{***A Tangle of Tears***} Obi/character tortue, JA time period, EU, slight humor, sad stuff, too.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Niobiie-of-Belfalas, Dec 1, 2002.

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  1. _Lady_Wimsey Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
  2. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    'k, here's another post. Here's also a trailer I wrote for it last night. The trailer is written to be pictured like a movie trailer.
    Teaser Trailer for,
    A Tangle of Tears

    black screen, a deep voice of a woman:
    ?A young Jedi Knight in turmoil...?

    flash to screen, a young woman, curly dark hair, sad black eyes, gray cloak.

    ?A planet, where freedom means nothing...?

    flash to screen, rocky brown planet, mountains, dust

    ?A planet, where death may come at any moment, and often does...?

    flash to screen, greenish clouds, dark shapes swooping around them

    ?Death came, long ago...?

    flash to woman with dark hair again, whisper, ?Jenny.?

    ?Death came, and stole more than a life...?

    flash to woman again, ?My life in a tangle of tears.?

    ?A place, where fears rules, and terror...is daily life...?

    flash to screen, two men talking,
    a young man, blue eyes, ?What are gedfferee???
    pale alien, with red eyes, ?A hugy thing, dey ?ave wings made of leather.
    Dey have sharp teeth, dey drink blood.
    Ice season also spreads fever.
    Many many people die.?

    fade into black

    ?Death, terror, and the Mellean. This is their way of life.?

    A Tangle of Tears




    ?I hate being a slave,? remarked Obi-Wan as Qui-Gon smeared browning oil on his face. ?I especially hate being a slave when you?re the one to sell me. You always pick such nice masters.?

    Qui-Gon looked hurt, ?If you?re referring pirate incident, it was an accident.?

    Obi-Wan rubbed the back of his head, as if remembering some wound, ?Hum.?

    ?Dona forget his ears, back of his neck, and eyelids,? called Kelper. ?I?m ready, so hurry up.?

    Qui-Gon finished, and Obi-Wan finished getting dressed. He wore a thin black tunic, and ragged black leggings to match. His skin was darkened, and had several ugly wooden bracelets around his arm. They clattered and Obi-Wan thought they were very uncomfortable. He wouldn?t have worn them, only Kelper assured them that all male slaves wore them.

    Kelper herself had darkened her own skin quite a bit more, and wore ragged clothes very similar to Obi-Wan?s. She wore large wooden hoops in her ears, for her ears were pierced. She had taken all her hair and twisted it into a rough, dirty knitted cap.

    As Obi-Wan came in, she handed him a leather belt, and put one on herself. ?This is what most slaves look like.? she said.

    They had decided that it was the best idea to have at least one person stay ?free? to help if unforseen problems rose. As Qui-Gon knew Kelper would know much more about the mines, they decided she would go. She said she would not sell Yannle, so Obi-Wan was the other logical choice.

    ?Yani,? Qui-Gon heard Kelper say to Yannle. ?I want you to stay here while Qui-Gon sells us. Sui might recognize you.?

    Yannle looked at the ground with a strange expression on her face. ?The Mellean have long memories,? she whispered, as if repeating an expression. ?The Mellean forget their friends and never forget their enemies. The Mellean never never forget.?

    ?Then the Mellean are elephants,? snorted Kelper. ?You?ve broken away. You are never going back.? She gently grabbed Yannle?s shoulders and made her look at her. ?Do not go back,? she said in an undertone. ?They do not control you. They cannot get you if you don?t let them.?

    Yannle said nothing. She licked her teeth thoughtfully, and fingered the edge of her cloak, which she never seemed to take off.

  3. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Sorry, I forgot to say, thanks to you, Lady Wimsey. I'm still reading Nine Tailors.
  4. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Wooooah. Rita, that trailer was AWSOME! Oh man, that was soooo cool.

    Now, I REALLY want to keep reading this thing! (hyah, like I didn't before! ;) )

    Oh, this is such an awsome story. You add so much flavor, and charictor into your writing. You also manage to write everyone as believable.

    And then this planet. UGH! It drives me crazy, but it's SO amazing! It's astonishing how realistic you can make the town, the culture...it's like a planet that could really exsist in it's entirity.

    This is one, super, fic, Rita. I can't wait for the next part! :)


  5. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks for the compliment! *blushes a tomato hue* [face_blush]

    Great trailer! Especially good job on the text; I've *never* been able to handle that in my own trailers, so I like them all the more in other peoples'.

