{***A Tangle of Tears***} Obi/character tortue, JA time period, EU, slight humor, sad stuff, too.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Niobiie-of-Belfalas, Dec 1, 2002.

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  1. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Why is it every time I enter a story, I always get left off at a cliffhanger? What goins to happen? I like what you did with the Mallean people, making them so cold and easly to enslave, it really diversifies their world.
  2. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Oy. You know what, I don't think this 'family enslavement' thing does a whole lot for brother/sister relationships. *smacks head against keyboard for making the understatement of the year* s;ajkfd;lskjfda;hga;djfa;lao;ig;aoigjdfoavnf;

    Ow. Hope that didn't damage anything?

    Congrats on your laptop, Nio!! That sounds kind of like what my mom, dad, aunt, uncle and I did for me to get my laptop... That, and my aunt and uncle knew a guy who worked in a computer store who was willing to buy it under his employee discount and then sell it to us at the cheaper price. It's funny having the 'My Documents' folder all to yourself, isn't it? And all those lovely MBs to fill with your own junk... *shivers with ecstasy* :)

    Oh, you might want to check your text, though; it's pulled that annoying little trick of replacing all the quotation marks with numbers. :p

    Good post! And thank you SO much for letting Qui-Gon speak his mind. It made up for the fact that I couldn't reach in and smack Frenth gills over heels. :mad:

    Sarah >^,,^<
  3. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    --Just incase you missed my post! (it really annoys me that it usually cuts off the last post on a page!!)--

    Ho ho. ;) *giggle* Veeeery funny Nio!

    OOOOOOh!!! You got a laptop!! How great!!...mine got stepped on and is now damaged beyond repair...but hey! I'm glad you have one :D

    OH NO THIS IS SOOOOOO SOOOOO NOT GOOD!!! So much for Qui-Gon throwing a party huh?

    *slams head against wall* Why does this kind of thing ALWAYS happen to him???

    Boy, I thought Chloe and I were bad! These siblings are HORRIBLE!! :p I kind of got the impression that she had wanted to marry whoever it was, guess that was the case

    Yeah, I figured you wouldn't like Faramir too well, but Sarah and I concocted a reason for why he did what he did It was a pretty good one too! :D

    However I STILL don't know if you liked it or not. *frowns*


    MORE SOON!!!!!!!!!!
  4. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Siri: Like it?? Yeah, sure, how could I not like something that had horrible shreaking goblins chopping, getting chopped, and such stuff. Furious that they changed things??? I've been madder. ;) Still cool, and definatly worth seeing once more (or twice or thrice or ect.) I felt sorry for Haldir, who is pretty cute. After all, he wasn't even supposed to be there, so he didn't have to die at all. :( :_|
    YOU POOR BABY, YOUR LABTOP GOT STEPPED ON?????? THAT AWFUL!!!!!!!!!! My mom wants all the details so it doesn't happen to us. :_| :_| :_|

    Bobill: Hey! Glad you could join the fun...maddness...weirdness...sadness.....somethingness.
    Poor Bobill :( cliffhangers stink. Especially when the author is unreliable, but actually, I post every day. Just with no pattern in what time of day I post. You chose to read the day before I forgot, for the first time, to post since starting this story. :( :D

    Sarah: Sib's who own eachother can get messy, [face_worried&sceptical]
    I know about the numbers replacing the ". It cus I posted from my labtop instead of the Imac, Imac to PC got confused. *grumble slapping head for getting involved with computers*

    Sarah & Siri: Ooooo, I got your chirstmas package. Cool pictures, Siri, you looked gorgeous, Cerasi looked dangerous and beautiful, and I looked.....well, let's just say the average of the pictures all together was high. ;)

    -----

    Obi-Wan sat, staring at the dull purple sea. Its normally churning waters were rather calm, and the air had a spicy sweet smell. A cool wind was blowing, and the first two stars were beginning to twinkle. The atmosphere of the planet only allowed nine stars altogether to show at night, and that was only on very clear nights.

    Obi-Wan curled a little deeper into the large cleft on the side of the ridge he had found, and sighed. He?d politely, but firmly, told Dee-Badffaough he would stay in the main sleeping building. Dee-Badffaough hadn?t understood, but Ke-Huun had actually been friendlier after he told them that. But then, she hadn?t at all pressed him to stay. The main sleeping building wasn?t too bad, a little crowded, and certainly smelly, but warm and reasonably comfortable. The first two floors were for families, the next two for women, the next one was for boys, and the last three for men. Everyone in the boy?s floor got a rough pallet, and a bowl of soup. In the morning, they were all given bread. None of the food was great, but in wasn?t too scarce either. The only reason Obi-Wan was staying away, was because a bully had all ready found him.

