A Short Story Challenge

Wow! All of these are great! I will seriously try to think of something to do. I'll try to post something tomorrow.

Great job everyone!!

 

Siri Z, CYNICAL, MJ, and Chaos Rose, glad ya liked it! Odele , you gave me shivers. Evil Obi? That's twisted even for me! I'm looking forward to reading the work of those of you who've promised something (hint hint, nudge nudge).

 

Odele, that made my hair stand on end!

< shiver shiver shiver >

Great work!

 

YAY!!!!!! Somebody likes me!!! Thanks Chaos_Rose (and Wilhelmina ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I have to tell you, I loved yours too, I never considered WHY Palpy was evil, just kind of subconsciously accepted that he WAS evil. Props to you for that! (And yay for Evil Yoda LOL, no one saw that comming!)

On a second note, I have to say that I've greatly enjoyed the rest of the contradicted stories posted as well, they are all so very original! So, props to all you authors respectively!

 

More than one page is fine. Just make sure it's only one post. I'm off to bed and will catch up in the morning.

 

Holy smoke, Odele - that was powerful - and emotionally riveting. You took a whole new approach and made it work.

My offering here - when I get it done - will concern the same characters, I think - but from a different perspective.

Well done.

CYN

 

Odele, that was very impressive. A cold, calculating Obi-Wan. Sadistic. Anakin didn't deserve that... Nice story, very nice indeed.

 

OK - anybody who has ever so much as peeked at my work knows, beyond all doubt, that I really do NOT like Anakin Skywalker, referring to him either as the Precocious Punk, the Whiny Wuss, or, simply, the Brat. So I leave it to you to judge how "outside the box" this little tale might be.

************ ******************


EPIPHANY

Given the fact that the day just ending had been even more exhausting than usual, given that his normally serene Master had developed some kind of temporary aberration and required his padawan to join him in the performance of a full set of ten full-escalation, isometric control katas, prior to a no-holds-barred lightsaber sparring match in which the teacher proceeded to wipe the floor with the student, not once - but three times - given all that, Anakin Skywalker should have plunged into dreamless slumber the moment his head touched the pillow.

But such was not the case.

He lay, instead, wide-eyed and alert - and heard and sensed what he was not meant to know - the grief and anguish rising rampant in his Master's heart.

Obi-Wan thought his fourteen-year-old apprentice had forgotten what this day was - but he had never forgotten - and never would. Just as his Master never would.

Five years. Was it possible? Had it really been five years?

It was - and it had.

And every single year was the same; his Master drove himself - and his student - to the brink of exhaustion in an attempt to burn away the residue of that day. And every single year, he failed; the residue remained. The bitter taste that left the boy sleepless and hollow-eyed with grief - and left the Master struggling against the futility of tears of rage and loneliness.

Five years ago today. Qui-Gon Jinn had died - and Obi-Wan Kenobi had found his world and his life turned upside down, had gone from apprentice to Master, between the pulse of one heartbeat - and the failure of the next.

Anakin glanced at his chronometer as he heard soft footsteps in the common room, followed by the snick of the doorlatch at the entrance to the quarters he shared with his Master; the same quarters Obi-Wan had once shared with Qui-Gon Jinn.

It was well after the midwatch - and Anakin rose silently, grabbing his Jedi robe to cover his sleep pants.

When he moved into the silent corridor, in pursuit of his Master, he assumed the texture and posture of a shadow; it was one of his greatest skills as a Jedi. When Anakin wished to remain unseen, even the Masters had trouble detecting his presence.

He moved with incredible grace and stealth, following in perfect silence as Obi-WAn made his way to one of the smaller gardens within the Temple - a garden that had been the favorite of Qui-Gon Jinn. It was not the grandest of the gardens. Nor the most beautiful - but it was, perhaps, the richest in pure, raw Force, as it harbored an incredible collection of wild flora, gathered from every corner of the galaxy and transplanted into this unruly setting where there was little cultivation and less order.

Its air of unkempt exuberance was, somehow, a perfect metaphor for the person Obi-Wan's Master had been.

When Obi-WAn sank to his knees amid the riotous vegetation, Anakin hung back, moving into the darkest section of the undergrowth - and settled himself to wait. He was uncertain what he was waiting for - but the Force had guided him here, and he would obey, as he always had.

He could see Obi-WAn quite clearly, both through the inner vision provided by the Force and within the shaft of planetlight that seemed to pool around the young Master.
He frowned when he noticed how tired and disheartened his mentor appeared.