    Poor Obi-Wan! I may as well start now, since I'm bound to find myself saying it a lot eventually (if your title is anything to go by). Still, just for now, I'm laughing more than I'm pitying; you did a good job with the sort of forlorn, 'I'll do it, but why me??' air that helps to make Obi-Wan such a likeable character. ;)

    I'm glad Qui-Gon is staying outside -- I didn't much care for the idea of them all getting sold together, since it seemed to tie their hands rather sadly. *smacks forehead* And that pun was NOT intended!

    Good description of their new clothing, clumsy wooden bangles in particular, since they helped you really *see* what was happening, and I really liked Kelper's words to Yani! Whatever brought those two together must be one whopper of a story, if not in length, then at least in content. :)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  6. SiriGallia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    OOOOOKAY!!!!!!!!!! I caught up!!

    GOODNESS GIRL!! You've got an EXCELLENT story here! You've got characters, a planet, a mystery, heck even an accent!! I can't wait to see more of this (sorry it took me so long to catch up :D )

    I ALSO really like all the aliens you have! And I REALLY like Kelper!!

    Of course you just paired up Kelper with Obi-Wan leaving Qui-Gon with Yani....I'm not sure if that's good :D

    AND TERRIFIC TRAILER!!!!!!!!!!!! That was REALLY cool!!

    Can't wait for more!!! :)
  7. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Jewel: Thanks, glad you liked the trailer. I'm glad you like the planet, too. I had so much fun turning it and its inhabitants into a real place and culture, I want to write a scientific essay on it. I thought up more about it than I could cram into this story.

    Sarah: I have trouble thinking up words for my trailers, too. I always have enough to make one, no problem. But if I try to make a second.....I go blank.
    Obi-Wan always makes a good 'why me' scapegoat. ;)

    Siri: Thanks for catching up on it, glad you like it.
    Have you ever posted Father, Son, and the Sith on F.net?? I think you should. I'd up it a l-o-t... [face_hopeful]


    Obi-Wan finally got to see the town. It was made of different buildings hollowed out of the mountain, and was connected by ladders and stairs. There were beggars, slaves, townspeople, mountain people, and rich looking gentlemen who rode in hover cars pulled by hover droids. There were only a few stores though, one sold salt, one sold sweet water and Mello?s, one sold seeds, one sold human food, and one sold slaves. This was where they went. It was filthy, but warm.

    ?Goota specity?? asked a man at the counter.

    ?They specialize in rock 7 and salt,? answered Qui-Gon.

    ??Ers a card,? he nodded towards a room. ??Dey?ed probly sell to number tree, Delgo section.?

    Qui-Gon shrugged, ?Whatever.?

    Obi-Wan squeezed into the crowded corner that was for slaves, and tried to make a little room for Kelper. This room was hotter, probably close to the heaters, and he could feel sweat trickle down his neck. He tried not to envy Qui-Gon, who was sitting on cushioned bench, near a fan.

    Several minutes later, a man came in and yelled something in another language.

    Instantly, all the slave sellers pushed their ways to their slaves, and tried to make them all look healthy and skilled. Qui-Gon gently lead Kelper and Obi-Wan to the middle of the seething crowd. The less memorable they were, the better.

    The man looked rapidly at each slave, completely ignoring the sales pitches of each owner. He then made a rapid offer, and quickly ended the bid. He seemed to know his business well, and usually got a good bargain. Then he came to Kelper and Obi-Wan.

    ?They?re healthy,? he barked at Qui-Gon, narrowing his red eyes. ?Give you ten yemmers.?

    ?Ten?!? Qui-Gon snorted. ?They?re worth twenty times that much.? He gave a loud, but unskilled bid. In the end, he sold his apprentice and fellow Jedi Knight for seventeen yemmers apiece.


    Brarui saw several officials coming rapidly towards him. He quickly, and with a coolness and ease that made it obvious he?d done it before, slipped several papers he?d rather not have them see into a drawer.

    ?May I help you excellents??? he said innocently, licking his teeth nervously.

    ?You are Brarui Chell-Yentu-Nim?? barked the captain.

    ?Ja ja,? Brarui simpered. ?How may I help you??

    ?You have some off planet visitors??

    ?Perhaps I do. I keep a temporary inn for new arrivals. I do have papers.?

    ?What do I care for papers,? snorted the man. ?A girl, yellow eyes, tall though young, perhaps wearing a green cloak????

    Brarui thought about hinting for a bribe, and decided against it. ?Ja ja, there was a girl with other people like that. Second room, I think she?s there now.?

    ?Take us to her,? snapped the official.

    Yannle lay on the floor. She had cried for a while, for now Kelper was gone. She was with someone she didn?t know, and back on the planet she dreaded. She had finally cried herself to sleep, now she was half awake. Suddenly, she heard a familiar sound. The crunch of Mellean soldier boots on the stairs. She sat up, covered in a cold sweat. The window was too high and small to climb out. The only door out was the one being approached. There was no escape this time.