    The ?bully?, was a boy about his own age. His pallet was near Obi-Wan?s and he had a gang to back him up. He had started their acquaintance by trying to steal Obi-Wan?s bread the first morning he was there. Obi-Wan had lost his temper, they?s fought. But the boy?s (his name was Fang-Yu) gang had broken up the fight and beaten up Obi-Wan.

    Obi-Wan was trying to stay away until Fang-Yu was asleep, and the gang dispersed. The sea gave a few last weak glimmers, and slid into darkness. The cold, sharp nine star twinkled, and the wind moaned with an icy chill. Obi-Wan stood up, and climbed back to the top of the ridge.

    He was all ready on his way toward the scattered buildings, when he noticed a flicker of light coming from the other side of the ridge. He walked over, and looked down. A man was walking though the mining area, and carrying a weak lantern.

    No one was supposed to be in the mine at this time of night. Obi-Wan watched his walk on, until he reached an unshifted pile of dusty rubble. He sat down, blew out his lantern, and did......nothing.

    Obi-Wan?s curiosity got the better of him, and he sat down where the man couldn?t see him, and peered though two platforms.

    The man had laid back on the pile, and muttering a tuneless song though his teeth. Obi-Wan made himself a little more comfortable, and waited on. The wind got colder, an
  5. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Oh dear. This can't be good! You just introduced TWO MORE CHARACTERS!! Okay, but that one guy doesn't exactly count ;)

    I really like the way you write Obi-Wan!! You do it so well and make him really likable! Even if he has enough curiosity to kill a warg!

    Yeah well, I knew you probably couldn't get away with entirely disliking LOTR ANYTHING, but you are my fav movie's biggest critic my dear ;) What was your favorite part then? And favorite character?

    OOOOOH! I'm glad the pics got to you safely! I can stop agonizing now! *blush* Glad you liked the pic of me :D I REALLY like the way yours turned out, cos frankly I thought my smile looked forced.

    Oh yea I LOVED that pic of Cerasi, she just looks so deadly! We TOLD her not to wear that lipstick....oh wait...maybe we told her she should wear it....hmm...oh well ;)

    Yes, poor Haldir, he didn't do anything to deserve it....except maybe the way he said "Lord Celeborn" in the Extended Cut, like he had a stuffy nose or something ;) And poor Aragorn too, why is it everyone who's friends with him dies? Speaking of which have you read any of the Mellon Chronicles yet?....ooh bad way to change the subject ;)

    Okay, I'll just leave now! :D

    GREAT POST!!!!!!!!!!!! Though now I REALLY need more!! :)
  6. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Siri: Favorite parts, "Toss me! Promise me yah won't tell the Elf." and Aragorn mouthing: "It's the beards." And I liked every part where there was fighting. ;)
    Favorite character?? Your honor, may the defence decline on the grounds of being clueless?? :D [face_sheepish] I really don't know. The Ents looked (only looked, not acted) perfect. Eomer & Legolas were hansome. Eowyn was beautifully gorgeous. And Arwen.....wasn''t supposed to be there. Sam was too holiwoodized. Gollum was perfect. Faramir was horrible. Saruman was great. Elrond looked like he'd eaten one to many hobbit for breakfast. And Theoden was.....kinda grumpy and cracked Melissy 'n me up when he cried. Frodo was paler than ever. The orcs were the best possible. Boramir was....oh, dead. Pippin and Merry were having a great time tricking dumb Ents and saying lines that weren't in the book, and not suffering enough with the orcs. (cummon, they were talking, giving each other sympethetic looks, riding on orc backs, just let Tolkien's orcs be caught doing all that......Sauron would kill them!!!!) Galadriel wasn't supposed to be there either. Did I mention Gollum was perfect?? Wormtongue was a little over done, but too creepy to not be awful. (I know that was confusing) Am I missing anyone?? Probably.

    -----

    Kelper closed her eyes, and felt hot tears flow down her cheeks. They had only whipped her for today, nothing worse. Yannle had screamed every stroke.

    Kelper curled into a tight ball and held her aching head in her arms. She now knew, at least a little, what it had been like for Jenny. Her throbbing head seemed to echo the long dead screams of herself, watching Jenny die. Yannle had screamed, too.

    ?I?m going to die,? Kelper blankly told the pitiless wall. ?I?m going to die, and Yani is going to watch.? She held her head again, ?Oh, where is Qui-Gon. If only he and Obi-Wan could find us......if only. Where are you???

    The only response she got, was the compassionless murmur of the cold sea. She stood uncertainly, and tottered to the tiny window. The last dyeing rays of the heatless sun were disappearing, and a frosty mist was rising. The purple sea looked dead, with no last farewell gleam to the setting sun. A cool, icy breeze stroked her cheeks, and the drying tears seemed to freeze on her skin. The ice season was beginning.

    The frigid, bloodthirsty shriek of a gadferee wailed lazily on the wind. The slaves of the coast and the ridge heard the shriek, too. A sudden dizziness swept over Kelper, and she moaned, swayed, and crumpled painfully down on the floor.

