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{***A Tangle of Tears***} Obi/character tortue, JA time period, EU, slight humor, sad stuff, too.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Niobiie-of-Belfalas, Dec 1, 2002.

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  1. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Hm, I hope I can get this post on. I wrote one, and it disapeared. Let's see if I can remember what I wrote... ;)


    Siri: I can just see Obi-Wan...
    Mace: "Ahh, run for your life. He's got ninjua stars!!!!!!"
    Everyone: "AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
    The Day Obi Cracked by Nio. :D

    Sarah: Bad guys introduced on a Star Wars fic??? Why, whatever gave you that unique idea Sarah K??? (what's your middle name??) (by the way, you, at least, have a sorta excuse for being groggy. You get up early. I get up at 7, and I have no excuse.)

    Jacen: Thanks. Cool face. :D


    Qui-Gon carefully wrapped the keys in a cloth he had brought. The drunk officer?s snores were nothing more than a gurgled muddle in the corner. Remiin had done his job well. The man hadn?t even twitched when Qui-Gon unceremoniously dumped him out of bed and tied and gagged him up.

    Qui-Gon crept out and closed the door. With any luck, the officer wouldn?t be discovered till after Qui-Gon was long gone. Now he had to reach that room. Remiin had said it was room twenty-seven, on the second level. Not far to go, but not all the soldiers in the building were dead drunk. And the room probably would be guarded. Qui-Gon went to the stairs and started up. When he reach the top, he peered out. No one was in sight. He slipped down the hall and stopped at the corner. If the room numbers continued the way they were going, number twenty-seven would be just around the corner. Qui-Gon peeked around it.

    Two bored looking guards were sitting in front of a room, playing cards. Another guard was watching them. That was all. Three guards. The only problem would be keeping them completely quiet. It may have been easy to get one soldier drunk, but Qui-Gon suspected the Mellean soldiers knew how to fight.

    One of guards playing was very fat. His red eyes glinted, they looked pig-like in his pudgy face. The guard watching was probably a humaniod. He had solid red eyes like his two companions, but his skin, instead of the pasty white of the aliens, was dark black. He also had ears and black hair.

    Qui-Gon walked boldly around the corner and slowed slightly, as if not realizing anyone would be there. ?Who?re you??? he challenged. The best defense, in this case, would be a good offense.

    ?We?re guarding some thieves,? yawned one of the soldiers playing cards, he wore a dirty red knit cap.

    ?What are you doing here??? asked the guard watching the game. He looked sharper than the other two, less sleepy and more on his guard.

    Qui-Gon smiled jovially. ?That keeper gave a drinking party bash,? he jerked his thumb towards the exit. ?His drink is so bad I would give it to an animal.?

    ?Wish you?d brought us some,? remarked the other card player, the fat one. He scratched his greasy bald scalp. ?I could use a stiff pip.?

    ?You don?t need anything of the kind,? grunted his companion with the red cap. ?If those thieves escaped out of that room...? he made the motion of a knife slashing his throat.

    ?What are you playing??? asked Qui-Gon, looking bored. ?Do you play Chips???

    ?I do,? answered the fat guard. ?Do ya play high???

    ?Depends on how much money you?ve got left,? snorted Qui-Gon. ?You?ve lost quite a lot.?

    The man grinned insolently. ?Be quite a lark i?fin you won and I couldn?t pay ya.?

    ?Quite a lark,? echoed Qui-Gon sarcastically.

    The more alert guard still didn?t look very easy. ?Don?t you have somewhere to go??? he asked. Qui-Gon half liked him, him was younger than the other two and seemed much more intelligent. His face looked pleasant even though he was suspicious.

    ?No,? Qui-Gon answered blandly. ?My room?s a whole two more levels up, and I don?t feel like climbing.?

    ?Quit being such a wing, Frenth,? snorted the red cap. ?You?re always so distrustful about everyone. Ya always want to know where they?re going wh
  2. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 11, 2002
    You know something? that reminds me of the 'Winter at Vally Forge.' I think it was. [face_laugh] The soldiers got lazy, ate, gambled, got drunk and then all of a sudden George Washington, leading his army, comes and.. you know what happened.
  3. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    Whoohoo!! Cool!!! Nother should stop doing that Nio! ;)

    Cool post!! I like the way Qui-Gon acts in such situations! *starts to bounce*

    I *bounce* Need *bounce* More *bounce bounce* SOOON!! *bouncy bounce bounce!*

    :D Please? :D
  4. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Jacen: Yeah, except you don't want these guys revved up, they're bad guys. ;) Cool connection though. Thanks for checking back again, most people read a story once, and then never come back. (I know I'm as guilty as anyone) Jewel, Sarah, and Siri all come back because i know them.

    Siri: You know, my mom read one of your posts, and she started laughing. She said even the way you write sounds like you. I can just see you bouncing around the room :D Well, bounce no farther (higher? longer?)


    Frenth spat at him, but missed. ?You wouldn?t dare free all those thieves,? he growled. ?I?ll kill you before I let you do it.?