    *enter Jaws music*

  8. Starkindler Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Up. That's cool. I like Kelper. ;)
  9. SiriGallia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    [face_shocked] OH NO!!!

    OH dear!! How are you going to get her out of THIS one???

    I don't know but for some reason I found the thought of Qui-Gon 'selling his apprentice' ammusing!! :D WoW! I didn't know Obi-Wan was THAT bad ;) *giggle*

    *starts to fidget I NEED MORE!!!*
  10. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    How's she goin' ta get ouda dis one?!? *shakes self* Good grief, now you've got *me* talking that way. But the question still stands! I don't know Yanni as well as I know her companions, but I'd like to know her better, and if she gets hauled off by some nasty-breathed, ugly-as-sin, not-a-nice-bone-in-his-body Bad Guy, I have a bad feeling I won't get much of a chance... :(

    Well, no sense crossing the sky arch before I come to it. *sigh* In the meanwhile, I think I'll have to go and chase Brarui around his table for a while -- that was *not* a good business tactic! I mean, I may settle for hitting you over the head with my keyboard, but if something happens to Kelper's 'family', oooooh.... *shakes head mournfully* I'll send dandelions to your funeral.

    Great job on the description of the slave seller's place, and Qui-Gon's performance was most excellent! I knew he'd do his part well. Now if Kelper and Obi-Wan can be persuaded to cooperate with eachother...

    *heads off to chase Brarui-the-Block-Headed* :)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  11. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Starkindler: Thanks, I'm glad you like Kelper.

    Siri: Oh yes, Obi-Wan is such a naughty apprentice that Qui-Gon has attempted to get rid of him numerous times. But he keep finding his way back...
    I would love to meet Jedi Arwen. I'd send her an e-mail, but it might scare her. You'd better warn her about me before I try it. ;)

    Sarah: You might get to know Yannle better... *innocent whistling and looking away* :D Brarui is just a simple man, trying to make his way in the universe. (granted, he hasn't picked the sweetest way...)

    I hope to see TTT on opening day. Dad's going to try and buy the tickets on his way home from work today, and we'll go with Mr. B. and Melissy.


    Kelper good naturedly elbowed the slave who was crowding her. They had all been roughly crammed into two trams. It was a fifteen minute ride the Delgo section. The tram was stuffy.

    ?I?m beginning to really not like flying,? Obi-wan called to her.

    ?You should have been on the transport system of the planet of Heelos, it was brutal. Jennifer said afterwards....? she trailed off abruptly and said nothing more for the rest of the ride.

    When they arrived at Delgo, the slaves were divided into three groups. Kelper, with no obvious effort, kept with Obi-Wan. Their group was lead down a long hall.

    Mine number three, was a salt, rock 7, and rock 13 mine. The mine was huge. Enormous rooms carved out of the black rock were filled with workers and machinery. Slaves were everywhere. Most looked just like Obi-Wan and Kelper. Every slave wore ugly wooden jewelry, ragged caps of all colors, and black tunics. Leather belts were worn by everyone in the entire mine, whether they were slaves or not. No one took any notice of the Jedi.

    Obi-Wan and Kelper?s group were sent to a salt division. Kelper was given a substance to dip each chunk of raw salt into, and Obi-Wan carried huge baskets to her.

    ?How are we....? panted Obi-Wan. ?...supposed to find....a princess here???

    ?I have an idea,? answered Kelper calmly. ?Dona worry, we?ll find her tonight.?


    Qui-Gon stopped at a shop to buy sweet water for Yannle. He wasn?t sure what he would do, probably try to get in touch with that Thinyig again. All Thinyig had told they, was that the Yyma would pay all expenses, and he would stay in touch with them.

    Brarui wasn?t at his desk, and Qui-Gon had to wait for a while before he reappeared.

    ?I need the key to our room,? he told him. Brarui was licking his teeth very nervously, and Qui-Gon could feel a guilty sense about him. He didn?t take much notice of it though, Brarui probably had just done some more of his creative earnings.

    Qui-Gon went up the stairs, and unlocked the door. He could feel something was wrong before the door was even open. He could feel no sense of another person in the room. He opened the door and confirmed it. Yannle was gone.

    He saw a note sitting in one corner. He picked it up. It said
    ( somthing I wrote in a type of letters that don't work of F.net, sorry. It wasn't somthing you could read anyway.)

    Qui-Gon stared at it, and suddenly wished he knew how to read Symbol script. ?Oh well,? he thought. ?I?ll take it with me when I go to meet Kelper and Obi-Wan. Kelper will be able to read it.? Qui-Gon wished he could look for Yannle, but he didn?t know where. Meanwhile, all he could do was wait till the third day (when he was supposed to meet Kelper and Obi-Wan) and find out all he could about the Mellean.


