A Short Story Challenge

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by The Musical Jedi, Jul 4, 2002.

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  1. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    Given the debate triggered by CYNICAL21 in her Obi-Wan short, I have devised a short story challenge.

    The parameters are thus:

    1. The story must be one post long. We're going for short stories here. ;)

    2. The subject of your story must be either a favorite character portrayed in an unfavorable way or a disliked character portrayed in a favorable way. For example (this directly stemming from aforementioned debate), I am a large fan of Qui-Gon and do not see him as a bad master. In this case, I would write a short story portraying his aloofness and/or negligence to his padawan Obi-Wan. I am not, however, a Palpatine fan in any regards, so I might write something sympathetic towards him. This will be the challenging part. You must write outside your box!

    I hope to have something up tonight as an example, but feel free to preempt me for the first short posted. ;)

    Happy writing!
  2. Gr-Adm-Thrawn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 1, 2002
    star 4
    umm One long post you say !

    interesting .. and we post it here ?

    what's the "box" we must write out of ?

    the Admiral (a little slow)
  3. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    Yes, post it here. I'm sorry I wasn't clear, it's the preverbial box you must write outside of, going beyond your normal likes and dislikes. :) Glad to see you here, Admiral! I was afraid no one would want to take my challenge.
  4. Siri_Z Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 3
    No one take up a challeng like that??Don't think that is possible.

    Definetaly a challeng to even the greatest of writers. I myself may not be one of them, but I am always up for a challenge. You can count me in. :)

    Is there any specific day you want it done? Or is that just kinda up in the air?
  5. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    Write it whenever and post it here. No time constraints, unless the thread dies from inactivity. And then, you can resurrect it if you like. Same, random format as the [link=http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=5985412]Silent Challenge[/link] thread. Write your story and post whenever you want! I'm so looking forward to reading everyone else's stories. I should probably start thinking about my own as well. :D
  6. Chaos_Rose Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2002
    star 3
    Hi MJ! I don't know if this exactly what you had in mind, but I tried to give Palpy some humanity in this one. It's still my usual dark fic, si I don't know how well it worked, but here goes...


    Disclaimer haiku:

    Oh, the harsh refrain
    legality and regret;
    own them I do not


    Of Faith


    Naboo's Junior Senator, Mero Palpatine, stood in the Rotunda of the Senate, the great chamber that led to the sphere housing the Senate Forum. The building was silent, the lights dim, the blue carpet was a ribbon of black bordered in glowing white angelstone.

    Once, as early as this morning, he would have pointed to the Senate as an example of all that was right with the galaxy. Nearly five hundred thousand races were represented, over a billion worlds.

    A bitter smile twisted his lips and he raised his eyes, studying the bas-relief metal panels that lined the approach. Each Chancellor was depicted here, all the way back to Cadra the Unifier ? one of the first heroes of the Republic and its first human Chancellor.

    What would Cadra do had she seen the events of today?

    Palpatine bowed his head, anger and sadness roiling within him.

    A colony of humans had settled on a small world called Brin. On the face of it, the world was not a true prize; no major mineral deposits, no bounty of metals, no swathes of gem-rich rock. Just a small, blue-green world with rich alluvial plains and soil that could grow anything you had a seed for. The colony had thrived for over seventy-five years, growing to number nearly one million people in the last census.

    At of the closing of the session this evening, they now numbered five; a man, two women, a five year-old boy and an infant girl of nine months. None of them related by anything other than tragedy.

    Just this afternoon, he had believed in law, order, and justice. He believed in the Republic and had chosen to serve it as a priest might serve his god ? with all of his life. Now that faith was as deeply eroded as Cadra's carved face had become. Staring into the shadows, he could see the only the faintest suggestion of features; the strong jaw, the eyes, a determined stance and her chin lifted in challenge to the lawlessness that she and millions of others had fought and crushed.

    The stench of molten metal and organic decay assailed him as if he stood again on the once-green plains of Brin. Droid parts littered the blackened plain, and the city behind him a smoking crater. The hissing of compression of his respirator filled his ears as the evidence of atrocity filled his eyes. A pit of bubbling slurry, the former residents of Brin, was all that was left. The planet had been ? for lack of a better word ? fumigated, the bodies disposed of, and the droids who had been made to do this slagged.

    Palpatine went to his knees on the soft neocel carpet.

    Droids ordered through the Commerce Guild, made by the Techno Union, financed by the Banking Clans, delivered to the Corporate Alliance with Trade Federation ships. The evidence was all there!