    Qui-Gon grinned tightly. ?I know you would,? he admitted. ?That?s why I didn?t knock you out like our companions. You?re more innocent then they.?

    ?What are you talking about??? Qui-Gon could tell Frenth was trying to distract him just enough so he could wrestle away.

    ?Let me tell you what?s in that room,? said Qui-Gon. ?It?s a kidnapped girl. Just a little kid. You?re coming in there with me, and let?s just see what?s in there.?

    ?Fine,? sneered Frenth.

    Qui-Gon grabbed the keys off Bacciin?s belt, and unlocked the door. He kicked it open, and inched in, still holding Frenth tightly by the neck.

    ?Look at all the little girls,? snorted Frenth, and Qui-Gon froze. Lying all around the first room, were about six men. All asleep and wearing chains. Half shaven and brutish, he could easily they were all thieves, or worse.

    ?I know she?s in here,? he said, careful not to loosen him grip. ?We?re going to search these rooms, nice and slow, okay???

    Frenth grimaced and tried to twist away, ?Whatever you say, you?re kinda the boss right now.?

    Qui-Gon and Frenth walked though the seven rooms one by one. They all had assortments of horrible, snoring men in them. No little girl. No princess.

    Frenth grinned strangely, his teeth were flat. ?Why are you so surprised that the only people in here are your buddies, huh??

    ?Shut up,? muttered Qui-Gon. ?These brutes are no more my friends than Mellean are. You seem to be a good, loyal Mellean yourself.?

    Frenth spat at him again. ?Don?t ever connect my name with those filthy slime. I serve no Mellean.?

    Qui-Gon was not in a very good mood. He laughed humorlessly. ?Then you don?t know that this house is the boarding house of Mellean soldiers.?

    ?What are you talking about,? hissed Frenth, surprised. ?I?m a soldier of the Yyma. All of us are.?

    Qui-Gon?s face suddenly brightened. ?Then can you explain.....this??? He suddenly kicked a part of the wall. Freshly put in plaster, not like the plaster of the rest of the wing, fell to pieces. Inside the opening, was a small, bare room. A little, frightened looking girl was sitting on a rough pallet. She was bound and gagged.

    Qui-Gon let go of Frenth, and ran to her. ?Hush,? he whispered, for she was crying. ?I?m here to take you home.? The little princess, for so she was, was only about eight years old. Frenth stood staring in amazement.

    ? he managed at last. ?I?ve guarded this wing for the last week, all day long and many nights. I never knew a little girl was in here.?

    ?She is a princess. A daughter of the Yyma. And I?m a Jedi Knight named Qui-Gon Jinn. I was sent to rescue her.? He effortlessly picked the small alien girl up. The tears in her glowing yellow eyes already drying. She smiled weakly, and licked her very small, very pointed teeth happily.

    ?I wanta go home,? she said.

    ?What?s you name??? asked Qui-Gon gently.

    ?Yoshii,? answered the little princess. ?Daughter of Ceedor of the Yyma.?

    Frenth passed a hand over his short black hair. His blood red eyes confused and bewildered. ?But, I, we were headquarter stationed with the Yyma two years ago.?

    ?Captains sell easily, and they don?t have to tell their troops if they don?t want to,? said Qui-Gon.

  5. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    *giggle* No, you've got Yoshii now....hmmmm....he'll have to throw her out the window too I guess ;)

    Ooooh!!! good post!!! I think that guy's going to be interesting...wonder about his sister though :D

    Yeah. An 8-year-old with too many brains ;)

    Boy I hope Kepler and Obi-Wan aren't getting into trouble....this is getting a little wierd. I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!!!!!!!!!

    Oh dear. Your Mom saw me!! [face_blush]

    Oh well! I guess I can't exactly hide it!! :D

  6. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    Haven't gotten a chance to read the last two posts just yet, and now we have to go to church, so I'll be back later! :)

    Oh, and my middle name is Katherine. ;)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  7. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    I'm back! And a lot sooner than I thought I'd be... :)

    And I *sigh* introduce yet ANOTHER character.

    LOL! Well, if that's a weakness, it's one that should gather you a good deal of positive feedback. Good, solid original characters are as welcome as they are rare, and the more the merrier! Once again: all you have to do is ask Siri and she'll tell you about my thing for OCs; I practically wax gushy over them. :p

    *But then he sliced him in two anyway.*
    *and Qui-Gon, still in a bad mood, refused his own blood and threw Frenth out of the window*

    You're just determined to have Qui-Gon kill Frenth, aren't you?! [face_laugh] Well, don't; I like Frenth. Like 'im a lot. If I have a thing for OCs, I have an even bigger thing for friendly, determined, level-headed OCs. You don't have to worry about them all the time like you do with the volatile type. ;)

    And Yoshii is SO cute! She's an eighty-year-old monarch in an eight-year-old's body -- meaning if you were to make this into a movie, you'd have to find a second Mara Wilson to do her. :)

    On they go! I'm interested in meeting Frenth's sister; hope she turns out as nice as he is. Also hope that knife was clean, otherwise they'll all four catch some horrible germy disease and keel over like wilty lettuce! And THEN where will this story be?? :p

