Beyond the Saga A Solo And His Speedo (old post resurrected)-- Written for H/L Challenge June 2007

Title: A Solo and His Speedo
Author: leiamoody
Timeframe: Any time after Han and Leia are married.
Characters: Han, Leia, one pair of Speedos
Genre: Humor, vignette, one-shot
Summary: Leia must convince Han to squeeze himself into a pair of briefer-than-brief briefs.
Notes: Inspired by the Han/Leia Fanfic Challenge (June 2007), along with a picture of Harrison Ford poolside in a questionable swim garment.
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"What the..." Han tried to finish the question, but the rarity of being shocked by the sight of something black and really, really small took the other words out of his throat. So all he could do was point at the questionable garment.

Leia wanted to laugh, but she thought better of it. Making fun of his reaction wasn't going to get her husband into the loop of stretchy fabric hanging loosely around her index finger. "It's the latest thing in beach wear for men." She twirled the briefer-than-brief briefs three times. The opaque patented Starprene fabric was guaranteed not to shrink in either saltwater or whatever passed for water in a pool. More importantly, they were also guaranteed to "Fit Tight In All The Right Places". Just what she wanted.

They both needed this vacation. Two weeks at the Glorious Destiny Resort on Eze...even with the package deal, and the discount she received as a princess, this was still an expensive trip. Or it would have been if the manager hadn't insisted on giving it to the galaxy famous couple as a gift. Free publicity for the resort, obviously, which made Leia decline the offer at first. But Han, in his strange yet logical fashion, told her not to look a gift from the Creators in the theoretical mouth. She didn't know where he picked up that turn of phrase, but he was right. Although she still felt twinges of guilt for accepting the offer of something so lavish...

But if it meant she could see him running around almost naked under the sun, the guilt could fly out a porthole.

"I am not putting that—" his index finger stabbed towards the swim briefs like a missile stuck in pause mode "—or those, or whatever the Hells you call it, on."

Leia put on her best seductive smile. "But I want you to."

"Doesn't matter. I won't wear it."

"These happen to be speedos. They're quite fashionable with the trendy sort in the Core." That wasn't likely to get Han into the contraption, but she had to make up her persuasion as this discourse went along. Lay the foundation, and soon you will be able to place the keystone, as the old saying went.

"When did I ever care about that stuff?"

Score one for him, as usual.

"I want you to wear it." Again, the same cliched offensive. Gods, she had obviously lost her touch in debates. Although winning in a debate with Han took far more work than with a typically Gamorrean-headed diplomat. He was savvy, and knew almost every verbal trick that any being might throw at him.

He leaned back, and crossed his arms. Defensive Posture #3 in his arsenal. "Nice, but I won't."

"You need something to wear on this trip."

"Is Luke going to come over and housesit?" Avoidance Tactic #2 from The Book of Solo, she noted.

"Don't change the subject."

"Yeah, somebody should be here just in case Ackie decides to come by and use our balcony for a party, since he was too cheap to get a place that has one."

"Stop—"

"Stepping outside with nothing but that rubber bandage on. Great, just what I always wanted to do in the summer."

"It's not rubber, it's Starprene."

"Same difference. It could be made out of burlap and Ewok fur, I still ain't gonna put it on."

"Oh, and why? Are you afraid of showing off your body?"

"No guy with one drop of self-respect ever wears midget underwear outside. Not even inside unless he's stupid."

Leia dropped the brief briefs on the table. What did he know about public humiliation while wearing next to nothing? "Remember how I was chaied up to your dear friend the Hutt while I was stuck in a metal bikini? Do you think I felt wonderful? No, I felt naked, and ashamed, and chagrined—"

His expression softened. "I know, I know. You don't need to remind me."

Now she had gained some small amount of high ground. Good. "And all those times I've put on the tiniest articles of clothing known to humanity when we've had other vacations. Do you think I wore those because I like strutting around like a Twi'lek cage dancer?"

"But you seemed comfortable. If it bothered you that much, then why—"

"Because I wear those stupid fragments for you." Yes, a valid argument that touched on an uncomfortable truth, a sore point that had been flung between them in the past. She detested putting on those scraps of fabric held together only by two stitches and multiple prayers to the Goddess
of Modesty. But every time she put on one of those "garments", Han's appreciation was obvious. It was odd, and terrible, how the nature of attraction worked. It was worth the effort, yes, but he could shoulder the burden of acting as eye candy. One turn of the circle must equal another in order to form balance. Which meant he was the damned thing whether he liked it or not.

Han had still not responded. He was out of objections, at least for the moment. Her defense might have worked.

"Yes, these are tiny. And you do have to lose some dignity to wear them properly. But I'm only asking you to do this just once." That might be a lie. If he did it on this trip, then she might hold the right to
maneuver him into the thing on future vacations. For every occasion when he wanted her to parade around in something made of feathers, lace, and dental floss, then he could repay her good grace by traipsing around in the little black contraption.

He reached across the table with his palm facing to the ceiling. "Pass it over."

"Conceding defeat, are you?"

"Just this once. As long as you swear there won't be anyone else around when we get there."

"Of course. We're the only ones in the villa. And we have the private beach, so no one but me will see you wearing it outside."

His expression was plainly doubtful, but he had surrendered, so there wasn't going to be another argument slipping past his lips. "Fine, if you say so."

