Saga A Rude Awakening/How the Jedi Lost his Tunic (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan-Very AU/humor)

Title: A Rude Awakening/How the Jedi Lost his Tunic
Author: Kestrel_Kenobi
Timeframe: Sometime between RoTS and ANH.
Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Summary: A bizarre AU bit of silliness written for the Qui-Gon picture challenge (and specifically the ?Qui needs a tunic? pic), which spawned into something bigger.
Yes, another of my challenge entries which has taken on a life of its own!


Part I: A Rude Awakening

?Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan,? a voice rang in the old Jedi?s ears. ?Wake up!?

Obi-Wan slowly sat up, he didn?t sleep well these days and knew that it had not been long since he?d drifted off. His lodgings on Tatooine were not the most comfortable and his memories often kept him awake.

He looked up to see the blue figure of Qui-Gon before him, looking most excited.

?Oh, it?s you,? Obi-Wan said wearily. ?Really, you could have waited until morning.?

Obi-Wan had been elated to learn that he could communicate with Qui-Gon when he was first exiled to this planet and had spent his first lonely months on Tatooine mastering the ability. However, his ex-Master was becoming more and more eccentric, especially since he had learnt that as a spirit he could travel to other dimensions. At first Obi-Wan had been enthusiastic, but as the years went by he was sure Qui-Gon was on a mission to drive him insane.

?Obi-Wan, I have great news.? Qui-Gon?s spirits were not dampened by his old Padawan?s lack of interest. Indeed he appeared not to notice that Obi-Wan was scowling up at him in the semi-darkness.

Obi-Wan snorted.

The last time Qui-Gon had brought ?great news? it was because he had discovered a game know as ?I-Spy? on a distant planet and insisted on playing it for hours on end. Obi-Wan recalled something beginning with S being a popular choice?

?Padawan, look,? he thrust an object similar to a datapad into Obi-Wan?s arms.

?Please stop calling me Padawan. I?ve been a Master for years?And it?s Ben, remember??

Obi-Wan had been through this conversation several times with Qui-Gon, but his Master never seemed to remember. Perhaps, Obi-Wan thought, being a Force ghost sent you a little?senile?

As usual Qui-Gon ignored him.

?Well, read it then.?

Resigning himself to the fact that Qui-Gon was not going to leave until he did as he was told Obi-Wan did just that.

And as he did so his eyes widened in disbelief.

?Where did you get this??

?Um, I acquired it,? Qui-Gon replied looking slightly shifty. ?From a planet know as Earth?strange little place. Um, oh yes, it was the will of the Force so to speak.?

He grinned at Obi-Wan looking very pleased with this explanation.

?What race are these?? Obi-Wan paused. ?Fan-Ficcers??

?Oh, they?re humans,? replied Qui-Gon. ?They?re just like us.?

?Just like you perhaps?, muttered Obi-Wan. ?But how do they know about us?I mean?? He trailed off.

?I have no idea Obi-Wan?I mean Ben.? Qui-Gon hastily corrected himself. ?But we appear to be heroes. I?ve managed to save my favorite tales for you to browse. Most, I?ll admit, starring none other than me. I particularly like the ones where I defeat Darth Maul.? He smiled to himself. ?I also appear to rescue you a great deal of times. For some reason they seem to have the impression that you?re always getting into trouble.?

?What!? Obi-Wan spluttered. ?Why, the amount of times I saved your neck?They?ve obviously got all their facts wrong.?

?Calm down Padawan...Oh, yes and just look at this!?

Qui-Gon clicked a button and instantly a less than modest picture of the Jedi appeared on the screen?

It was more than Obi-Wan could take; he thrust the machine back at Qui-Gon.

?That?s it, go, now and take your?your?? For once words failed Obi-Wan. ?Just go and I can go back to sleep and pretend it was all some weird dream, yes, that?s what I?ll do.?

He pulled his blanket over his head while Qui-Gon looked on in amusement.

?You know Obi-Wan you never were that open minded. And jealousy is not very becoming of a Jedi.?

There was a lou

 

Summary: A sequel (of sorts) while I?m feeling inspired! Thanks to Nienna and also Leona who brought my attention to the bunny that I almost missed!
My apologies to Anakin fans. And George Lucas to whom this all belongs!


Part II: How the Jedi Lost his Tunic

Obi-Wan was busy making himself breakfast as the early morning suns rose into the sky over Tatooine. He was humming to himself softly when someone suddenly materialized in front of him, making him jump a foot in the air.

?Qui-Gon!?

?You?re a bit jumpy this morning, old Padawan of mine.? Qui-Gon?s cheerful face peered into Obi-Wan?s own. ?You look dreadful. Aren?t you sleeping well??