    Okay, enough. Cool posts! Be sure to e-mail us after you guys see TTT on the 18th and warn us if Faramir has a nasal voice, or Grima is just to slimy for words. Not that any such warnings will prevent us from seeing it, but... well... at least we'll know not to expect too much! ;)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  8. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Siri: I just sent Cerasi this entire story, so she'll finish it before you! 8-} There are downsides to cheering me on. And Yoshii not really a new character, she was just introduced... [face_blush]

    Sarah: Where would this story be without those characters??? Probably better. ;) Qui-Gon may throw Frenth out of the window, but he won't throw Yoshii. He doesn't get a pay check if he kills his clients.
    Frenth's sister?? Oh, she's a nasty mean ol' baracuta, but you weren't supposed to know that.

    Oh sure, I tell you all the horrible nasty things I hate out Faramir and everyone else, and then you'll smack me after you see it. (I'll be especially sure to tell you how much I dislike Eoywen, gotta keep traditions up!!)

    I like the new picture, but Merry Christmas is more cheering than Happy Holidays. Oops [face_with_hand_over_mouth] That wasn't politically correct, was it. [face_roll_eyes] :D


    Obi-Wan heaved one more basket and looked at the chomo on the wall. Twenty minutes to closing time. Sui and Kelper were doing something tonight. Obi-Wan wiped some of the thick salt off his forehead. It stung a cut in his forehead something awful.

    But twenty minutes later, Obi-Wan was not where he?d planed to be. It all started when an alien came in the room and told everyone to line up.

    Then another alien came in, and began pointing out most of the men. He also pointed at Obi-Wan.

    ?He?s young,? he grunted to another man. ?But health and a good worker.?

    ?Ja ja,? answered the other alien. ?Whatever. I don?t care. Ain?t ma mooney I?ma spending.?

    Then he herded Obi-Wan and all the others out of the room. They had shackles put on their ankles, followed the man out of mine three, and into several long-range tram speeders.

    Obi-Wan took one look at the things, and decided he was in trouble.

    The tram things started up, and Obi-Wan watched mine three, along with the Jedi Knight he?d been pair up with, disappear.

    ?What?s going on???? asked an alien next him.

    ?I tink we?ve been sold,? answered another man, twisting two of his nine neckrings thoughtfully. ?I?s say to dey sea mining.?

    ?Why da sea??? wondered someone else.

    ?The sea town i?s dey only place far enough away dot dey?d need a long-range tram instead of dey ordinary one, but dates not so far they needed an actual shipper to get us there.

    ?Blast,? groaned a young alien with pale yellow eyes. ?I wish they?d tell us we were being sold in advance. I didn?t even get to say goodbye to my wife.?

    ?Aw, you?ll get used to it,? grunted a fat man with one red eye. ?Every time I keep getting sold, I just keep remarrying. It works.?

    The young man didn?t look like the advice comforted him at all.


    *and Qui-Gon, sensing though his bond that Obi was sold, threw a party and then threw Yoshii out of the window anyway*

  9. Starkindler

    Starkindler Jedi Youngling

    Nov 9, 2002
    Up. And you do have a knack for introducing new characters Nio. ;)
  10. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    *looks scandalized* UH! NIO!! Qui-Gon WOULD NOT throw a party.........he'd throw a full out holiday and call it "Qui-Gon's-got-his-life-back Day!!" Then he'd invite all his friends, never take a Padawan again (not that anyone would let him) and threw YODA out the window for good measure ;)

    I can see it now!! :D

    ....Ooookay, Siri's gotten silly!! But she DID just sit through two HOURS of Lilo & Stitch!! :p

    Great post....I'm TOTALLY WORRIED but it was STILL a great post!!!

    *pouts* You like Cerasi more than me! I can't believe I just asked her if she'd been reading your 'great story'.....silly me ;) :D

    No it's okay, she doesn't get to tease you and make your life miserable every post :p

    If you DARE come back on the 18th and go into how: Faramir was stupid, his voice was annoying, he was too tall, his eyes were too close together, his face looked smashed, he wasn't ANYTHING like the book, he said Frodo too many times, he sounded like a goat, he smiled too little, his sense of humor was about as cheery as a rudabega, his costume made him look like Ronald McDonald or ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE I WILL throttle you 'Mi Mellon'!!!

