Saga A Simple Affair-a glimpse into Padme's thoughts b/f her wedding, is she having doubts-5/6 aug 25

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by tvdunlop, Jul 2, 2004.

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  1. tvdunlop Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2003
    star 2
    Disclaimer: I own nothing in the starwars universe, i don't intend to make a profit, it's all for fun.

    A Simple Affair

    Today as I stand watching the sun I know I am to be married. My Ani, well, as much of him that can belong to anybody is waiting for me. I don?t know what I'm doing, I just know that when I saw the look in his eyes I see a future, one very different from the one I'd always planned on. Is it wrong to do this, be so impulsive? Nobody knows about this marriage. I wanted my father to give his daughter away, that is not to be. Here we are, marrying in secret; this man has stolen my heart, or what I have to give. The funny thing is somehow he's managed to change me, maybe its love, but I'm not quite so sure. I always thought love was supposed to make you tremble with happiness when the object of your love appeared in a room, I don't tremble with happiness, and I quake with passion. I see the lust and darkness in him and I cannot help but be drawn to him, to it. What is it about the darkness in him that I feel the need to drink it in, surely that's dangerous. I've been sucked in by his passionate love for me, I've always known it's existed, and yet here I am, marrying a young man, a Jedi, who has somehow captured me, but has he captured my heart?

    Should I continue?
  2. CrystalKenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    I would be very interested in seeing more of this and where you go from here.


    maybe its love, but I'm not quite so sure. I always thought love was supposed to make you tremble with happiness when the object of your love appeared in a room, I don't tremble with happiness, and I quake with passion

    I think this is the key to her doubts. Relationships that only have passion don't always last.


  3. VadersMistress Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 6
    Please continue. I would like to see where you take her and her thoughts. It's interesting to see what she was possibly thinking before she married Anakin. More please! :D
  4. Shadowlurker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2004
    Yes, please continue! I hope I get to read more about Padme's thoughts.

    Really great start.
  5. tvdunlop Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2003
    star 2
    Wow, I'm so glad I have some readers, I was beginning to think that this didn't have a future....thanks so much for the reviews. Because I don't want to spoil this, I'm going to keep these posts fairly short. I'm trying not to repeat myself and I'm going to use things from Padme's and Anakin's past....eventually this going to have to become based on guesswork from Epi III. I'm going on a summer trip leaving wednesday and I'll do one more post before then. I'll be back in mid august, but I beg you all, please don't desert this story....it will be continued.

    Chapter 2

    My desire for Anakin came out of nowhere for me. His possessiveness both scared me and thrilled me. I was the object of such passion, how can anyone remain in their right mind when the power of, not love, but desire slams against you. I was with him for so long that eventually I was unable to remain on my feet, so I guess in a way you could say he swept me off my feet. I told him on Geonosis that I loved him, I meant it, I know I did, it's funny what the prospect of death will do to you. I remember being a little girl, before politics, when things were so simple. The love I imagined then was nothing like this, I wonder now how I could have been so misled, or is love really like that and I've mistaken what I feel for Anakin? I can't make sense of this marriage, I want to be with him, but who is he? The Anakin Skywalker I know is so complicated and it seems like he tries to hide his emotions; it doesn't work. They leap from his eyes and draw me in, a moth to a flame. When his lips first fell on mine, I pulled away partly because it was inappropriate, me a senator, kissing a young Jedi who was protecting me, but another corner of my heart was afraid of what I felt in what seemed to be outwardly an innocent gentle hopeful kiss. The feelings in him, the desire to have me surrender to him; they came after me, like demons. That was the first time I was intoxicated by them, again on Geonosis, I told him I loved him, but secretly I wanted to feel that desire in his kiss again, in case I did indeed die. The Jedi are going to be angry with him, all he's wanted, as long as I've known him, is to be a Jedi. That's what I've told myself, but now I realize he's always wanted me. That young boy watched me innocently, he's changed, and his eyes show what the years have done to his soul. He's afraid of hurting me and I'm alive when I taste him. Friends and family have always said love is not simple; it's not something to be taken lightly. Did I take this too lightly, did I brush off that look in his eyes too carelessly? Love could be mixed in there with that smoldering obsession, more likely though, he wants to possess me. Will I lose myself in him, will I still be Padme? Or will I be a slave to his passion, and ultimatly fear his desire?
  6. CrystalKenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    Will I lose myself in him, will I still be Padme? Or will I be a slave to his passion, and ultimatly fear his desire?