    ?I never want to eat anything with salt on it again,? remarked Obi-Wan as he sat wearily on a bench. His face and clothes were stiff with hardened salt, and so was his hair.

    ?Just be glad be aren?t mining Kia,? answered Kelper. ?Kia gets in your throat even worse than this salt and makes your food taste like pepper, no matter how much you drink to wash it down, for about a week after mining it.?

    ?Hum,? grunted Obi-Wan
  12. SiriGallia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    *giggle* I KNEW they wouldn't get along!! Obi-Wan should be careful or he'll be one DEAD apprentice!! ;)

    Oh dear! I hope Yannle's okay!!

    Oooh! Hope you get to see it opening night!! I all ready told you when WE'RE seeing it :D CAN'T WAIT!!!

    Oh, I'll warn her ;)

  13. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    I caught up! I'm so glad I didn't miss this stuff.

    Hannah's like: "I posted on Rita's other post."

    and Sarah says: "Oh, she posted again? I only posted on her newest one this morning."

    And I'm like: "SHE POSTED TODAY?!?!?!?!" ;)

    I'm so glad I caught up to you.

    Great posts, Nio, both of 'um! Oooh. I'm beginning to reeeally like Kelper! I feel so sorry for her with Jenny now.

    I had BETTER not be feeling sorry about Yannle too though! I DON'T WANT YANNLE TO DIE!!!!!! :( *sniff* .... :_(

    Me wike Yanew. HEY! I can do accents TOO! ;)

    Scientific essay? Neat-o! Yeah, I know what it's like to come up with like a whole NOVEL of stuff you want to stuff into your story, but you never can say all you wanted to. Well, I think Tomothey Zahn, J.R.R. Tolkien, and C.S. Lewis got pretty close though. ;)

    Yeah, I had this strange feeling that Kelper and Obi-Wan wouldn't end up two peas in a pod, shall we say. They crack me up!

    Oooooh you're lucky! We can't make it to the first showing, because our Dad's call scheduale's kinda mixed-up currently. The fact that our closest theatre is aaaaaaaaall the way in ASHEVILLE doesn't help either. *sigh*

    Man, I hope you have fun! I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't WAIT! GO TWO TOWERS!...maybe this isn't the thing to be saying on a Star Wars board..hm... :D

    Well, I'll be back!

    Namarie nin maer mellon, na haer!
    (farewell my good frien, for now!)

  14. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    *gets a sudden mental picture of Obi-Wan duct taped to the ceiling and covered in salt* LOL! [face_laugh]

    Okay, okay, I really feel bad for both of them. I mean, the whole thirst and taste things are mild inconveniences in the long run, and they're just the sort of thing you figure Jedi have to deal with 24/7 when they're on missions, but all the same... I guess you find yourself thinking that it's not fair that they should be *that* miserable on a regular basis! They already have to fight the Sith, and defend little worlds against big armies and take up other sorts of equally hopeless causes -- can't they at least have a little bit of a break?? *recalls that, after Hijacked Honeymoon, she has no room to talk* Never mind. :p

    I'd be interested in seeing what that symbol writing looked like some time! It sounded interesting, and it was (by the by) a very clever way to work it. If I'd had to guess what type of writing Yani would know, I'd probably go with something like that! Unfortunate as it is for Qui-Gon. Let's hope that waiting won't cause more problems.

    Hope you get to see TTT on opening day! As Siri's probably already told you, we'll be seeing it the day after. Are you and Melissa gonna dress up? ;)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  15. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Siri: ;) So glad ya like it all. (so glad it hasn't convinced you that your friend is insane and made you decide to drop our friendship like a One Ring that does get hot from being in the fire)

    Jewel: We (yehaa!!) are going to see in the eighteenth, and eight o'clock. Daddy got the tickets today. (and yes, I think you are allowed to talk about LOTR on a SW only based site)

    Sarah: Us two?? Dress up like fictional characters just to see a movie around tons of other people?? Looking like complete idiots, fools, and nuts??? US?!?!?!?!?!?! Why, we wouldn't dream.................of not taking the opportunity. Yup, we shall sacrifice our dignity, (as if we've ever had any in the first place) and look like complete fools having a great time!!! In 1 evish cloak and 1 fancy silk elvish dress!!!
    Me?? Kill Yannle??? When have I ever.....scratch that. You'll see...

    and back to SW, which really was almost completely left out of this...


    ?...and when I came back from selling you,? finish Qui-Gon. ?Yannle was gone.?

    Kelper had been looking at the note for a while, and hadn?t said anything yet.