    And WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT!!! I don't want you coming back with a SECOND list saying that: Eowyn was flirtation, she was swoony, she was silly, she batted her eye-lashes too much, her voice sounded like Barbie, she was annoying, a pest, a pain, she looked ugly, stupid, silly, or she made you want to hit her in the nose with a socket wrench I will not only SCREAM but......I WON'T COME TO QUI-GON'S HOLIDAY........hmmm.....I have this idea I wouldn't anyway ;) Actually after you see the movie I don't want you to say ANYTHING because I don't want to hear the plot before *I* see the movie!! :D So you can tell me how much you disliked it...BUT THAT'S ALL!!! :D ;)

    CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
  11. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Starkindler: Thank you, my dear. ;)

    Siri: Thro....thro......throttle me?????? [face_shocked] Okay, gotcha. No words shall pass my lips concerning TT after I see it. But not so, perhaps I lie... [face_mischief]

    :D :D :D :D :D


    Lilo and Stich?? That is one movie I have yet to suffer though. I just watched Ice Age, or, most of it. When Deago was dieing I left, too sentimental. Then Chris said later that he didn't really die, and I said then it was too set up and fake. No pleasen me with movies. Actually I kind of liked it. ;) [face_shocked]
  12. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    Well of COURSE Nio!! I've told my Mom before you are probably the most critically movie-watcher I know.... ;) No offence or anything but it's kind of funny since most people I know are like ME about movies!! :D

    Yeah well, if you didn't watch the end of Ice Age, I'm not sure you really missed any woppin' funny lines so it's probably just as well, however if you DIDN'T see the 'end of Scrat' you should ;)

    Not a WORD out of you about TT young lady!! You can tell me how much you DIDN'T like it (and the possible-highly-unlikely-but-bearing-to-be-mentioned-tiniest-smallest-smidgion of it that you DID you think I have no faith in you :p ) but THAT'S ALL!!! :D

    Yeah, Lilo & Stitch was okay, but if Diegos 'death' got to you that much than the whole Ohana (family) thing will probably KILL you ;) But I thought it was pretty cute and there were some lines that cracked me up :D

    ....I just had this sudden thought that people who read these are gonna think we're crazy...oh well, best they know now I guess ;)

    And I STILL want more of this story ;)
  13. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    No matter what you post, and no matter how sad/disgusting/bizarre it is, I keep finding myself laughing in the end! *shakes head* You really ought to consider what those strange alternate endings are doing to your carefully constructed atmosphere. Then again... *continues her giggles* :p

    For the post itself I have a couple sets of two word sentences:

    Nasty salt.
    Oh no.
    Why him?
    Hurry Kelper!
    Too late.
    Bad day.
    Poor Obi-Wan.
    Shoulda known.

    And if you give me any grief about that last one being legally three words, then I'll.. I'll.. I'll call you on the carpet for not fitting the mould of our current society, that's what I'll do!! So there.

    And yeah, I like 'Merry Christmas' better too. I suppose we could count our blessings that they didn't go whole hog and say 'Happy Winter Solstice', or something. I just might have had to quit the boards til New Years if they had. :p

    Poor Eowyn! You know, for someone who has that particular last syllable in her name, she sure can't. Win, I mean. But don't worry, I'm not about to try and make you like her! I've got waaay too much to do today to get ready for the clinic Christmas party, and I'm not really in the mood for a three hour debate. ;) This means I will not be hitting you if you hate Faramir in the movie and I like him; it just takes too much energy. :p

    Hope Obi-Wan won't get too sunk in before he's rescued, and hope that guy with who-knows-how-many-wives doesn't hang around long; he adds incredibly to the realism, but he drives me awfully nuts for someone with only two lines. :D

    Great job!

    Sarah >^,,^<
  14. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Siri: Movie critic??? Moi????? [face_shocked] *sigh* Well, I come by it honestly enough. My mom does it, too. It's how we have the most fun possible at any movie!!!!!! :D :D :D
    I didn't see the end of Scrat, but I had it discribed, in great detail, by Chris, who was laughing the whole time.
    Insane?? Us?? I prefer common sense challenged. ;)

    Sarah: Sarah, dear, what are carefully constructed drama junk for??? I'd rather spoil my entire story and have you leave each time in stitches, than be depressed and have the story seem serious. :D 8-}
    Shoulda, in my dictionary, is one word. My dictionary is simular to a scrabble one, it has numerous words that don't exist.

    I shall tell nothing of TT. Except that I hated it and will complain as soon as you've seen it. ;) ;) ;)


    ?It?s been nearly ten minutes,? Kelper said to Sui. ?Still no Obi-Wan. I?m worried. Where could he be?!?

    Sui shrugged and pointed down the passage.

    ?I know, I know,? sighed Kelper. ?If we don?t do this now we may never get another chance. I just wish I knew where I was though. Well, come on. Let?s go. I?ll find him later.?

    She and Sui crept silently down the passage way, and into another, smaller hallway. At the end of that, they went into a little, unimportant looking room. In it was a massive, amazing computer. The central cor of the entire mine.

    ?I hate computers,? remarked Kelper. ?But I know your good with them, Sui. Get me into the main stream.?

    Sui complied as rapidly as she dared, trying not to trip any kind of alarm.

    ?Now go in security,? said Kelper. ?And try to shut down the Ventor area.? A few minutes later, Sui nodded to tell her it was down.

    ?You mean you did it already?? asked Kelper, surprised. ?Amazing. Why would it be so easy I wonder???

    Sui pointed at Kelper, then at herself, and then made a silly face and shook her head around.

    ?I get it, stupid slaves had no use for a computer, eh??

    Sui grinned wryly.