    -----

    *haha, author taunts her friend by doing a short post, haha, author gets murdered by said friend and deserves it*

    -Nio
  7. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    YOU BET YOU DO!!!! Urg!!! And in light of the Christmas spirit too!! *growl*

    You'd just better post again SOON!!!

    Golly girl, I was afraid if you went on much longer you might KILL one of the TT cast!! ;)

    Hmmm *rereads list again* I disagree with you on Sam. I liked him a lot in this one and didn't think he was holliwoodized...umn....lessee...I didn't think Grima was too over done, but then I've seen the Cartoon and that was...horrible let's just say ;) ....uh....I thought Theoden did well at the crying scene, beleive it or not it WAS realistic, though he was, in general, pretty grumpy it's true....you forgot Aragorn and Gimli except that you liked one of their lines....otherwise I pretty much agree with you but I wouldn't bash Elrond quite so bad, after all the only reason he was unlikeable is because he got aslobinated to rattle of Arwen and Aragorn's doomed relationship. I'll agree though that Arwen didn't need to be in it, however it was the one thing that's keeping some people from saying "Aragorn loves EOWYN!" Namely, he couldn't SIT STILL without thinking of Arwen! So I guess that's why I let it slide.

    ...I had a feeling you'd like Legolas. He certainly had more of a part this time round. And some ELVISH too!! I liked how he kept sliding into Elvish without really meaning too. He and Aragorn both slid in and out of elvish without much of a pattern it was pretty funny since Legolas IS an elf and Aragorn grew up around them.

    Anyways! I'm glad you were able to scrounge up a few good points and you even said that Eowyn was gorgeous and left it atthat ;)

    OH! One more thing: Do you remember the part where Aragorn throws a total fit when they think Merry and Pippin's dead? There's sort of an interesting story that goes along with that ;) If you haven't heard it I should tell you....knowing how much you LOVED THE CHARACTERS IN THIS MOVIE, you should find it sporting :D :p

    Well! Post soon girl I am dying over and dead friends tell no Apprentice Bride HINT HINT!! Of course I'll have a hard time with that threat since you've got it some where on your iMac computer sooooo.... ;)

    MORE SOOOOOOOOOOOON...please?
  8. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Ack, I guess I'm not so much of a dependable reader either! Anyway... Poor poor Kelper! They dared to whip her? I'll get you, you evil slavers!

    This Fang Yu guy is no good either. Why is he bothering poor Obi-wan? And why did the slavers have to take him here? We need a family reunion. We really do.

    Like how you described the charectors so well! Looking forward to the next post!

    Happy Holidays!
  9. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Make that readers. *rummages in sack of Common Writer Revenges for pitchfork and torch* Hm. Musta left them on another thread... So I guess you're safe. Which is more than I can say for POOR KELPER!! AAAAAAAH!

    Okay, you did a great job describing it, and so forth, but WAS THAT NICE?? No. Not even a little bit.

    Oh, and I'm glad you liked your pictures. Kiera-Lays Holo House aims to please! And *I* thought you looked like Tahl, if you believe me, which you won't.

    I agree with lots of what you said (especially about Gollum), but I won't bother saying which ones I disagreed with. Your take on Boromir was spot-on too.

    I'd like to say more, both about the other post (I liked that Obi opted out of the invitation when he saw it was making the daughter nervous), and TT, but I'm being kicked off the computer. I'll try to pop in after Christmas, but I doubt I'll make it before then!

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!! :)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  10. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Siri: :D Okay, I finally read some of the Mellon series. Whoo!!! They're great!!!! I like First Meetings the best so far, Leggy and Arry are just too amusing and cute while they almost get killed together and fight bad guys and tease eachother mercilessly. Right now I'm reading, Exile.

    Bobill: Hey, glad to see you back. There are two definitions of faithful readers. Good friends who only come because they don't want to end their friendship just yet, and people who know nothing about you and come now and then. Getting anyone I don't know to come back a second time makes it seem as though I'm doing something right. ;) But it's probably just a figiment of my imagination. *sigh* :D

    Sarah: It's okay if you don't agree with me on LOTR characters, nobody ever thinks the same thing about any character. See, when I read the book, my Sam has dark curly brown hair, is smaller and thinner, and is more of a servant. At least I didn't say I hated everybody...

    I'm posting off the laptop (just try and pry the boys off the computer with their new x-mas computer game....HA!) So I'll say in advance, sorry about the numbers. I'm working on that.

    Merry Christmas everyone!, I probably will post tomorrow, but I make no promises.
    -----
    ³If you have no animal, other than gadferee, and no plant life, what happens to dead bodies??² Qui-Gon asked Frenth.
    ³Well, gadferee probably eat each other when they die,² explained Frenth. ³and humans, we burn the bodies in a huge, once a year ceremony.²

    ³Why do the gadferee only come out of the distant mountains once a year??²

    ³I guess they hibernate until the ice season. We¹ve never really studied them.²

    ³With no bacteria, no pant or animals to speak of, what becomes of waste?? What happened to it??²

    ³We burn ours in great waste pits, and who know what happens to the gadferee¹s. They probably eat it, too.²

    ³How do you reach ridge nine??² questioned Qui-Gon, changing the subject abruptly.