It had been - in some ways - a long five years. There had been certain - problems in establishing the training bond between them, and there were still moments when it seemed that the two would never be able to communicate as they should. But, all in all, Anakin was content. Obi-Wan loved him and was devoted to being his Master, and to teaching him and training him t

 

Odele, I'm agreeing with everyone else. Wonderful writing!

A dark Obi, I was thinking about that, but I could never write it... ugh I still got the shivers.

 

Wow Dark Yoda, Dark Padme, heart-broken Jabba, sweet Anakin .. this list seems endlees. And for many a first try !

kudos to all of you ! and for those who tried writing here for the first time . Be careful, it's more addictive than Glitterstim.

Wonderful job by all ! Congratulations.

The Admiral

 

Wow Cyn...

That was... ehhh I was never good with adjectives.

But really that was absolutaly astonishing! Wonderfully writen, as are all your pieces. Always leave me too close to speechless and shutting me up is not an easy thing to do! Alright I never have anything good to say do I?

Oh well, great job!

 

WOW Cyn that was great! I NEVER could have given Anakin so much reason for going bad! I've been an avid fan of your work ever since your first post over at FF.N, and now there is even MORE reason for the praise that you deserve, I know that story couldn't have been easy!

Ok now, Cynical, The Musical Jedi, and Siri_Z, thanks for the good words! I'm glad everyone liked it (in one way or another ).

And now I feel compelled to explain my evil Obi. My feelings towards the Star Wars characters are something akin to Cyn's. The thing is, I love Obi-Wan so much more than I could possibly hate anyone, and the prompt was for your favorite or most hated character, so...well, I've been trying to broaden my horizons anyway .

 

Wow, Cyn, that gave me a lump in my throat...one of the first sympathetic portrayals of Anakin that I've honestly liked...Good work!

 

Aw...evil Obi's been done....Oh well, too late now, I already wrote it. I tried to make him as evil as possible, I hope it worked. I don't think he was...quite as evil as he could be, but I did my best. Hope it's ok.
*****
Qui-Gon Jinn shook his head slowly. ?Padawan, could you have done any worse if your tried??

Obi-Wan Kenobi kept his head bent and his mouth closed, though his eyes were bright with anger and his cheeks flushed as he grit his teeth. He checked his shields once more before returning his attention to his Master, kicking his leg against the rung of the chair he was sitting in.

Qui-Gon knelt in front of him so he could look in his eyes. ?I'm not trying to be mean, padawan. I know you aren?t trying to disobey me; it?s not in your character. But I simply cannot understand how you could have struck that boy just because he beat you at saber practice. And have hurt him so badly he ended up in the infirmary.?

Obi-Wan still didn?t say anything.

Qui-Gon frowned and took his padawan?s chin in his hand. ?Obi-Wan, I need an answer. If you refuse to give me a reason as to why you did that, I will have to double your punishment.? He said firmly, though the hurt was evident in his voice. Unspoken, but quite plain in his tone, was the fact that he did not want to punish his padawan. He wanted Obi-Wan to be able to explain.

That was not the reply he got.

Obi-Wan?s head flew up, and at last, Qui-Gon could see the dark rage in Obi-Wan?s eyes?so much like Xanatos that he actually sat back on his feet and stared in denial. ?He made me angry. That?s all that matters. And now you are making me angry, Qui-Gon. It?s always a mistake to anger someone who has touched real power. You should know that by now.? The 16 year old spat.

Qui-Gon flinched. That couldn?t be his apprentice?s voice, so torn with hate. Quickly he sat up and grabbed his apprentice?s biceps. ?Obi-Wan Kenobi, what?s the matter with you?? He demanded. ?Please, padawan, this anger isn?t like you, come back from it!?

He never got to say anything else as something struck him across the back of the head, and he fell forward, losing his grip on his pupil and striking the ground as darkness claimed him.
******
Obi-Wan stared down at the unconscious man, disdain evident in his features. He took in the shattered vase that was now all over the floor. That vase had been a present to his master, and it only seemed fitting that he use it to shut the man up. When Qui-Gon had grabbed hold of his arms?He had exploded, and reached out into the force, grabbing the vase and hitting the older man solidly across the head with it.

Now he waited, his anger not lessened, but instead, increased tenfold. He sat, seething, staring down at Qui-Gon. Quietly, he retrieved his saber and waited. He wanted to savor this victory.

Many minutes later, his Master groaned softly, opening his eyes slowly and rubbing his head. His blue eyes made contact with the dark and determined orbs of his padawan. The boy stood slowly, holding his lightsaber loosely. "I warned you, Qui-Gon." He whispered, and ignited his lightsaber, driving it into the master's chest.