    ?Let?s get into Vendor. It?ll take a long time to search, and it?ll be dangerous.

    Sui pointed out the door, and made a questioning shrug.

    ?Why search Vendor at all? Well, it?s got more rooms and twisty passages than the rest of the mine put together, not many people work there, and it?s the most unlikely place on the planet to hide a little girl.

    Sui pointed at the door again and marched her feet softly like soldier.

    ?I don?t know if there will be guards. Don?t worry. If it come to a fight, you split and I?ll do the fighting.?

    They started down the passage, and Kelper did not see the strange glitter of Sui?s eyes.

    They went into the Vendor area, and Kelper began searching quickly. Sui helped a little, but it was hard for her, because she didn?t know the area, and didn?t want to get lost. While Kelper was feeling with the force in several locked doors, Sui slipped into another room. A moment later, she came back and excitedly tugged at Kelper?s sleeve.

    ?You found something??? Kelper followed quickly. Too quickly. She only had time to feel the slightest warning tingle in the back of her mind before something slammed down viciously on the back of her head.

    *can't think of anything particularly clever, so I'll just say it was Frenth, who'd only just landed*

  15. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    *giggle* No, THAT was funny ;)

    Oooooooh DEAR oh dear oh dear oh dear!!! Qui-Gon's gonna come back to find he's all alone in the world!!! *groans* Oh yeah, *whispers* except for Yoshii, Frenth and his little sister...*laughs crazily* ;) Sorry, couldn't help it, and I'm not even sure his sister IS younger soooo.... :D

    *slams head against the wall* Ow! Oh this is SO not good!!

    MORE SOON!!!

    (Oh so you're blaming this on your MOM...well, that's okay, I blame my silly behavior on my Dad :D and I'm sure you'll find SOMETHING you like in TT....maybe... ;) )
  16. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Siri: I shall, against my very nature, attempt to like TT. *mutter* the things I get dragged into.... No, I'm certain I'll like it almost enough to satistfy you. ;)


    ?This is my sister, Reemsa,? said Frenth. ?Reemsa, this is Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and Princess Yoshii, daughter of Ceedor, son of the Yyma.?

    Reemsa had black hair like her brother?s, tightly braided in thousands of elaborate braids, and dark skin like him too. Her red eyes were blank, and cold.

    She lowered her eyes, and nodded ceremoniously. ?I?m am Reemsa Du-Youg,? she muttered. ?Daughter of Captain Cheerys Du-Youg, slave of Frenth Du-Youg son of the same.?

    Qui-Gon frowned, ?You?re his slave??? he said questioningly.

    She looked resentful, ?Ja ja, but only for my protection. So I would not marry a man of nothing, and Frenth only bought me so my father would not force me to marry.?

    ?I see,? Qui-Gon said neutrally. He was still trying to get used to a society that took slavery lightly.

    ?Come in, please,? said Frenth, stepping past Reemsa into the small apartment section. ?Reemsa, pack up, we?re going with them.?

    If Reemsa was at all shocked at the abrupt statement, she didn?t show it in the least.

    ?Everything?? she asked.



    ?Ja, Cheerys has betrayed us,? replied Frenth, glancing at Qui-Gon. He did not look at all sad, and he did not call his father ?Father? but by his first name, Cheerys. Qui-Gon wondered how much the two really had loved their father in the first place.

    Yoshii sat on a the floor and watched Reemsa pack up a few things in a pack. ?Have you ever moved before??? she asked.

    ?Ja ja, oh, ja,? answered Reemsa quickly. ?I?ve moved more often than I?ve stayed in one place for over three weeks.?

    ?Why do you move so often???

    Reemsa glanced at Frenth, he was watching her sternly, with a warning look in his eyes. She didn?t answer Yoshii.


    *then she spilled the beans and admitted they worked for a sales company. Qui-Gon and Yoshii killed them both*

    There, new character. How often does that happen??!!

  17. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    NEVER!! *pouts* You don't have ANY new characters in this story ;)

    But I think you should have Reemsa kill Yoshii THEN have Qui-Gon kill them both! That way you'll get rid of all three of them *smiles brightly*

    That's pretty ammusing about 'buying your sister....' I think Chloe would kill me ;)

    NEED MORE....Hey! Tomarrow's the 18TH! *giggle's insanly* Only one more day for me! :D

    If I haven't mentioned it before Nio, I'm REALLY enjoying this story!! Keep up the great work :D
  18. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    I'd rather spoil my entire story and have you leave each time in stitches, than be depressed and have the story seem serious.

    Hm. Yes, that sounds like you. And as a matter of fact, it sounds suspiciously like *Siri*! Forget your moms and dads, I'll just blame Siri's weirdness on contact with you, and vice versa! It's so much more interesting that way... :)

    And this purchasing relatives thing brings out *way* too many bad ideas. It was a clever thing to build up the society with, but do you have any idea how much mopping up action this is going to take with two sisters like mine?? ACK! I can't decide which worries me most, that or the fact that Kelper's unconscious... ?[face_plain]

    In spite of the first problem, and *because* of the second, I look forward to a new post! And don't worry: whatever you say about TT will be taken with a grain of salt, so you shouldn't get mauled if we love it. :)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  19. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Siri: Gotta post fast, Melissy'll be here any minute. Thanks.