    Frenth squinted at the rough scrawled directions a passerby had given them. ³Uh, straight up the main road, turn left at the great red bridge. Or is that, turn southeast at great crimson ridge??²

    ³I hope your just trying to worry me,² groaned Qui-Gon good naturedly. ³I really am tired of that joke.²

    ³I¹ve only done it five times.² said Frenth innocently, showing a well hidden streak of humor. ³Is Yoshii asleep??²

    ³Ja,² muttered Reemsa. She gave a great yawn. ³How much longer??²

    ³Not sure,² shrugged Qui-Gon.

    Reemsa blew out a frustrated breath. ³I¹m beat. No good if we all arrive tired. I¹m going to sleep.² She snuggled down next to Yoshii on the seat, and started lazily kicking the back of Frenth¹s seat. She was asleep in ten minutes.

    ³Frenth,² said Qui-Gon softly. ³Who is Cruin, really??²

    ³Why should I tell you??²

    ³Why should you refuse?? You obviously feel very strongly about it, but have no control over your sister.²

    ³Then why do you want to know??²

    ³I just do.²

    ³What is he?? More of a monster even than I¹ve I¹ve painted him to be,² Frenth leaned forward, and absently flicked the window a couple of times. ³I worked in a division with him for a couple of months, that how we met him. He was ok, nothing more. He was careful not to show much of his real nature around Reemsa, who was smitten with him from the first, but I saw him in unguarded moments. He was greedy, often unwise, and often bragged. He was a very handsome, simpering kind of person, and made friends easily. I don¹t think he could keep them though. Even though I didn¹t like him very much, I didn¹t say anything to Reemsa. I thought it was a passing fancy, and he seemed to have honorable intentions to her. I didn¹t realize how serious Reemsa was, until she admitted to me he¹d been pressuring her to enlope with him. I begged her not to consent to anything, and let me find out a little more about him character.

    She told me she would wait three weeks, and then marry him. Like a fool, I still thought she would change her mind. She is a very affectionate girl, but
  11. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    THANK YOU!!! *hugs* And we get to find out more about Frenth! Nice job with the detailed history! Very believable! We aren't gonna umn...meet up with this guy? Are we?

    Oh here's proof that in the SW universe like our own, names a reused since I had a Sayna too! I like that name :)

    Yeah, at least you didn't hate everybody! :D

    WoW!! Girl you're FAST!! I'm glad you're liking them!! Aren't the covers cool? I like to do covers too and actually, I did one for Sarah and my story :)

    I really liked Change of Mind, Change of Heart! I liked the whole beginning and the further intro of Elladan and Elrohir!! Get used to them girl! You'll be seeing A LOT OF THEM!! :D :p

    Well, must go! Merry, merry Christmas!! And don't feel pressured to post tomarrow! Though I DO want more SOOON! :D
  12. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Nice long post!! And that's one clever sub-plot you've got going there. *whistles in astonishment* No wonder Frenth was so upset!

    Good delivery on the story; you didn't turn it into one of those implausible "well, I don't trust you, but I'm going to spill my private life story anyway" situations. Frenth explained what was going on, but it was with the attitude of letting off steam, and he never believed that Qui-Gon was really interested, so he most certainly wasn't hunting for sympathy.

    And you've started on the Mellon Chronicles!! I'm glad; I thought you would like them and when Siri said she'd told you about them, I said something along the lines of, "YEHAA!" My favorites were probably Change of Mind, Change of Heart, Return, and (probably in the #1 slot) Mistaken Identity. Keep us posted on what you think of 'em!

    Speaking of Aggy and Leggy... Siri is currently writing them into a large amount of trouble for our second Mellon-esque fic. Must go see how it's going! :)

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

    Sarah >^,,^<
  13. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Hip hip, HOORAH!!! Our internet connection went completely blah over the past couple of days. I was going to give you an extra nice long post for Christmas, but I could get on all day. Nor yesterday, nor most of today. But I just tried it AGAIN, and it WORKED!!!!! Yey!!! Back to my readers, or, what left of them. [face_blush]

    Siri: I'm working on Return right now, I can't wait to read you guy's stories. I would have started already, but I could because of internet hating me-I mean, internet trouble. I do really like the covers, and I can't wait to see yours.

    Sarah: Run in to this guy?? And miss the oportunity of introducing someone new?? With that strang, none to clear answer, I leave you. ;)

    Here's a longish post, to make up for being unavoidably delaid by a macintosh and PC.