    That was an excellent question. I'm sure all brides go thru last minute thoughts before a wedding asking themselves questions, like is this real love can it last etc. You did an excellent job in describing all her feelings, memories.
  7. VadersMistress Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 6
    The Anakin Skywalker I know is so complicated and it seems like he tries to hide his emotions; it doesn't work.

    Boy is he ever complicated! Great chapter! Padme is right about Anakin. He is complicted and just can't control his emotions.
  8. tvdunlop Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2003
    star 2
    My mother once told me you sacrifice part of yourself when you allow yourself to love another. I remember asking her if she regretted loving daddy. She told me no, that loving him was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to her and I asked her if she was okay with losing a part of herself. She told me with a dreamy smile that she didn't lose anything, something just changed within her. I liked the way that sounded, but now as I remember I wonder if she was only partly right. I think it's possible to lose a part of you to another person, and not in a good way, just like I've done with Anakin. The part I'm losing is my independence, my fearlessness, suddenly there's another person who's depending on me, almost too much. If I did something reckless and died, Anakin would be destroyed as well; it's scary thinking about how much he needs me. What's almost scarier is the realization that I need him too, I know you probably think that I don't need him as much, everything I've said so far indicates I'm hardly as enamored with him as he is with me and that's true, but possession is as dangerous a poison as love and I've become addicted.
    I've always considered Anakin a handsome young man, friendly and cheerful with a devilish sense of humor, but until recently he was no more than a good friend who'd been the hero of Naboo for many years. I wonder what my family would say if they knew what I was doing, I don't know what I'm doing, a Jedi, I always thought I'd marry a prince and become queen of another planet. I never thought I'd be secretly married to a Jedi, Ani is still an apprentice, a padawan and I don't know what will happen to him if they find out. There's another thing that weights heavily on me now and that's children, I want them, I've always wanted a family, but Jedi aren't suppose to have attachments, granted he's broken that rule already with me, but children are suppose to capture their parents unconditional love, no parent can stop loving a child whereas they could theoretically stop loving their spouse. If Anakin has a child he will put them first and the Order will find out and if they're force sensitive they'll be trained, I don't want that. I want to raise my children near me, I want them to be mine, all mine, damn Jedi.
    I'm sweating, why am I this nervous, do all brides go through this? I've started to pace, and worry some more. Worrying about our finances, our future, our lives in the public view, what if we're discovered, will we be exiled, will Ani be a Jedi, and would I be able to live with the guilt if he should be expelled. It should be the happiest day of my life, so why am I thinking of every bad thing that could go wrong?


    Last post until around aug 15 because I'll be away, but please leave reviews and don't go away!!!!! I'll be back to continue........
  9. PeriwinklSummer Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2004
    star 1
    Don't worry- the next post will be a birthday present for me!!! :)
  10. tvdunlop Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2003
    star 2
    thanks for replies everyone, makes me very happy
  11. Laura_Anu Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    This is awesome! Keep up the great work!
  12. tvdunlop Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2003
    star 2
    I thought about Anakin's childhood, he had survived so much, and I loved him for it. He was always the adventurous one, I had no doubt we'd survive some crazy things in our lives, but what about us, could we survive our joined baggage. I'd been a Queen for Force's sake, and Anakin was a Jedi, hardly an ideal alliance. Will he be called into the war that's been lurking for years, will he die, will I have my family, and will I be able to live through this war? My mind can't grasp the full impact of what I'm doing, I can't understand how people do this, but we're not the average couple. We could be outlaws, we could be hated by all, and this is not the time for a public figure to ruin her stature by making a private mistake. I've seen how quickly one can lose their credibility by having a baby, marrying the wrong person, a divorce; so many things can ruin a politician. I've signed my death warrant, and what for, for love? Certainly I can't be serious, I wonder if Anakin loves me? Is he pacing in his room, is he wondering about our future, or am I once again the levelheaded practical one. Is he blissfully happy because we're getting married and he'll finally have his angel, as he's named me. Or is he too worried about our Force sensitive children in the future, his place in the Order, his role in the war? I wish I could be ignorant, but I've never been. I make it my priority to know as much as I can, I think that drives Anakin crazy, but I'm not sure. There's so much like that that we don't know about each other, we've never slept together, we've never cooked, I don't know how he likes his eggs, he doesn't know what kind of hair wash I like, I don't know how to mend a tunic, he doesn't know that I love painting, I don't know the name of his Jedi exercises. He doesn't know my family very well, I met his mother once, Obi Wan likes me, I don't know about our marriage, Anakin loves me, and do I love him. I'm scared as I think about this, I've known him for ten years, but people change, he's changed. He's angry, vengeful following his painful separation from his mom; he doesn't understand my devotion to my family because his was so painful, I wonder if he resents me for having them. Will he love our children or will he fear fatherhood? I hate myself for thinking these things, I hate myself for questioning our marriage before it's begun, it's just everything seems bleak; with or without him. Can I live knowing he pines for me, no. Can I live married to him, I don't know. I suppose all marriages begin with fear, and then it turns to love, and eventually a partnership. I can't picture working with him, he's too immature. Wait, I didn't say that, my future husband is immature, by my standards, his future wife? Not good, and he's too hasty. No Padme, don't think this now. I want to rely on someone not pick up the pieces of the puzzle as he tears it apart, I don't want to be the leader in a marriage. I think I'm going to be the checker though, I'll have to watch him in a way that I shouldn't. He's just a child, I was forced to grow up too fast with responsibility, he was also, but he didn't react well to it. It wasn't his choice to leave his mom, I left my family because I wanted the future, he thought he wanted the future, and he took it, it led him to me. But at what cost, I guess I'll find out.