    Sarah: Frenth and Reemsa were very different when I started writing them, though I thought up the slave thing before, meaning like five minute previous to, writing them down. It hard to do a major change of character in a character after you've been writing them for a while. As to your second problem, I don't think this post answers it. *hee hee*


    Obi-Wan spat on his hands, and tried tugging on the stubborn rope again. It still didn?t move. The rope was one of thousands and thousands, that were all tied to large platforms at the bottom of the ridge. But Obi-Wan?s rope, unlike all the others, wasn?t moving.

    Obi-Wan took a deep breath, and pulled so hard on the rope that his feet slipped off the braces and he landed in the salty mud. His hands burned, and bled.

    The man next to Obi-Wan, who had been watching him for a while, grabbed his rope and gave in an experimental tug.

    ?Yah gotta broken pully,? he said, blinking his red eyes. ?Yah gotta brace da slip noose and pull a leettle more top.?

    Obi-Wan sighed. ?I don?t know at all what I?m doing,? he admitted. ?I need all the help I can get.?

    The man absently licked his teeth, that had been filed down flat. ?Yah speak funny,? he laughed. ?Woody accent!!?

    Obi-Wan tried not to laugh, ?Yeah, I guess so. Whatever.?

    ?Arm Dee-Badffaough,? said the man. ?Arm gona help yah ?coos yah not gona make it wid out me!!?

    Obi-Wan grinned, ?Thanks. I?m Obi-Wan.?

    ?Ahh, how do yah say dot?? Oobi-Wen???

    ?Close enough, and you are Dee-Badffaough???

    ?Ja ja, eels close snuff, too,? Dee-Badffaough grabbed Obi-Wan?s rope, and slipped one of the many little ties off. ?Da?s yah probablum. Eta stud work now.?

    Obi-Wan pulled it fill all his might, and it gave way a little.

    ?Nay nay,? laughed Dee-Badffaough. ?Yah gotta pull a little dyes way, and a little top. See yah hands???

    ?I not only see them, I feel them!!? groaned Obi-Wan.

    ?Now, yah gotta rub salt on um, and not pull like dot anymore. Yah see my hands??? He held out his hands. They were muscular and brown. Obi-wan could see none of Dee-Badffaough?s natural paleness in them, they were so callused. The calluses looked about two inches thick. ?Hands like dey?s you?ll get, but only after yah?ve been working here aboot sixer seven years.?

    Obi-Wan slapped his forehead in worry. ?I hope I?m not here that long.?

    ?Cors? yah don?t.?

    Obi-Wan worked the rest of the day, listening to Dee-Badffaough?s good natured, but aimless, chatter.

    They were working on man made ridge. To their right, was the sweet, purple silver sea. To their left, a cleft purposely dug next to the sea. The sea water created a gem, call nyym-dor, that was semiprecious. They were mining it, to be sold off planet. A huge metal ridge had been built in between the sea and the cleft. The rope Obi-Wan pulled on was one of the thousands that pulled up the platforms on which other slaves loaded nyym-dor.

    The nyym-dor?s were fun to look at, for they had no particular color. They shimmered orange and green, yellow and purple, and occasionally, a platform would come up with the a load from the rare iridescent veins. Every time a slave?s platform brought up one of these, everyone shouted and cheered, for the platform shimmered thousands of colors.

    The ridge, and the cleft both were very cheerful places. Slaves sang and children (of slaves) played all over the ridge. Little old women gossiped while they drove carts. Men had contests to see who could pull up the biggest load with the least slip nooses. The work was very hot and hard, but no one seemed to notice. There were hardly any overseers, and the few there were, seemed to enjoy themselves as much as the slaves. They gossip together, betted on the contests, and sometimes participated in them themselves.

    ?It really a pretty happy place,? remar
  20. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    *clears throat* Ahem...umn...three....Dee-Badffaough, Ke-Huun and Saal.....maybe you just didn't want to know about that :D

    Oh great! *slams head against the wall* This is so VERY not good!!

    HEY GIRL! Yet again you've created a TOTALLY cool atmosphere for your story! I like the way you describe all these places, there are differences between them but always an underlining similarity, that is the culture of these people. It's VERY well done!!

    *grumbles* I'll bet Qui-Gon PAID Ke-Huun to be suspicious is what *I* think ;)

    Actually he's probably not going to be too thrilled when he finds out he's lost ANOTHER apprentice with one having been mauled on some sea mining platform....Obi-Wan gets into a lot of trouble on sea mining platforms have you noticed that? :p ;)

    Hope you had fun at TT :D
  21. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Siri: Fun at TT??? I refuse to answer that question on the grounds something I say may be used against me in a court of law. (I've seen Cops waaaaay too many times ;) ) My only comment for you, since you have not yet seen it is the trademark Neo, "Whoa." I say neither nay nor yay. And the pointy ear glue doesn't stick, just so you know.