    -----


    " Deely soo, deely soo," chanted Obi-Wan. "Hung yug, hung yug. Go on, go on." In the mine, so many people got lost, a continual chanting was kept up to help guide them back. A drop on icy water splashed on the back on his neck, and he stopped to catch some in his mouth, and wipe the blood off his face. The crystals often sent piercing shards in the face of the miner. No eye protection was ever given, and most of the miners had eye infections, or were missing an eye. Obi-Wan already knew to close his eyes tight every stroke.

    "D-e-e-e-l-y s-o-o," wailed the man next to him. His daughter had been lost in the mine only two days ago. Even now, he hoped against hope she was still alive.
    Apparently, though dark hints from other miners, Obi-Wan had pieced together that there was another creature on the plant besides the gadferee. A nameless dread, that took the life of any stray miner. It lived in the waters, and drank blood.
    "Corrlak" it was called. Mangled remains had before been discovered. Horrible, and ghastly, the remains were often quickly buried (a strange, unnatural thing to do in this society) and forgotten about.

    "Cacha roo," yelled someone behind him. It was the rough, mouth to mouth signal that it was the end of the day. "Cacha roo!!" yelled Obi-Wan a couple of time loudly behind him, and then picked up his tools. He threw them into the bin at the edge of the mine exit, and gladly drew the fresh, freezing air into his lungs. The cave air was warmer, but hard to enjoy; still and almost sleepy, it was often foul and thick. Occasional dangerous gases would emerge, and kill miners. Some times a whole mine would be filled, and kill all, or a miner would breath a poisoned gas that would torture and rack him, but kill him slowly. This gas was call Dertga, which meant the slow death. It was tasteless, odorless, could not be seen. The only way a miner was ever alerted to it, was by an slightly oily feeling in the air. Then, if his mouth tasted like oil later on, he would know he'd breathed Dertga.

    No instruments or watches were set to look out for these gases, if the miner died, they died. New slaves were cheap enough.

    Obi-Wan waited till the platforms for the miners were completely crowded, then, making sure no overseers were watching, began to climb up the ridge wall without the aid of any ropes or platforms. It wasn't an easy climb, and he enjoyed to exercise. It kept him warm. At the top of the ridge, he found a small crowd waiting for him to reach the top. They all cheered halfheartedly, and a few slapped him on the back. A feat like that would have draw much more attention in a the warm seasons, but they still liked to watch it.

    Obi-Wan walked to the other side, and waited till the crowd, cold, dispersed. A few stayed for quite a while, hoping he would try climbing down the sea side, but he disappointed them by ignoring them and sitting on the ground. They finally got tired of waiting, and left.

    The purple sea was roughly splotched with a blue. It was such a still sea, the water froze in spots. The ice was bright blue, and had the annoying habit of loudly exploding. The sun had disappeared, and it was very cold and very still.
    Obi-Wan grabbed a grubby blanket he'd managed to
  14. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Ack,don't like that three-armed dude! how could you leave us with a cliffie!!!!???!?!?!!?

    I don't like this Cruin or Cheerys people. I say we all go and, um, take care of them, ourselves! *grabs lightsaber*
  15. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Bobill: How can I leave you with that cliffie?? Easily, I know what happens. *nervous/ominous giggling* Don't kill me...
    But this post does help answer the cliff, I promise.

    Sarah: I forgot to say thank you for talking about Frenth and Qui-Gon's conversation that way. I love it when you make it sound like I really meant to do that. ;)

    -----

    A wintry wind slapped Obi-Wan's face like a knife. His split lip felt stiff, and he gingerly touched his neck. It throbbed with a numb pain. He tried to sit up, and was instantly sick. After throwing up, he felt a little better and could look at his surroundings clearly.

    A dim morning light was flickering in a desperate attempt at morning. Dusky gray stone made up the chief of his cell, a rough pallet, a toilet bowl in a corner. No food, no water, nothing else. An ill cut window was placed high on one wall, like a great, badly placed tear in the stone. It let in the faint light, and the cruel wind.
    Obi-Wan managed to stand up, and looked out the window, hoping the sight would cheer him or give him inspiration. It didn't. The sky was lifeless gray, dull green clouds were streaming across it. Horrible flickers of orange lighting danced around the clouds, the wind brought a foul stench.

    As Obi-Wan watched, part of the green clouds seemed to detach themselves. As if they just wanted to add the the ominous horizon, great creatures with leathery wings became discernible.

    "It is one of our pleasant ice storms of the season," remarked someone behind him.
    He turned uncertainly, and warily surveyed the young man. He had long blond hair bound back, and clear gray eyes. His skin was light, and suited him exactly.

    "'ho 'er ou," mumbled Obi-Wan, annoyed that he couldn't speak clearly with his lip.

    "No one of consequence," the man smiled a smile that was more like a leer. "I highly doubt you need to know. Come with me."

    Obi-Wan decided not to argue, and meekly followed his still smiling jailer.