    It had all been disallowed. A committee? a committee, by all the names of the gods? had been formed to "ascertain the identity or identities of those accountable for the unapproved removal of the lawful colonists of Brin." The Chancellor then approved the petition to permit the Mining Consortuim to salvage the remaining assets, and to (coincidentally, of course) mine the newly discovered deposits of communications-grade gold and copper in the Brin City plateau.

    The non-humans in the senate had overridden any attempt by some of the human worlds to bring the evidence to the attention of the Judiciary, stating that humans had to expect the Senate to act like the Senate and not a lynch mob. As the Nemoidian Chancellor had explained, these things took time, after all, and humans were prolific breeders. The race as a whole could replace what had been lost within a fraction of a day.

    Some barrier broke within the young senator's mind and he leaped to his feet, screaming in rage at the expressionless met
  7. jedipati Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2000
    star 3
    *Stands speechless.*

    Wow... that was incredible. You did a great job with ol' Palps. I can't even think of words that show how good you did.

    I liked the way you showed a reason for Palpy's hatred of non-humans. It was really good. I want links to your other stories now.

    Oh, I might take up this challenge- but I don't think I can top the opening act.
  8. Chaos_Rose Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2002
    star 3
    [face_blush] [face_blush] [face_blush]

    Thanks, jedipati! I really have an intense dislike of Palpy - he reminds me of a former history teacher who I really hated. It was hard to give him any humanity at all.

    You can find the link to my story, "Symmetry and Imperfection" in my signature below. :)

  9. Gr-Adm-Thrawn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 1, 2002
    star 4
    Ohh ! That's quite a start !

    well done Chaos Rose well done.

    the Admiral
  10. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Oh, awesome fic, Rose. I actually felt a little sorry of the man. But then, that's the point, right?

    Hmm, intresting challenge. I'd like to do something but I'll have to think on it. Is it possible to make Obi-Wan look bad? :D It might be fun to try. [face_devil]

    ~Swede :p
  11. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    Nice opening story, Chaos! Your writing is excellent (and dark ;) ) as always. I like the humanity you gave Palpatine. I've always kind of wondered why he became Darth Sidious...
  12. Jedi_Grace Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2002
    Hey! I've been a longtime reader of SW fanfic (an especial fan of JA) but I've never written any before, so all you are now treated to a first time author's attempt! I'm kinda new to the boards anyway, so we'll see how this goes. Anyway, here it is!


    Padmé Amidala sat in front of her dressing table. There was a large full length mirror in front of her, reflecting her image. Padmé frowned, and then turned off the harsh glaring lamps on each side. The gleaming twilight came in from the window, and the shadows caressed her face like a lover's touch.

    In light, she was beautiful. In darkness and shadow, though, she was breathtakingly exquisite. In light, she was a lovely girl, and her prettiness was often remarked upon. But in shadow, she became the dark angel of everything that was beautiful and terrible, brilliant and fear-inspiring at once.

    Padmé smiled. It was not a nice smile, not the kind, gentle one which she displayed for the holocameras nearly everyday and had practiced to perfection for the sake of the Naboo and the galaxy. No, this was her true smile, and it was as cold and wintery and cruel and perfect as a snowflake.

    Yes, her appearance would do. Padmé had always been privately amused at how hardened, callous men would often fall at her feet, and it was surprising but Padmé had managed to use her charm on alien species as well. All they saw was a beautiful, strong, charismatic senator, kind and gentle, fair and virtuous.

    And no one ever knew that she played it all as a game.

    Power gave Padmé a thrill. To speak in front of the Senate and to see people nodding along with her, underneath her influence, to know that she could sway the fate of the galaxy with one little speech, with one smile into the holocam, with one wink that would convince all the senators and all the horrid, common little people into thinking that Padmé Amidala was truly their angel of mercy, their guardian of justice, it was all too perfectly delicious to fool everybody so completely, to know that they were completely and totally wrapped around her little finger.

    Many times, Padmé went on mercy missions. She would go to ruined planets, people devastated and lives left desolate. Curiously enough, seeing the ruin of a world always left her in appreciative awe. Destruction, terrible and awe-inspiring, always left Padmé breathless and the sheer devastative forces that governed the galaxy. Buildings and civilization were all very well, but raw pain, pure devastation was the only impressive truth left that was real and true.

    One time, she had been driving along in a small transport on a ravaged planet when the cries of a child reached her ears. Curious as to the source of the sound, she had stopped the transport. It had turned out that there was a small child, dirty and suffering. The child was weak and sick, and her pain-glazed eyes looked up into Padmé's face, her arms outstretched, beseeching her help.