    Kelper slowly opened her eyes. She was in a cell, lying on a flat mat. The room had a little light coming in though a rough cut window. She tried to sit up, but her head swam and she lay back down. There was a soft rushing sound coming though the window. It was the sea. Her dull eyes took on a desperate look.

    The door opened, and a guard came in. He had red eyes, made all the more nightmarish by the horrible slanting scars over each eye. ?Get oop,? he grunted.

    ?I can?t,? whispered Kelper.

    The guard grabbed her by the hair, and hulled her up. She screamed without meaning to. A throbbing wound was on the back of her head.

    The guard grinned brutally, his teeth were filed down. ?Coom un, Mello.? He spat the name out viciously.

    Kelper shuddered. ?Dona call me that,? she whispered pleadingly.

    ?Yah ra, Mello. Coom un.?

    Roughly holding her shoulder, in a grip that burned, he lead her out of the cell. Into another room, larger, and more horrible.

    Kelper closed her eyes, ?Oh, The room looked just like the room where Jenny had died.

    Another man came forward. ?So you remember all this, eh?? He had large, pretty blue eyes. His face was handsome, he was a human. His hair was curly and golden. ?I haven?t ever seen you, Mello. How are you??? he face was innocent, and horrible at the same time.

    ?What do you want from me,? hissed Kelper. Her face was terribly afraid, her normally dull eyes were dangerous.

    ?What do I want from you??? the man smiled sweetly. ?Why, nothing at all. Nothing at all. Not from you. The person I want information from, will be here soon. I just wanted to meet you first. Get to know you, so to speak.?

    Kelper spat at him weakly, ?Dona you dare speak to me you, Atir.?

    ?Don?t let?s start by calling names now, come, I know one of your names, but you know none of mine. I am sometimes called Errda. What is another of your names?? It is a little hard for you to know my name, and I have to call you Mello.?

    ?You?re not even fit to call me that, you murderer,? growled Kelper. ?Who do you want information from??

    ?Shame, you expect me to tell you that, and you won?t even tell me your name?? Not much on a diplomat, are you??? said Errda kindly.

    Kelper turned away from him, and stared at the wall.

    Errda looked at her, and his innocent expression melted away. ?Get her,? he said sharply to the guard.

    The guard left, and returned a minute later. Holding Yannle.

    Kelper?s expression didn?t change in the least, she had known they must have Yannle. ?You would dare torture a girl,? she said calmly. ?If you touch her, I swear I will kill you.?

    ?If I had a gem for every time someone has promised to kill me,? smiled Errda. ?I?d leave this job. Come Sungta, we must loosen this child?s tongue.?

    Kelper stood shakily from the floor where she had been crouching. ?Dona touch her,? she said.

    ?Dona worry,? laughed Errda mockingly, his horrible sweet expression coming back. ?We won?t hurt her....yet anyway. Depends on how well she does watching you.?

    Sungta grinned, and licked his flat teeth in anticipation.


    *oops, heh heh, last one was three characters, wasn't it. well, sigh, here's two more* *starts banging her head against the wall simular to the sound of an Ent calling to...... oops :D *

  22. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    *laughs* Don't worry Nio! I've all ready seen TT! I saw it this afternoon and we were in Ashville before that so I am only just now responding to your post :D

    It was REALLY GOOD but I take it you DIDN'T like there erm....changes to Faramir's character ;) That's okay though cos I didn't either ;)

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! You can't leave us THERE!!! It's terrible!! It's an OUTRAGE!!!


    'nother new character...'nother character I don't could make a habit out of this ;)

    "You're look terrible." ;) That was SO funny! :D Specially cos he DID look pretty terrible at that point ;)
  23. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    ?Just what I didn?t need.?

    *snorts* Yeah, no kidding. But that seems to be the story of your life, doesn't it? ;)

    Ooooooooh, this is bad. Not the new characters -- I mean, I'm listening to the Silmarillion; you can't survive if you can't remember names -- but rather Kelper and Yani. Obi-Torture?? Obi's not the one who's about to die a horrible death! Or whatever.

    Anyway, I liked what's-his-face and his daughter; even if his daughter is a little paranoid.

    And wasn't TT cool? Skip Faramir, naturally, but otherwise... YEHAA!!! I wanna see it again! Oh, and did Siri mention that everybody stared at us? Can't blame 'em -- we attract enough attention when we *aren't* dressed like elves.

    Oh yeah, and you know how my elven alter ego is Tindu of Lorien? Way back when I picked the name, I even chose some relatives out of the already existing Lothlorien elves to give my character some background. Namely Haldir and his brothers Rumil and Orophin. Ironic that the first time I go out in public dressed as my alter ego one of my nephews die... :p

    Sarah >^,,^<
  24. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Oct 15, 2002
    Siri: Thanks!