"I do." And she was telling the truth.

But she didn't have to mention just yet that she had bought a new imager for this vacation. Did he really need to know that she had taken a sudden interest in holography?

 

Good for Leia!





(You know, for a moment I was afraid of clicking of this, maybe you'd used the flowery *shudder* speedo for inspiration...)

 

But she didn?t have to mention just yet that she had bought a new imager for this vacation. Did he really need to know that she had taken a sudden interest in holography?



This was great! Very in-character for both of them, and an all-around fun read.

 

Oh, that was good. Go Leia! Women need eye candy too!

 

Making fun of his reaction wasn't going to get her husband into the loop of stretchy fabric hanging loosely around her index finger. "It's the latest thing in beach wear for men."

So, let some guy who cares about trends wear it then.


More importantly, they were also guaranteed to "Fit Tight In All The Right Places". Just what she wanted.

I'll bet. *shudders*


"But I want you to."

"Doesn't matter. I won't wear it."

You go Al Bundy or Han Solo or whoever you are! I applaud your ability to stand up to your woman - no matter how short lived that defiance will be.


"It's not rubber, it's Starprene."

"Same difference. It could be made out of burlap and Ewok fur, I still ain't gonna put it on."

Go man go! Put your foot down, that always works. Though it won't go over for much longer.


That brought him out of Posture #3. His expression softened. "I know, I know. You don't need to remind me."

LOL! Of course she needed to remind you - how else is she going to get you to wear that... thing. Logically, you could remind her she didn't have much choice and she chose to wear that other stuff on the other occasions - but women don't often respond to logic.


He reached across the table with his palm facing to the ceiling. "Give me it."

Ah the wanning resolve of a typical whipped individual, so entertaining for guys to see - when we're not the ones on the receiving end.


Did he really need to know that she had taken a sudden interest in holography?

LMAO!! Great punchline! Very humourous indeed, Ms. Moody. *grin*

 

This is great and a good laugh.

?I want you to wear it.? Again, the same clichéd offensive. Gods, she had obviously lost her touch in debates.
LOL

He leaned back, and crossed his arms. Defensive Posture #3 in his arsenal. ?Nice, but I won?t.?
Damn those Solo men.

It could be made out of burlap and Ewok fur, I still ain?t gonna put it on
OOh, kinky

ut she didn?t have to mention just yet that she had bought a new imager for this vacation. Did he really need to know that she had taken a sudden interest in holography?
No - a wife has to have some secrets, and some surprises.

Thanks I enjoyed this a lot

 

I guess she really hasn't lost her touch in debates!!

hey were also guaranteed to "Fit Tight In All The Right Places"



'Nuff said

Great job on this

 

...But I?m only asking you to do this just once.? That might be a lie. If he did it on this trip, then she might hold the right to maneuver him into the thing on future vacations. For every occasion when he wanted her to parade around in something made of feathers, lace, and dental floss, then he could repay her good grace by traipsing around in the speedos.



This was wonderful!!! What a great start to my day--Thanks!

 

Oh.... wow. I don't think I can't stop LAUGHING!

Really excellent, leiamoody! Han in a speedo!

 

Ah, yes.... I am picturing that photo of HF wearing that speedo (and a beard) as I read this! - Maybe Leia could invite over a large group of friends while Han is out swimming??? This just begs to be continued.

 

This was hilarious!

True point Leia made there. The things women do for their men, and she only asks this one tiny (really tiny! ) thing in return (for now)....


Of course she failed to mention her "sudden" interest in holography.... Great punch line!

I loved how they each knew (and labeled) each other's defenses as they went along.

This does beg a sequel! I wanna know what happens on their vacation!

 

Another story rising from the depths to be added to the Prolific Writer's Index...and because it's summer, so why not?

 

Delightful! Very much something I can imagine because fair's fair

 

I have nothing to say because I'm too busy laughing.

 

WHAT DID YOU DO? Even the scoundrels have their limits.


He leaned back, and crossed his arms. Defensive Posture #3 in his arsenal. "Nice, but I won't."

"You need something to wear on this trip."

"Is Luke going to come over and housesit?" Avoidance Tactic #2 from The Book of Solo, she noted.

OH.MY.GOAT. DID I JUST READ WHAT I THINK I READ?



"Same difference. It could be made out of burlap and Ewok fur, I still ain't gonna put it on."

I know some folks who will gladly SHED for this. One may or may not have a personal problem with Han Solo after a certain spear incident.



But she didn't have to mention just yet that she had bought a new imager for this vacation. Did he really need to know that she had taken a sudden interest in holography?

I AM GOING TO DIE HERE AND IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR FAULT.

 

Again, thanks for the readings.

Yeah, Han asked so much of her in the wardrobe department...turnabout is fair play.

Good.

Pish-posh Bosch...Solo had it coming. Any scoundrel who thinks he's got a limit doesn't know the true measure of the road...or the hyperlane...I dunno what I'm saying here.

 

Oh this was hysterical! And sooooo Han and Leia. I'm not sure at which point I started laughing like a hyena, but it may have been the "not rubber, Starprene" line. And now I'm still laughing...

 

I loved this one and good for her pointing out she wears scant garments for him.

 

Thanks for reading.

Trust only genuine Starprene threads..."P

Well, he needed to learn that lesson: if you can't dish it out, don't expect to eat it up.