    And at that moment, Padmé felt a rush of power of a strength that she had never experienced before. To know that she held this child's life in her hands, that she had the sole, direct power over whether this being lived or died, to know that this life was totally and wholly at her mercy, was an addictive rush of power that Padmé never forgot. And Padmé wondered, what if she just left the child? What if she left this child here to die, sick and lonely, weak and suffering? It was all up to her.

    The thought was intoxicating.

    Eventually, of course, Padmé took the child back to the hospital. The political and social gain of saving a small and sick child and consequently receiving all the positive and glowing publicity was much more worthwhile than the brief rush of power Padmé would have experienced with leaving the child there to die.

    And in some ways, seeing the raw worship in the eyes of the child who lay in the hospital recovering was an even more intoxicating rush of power than knowing that Padmé had the power of life or death over this child. A few smiles, a few kind and gentle touches, and the child was eat
  13. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    :eek: Evil Padmé is a scary Padmé ... Very impressive for your first time, Jedi_Grace. It's unfortunate that Anakin doesn't know the truth about his comments regarding politicians, from your story's redition. *shivers* I wouldn't get in Padmé's way if I were him...
  14. Chaos_Rose Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2002
    star 3
    Admiral and SwedishJedi, thanks! I'm glad you liked the tale.

    MJ, you know me, just a little Darksider at heart...

    Jedi Grace,Oh, wow! Dark Padme! So calculating and evil, too. What would Anakin do if she broke his heart...

    < shivers and grins! >

    Great job for your first time!

  15. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
  16. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Well, I'm just in awe. Both tales, so far, are just thoroughly engrossing. Palpy explained and Machiavellian Amidala - completely original concepts, both.

    OK, MJ - you knew when you opened up this can of worms that I would NOT be able to resist, didn't you? I never met a challenge I didn't like - and, yes, I think I have my topic in mind - but need a bit of time to develop it further.

    In the meantime, these are some compelling narratives.

    Good going, Guys. :D
  17. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    Don't feel badly, I can't resist my own challenge either.

    :D I just have to organize it first. Welcome here, Cynical.
  18. JM-Anakin-Solo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 2002
    star 4

    MMM, I thought as I scooped up a few of the creatures in the bowl beside me. They fought my hand and struggled as I raised them to my mouth. The sauce dripped all over my face and I licked it as best I could. My eyes widened in anticipation as the creatures only fought harder.

    I licked my lips, raised my hand and opened my mouth. The more the creatures struggled the tastier they?d be. I dangled them above the great chasm that was my mouth and let them try to resist. The fear made them release sweet smelling odors and I knew it was time. I crammed them all in and closed my mouth. I ate them whole, bones included, and they were exquisitely tasty.

    Just as I was enjoying my second lunch I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Oh what a sad sight it was. All I saw was a blob that nobody could love. I must weigh a couple tons and it hurts every time I see my reflection. I never asked to be a Hutt. I never asked to be the most hated Hutt of all history, the infamous king pin, Jabba.

    My emotions must have been transparent because at that very moment Bib Fortuna cleared everyone out of my audience chamber and made sure the doors were sealed before coming to talk to me.

    ?Master,? he began, ?What?s wrong? You are usually so happy after secondlunch? is something wrong??

    ?No,? I began, ?Well, actually yes.? I paused for a moment.

    Bib Fortuna walked over and placed his hand on my back. ?Master, we are alone now, you can tell me what is troubling you.? I could see the loyalty and devotion in his eyes and I sighed.

    ?Look at me,? I bellowed, ?I?m hideous.?

    ?Master,? Bib said in shock, ?you must not speak this way. What made you feel this way? You are usually such a cheery and happy fellow.?

    ?Okay,? I began, ?It all started many years ago when I was just a young Hutt. When I was young I used to be a strapping young Hutt, a paragon for all Hutt?s to aspire to. There was a beautiful young Hutt, a 250 pound goddess name Isella.? I waited to make sure Bib was getting all this, when he nodded I continued.

    ?The thought of speaking to her frightened me.?

    Bib gasped. ?You frightened? Never!?

    ?Yes, Bib. I was frightened to the core.? Pausing for a moment I spoke again, ?But one day I finally worked up the courage to talk to her. I went over to her and asked her out. I was the epitome of confidence. I was sure she would see my fit body and instantly fall in love with me.?

    The silence that ensued must have been awkward for Bib as well but he eventually spoke up, ?And what happened.?

    I hung my head. ?She said?? I whispered the answer.

    ?What did she say?? Bib asked, not having heard the answer.

    ?She said NO!? I shouted.

    Another gasp from Bib, ?Did she say why??

    ?She said I was too ugly for her, that she could never be interested in a Hutt such as myself.? My head hung lower and a tear rolled down my cheek.