    They were all standing in an alley near mine three. Obi-Wan still couldn?t believe how they had gotten out. All they had done, was sneaked a scrap of paper and Kelper had written, in Skia, an order for new strap fittings for one of the machines. The straps were cheap enough, and Kelper planed to buy them on their way back, and no one would be the wiser.

    ?In a mine that?s owned by the Mellean,? she had explained to Obi-Wan. ?People don?t ask questions. Even of the slaves. They aren?t afraid of slaves escaping because, after all, where would they go?? Nowhere. That?s why they never escape. If we come back and machine six gets new straps for free, they don?t care where we went or what we did.?

    So that?s what they had done, and it had been as simple as could be.

    ?What?s the note say??? asked Obi-Wan.

    ?I says,? Kelper said slowly. ? I?m going to Qari again, I?m going back. The Mellean are my people.?

    ?We can?t go after her,? Qui-Gon said gently, seeing the look in Kelper?s face. ?We have to save the princess. Maybe Yannle will come back, she?ll be all right.?

    ?She?s not all right,? Kelper said dully. ?This paper is made from bwachy, Yani could not have gotten any. Someone wanted us to think it?s from Yani. Besides, they made a crucial mistake,? she crushed the note in anger. ?Yani cannot write.?

    ?Who would want to take Yannle??? asked Obi-Wan, confused. ?She only just arrived on the planet, who would do it???

    ?The Mellean,? answered Kelper. ?They want her. She knew too much, and she was the closest thing they could get to me.?

    ?What do you mean??? asked Qui-Gon softly. ?I think you need to tell us you and Yannle?s background together.?

    ?All right,? agreed Kelper slowly. She began to speak in a low, reluctant voice. ?I bought Yani for no other reason than that she looked so pitiful and I wanted to free her. I?ve done that more than once. I bought her at a Mellean market, though I didn?t know it at the time. If I bought her and just set her free on a planet like this (the market was on this planet) she would just be recaptured and made a slave again. Then I found out she wasn?t just the innocent little slave I thought I was helping.
    She and I were in a speeder wreck, and it was her fault. The speeder driver took us to court, and, had I not interceded, Yani would have lost her life. Yani apparently had expected me to abandon her, and was amazed that I risked my freedom and life just to help her. Then she confessed she was not just any slave.
    She had been sold to the Mellean when she was a baby, and had been brought up to be a spy or any other use they could possibly have for her. She had been taught to love no one, and to think only of herself. The Mellean had ordered her to get me to buy her, and she was supposed to find out all about me and give
  16. SiriGallia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Ooooh! Cool post!! YEAH we know *something* about Yannle! Of course now there's this NEW mystery!!

    Have I mentioned I like Kelper??.....it bears repeating I LIKE KELPER!! :D

    Oh and, that wasn't my key board, I think it was Jewel's! :p
  17. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Siri: J....Je....Jewel??? :_| I gotta lump on my head, though I probably deserve it. [face_sigh] :D No, it was one of our cats, I think I was annoying him.
    I'm gona post now, 'cus tonight is Lydia's bridal shower. :) It'll be so fun.
    Messa glad you like Kelper. She's one popular gal, 'n she don't even know it.


    That night, Qui-Gon traveled to the city of Gemma. He hated to leave Obi-Wan alone, but he had some information that he couldn?t ignore. Thinyig had contacted him, and had given him a source, that indicated the princess perhaps wasn?t in mine three. That she, perhaps, was actually in Gamma.

    The source Thinyig had given him was a man, named Remiin, who was vaguely connected with the Mellean. Remiin was always up for hire to the highest bidder. And he had sold information about the Mellean to Thinyig before. The Mellean soldiers knew he sold it, but they didn?t really care.

    He sold sweet grains and room and board for Mellean soldiers. The Mellean, he said, had rented a few rooms for the next nine weeks, which was an unusually long amount of time. They also never let him clean the room or deliver food to it. None of this pointed to the princess, except the rumor that a girl was being held captive in the room

    It wasn?t much of a lead, but it was better to check it out than just sit in Brarui?s second room and twiddle his thumbs, waiting for Brarui to betray him or for someone to tell him the game was up and the Mellean wanted him for questioning.

    So he took a speeder tram that went to Gamma and found the inn where Remiin was.

    ?Are you Remiin??? Qui-Gon asked the greasy looking alien with purple eyes and blue gills.

    ?Ja ja, yesss I am,? he hissed.

    ?I?m here to get the information you know about that room with the girl,? Qui-Gon said bluntly.

    ?What girl??? Remiin said innocently.

    Qui-Gon sighed lustily and slipped him several coins. He was beginning to understand the people of this planet.