    Sarah: We weren't stared at, or I wasn't attentive enough to notice. ;) We weren't the only elves, and there were two ringwraiths and one hobbit. Glad you liked it, aside from Faramir. *grumble growl mutter I knew it all along ect.* I thought Eomer was very hansome though... :D [face_love]

    I've got a surprise for Engeland, I'm writing all this on my brand new laptop computer that I got from my Grandparents and parents for a birthday/christmas present, while I pay for about half of it. Cool huh? It's got everything, CD burner, DVD player, all sorts of junk for me to waste my time doing.


    ³What do you mean you sold them,² cried Qui-Gon. ³I want to buy them back.²

    ³Sorry,² shrugged the man. ³We don¹t save slaves encase their master¹s want them back. I think I can trace the boy for you, we don¹t know where the girl is.²

    ³Well, trace the boy then.²

    The man typed a bit on his computer, and finally turned back to Qui-Gon.
    ³Well, the boy was sold to the sea mine, at Jappa. The nyym-dor mine, uh, ridge nine. I don¹t know if you¹ll be able to find him, but you can try.²

    ³Huh, thanks anyway,² sighed Qui-Gon.
    He went back out of the slave house, and back to the speeder where Frenth, Reemsa, and Yoshii were.

    ³They¹ve sold Obi-Wan, and they don¹t know where Kelper is. I¹d say that¹s a bad thing. Obi-Wan¹s at the sea mine, I had to go get him.²

    Frenth frowned, ³But what about the princess?? We have taken an oath to protect you both.²

    Yoshii looked regal, ³Reemsa will take me to Father, and Frenth will go and protect Master Jinn.²

    ³Reemsa cannot leave me,² objected Frenth. ³She may be my sister, but she is also my slave.²

    ³Free her,² said Qui-Gon gently. ³She is free of her father¹s wishes now, so free her.²

    ³No,² Frenth said sharply. ³I will not.²
    Qui-Gon looked at him sternly. ³I thought you only bought her to protect her from her father¹s forced marriage.²

    ³He bought me to protect me from a marriage he did not wish me to enter into,² growled Reemsa, her usually dull eyes lighting up with bitterness.

    ³Shut up,² said Frenth sharply. He turned back to Qui-Gon angrily, ³She wanted to marry a Mellean. I will not allow my sister to defile herself that way.²

    ³He¹s not a Mellean,² shouted Reemsa with a sudden warmth and energy she had never show before. ³Don¹t you ever say that about Cruin, how dare you!!!²

    Frenth¹s face had flushed, and he suddenly slapped Reemsa. ³Shut your mouth, slave,² he yelled.

    Qui-Gon frowned sternly. ³Do not ever hit Reemsa again,² he warned.

    ³Or you¹ll what,² sneered Frenth. His usually kind cheerful face distorted in rage. ³She is my slave, and I¹ll beat her if I think she needs it.²

    ³She is your sister, and a human being,² replied Qui-Gon. ³As a Jedi, I have official power to remove her from your protection if you abuse her.²

    Reemsa laughed, ³Ja ja, sure, Jedi can do everything.² She turned back and looked at Yoshii, ³You asked me earlier why we move so much?? I¹ll tell you.²

    ³Be quiet,² warned Frenth.

    ³It¹s because Cruin is trying to find me, and Frenth¹s afraid. He¹s a fool, and a coward.²

    ³Don¹t you dare say that!!² yelled Frenth.
    Qui-Gon threw out his hand just in time to catch Frenth¹s arm, as he tried to hit Reemsa again.

    ³Do not touch her,² he said grimly. ³If you do, I will throw you out of this speeder.²
    Frenth looked at Qui-Gon, and managed to compose himself. Reemsa laughed again.
    After composing himself, Frenth began to speak again. ³Reemsa wants to marry a man named Cruin, who is an official of the Mellean. I am protecting her. She is a fool, and I am hot tempered.²

    ³Fair enough, for right now,² said Qui-Gon sarcastically.

    Frenth looked at Reemsa, and his face softened. ³I¹m sorry I hit you,² he said at last. ³Do not speak of Cruin, you know what you say.²

    Reemsa started to cry sulkily. ³You¹re just selfish, and cruel. You¹ve become my jail keeper.²

    Frenth frowned slightly, ³If that¹s what it takes to keep you safe from Cruin, ja, I am.²

    They remained silent for
  25. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 28, 2001
    Ho ho. ;) *giggle* Veeeery funny Nio!

    OOOOOOh!!! You got a laptop!! How great!!...mine got stepped on and is now damaged beyond repair...but hey! I'm glad you have one :D

    OH NO THIS IS SOOOOOO SOOOOO NOT GOOD!!! So much for Qui-Gon throwing a party huh? ;)

    *slams head against wall* Why does this kind of thing ALWAYS happen to him???

    Boy, I thought Chloe and I were bad! These siblings are HORRIBLE!! ;) I kind of got the impression that she had wanted to marry whoever it was, guess that was the case :D

    Yeah, I figured you wouldn't like Faramir too well, but Sarah and I concocted a reason for why he did what he did :D It was a pretty good one too! ;)

    However I STILL don't know if you liked it or not. *frowns*

    MORE SOON!!!!!!!!!!
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