    ?Here, here,? said Bib as he wiped the tear away with one of his lekku.

    ?She walked away from me and never looked back. I was so heartbroken I went home as quickly as possible. I dragged the refrigerator into my room and locked the door. I began eating and haven?t stopped since. I eat because I?m unhappy, and I?m unhappy because I eat. I vowed that day never to love again, and I never have.?

    ?What?s love good for anyway,? Bib questioned, trying to cheer me up.

    ?It?s not, it only leads to pain and suffering,? I said as I looked at myself in the mirror. ?Much pain and suffering,? I added as another tear rolled down my cheek.

    Bib gave me a big hug and I stopped my tears.

    ?Thanks for listening,? I said to Bib as he still hugged me.
  19. Wilhelmina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2002
    star 3
    Hi! I love what has been written so far. Like Jedi_Grace, this is my first try at writing something. Here for your reading pleasure, I take a shot at my favorite character in all of SW.


    Anger, fear, aggression -- these passions are of the Dark Side, easily recognizable in
    an uncautious Jedi. Yet these same passions, steeped in self-control and allowed to
    simmer slowly over decades and centuries, masquerade as the passivity of the Light
    Side for the Jedi who has the patience to let them simmer. Patience Yoda had in
    infinite supply.

    He had seen the rise and fall of peoples, of planets, of star systems in his time, and
    likewise the rise of the Republic. Its fall was certain. What would replace the Republic
    was not certain. In his hundreds of years Yoda had determined that all people, all
    races, had one thing in common. Left to themselves they were fools and would act as
    such. Guided by a powerful leader, most gladly settled into ordered lives.

    And so, at seven hundred and two, when he saw that the Republic had reached its peak
    and could guide the people no more, Yoda decided that, rather than leave the galaxy
    to its uncertain future, he would guide them to a new and better design.

    "Master, what is your design in coming to this place?? Something about Dagobah, perhaps the mists, perhaps the swamps, perhaps the dark clouds which were ever swirling overhead, awakened Dooku?s old Padawan inquisitiveness. He never could bear a mystery, Yoda reflected. Well, let him wonder. All would be evident soon enough.

    ?Patience, my old apprentice,? he said.

    With patience, always patience, Yoda searched the archives for a suitable
    instrument. After a year he found it, in a book of legends posing as history.

    ?Sith.? It had a proper ring to it. ?Sith. Always two there are, no more, no less. A
    master and an apprentice.? A perfect cover. For if the Jedi feared only two dark Jedi,
    who would go looking for a third?

    His method selected, Yoda sought the Jedi who would play the parts. Not only play the
    part of Sith, of course, but believe in Sith teachings, trust in the Dark Side, rule with
    iron fists over the galaxy. He found the first sooner than he had expected. A voice
    called to him through space, that of a young human from Naboo, with a flair for politics,
    a taste for power, and the Force bubbling in his veins -- Palpatine. His first name was
    long since forgotten. In secret Yoda trained him in the ways of the Sith. Palpatine drank
    it in. He was like a prisoner who suddenly finds that his cell is unlocked and the
    warden is sleeping. The Force was Palpatine?s key to all that he craved:
    advancement, power, a feeling of superiority. Palpatine also understood the
    importance of Yoda?s chief doctrine.


    Mollified by Yoda?s reminder, Dooku followed as the little green Jedi
    picked his way over rocks wet with slime and under branches dripping with ivy
    to a huge, dead, black tree, whose twisted roots formed a cave to one side.

    Yoda nodded toward the cave. ?In here we must go,? he said. He took
    his lightsaber from within his robe and laid it on a flat rock, motioning for
    Dooku to do the same. ?Your weapons, you will not need them.? Dooku removed his own lightsaber and a blaster from his belt and laid them on the rock beside Yoda?s single weapon.

    The two Jedi, the master still leading the apprentice, entered the cave.

    Two Sith -- there had to be two, but the second was harder to find. Palpatine would
    do for the Master. He grew stronger and more disciplined every day. A suitable apprentice
    was more elusive. For five years Yoda combed the ranks of the Jedi Academy, settling at
    last on a small boy who went by the name of Dooku. He was quick, strong in the Force,
    perhaps a little too centered on himself, but he might do. Because he was a student at
    the Academy, Yoda could not train Dooku in secret as he had Palpatine. Instead he
    followed the regimen that was, on the surface, the same Ligh
  20. Siri_Z Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 3
    Wahoo! Dang a dark Yoda?

    dude in all my days I have never heard or thought of it... and you portrayed it greatly!

    Great Job!!