    ?Well,? said the alien, as if telling a story to an old friend. ?I dona know there ee?s a girl there, but I suspect it. You see, I know a man who....? he went on to tell Qui-Gon a useless, obvious lie about how he suspected it was a girl being kept captive.

    Qui-Gon had a sudden idea, ?What do you mean there?s girl in that room???? he said loudly. ?I?m looking for a boy!!?

    ?Of course,? the alien changed his tactics immediately. ?Ja ja, I said ee?t was a boy.?

    ?No you didn?t,? persisted Qui-Gon. ?You said it was an old man.?

    ?No no, I said ee?t was a boy!!? Remiin looked just slightly confused. ?I, I mean...?

    He trailed off, and Qui-Gon could almost feel him wanting to say, ?It is whatever you want it to be.?

    ?And of course, you wouldn?t want Dangle to know you are keeping slavers in your room, would you,? Qui-Gon spoke in a threatening tone. He had only made ?Dangle? up, and knew the Mellean wouldn?t care a bit that Remiin was hiding slavers. He just knew the fear of the Mellean was strong in everybody and Remiin might not consider that Qui-Gon could be bluffing. Qui-Gon could only hope he would confuse and worry Remiin even more. It worked.

    ?Of...of course you?ra excellency ee?s quite, I mean, I want to ?elp you in anyway possible,? he said quickly, pretending as if he understood perfectly the veiled, but fake, warning.

    ?Of course,? said Qui-Gon thoughtfully. ?If I could only get keys into that room.....? he slipped Remiin a small leather pouch of coins.

    Remiin bowed nervously and smiled, showing his pointed teeth. ?Oh, so sorry. I have no key to the room, but I know where one isss. Room three, and I suspect that particular officer is very drunk tonight if....? he made a soft noise in his throat that was a surprisingly good imitation of money clinking together.

    ?Hmmm,? Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow at him.

    ?Maybe only if your excellency is very pleasssed with my work,? Remiin said quickly.

    ?Only if,?
  18. SiriGallia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Oh girl this is SO funny! I just about died laughing!! *giggle* Qui-Gon is such a clever guy!! Where does he come up with this stuff???

    WONDERFUL JOB!! I am SO enjoying this story!!!!!!!!

    Have fun at Lydia's Bridal Shower. *pouts* Wish I could go. :(

    Can't wait for MORE!!! :D (not to sound greedy or anything ;) )
  19. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Hehe...no, that wasn't me with the keyboard! I'd never...well okay, maybe I would. But I didn't! ;)

    Great post, Nio! *giggle* Remiiin cracks me up!!!!! [face_laugh] But I especially liked Qui-Gon in that scene! lol! :D

    Oooh I loved the way you wrote Kelper's whole speach. VERY well-written! I get the whole Yannle thing now. And you wouldn't kill her. Nope! ;)

    Ooooh Lydia's bridle shower? Ooooh! :_| I really wanted to go! *sniff* That is the serious downfall of living so far away from CRC *throws one arm around Sarah and Hannah's shoulders, and the other around Ainsley* POOOOOR UUUUS!!!! :( ;)

    Oh cool! You're gonna dress up for TTT? Neat-O! So are we. I have a silver cloak I'm gonna wear. It'll be SO fun! :)

    I can't wait to see you guys again! We'll all get together, probably stay in the doorway for hours, and just talk talk talk talk talk talk talk about Nio's FABULOUS story! ;) It'll be fun! It'll be fun! It'll be fun!!!

    Well, an absolutly super post, Nio! Both of 'um! And now the plot thickens...*shivers with excitment* Can't wait!

    Have fun at the shower. *sigh* :) ;)


  20. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    AHA! Mystery solved at last! And the keyboard certainly wasn't mine: I liked it! Not the keyboard, the post. I liked the post. Not that I don't like my keyboard, it's a very nice keyboard, but the post was better. *begins to feel dizzy, like that volley-ball full of darts Nio was talking about, and wonders if she should go back to her habit of posting in the morning...* :p

    Very clever work on Kelper's story, and the 'how' and 'why' behind her and Yani! Also the thing about the belts (another good look at this culture), and that shot about Yani being unable to write. Why is it that knowing that makes you all the more angry??

    As for that secong post, I'm still giggling fit to burst! Qui-Gon's quick little jabs, and back-tracks were a beauty to behold, and a pleasure to laugh over. That poor, confused, greedy little gill flapper... ;) He never even knew what hit him!