Qui-Gon gurgled softly in surprise as liquid seeped into his now punctured lungs. He stared up at his padawan, his eyes full of hurt. He tried to speak, to ask why, but found he could not.

"Now I need not worry anymore about what you think. Now I am free to experience the full of my abilities. You always were holding me back, Qui-Gon. I cannot say your death was good for you, but it is certainly a relief to me." Obi-Wan said. Qui-Gon blinked, coughed, and then was gone.

Obi-Wan nodded in satisfaction, turned in one movement, and made his way out of their apartment, shutting the door behind him and started down the hallway at a quick pace. He was under no illusions about what would happen when his master was found. Oh, he supposed he could hide it if he wanted. After all, he'd been doing it for years. But why bother? He was not ashamed of what he'd done. He was

 

I'm trying really hard to keep my mouth shut.

Wow!

Jacinta that was definetaly a dark Obi! Making his best friend kill him?! Man and I tought I could cook up twisted things...

The way you portrayed each character was excellent. In basic terms I loved it.

 

Drat, all these are so good, I don't think I want to attempt anything. Plus I wouldn't know how to do the characters I had in mind when I read the instructions. Great posts everyone!

 

Siri- Thank you! I appreciate it!

 

Okay- finally caught up on all of these marvelous stories... loved them all...

Jacinta- [face_shocked] that is definitely dark Obi-Wan... Eee...

Now I'm afraid to write my idea!

 

Jacinta_Kenobi- *SilentJediWriter Speechless* Uh...wow...I still am not sure what to say, but...WOW!!! Well done, Master!!!

 

Thank you, sheleigh! I'm glad you liked it!

And thank you, padawan! Both for your help and for your praise.

 

Jacinta- N e time. What could I say to such a good writing?

Alrite here is mine. I was also thinking about doing Obi, but that has been done so well by do many I wouldn't be able to top it, I had to pick my second fav character... enjoy.

_______________

Façade

A façade. That was the life the Master lived.

Day in and day out he put on a show for all that saw him walk through the serene temple. For all those who heard his name. For all those who spoke his name. For all those who stood before him in the Council cambers and for those on that Council with him.

Every morning as the sun rose in a bright array of color he put on a mask. A mask of serenity and control. The mask of a Jedi.

It was only a mask.

But as the sun set casting as little darkness as could be provided over the city-planet of Courascant the mask came off. He enjoyed watching his freedom rise with the rising star and his show fall with the dieing sun.

The brilliant pinwheel of colors dancing somberly across the sky, each representing an emotion swirling inside his cold blank eyes.

Red, the color of his blood flowing through his body and the vengeance that flowed through his veins.

Orange the color of his slain heart that turned so long ago.

Yellow the color of what his life was supposed to be like. A calm smooth color. The color of his mask. His façade.

The blue slowly getting developed, the little light that was left inside of him.

The darkness mercifully engulfing the planet, the darkness that was swallowing up his heart. Casting a forbidding shadow into his soul.

Darkness?

It pierced threw the like a hand threw air. Engulfing it like fingers closing around a small rock. Enclosing everything in a tremulous shadow that lays in the wake of all evil.

It flowed through the Master easily. Treaded from his every breath and whirled around in his very soul deep within. It clouded the small room blocking out the light. The good. The way he was taught to live.

The Force?

What he was taught to live by. The light, fire that glowed in all living things. It combined them all into one bright aura of good.

A low chuckle left the Master?s lips as he thought of his younger days. Live by the Force his teachers always said. Let it guide you and your ways. Let it push your emotions aside so you can see clearly.

What did they know?

Nothing about the powers of the Dark Side.

The Code?

The very rules that ran the Master?s life. What he loath with his heart so dearly and yet he put on the façade that it ran his life. It was his way.

He had to. He was on the Council.

What would people thing if they discovered that a respected Master such as himself was one with the dark arts?

Peace over Anger?

Three words that he loved the reversal of. Anger over Peace.

The façade he played in his everyday life meant nothing to these three simple words.

He thrived on his anger. The Master kept it up in his cold heart and let it grow. Why would he want peace?

Anger was always so much more powerful for battle.

Honor over Hate?

The Council member hated this rule.

Honor? Honor what? Your enemies. Thos who have trued to kill you. He could not.

Honor those he was with. Those who strolled about their daily lives in the halls of the grand Temple. Again he could not.

Honor to the Master was simply a five letter curse work that he cringed at. Every time it flowed from someone?s mouth it stained his anger a darker color than it already was.