  13. Lady-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2003
    star 3
    RUN AWAY PADME'!

    GREAT STORY THANKS FOR THE PM!
  14. CrystalKenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    Thanks for the pm

    I loved how in this post you bring up her thoughts about what is she giving up etc How she wants to be able to raise her children, How all this would affect Anakin or how she believes it will affect him etc.

    I think this is also a realistic showing of how some brides might be thinking during the time before the wedding. The losing of independance, having someone depending on you etc, the issue of children etc.

    IN the next post I like how you show that she does not know every little detail such as how he likes his eggs etc. Thats something I think lots of people go thru ,but thats part of marriage is learning the little things about someone and growing to love them more on life's journey. If we knew every little thing at one time, it would be a very boring world etc.

    Also like her interspection of Anakin's childhood. I thought was a good touch.

    "I was forced to grow up too fast with responsibility.... I liked that because it reminded me of how it seems children grow into little adults so fast in our world today, its almost like they don't have time to be children anymore, between the way schools push, peer pressure, and even pressure from adults in some cases. (if this makes any sense)

    I look forward to the next post. :)
  15. tvdunlop Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2003
    star 2
    Because these thoughts are becoming repetative, there will be one more post next week...enjoy

    I can picture my Ani as a father, it's strange, I can't picture him as a household manager, as a cook, as someone who worries about finances, but I can see him holding our children. He's going to be a wonderful father to our babies, and I hope we have heaps of them. Sola told me having children was wonderful but painful; I don't care. My dream has always been to have my arms full of my children, to have little ones everywhere to lavish upon.
    We haven't talked about my dreams or his for that matter. What does he want? I have no idea, I know he wants this marriage, at least I think he does, but does he want to be a Jedi, in the past that was all he wanted. But so many unexpected things have happened I suddenly question his wishes. Have I been hasty in saying yes, I know I have, but why shouldn't I be, after all what's hasty when you're in love? In love, what a strong image, I picture blissful times ahead and yet I already know that there's dark times ahead of us, the Clone War has begun. I don't understand what role Ani will play, but I know I will not be a part of that life, without the Jedi finding out about our marriage, we will spend almost no time together. Even I know that's a bad way to start a marriage.
    I know hardly anything about marriage, but I do know a lot about working with people to find solutions, Anakin doesn?t. His idea of negotiations, especially aggressive ones, is with a lightsaber. I wonder if he knows that's not the way it's going to work in our marriage, he'll find out soon enough. I won't be pushed around by him, but at the same time I feel like I'm unsafe if I argue with him, but isn't that absurd, I mean if he loves me?well then I shouldn't be in danger. I have the right to say what I feel and believe, especially to my husband whose love I see every moment when he looks at me. It does make me feel giddy; to think of how much he loves me, forgetting of course that in his obsession with me he would kill for me. I suppose that's not ridiculous considering many husbands would kill for their wives, as long as he would kill for our children I don't really care about it. Padme Amidala Skywalker, that names rolls of my tongue pleasantly. I like that we'll be Mr. and Mrs. Skywalker and soon there will be little Skywalker children. Forces help me if they're anything like their father; I'll have my hands full. Threepio has just said Anakin is ready, this is it, am I ready to do this, can I?
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