A story about Lady Vader, Mot's Minx and Tanktopgirl

Discussion in 'United Kingdom' started by Ooh_Aah_Cantona, Mar 7, 2002.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ooh_Aah_Cantona Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 2000
    star 6
    three women, named Rachel, Caroline and Jeannette had a very late night drinking Guinness. They left in the early morning hours and went home separately.

    They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.


    Rachel claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

    To which Caroline replied, "Och, You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"


    And then Jeannette proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I got in a big fight with my boyfriend, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!"


    They all looked at each other for a moment. Then Rachel says, "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my cat."
  2. LadyVader81 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 2, 2001
    star 6
  3. Gav Daragon Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2000
    star 5
  4. anakin_pm Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2001
    star 4
    LMAO! Took me w while but I got it :p
  5. Arun Dale Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 1999
    star 6
    ..it's also as old as the hills..
  6. Tanktopgirl Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2001
    star 5
    LMAO

    // looks @ Chet and thinks fondly of cabbages
  7. nemco1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 19, 2001
    star 2
    but chunks was a dog!!!
  8. MOTs_Minx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 26, 2000
    star 6
    LOL

    I thought chunks was the fat kid from Goonies ;)
  9. Ooh_Aah_Cantona Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 2000
    star 6
    yes,i know, but ttg has a cat.....

    and I know it's as old as the hills, but it's a slow day on the boards....
  10. Arun Dale Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 1999
    star 6
    Why not do the BUMJA joke while we are all here..or the Elephant and the monkey and coconut?
  11. Ooh_Aah_Cantona Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 2000
    star 6
    LMAO @ Minx. That would've been funnier. Blowing the fat kid from the goonies as the punchline.


    Ugggh, just got a mental picture. :(

  12. MOTs_Minx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 26, 2000
    star 6
    [image=http://www.thegoonies.com/White_Chunk.jpg]
  13. Tanktopgirl Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2001
    star 5
    The old ones are the best. Unless we're talking Tom Jones here.

    // ak
  14. Ooh_Aah_Cantona Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 2000
    star 6
    I don't know those jokes arun. post them. Infact, everybody post their cr@p, old jokes.
  15. nemco1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 19, 2001
    star 2
    this one is really bad! not even funny!

    A guy buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Valentines.

    After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said,
    "Wait a minute, I thought you told me before that she wanted
    one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles?"

    "Well she did," he replied...
    "But just where the hell was I going to find a fake Jeep?!"
  16. Tanktopgirl Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2001
    star 5
    An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the
    Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit.

    At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for the deed.

    Jill is traveling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.

    The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.

    This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar.

    But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention.

    She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne.
    "So am I" she says.
    "What suburb in Melbourne?"
    "Glen Iris" he says.
    "That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"
    "Cameo street" he says."
    This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"
    He says "Number 20" and she is astonished.

    You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"

    I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give to you!"

    He who drinks Australian - thinks Australian
  17. AlphaWolf Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 27, 2000
    star 5
    i got that the other day.

    [old record]keep these clean you guys.[/old record]
  18. MOTs_Minx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 26, 2000
    star 6
  19. MayhemUK Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2001
    star 4
    TTG... oldie but a goodie :)
  20. Ooh_Aah_Cantona Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 2000
    star 6
    CAn't remember if I've already posted it. Probably, but it still makes me LOL.

    Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

    The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten".

    As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hit the water and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

    Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

    During the next tropical storm, Justin figured that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was thinking of being a prawn, a flash of lightning struck the water next to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned
    back into prawn.

    With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at
    the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

    Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

    Christian replied," No way, man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked."

    Justin cried back " No I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed..."


    wait for it
    +
    +
    +
    ........"I'm a prawn again Christian"......................!
  21. anakin_pm Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2001
    star 4
    [alpha]Im stuck like an old record, and that dam energizer battry advert.. I go on and on and on, or the Scotch tape ones[alpha]

    :D
  22. Arun Dale Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 1999
    star 6
    Mayhem and his new girlfriend were terribly shy when it came to sex, so instead
    of simply saying, "Let's makes love," they'd say, "Washing machine."
    One night our hero puts his arms around his girlfriend and asked,
    "Washing Machine?"
    "Not tonight honey," she replied. "I'm tired.
    He rolled away from her, but in a couple of minutes he began
    stroking he thighs and once again ventured. "Washing machine?"
    "Darling, I'm really tired." she said. "Beside the point I have a
    Headache."
    Sighing deeply, the guy moved back to his own side of the bed
    and was silent. His girlfriend began thinking and to keep him happy, and soon she turned to him and
    whispered. "Washing Machine."
    "That's okay." Mayhem replied with a yawn. "It was a small load,
    so I did it by hand."
  23. anakin_pm Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2001
    star 4
    //throws rotton fish at Chet for that bad fishy joke.
  24. MOTs_Minx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 26, 2000
    star 6
  25. nemco1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 19, 2001
    star 2
    Chet not the prawn joke, that must be you fav joke of all time

    An 80 year old man hobbles into confession and says to the priest,
    "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11
    grandchildren.
    Last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I made love
    with both of them ...twice." The priest said, "Well my son, when was
    the last time you were in confession?"
    "Never Father, I'm Jewish."
    "Jewish!? Then, why are you telling me?", asks the priest.
    "Telling you?....I'm telling everybody"
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.