    He longed to ask him where they were going, but didn't want to speak when speech was so undignified for him. He was relieved when the man began the subject himself.

    "I suppose you're wondering where we're going??"

    Obi-Wan nodded dumbly.

    "I wondered that myself, long ago....I was about your age." he fell silent, much to the irritation of Obi-Wan. He continued walking in silence, but spoke again at last, "We're going to see my master. To have him speak to you. I don't suppose you'll like my master. Master is greatly interested in you, greatly interested." He smiled again,
    "Master is easily....shall we say, vexed. Don't annoy him."

    They had walked down two corridor of the the same, dusky gray stone, and now entered a stairwell of black stone. It lead down much farther than they went, and the man lead Obi-Wan though a door about two levels down. This door lead into the same, lifeless corridor, and they entered a door.

    The room was different, made of a darker stone. Formal, burgundy rugs were laid out, and indifferent leather chairs were placed about a fireplace.

    Obi-Wan had never seen such an enormous, frightful, nor more interesting fireplace than that one. The fire itself was frigid and formal, it seemed to give little light, and even less warmth. The fireplace was made of a reddish stone, very different from the rest of the room. It had immense carvings all over it. People and aliens covered it. They were involved in wars, festivals, feasts, tournament, weddings, funerals, ordinations, and every other thing that would make a majestic and fine carving. The carvings had no ornamental paints, nor false looking gilding, just simple and severe. No trappings or extra polish, that would have made it all ridiculous, but beautiful, but regal and cold.

    "So you admire my little toy??" said a icy voice behind him. He turned for the second time that day, to see a smiling man.

    This man had blond hair, and innocent blue eyes. These eye were open and easy, but they had a hard tinge in them. They were narrowed now, and staring piercingly at him.
  16. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    You think so? Hm. I suppose in a way it reminded me of Karrde and Luke when they first met...

    Anyway, I liked the way Obi-Wan met Errda's verbal battle, even if he lost in the end. The fact that he kept his head so well was a credit to him! Only I'm worried now, cuz he certainly won't be at the mine when Qui comes poking around for him. *sigh*

    Your description of Obi's tailing job was really good too, as well as the inside-the-mine stuff. So many people use mines in their stories, that they sort of start to look alike, but yours came off different somehow... Maybe it was the amount of stuff you added, without taking a whole lot of time to explain the 'why' behind it. Like the way they echoed messages down the tunnel. Hm. Anyway, it's great to read!

    You forgot the part where Errda says, "What is your favorite color?" and Obi-Wan answers, "Green, no BLUE!" and then goes flying out the window and lands in the sea. And there was much rejoicing. {yeah!}

    Good work! :)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  17. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, Errda's smart! Poor Obi-Wan, to be tricked like that! I guess he needs some practice on lying!

    Come on, Qui-Gon, you gotta save your apprentice plus the princess plus Kelper and Yani, plus your new friends... Qui-Gon has a lot to do!
  18. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    *slams head against wall* Oiy! THAT was frusterating!!!

    I'm sorry I missed two of your posts!! They were both VERY good!!!

    I-yi-yi!! This guy is a *little* too smart for Obi-Wan's own good!! That was very cleverly written though!! Even if you DID introduce more characters ;) You'll have to count up how many you had in the end ;)

    Oooh goody!! I want to read more of Cross of Belfalas, but you'll have to resend me what that last stuff you did, because I umn...lost it :D

    Ooooh!! On to Return!! I'll send along Mistaken Identity for you as soon as I can!! You're lucky! Sarah had to wait for about two weeks before Return was up and she was left TERRIBLY hanging on Exile!! Can you IMAGINE that??? Oiy! However *I* was still catching up [face_blush] I'm a little bit of a slow reader ;)

    GREAT POSTS glad you're liking Cassia's fics!!! Enjoy um :D

    MORE SOOON!!!
  19. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2

    Sarah: Ooo, you are so right. I should have done the blue yellow thingy. I guess I'm not thinking much about incorperateing Monty Python into this story, becuase I'm doing that in the next story I'll be posting after this one. It's call, Mission: Impossible. Siri and Obi get saddled babysitting eight kids along with two other teens, and the result is...well...you can imagine it's a bit more humorous than this story...
    It's Zahn influenced from no particular scene, just the whole idea of talking on the brink of a cliff. (no pun intended)

    Bobill: Practice on lying?? I'll submit that suggestion to the council. ;) Don't know if they'll pick up the idea though...
    The definition of being Qui-Gon = 2b always having to save people. For gosh sakes, he's got THE torture boy for an apprentice!!!!!

    Siri: Stop slamming your poor head against that hard wall girl, you're going to addle what you have left!! :D 8-}
    Count all my characters?? I may love math, but I can't count that high...
    I'll send some of COB sometime, especially since you showed me how to copy paste [face_blush] I can do it now.