Obi-Wan bit down on his lip, suppressing a sigh.

?Actually, I haven?t slept well for years,? Obi-Wan countered. ?Now you mention it however, I have been haunted by, how can I put it?disturbing images of late.?

?Well, I have just the thing to cheer you up!? He remarked, waving something in Obi-Wan?s face.

?It?s Ben,? Obi-Wan softly growled setting his food on the table and sitting down. He looked at the object Qui-Gon was energetically waving around.

?Oh please, not that again!? Obi-Wan had been trying to convince himself that Qui-Gon?s visit a few nights ago was merely a dream, all be it a very bad one.

?Ah, but I found the answer.?

?The answer??

?Yes, have you forgotten already Obi-W?ah, Ben?? The old Jedi shook his head. ?Focus, my young friend?I found out how I lost my tunic.?

?Really.? Obi-Wan pushed his breakfast away having suddenly lost his appetite. ?And so you thought you?d share that discovery with me??

?Precisely!? Qui-Gon beamed with enthusiasm as he opened the machine in front of him.

?And I don?t suppose it will make any difference if I say I really don?t want to know?? Obi-Wan replied hopefully.

Qui-Gon appeared oblivious to Obi-Wan?s request.

?Well, then let?s get started,? he replied. ?I found a piece called ?Qui-Gon loses his tunic? by a?? Qui-Gon peered at the screen. ?Obi&Qui-R-Hot.? He glanced in Obi-Wan?s direction.

Obi-Wan snorted.

?You?re telling me that?s one of those Fan-Fiddlers...?

?Ficcers,? Qui-Gon interrupted.

?Ok, Fan-Ficcers names?? Obi-Wan moved to his Master?s side and glanced at the screen.

?Well, it appears to be so, although technically it should be Qui&Obi?I wonder why we are hot though.?

Obi-Wan snorted and Qui-Gon jumped.

?I wish you?d stop doing that Padawan.? Qui-Gon said crossly. ?Anyway, are you going to let me tell you the story or not.?

?And then you?ll leave?? Obi-Wan asked hopefully, moving back to the other side of the table.

?Yes.?

?Fine.?

?Right then, I?ll begin.? Qui-Gon cleared his throat. ?A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away??

?Oh, please.? Obi-Wan mumbled. ?How original.?

Qui-Gon glared at him.

?Sorry. Do continue.?

?A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there were two Jedi: the talented, toned and remarkably wise Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his so-so Padawan learner, Obi-Wan.?

Obi-Wan jumped to his feet.

?It does not say that!?

?Yes, it does.?

?Let me see.?

?No.?

?Yes.?

?No.?

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

?Really, you?re impossible.? He calmed himself and sat down. ?Get it over with then.?

?Well, I would if you?d stop interrupting me.? Qui-Gon scanned the screen. ?As I was saying, there were two Jedi. The talen??

Obi-Wan cleared his throat.

?Right,? Qui-Gon agreed. ?Moving on?oh, it?s about our mission to Naboo?and our landing on Tatooine?and my finding Anakin.?

?Obi-Wan repressed a snort.

?I think I know this story,? he rolled his eyes. ?From what I remember it doesn?t have a happy ending.?

?Mmmm.? Qui-Gon carried on reading. ?Oh dear, well, I must say that?s er, unexpected?it appears that Anakin gets caught in crossfire on our second visit to Naboo; he is never trained.?

He looked up at Obi-Wan.

?Really?? Obi-Wan?s eyes lit up. ?Well, I must say this story is improving. What happ

 

I lost. A lot.

Heh heh heh. Always knew that Obi was too hidebound!

 

Great continuation. Loved that Qui-Gon lost more than just his tunic. His so-so apprentice. Gotta love it.

Bravo.

 

Excellent! You have two amazing fics here, Kes! Both simply hilarious! I like how you've portrayed Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. Too funny!

Perhaps, Obi-Wan thought, being a Force ghost sent you a little?senile?

It must be so... And the planet called Earth - a strange little place. I couldn't stop giggling!

 

Hilarious! This is great!

I'm guessing that maybe Qui left out the 'real' descriptions of Obi though!

And I always knew he should have listened more closely when Obi said he had a bad feeling about something!

Please pm me if you write more on this!

Wanders off laughing again!

 

That was hilarious, Kestrel! I'm sooo glad you decided to continue this!

?A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there were two Jedi: the talented, toned and remarkably wise Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his so-so Padawan learner, Obi-Wan.?