Strength over Fear?

What was fear to the Master? Nothing.

He had no fear. How could he? No one ever dared to step up and try to undermine him. No one ever tried to bring him down.

Fear was his strength.

It was what made him so powerful. So respected. So ?honorable?. People feared his strength. People feared him.

Jedi?

What he was. Not what he is.

Who the Master lived with. Taught. Guided. Hated with every fiber of his being.

The people who followed the opposite path as himself. The ones who followed the path of light.

The o

 

Cyn - I liked your portrayal of Anakin. It was very real and nicely written. Up to par with your other wonderful writing, as always. Anakin does have a soul...

Jacinta - Wow, really dark Obi... I like your protrayal of his not caring, his bitterness in the end. Poor Bant.

Siri_Z - Oooo, Dark Mace. *shivers* I like your style with it, the comparison of colors to thinks that he meditates on. Nicely done.

If you're not sure it fits the parameters, post your story anyway! We'll still read it, I promise!

 

You all are really REAllY REALLY freaking me out!!!
GOOD JOB!!

 

I've already posted this story on its' own thread (with its' 'twin' story), and some of you may have already read it, but you who haven't, and you who have, I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Nope, own nothing, but the virus Dethslo and the planet Danj.

<<>><<>><<>>

Shadows of Death

When he enters, I awake, and watch him as he acts as though I?m not there. He failed to mask his face of shock, and anguish that had taken hold on him. He was completely and willingly revealing his feelings.

Slowly and with sadness in each step, he made his way through the thick bodies of the shadows that claimed my room, and knelt beside my sleeping couch. In his eyes I could tell he had used the Force to check the growing sickness in my body, and discovered it was even worse than it ever was.

He dropped his head, shadows hiding his face from me. I didn?t know what he was thinking or feeling. I couldn?t feel him through the Force because of my sickness, so I helplessly watched his struggle to keep his emotions under control. Little did I know he had already lost control until I heard a soft sob from where he knelt. He muttered some questioning words asking me why this was happening, and why I was the one sick and not him, but I could provide no sensible answer.

The pain of grief took hold on me as I watched him stand and set his sad gaze gently back on me, before turning to the door and soundlessly leaving. I would have run after him to assure I was all right and would heal, but I couldn?t. My body refused to obey my every command ever since my last mission with my master.

About two months ago, the Council summoned my master and me to appear before them. Once we did, they sent us on a mission to a planet named Dánj to protect the prince and find the assassin who was planning to murder him. They gave us ten hours before we were to leave on the mission. My master and I packed lightly, found our ship and flew off the huge city-planet of Coruscant. I told my master something about this mission was vastly wrong. Like always, he lectured me about letting my mind wander into the future and that the future is not ours to choose, but to travel into.

When our ship landed on the fairly green planet, I caught my master?s gaze, and noticed something I never saw in his eyes before. It was as if he was sad or greatly disturbed. He threw me a warm smile and told me he wanted this mission over as quickly as possible and I agreed, so we went to meet the prince.

Three weeks after lodging on Dánj, we had our first glance at the assassin and her lethal weapon. The assassin was some kind of alien, which had a body as a human, but the face was like an ancient cat?s face. The color was of grayish-white, smooth and soft to look at, the eyes were a piercing jade, shaped as cat?s eyes, and moved with such gracefulness it looked as if it never touched the ground.

Around the determined assassin?s neck was a jeweled necklace made of small jade gems, and silver thread that laced the gems together held a deadly threat. Concealed within the gems were the most perilous virus that ever existed, and worst of all, there was no cure. It is called Déthslo, which means ?slow death?, which it is, not only slow, but painful as well; painful for the person that has Déthslo and for their friends.

The assassin threw a gem at the prince whom we thought was ?protected? by his ?body guards?, but my master, in a blink of an eye saw the open hole in security, and used the Force to push the prince out of harm?s way.

For the first time the assassin noticed that we were Jedi, and began to throw more gems toward my master and me. After we had gotten the prince out of there, my master and I stood back to back, fighting all the many killer jewels that flew in the air.

As we fought, I sliced a stone in half preventing it from harming me, but the hot predator liquid fell onto my chestnut cloak on my right shoulder and burned through the cloak shockingly fast, and before I knew anything of it, the fluid touched my skin and the virus began its painful work.

 

SilentJediWriter: whoa....

that is all i can say for now.


TheMusicalJedi: Thanx. . I've always been better at the thinking rather than the speaking, but I must say that was bit different from how I normally write.

Pierogi: Didn't I tell you it would?