    -----

    Qui-Gon pressed his forehead against the glass is desperation. The ice storm had started, large and small pieces of electrical ice fell from the sky. Thunder crashed, and the shrieks of gadferee now filled the air. He was stuck in the overseer house of the ninth ridge, he hadn't had time to go to the slave house before the storm. It was still very early morning.

    "Why do gadferee only come out during the ice season??" he asked Frenth, just to pass the time.

    "This is their mating season, they come to the sea. We just happen to be tasty snacks that come into the bargain."

    "Of course. What do they look like??"

    "I don't know."

    "How do they catch prey, by sight??"

    "No, they have poor eye sight. They have a keen sense of smell, and they sense body temperature. That is the real way they catch anything. They actually have no body temperature, their blood is cold, and too much warmth will kill them."

    "So they mainly live by eating each other??"

    "Ja."

    "Why doesn't the electrical ice hurt them??"

    "No, but I don't know much about that."

    "I can tell ya anything ya want," said a grizzled old man, coming forward. "I've been an overseer on this ridge since I was young. If it's fit ta be known, I know it. What do ya want ta know??"

    "What is the electrical ice??"

    "Just what it sounds like. Chunks of sharp, cold ice. It's not much colder than ordinary ice. It somehow gets charged in those fierce clouds, small pieces can give ya a good ol' shock. Large chunks can kill a man. They have a sort of magnetic charge, that attracted to warmth. That's why they don't bother the gadferee. Ya wanta drink??"

    "What??" Qui-Gon glanced up, distastefully surveying the purple drink he offered him.

    "It's sea water, sweet water. When ya water it down, it don't taste half bad," he sipped meditavely at his own drink. "Course, too much'll give you a good old wooze. Pretty alcoholic really."

    Frenth rubbed his head, "Great, I get hangovers really easily."

    "Twenty," shouted a man, coming in from outside. Qui-Gon stared suspiciously at him.

    "Twenty what??" he asked.

    "Twenty slaves were in the mine when da storm broke," answered the man, lazily tossing a piece of bread into his mouth.

    "Where are they now??"

    He squinted at the ceiling, and said, in a joking voice. "As far as I know, still there. Unless dey're in da gadferee."

    Several overseers laughed. Frenth glanced at Qui-Gon worriedly, and jumped up, following him. "You can't go out there!!! It's too dangerous!!!"

    "Obi-Wan might be in that mine," Qui-Gon didn't even look at Frenth. "I'm not losing him."

    "Don't be idiotic, he's probably not, and even if he is, these storms never last more than two days. He'll be fine!!"

    "I don't care!!" shouted Qui-Gon suddenly. "I've wasted enough time already. I'm finding Obi-Wan!!!"

    "How." Frenth's voice was strangely quiet.

    "First I'll go to the slave housin
  20. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Ack, what's gonna happen to Obi-Wan if Qui-Gon isn't there to save him? Oh that poor poor boy! Why do you need to torture him so?

    And that storm, so violent! Electric snow AND gaderfree? Wow, talk about really being crazy! I wonder who this Lous (yet another new charectore) is, he seems strange to be in a slave's room...
  21. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! Nio!! I'll never speak to you again if you kill off Qui-Gon!!! *checks long list of genres above...* ...Okay, AU is not on there, so there's hope ;)

    Great post!! You're such a clever girl!!! I really like the way you do this!!

    Oooh!! Looky!! Another character!!! He sounds like Aragorn...unless he turns out to be a bad guy than he's...he's an EVIL Aragorn :D

    Oooh!! More soon!!

    Okay I TRIED to send you Mistaken Identity but the e-mailer is telling me they can't find your home e-mail address so I'll try sending it by your personal one :)

    MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh and some COB wouldn't go over too badly either ;)
  22. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Bobill: :D I have a weird questiong for you, is your name supposed to be Bilbo, switched around?? Are you related to a certain sweet pony?? ;)

    Siri: Oh yes, I was definately uncreative enough to have Strider in my mind writing that scene. ;) But an evil Strider...now that would be fun to write.
    I have Mistaken Idenitiy on my labtop, but I'm reading them in order, so I'm not to that one yet. Want COB?? Cummon right up, should I send it to your home address??

    By the way, I apologize for the numberous mistakes in my writing. My editor samrellim only has time to edit occasionally, and we are waaaaay ahead of him.
    -----

    ~they were laughing again, she screamed~~horrible, grinning faces, like skulls~~they were laughing, laughing~~"She's going to die."~~laughing~~screaming and screaming, my screams, her screams~~"She's going to die."~~ the nightmare faded into a dull blur.
    "No, give her rest, and medicine. I still need her. I've got something profitable to do, meanwhile."
    "She's going to die??"
    "She has the fever."
    "I know. But keep her alive, give her medicine...uh, howabout Tilisine."
    "All right."
    "Cover that window, too."
    "Whatever."
    ~laughing~~screaming~~Jenny, Jenny~

    -----

    Kill Qui-Gon?? Hmmm, there's a fun thought. Maybe I should rewrite some...but then, I'm not promising I haven't already done something like that.