?It is written here that Obi-Wan stood behind his Master murmuring about bad feelings and reminding him that a Jedi never cheats. Humph. You always were a stick in the mud. No wonder I lost with you on my side.? I can so picture Obi-Wan doing that! Ha ha ha!!

I loved how the Fan-fiddler killed Anakin off, heh heh. Oops, did I say that out loud?

?Very well Padawan. In this particular game it seems that a piece of clothing has to be removed each time one loses. I lost - a lot. Much to the amusement of the handmaidens and Gunguns.?

?I?m afraid I misjudged these Fan-Ficcers after all. They appear to be very misguided.? But it's so fun to be misguided.

Obi-Wan threw back his head and for the first time in years laughed till his stomach hurt. It was going to be a good day after all, and one he would not forget for a long time.

Thanks for an awesome story, Kestrel! Ooh, could you PM me too if you decide to continue this? Thanks!

 

?Well, then let?s get started,? he replied. ?I found a piece called ?Qui-Gon loses his tunic? by a?? Qui-Gon peered at the screen. ?Obi&Qui-R-Hot.? He glanced in Obi-Wan?s direction.

Obi-Wan snorted.

?You?re telling me that?s one of those Fan-Fiddlers...?

?Ficcers,? Qui-Gon interrupted.

kes, that was BRILLIANT! i LOVED the way you had qui and obi going back and forth kinda like grumpy old men! truly inspired work!
qui playing strip poker with some handmaidens and a few gungans..... WOW...
fantastic job!

 

This was just.. wrong!

Hilarious! +

I wondered, it would be nice to see the talented, toned and remarkably wise Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his so-so Padawan learner play other strange and unknown games those Fan-Fiddlers use to play...

Great job, I loved it!

 

BrightFeather - Thanks for reading!

dianethx - Glad you enjoyed the sequel!

Healor Leona - Closet nudist!? Now there's a thought! So happy you enjoyed it all!

Nienna - Thanks, glad it made you laugh!

Sionnach-Airgid - Oh, thank you! I'm guessing that maybe Qui left out the 'real' descriptions of Obi though!...Yep I think so!

Bastet - Thank you so much - I'll add you to the PM list!

obi_webb- So happy to see you enjoying this!

Mind_Tricked- Thank you!



I can't tell you how much fun I had writing these two like this! I'm not sure if they'll be any more of these, but who knows!

Thank you all for reading!

 

Fan-fiddlers?? I LOVE it! That was great!!

PLEASE PM me if you update!

 

Thanks Magenta! Will keep you updated!

 

HOW did I miss the second beyond hilarious part of this?!
But oh I adore the bantering interaction, even if it is slightly huffy from the side of the 'talented, toned and remarkably wise Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn ' and the so-so padawan get some revevenge for the disturbance!

Lovely writing! As for the concept *laughing to hard to write!* Thanks for sharing this!!

 

Stella! You sneaky thing you!...Thank you for reading m'dear - happy to give you a laugh ...I am hoping to do some more of these...when I *ahem* finish my other fics! I had such a giggle writing it!

Thank you all again for reading and reviewing

 

Oh no - Qui-Gon is plaguing Obi-Wan from beyond! And he's discovered the Earthling fanfic writers! "It's Ben" - LOL And Qui-Gon lost at strip poker! Haha, this was great, fun story!

 

Thanks whoever dredged this up from deep burial - I missed it the first time around!

This was so funny..."so so padawan"! - yeah, right!

Obi&QuiRHot - oh, a new screen name?!?

Wonderfuly and terribly funny.

 

This one provoked an idiotic facial expression.

Fan-fiddlers...Ridiculously accurate. I loved loony Qui-Gon. That's just like him.

I definitely think that the talented, toned and remarkably wise Master Jedi left out some details about Obi-Wan.

 

Great stuff!

Untruths! I love that word.

It was kind of sad to imagine Obi-Wan laughing all by his lonesome on Tatooine...I love the whole "annoying Qui-Gon" thing, very amusing!

Great job!

 

I'm shocked to find so many replies to this fic! I though it was dead and buried! lol

wawoot - Thank you so much for digging this up and taking the time to leave a review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Valairy_Scot - Obi&QuiRHot ...lol - p'haps I should re-register?! Glad it gave you a laugh!

Sithspawn - Thanks! I loved loony Qui-Gon. That's just like him. lol...yep!

anakin_luver - Thank you for reading!


I have to admit this is one of my favorite fics...it still makes me smile. Thank you all for reading!

 

(watching Obi-wan slowly turn purple) "You know, if you kept calm instead of turning purple like that, all your problems would solve themselves."

This was a very... interesting...post.
(wanders off to nurse stitch in side)
And what's wrong with rescuing Obi? I like him better than Qui-gon.