    As for dressing up: why did I know that you were going to say, "yeah, of course!"? Oh yeah, long experience. :)

    Sarah >^,,^< (a.k.a. Tindu of Lorien)
  21. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Siri: After all the hours of amazingly amazing writing of your's that I've gotten to read, I'm glad you can read something of mine, makes me feel slightly less guilty about The Cross of Belfalas.......nevermind. [face_blush]

    Jewel: Oooo, you're gona dress up, too?? You've gota send us'ens a picture of ya. Melissy 'n me'll do that too, though she cringes and ask, "Are you sure we should?" everytime I mention it. She's slightly less weird than me. My mom thinks I'm most deffinatly insane. She rolls her eyes and teases me everytime I mention it, I said to her,
    "You only have the chance of being an idiot once."
    her response, "Uh..."
    me, "Okay, you only have a semi-good excuse to be an idiot once."
    she said, "Okay, that works."

    Sarah: Normally something written with all that running around makes my head spin, fall over, and pass out. But it didn't this time, I even understood it, (I think :confused: ). You must write clearly.
    This made me think of what I did this morning, it was pretty funny.
    Okay, when I get up in the morning, I am VERY zombie-esc. VERY frightening, V-E-R-Y confused. (one morning dad imformed me Sting was at the door and wanted to meet me, I asked what Sting was) - that's how out of it I am in the morning.
    So I got up, stood in front of my dresser, took some clothes out, turned off my alarm, and gave the general appearance of being consious. Then I stared at the wall, and slowing tipped over, stumbling and trying not to land on the floor. I think I failed, though I don't really remember. ;) The weird thing is, I do this a lot. I frequently fall over when trying to turn off my alarm, and sometimes when I'm just trying to reach the door. I feel sorry for whoever I marry, he'll have to watch me do this every morning. [face_laugh] :D

    Lydia's shower was tons of fun, and everybody told funny wedding stories.


    ?How are you going to contact Sui??? whispered Obi-Wan to Kelper as he poured another basket of salt out for her.

    ?I?m going to try and contact her tonight,? answered Kelper, her eye staring at the ground. ?I saw her earlier this morning, but I don?t think she saw me. That should work to our advantage, because she won?t be thinking up sale pitches and prices ahead of time.?

    ?Right,? Obi-Wan nodded. ?Are just you going to talk to her, or should I come with you???

    ?I want you to some to,? answered Kelper, suddenly looking up. Her eyes glimmered. ?That way she?ll see I've got backup. I?ll try to hint that I?ve got even more than you.? She grinned suddenly, showing a rare flash of genuine humor. ?I highly doubt one Obi-Wan Kenobi is enough to scare her.?

    ?Oh, thanks.?

    That night, after Obi-Wan had already fallen asleep, he felt Kelper gently touch his shoulder. He sat groggily up, and almost jumped right out of his skin. Luckily, Kelper already had her hand over his mouth. Her skin, clothes, and hair all glowed a dull green.

    ?Breens salt,? she whispered. ?Glows in the dark. You?re glowing too.?

    Obi-Wan looked at his hand and discovered that it was indeed glowing a lifeless sort of green color.

    ?Come on,? continued Kelper. Her eyes had taken on the dull green of the glow, and seemed to gleam. ?I think I know which sector room Sui sleeps in. Be careful though, most slaves sleep heavily (the work is hard enough to insure that) but there are always the odd few.?

    Obi-Wan?s sector room was full of men and boys, all sleeping like the dead. It was easy not to wake them up. They crept out of the room, and into the large main hall. The floor and walls dully glowed green, and lighted their way. Past doorway after doorway they crept, Obi-Wan held his breath after each one.

    At last, they came to the central room. Kelper lead Obi-Wan around the machinery and down another hall.

    ?This section mines rock 7,? whispered Kelper. ?That?s what Sui knows how to mine. I think she?d be in.......this room.? She turned in a small doorway, and
  22. SiriGallia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    ***?I highly doubt one Obi-Wan Kenobi is enough to scare her.?

    ?Oh, thanks.?***

    *giggle* THAT CRACKED ME UP!! ;) Those two get along so well :p

    Oh those are nasty-mean-rotten people is what they are!! *growl* I hate them all ready!!

    OOoooh boy is right! I was having such a hard time keeping track of all these characters ;)

    *blush* I'm glad you like my stories so much Nio! I sure like yours :D

  23. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Jedi_Jewl has a long standing habit of slamming the villains of fanfics she reads into the walls of the thread. And every once in a while, I understand why. *grabs assorted handful of likely looking baddies by their ankles and begins to thwack them against the floor, hard, like someone getting dust out of a rug* BAM! BAM! BAM! *drops uncontious baddies to the floor -- much more zonked out than Rita in the morning -- sets a lawn chair on top of the pile, and sits in it*

    Now then... :)

    Very well written post, and if you understood my last reply, you and Siri have yet another thing in common. She's one of the few who gets what I'm saying in times like that! Her an' Jewl. ;)

    LOL on the 'Obi-Wan Kenobi' line! Who knows, Kelper, maybe one day they really *will* run from him! You never know... :p

    That is, so long as he survives the battle with a bunch of *bounces experimentally in her chair, hoping she causes a few bruises down in the pile* unsavory aliens.