    (you ask why I'm so mean, bobill?? I am a big sister to six kids, I let off steam where I can ;)) (actually, I love 'em all a ton)

    -Nio

    p.s.
    Yes, I know that was short, I'm planning to do a big long post on the 1st, in honor of my fiveteenth birthday!! Yeha, driver's ed, here I come!
  23. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    It took me a while to realize it was Kelper being tortured and not one of us! That poor kid, to be hurt like that! Why don't those meanies just let her go???????? I love the description, though, with the skulls and everything... very creepy!

    You have brothers? Lucky, I'm an only child. All alone. *sobs*

    The history of the name of Bobill? It's strange. I was paranoid when I signed on, and pretended to be a 21 yr old male under the name of Bob, but a lot of other people wanted to do that, so I tried Bill. People like that, too, so now it's bobilll, and it sticks. But the Bilbo idea's a good excuse!
  24. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    *glowers at friend* THAT was not so curteous!! We NEEEEEEEEEED MORE!!!

    Yeah, I sent you MI again, because it's got one line I had to edit out *grumbles* Cos it refers to the not-so-pleasent aspects of Captive to Darkness SO, I just sent it again and if it doesn't work I'll try just sending the chapter that contains the line to your own e-mail (currently it's SUPPOSED to go to your home e-mail, but you know how well THAT'S worked for me *grumbles some more*)

    HA!! I saw Two Towers again! I saw Two Towers again!! :D

    I liked it better this time having known the things that bugged me all ready I was able to enjoy it more.

    Oh and by the by:

    Neb Dollin!

    (You're Late)

    I EVEN WROTE THAT DOWN!! *giggle* I was so afraid I'd forget it so I wrote it on my orthodontist report card in the middle of a dark theater THREE TIMES so that at least one of them was sure to be legiable ;)

    Yes, please send COB to our home address it might crash my poor hotmail account ;)

    MORE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! :D
  25. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Bobill: Be happy with the situation you've got. (no I don't have six brothers (whew, even I'm not that blessed/cursed) I only (ha) got three, the rest of 'em are sissys) I'm sure you don't have the fantastic amounts of landuary, cleaning, dirty dishes, and others various items that cannot be separated from having numberous siblings. ;) But I'd better shut up before I get Siri and Sarah on my back, they are part of a family with nine kids, and they'd probably say my work load is nothing... :D :D (last night, while watching Spiderman, we didn't even get to the title "Spiderman" before we'd already had an interruption from someone very small and cute)

    Siri: Oh dear, now you can use that elvish phrase everytime I am lax to post... [face_terrified] And, oh yeah, I forgot to meantion, our e-mail isn't up right now...don't kill me for forgetting to meantion it. Please. Just send it to me on mine, and okiday, COB is on its lengthy way!!

    -----

    Obi-Wan threw his hands over his head. A ghastly creature, he thought it was a gadferee, attacked again and again at his window. The gray rock groaned and cracked with the force. A horrible screaming, like a woman in agony, filled his ears. Thunder shook the room, and sparks from parts of broken ice burned his hands. The ice stuck strangely to the hot floor, and melted quickly.
    Ever since the storm had started, the gray stone had become steadily hotter, and the ice stuck to it. Otherwise, it might have killed Obi-Wan.
    He clutched at the thin pallet, and cried out as the room rocked from the force of the blows.

    The creature screamed at him, and started to try and pull the grate off. It came half off, and if stuck one of its wings into the room. The wing was black leather, and had three, horribly razor like craws on the end of it. They raked on the floor. The second the gadferee touched the floor, it shrieked in a different voice, more like a high pitched bellow of pain, and jerked back. Its wing caught on the grate, and it jerked it wildly away, splattering blood all over Obi-Wan. The blood was ice cold, and smelled horrible. The creature flew uncertainly off.

    Obi-Wan stood, and shivered as he watched it disappear into the black orange haze.
    There had been a slight slowing of the storm, which now burst out a cold renewal. Obi-Wan drew his legs up to his chin, and stared dully out the window. There was no possibility of sleep now, he watched the storm. It raged and shrieked, but it was dyeing. Slowly but surely, it quieted down and began to blow itself out. It pounded, but softly now. Obi-Wan finally closed his eyes.

    When he opened them, Faa was standing in front of him.

    "Errda wants you," he said, his face impassive.

    "What does he want me for??" asked Obi-Wan. "What does he have left to ask??"

    "Get up," Faa turned and walked toward the door. His friendly, or at least easily amused, humor had disappeared. His gray eyes glanced at Obi-Wan's damaged window, but he said nothing.

    -----

    *not to make you worry about everyone's favorite jedi kid, but, hee hee...*

    -Nio
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