    I myself am not having much luck on this.. challenge this really is! Well something will come... rite? Till Later~

    Peace Out

  21. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    This just gets better and better. Now we have Dark Yoda and blubbering Jabba - both completely unexpected.

    Wonderful originality and a clear example of the benefits of turning one's head upside down to look at things from a new perspective. Excellent idea, MJ.

    Back later.

  22. The Musical Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    I like the piece of Jabba. I never bothered to think about why he was the way he was. And a dark Yoda! He's even scary than the dark Padme...

    Thanks for the nod, Cyn. If it weren't for the debate started in your thread, I wouldn't have had the idea.
  23. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    I saw a few that looked longer than one page...mine is a little over 3 and a half on Microsoft word, size 12 font. Is that alright? I got started and I couldn't stop.

    If so, it should be up soon, I just finished, and I want to make a few changes. Obi wasn't dark enough for me. I gotta work on that.
  24. Chaos_Rose Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2002
    star 3
    Sith Yoda and Marshmallow Jabba... Holy Cats! This is fantastic!

    Great stuff,Wilhelmina and JM-Anakin-Solo!

  25. Odele Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    HELLO! I?m new here (this is my very first post). I?ve been around for a while following some of my favorite authors, but I?ve only recently figured out how to use/get around on this sight (this place confuses me, I don?t think I?ve ever been to a sight with so much. . . stuff, on it). I also recently discovered that a while back I somehow managed to make an account here, so I thought I might as well utilize it. Result: my sort of very first bit of fanfiction (third or fourth attempt, but the only one finished (yay 4 shortness!)). And so you have it, I hope it?s up to par and an enjoyable read!

    The blackness of night had retired to a predawn spread of Prussian blue by the time the dark figure returned to his designated quarters. His step was brisk, hurried, in his need to return before the Padawan was aware enough to realize his Master had been gone half the night. It wouldn?t do to raise suspicion.

    He entered the fore room, then his room quietly, easily masking both the noise of his movement in the physical world and in the Force. He removed his robe and tossed it at the peg on the back of the door. After stripping his remaining clothing and mussing his hair in the manner of a full night?s rest, he slipped under the silken sheets of the oversized, overstuffed bed. Although not as luxurious as he would prefer?apparently his hosts knew of the Jedi?s aversion to indulgence?the Master was able to find some amount of pleasure in the feel of the sheets against his skin.

    Silently, he debated whether or not he should let himself drift off for a moment?s rest. The Apprentice would wake soon?the annoyingly early riser the boy was?and, after completing the morning?s necessities, while allowing his Master to sleep in, would come and wake him like an ever-dutiful Padawan would.

    Eventually, the prospect of a little beauty rest won out. With a self satisfied smile?and why wouldn?t he be? his plans were going smoothly, no one suspected a thing?the Master drifted off to Slumber Land.

    The Master woke slowly, hardly trying to fight the lethargy left behind by the most wonderful dream of being groveled to by very important people.

    ?Master?? came the tentative voice of the Apprentice somewhere off to his left.

    ?Yes, yes, I?m awake,? he carefully schooled his voice to sound playfully impatient.

    ?Breakfast will be here in five minutes, Master,? was all the boy said before quietly leaving him to get ready for the day.

    The Master stretched lazily before rising. He made his way slowly to the refresher where he took much longer in the shower than needed. Something he would have reprimanded the Apprentice for.

    When he entered the fore room, the table was covered with a rich, lavish breakfast. Force it was good to be a Jedi sometimes! The Padawan?who stood diligently next to his own seat?waited for his Master to sit before he seated himself.

    The Master quickly filled his plate with the most succulent fruits, meats, and pastries. The Apprentice slowly dished himself a moderate portion, but instead of eating he only stared at his plate, his brows furrowed in thought.

    Finally, the Padawan looked up at his Master, resolve showing clearly on his young face. For his part, the Master seemed not to notice, instead being absorbed in his meal. Taking a deep breath, the Padawan squared his shoulders and spoke: ?Master??

    ?Hmmm?? the older Jedi didn?t look up from his food.

    ?May I ask you a question??

    ?Of course,? the Master said still not fully paying attention.

    ?Where were you last night?? The Master froze; the fork that had been digging around on his plate nearly fell from his grasp.

    ?What do you mean?? he asked, still trying to sound disinterested but failing.

    ?You left some time after midnight.? It wasn?t an accusation, merely a statement.

    ?What are you talking about? I?m quite sure I was asleep by then,? the Master still had not looked up from his plate.

    ?You took a speeder from the estate?s garage.?

    ?Don?t be silly,? the Master nervous
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