    Glad Lydia's shower went well! Wish I could have been there. *sigh* But, well, right now we're lucky if we get time to sit down and post, let alone travel to Cornerstone! :)

    Your excuses to your mom sounded remarkably familiar... wonder why...? Tell Melissa that *of course* it's a good idea to dress up! After all: WE'RE doing it too! :p

    And I've never been a morning person either. I'm pretty much useless any earlier than six, though I used to get up at 5:30 and fall asleep on my science. *Siri* on the other hand delights in such hours as, say, 4:00 A.M.!! I think she likes seeing me go pale at the thought... ;)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  24. jacen200015 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
  25. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Siri: I like the mental picture of one, totally insane, Obi-Wan going on a rampage. Mace: "Run for your life, he's got ninja stars!!!!!!!" Everyone: "Ahhhhh!!!!!!" The Day Obi Cracked, by Nio.

    Sarah: Bad guys introduced in a Star Wars fic???? [face_shocked] Why, what ever gave you that odd idea Sarah K??? By the way, what is your middle name???

    Jacen: Cool face, :D thanks.


    Qui-Gon carefully wrapped the keys in a cloth he had brought. The drunk officer?s snores were nothing more than a gurgled muddle in the corner. Remiin had done his job well. The man hadn?t even twitched when Qui-Gon unceremoniously dumped him out of bed and tied and gagged him up.

    Qui-Gon crept out and closed the door. With any luck, the officer wouldn?t be discovered till after Qui-Gon was long gone. Now he had to reach that room. Remiin had said it was room twenty-seven, on the second level. Not far to go, but not all the soldiers in the building were dead drunk. And the room probably would be guarded. Qui-Gon went to the stairs and started up. When he reach the top, he peered out. No one was in sight. He slipped down the hall and stopped at the corner. If the room numbers continued the way they were going, number twenty-seven would be just around the corner. Qui-Gon peeked around it.

    Two bored looking guards were sitting in front of a room, playing cards. Another guard was watching them. That was all. Three guards. The only problem would be keeping them completely quiet. It may have been easy to get one soldier drunk, but Qui-Gon suspected the Mellean soldiers knew how to fight.

    One of guards playing was very fat. His red eyes glinted, they looked pig-like in his pudgy face. The guard watching was probably a humaniod. He had solid red eyes like his two companions, but his skin, instead of the pasty white of the aliens, was dark black. He also had ears and black hair.

    Qui-Gon walked boldly around the corner and slowed slightly, as if not realizing anyone would be there. ?Who?re you??? he challenged. The best defense, in this case, would be a good offense.

    ?We?re guarding some thieves,? yawned one of the soldiers playing cards, he wore a dirty red knit cap.

    ?What are you doing here??? asked the guard watching the game. He looked sharper than the other two, less sleepy and more on his guard.

    Qui-Gon smiled jovially. ?That keeper gave a drinking party bash,? he jerked his thumb towards the exit. ?His drink is so bad I would give it to an animal.?

    ?Wish you?d brought us some,? remarked the other card player, the fat one. He scratched his greasy bald scalp. ?I could use a stiff pip.?

    ?You don?t need anything of the kind,? grunted his companion with the red cap. ?If those thieves escaped out of that room...? he made the motion of a knife slashing his throat.

    ?What are you playing??? asked Qui-Gon, looking bored. ?Do you play Chips???

    ?I do,? answered the fat guard. ?Do ya play high???

    ?Depends on how much money you?ve got left,? snorted Qui-Gon. ?You?ve lost quite a lot.?

    The man grinned insolently. ?Be quite a lark i?fin you won and I couldn?t pay ya.?

    ?Quite a lark,? echoed Qui-Gon sarcastically.

    The more alert guard still didn?t look very easy. ?Don?t you have somewhere to go??? he asked. Qui-Gon half liked him, him was younger than the other two and seemed much more intelligent. His face looked pleasant even though he was suspicious.

    ?No,? Qui-Gon answered blandly. ?My room?s a whole two more levels up, and I don?t feel like climbing.?

    ?Quit being such a wing, Frenth,? snorted the red cap. ?You?re always so distrustful about everyone. Ya always want to know where they?re going what they?re doing. Ya need to live and let live a little. Lighten up!?

    ?I?m just doing my job,? Frenth said stubbornly. ?I don?t want those thieves to get out and hurt innocent people.

    ?It?s okay,? Qui-
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