Clay saw one of the Troopers go for his blaster rifle but he held up a black gloved hand, gesturing for him to stand down.
The gi

 

Nice

 

lovely! It's wonderful to see an OC instead of the usual drivel, and so beautifully rendered!

 

Absolutely lovely!

 

I particularly love the juxtaposition of the beautiful imagery "Smoke rose to the heavens above, twirling in breathtaking patterns" with all the horrific desolation in the first paragraph. While making the scene more powerful, it also works for me as foreshadowing, suggesting that despite all the horror something nice is going to happen. I also like the contrast between the general's impeccable, orderly appearance with the chaos he is creating.

Interesting name choice for the commander, where "Talon" obviously suggests the brutal, predatory nature of his job, but "Clay" suggesting that he has been moulded this way by circumstances, the military system of the Empire, and all sorts of things beyond his control. Like he has become an object, not really human.

If you're planning to write more with that character, please PM me! It would be interesting to see what he does after years as an Imperial commander and growing a conscience. Other characters seem to get somewhat of an easier way out, such as Mara Jade, who at least can take solace in the fact that she was brainwashed by Palpatine and those weren't really her choices. It would be interesting to see whether or not he is truly able to redeem himself and if so, how.

Nicely done!

 

Ouch !!

I do believe that a certain officer will never forget that moment.

 

Yeah, I completely forgot to comment on the comments!

 

Absolutely stunning! You made your OC's three dimensional, very real. Superb!

 

Agreed! It's a stupendous story indeed! Great job!