Before A Tempered Education [KOTOR II; one-shot]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by CorellianJazz, Mar 8, 2011.

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  1. CorellianJazz Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2011
    Title: A Tempered Education
    Author: CorellianJazz
    Timeframe: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
    Characters: The Exile [male], Handmaiden
    Genre: Drama, Philosophy
    Summary: The Exile attempts to give the Handmaiden a lesson in emotional restraint and its impact on utilizing the Force.

    My first attempt at a story utilizing a first person point-of-view.

    "Sith spit!"

    I shook my head at the familiar-sounding grunt of frustration, rolling my eyes as I walked into the cargo hold, ducking under the top of the durasteel hatch. As usual, the recycled air of the cargo hold was drenched with palpable tension, a tinge of anger, and frustration. I didn't need the Force to tell me that, as another grunt of frustration sounded from beneath the low-lit area of the hold along with the sound of something metal clashing against the durasteel floor of the hold.

    I laughed. A mistake that only aided in hastening the anger and frustration palpable in the hold and, well, meant my "doom". Sure, I didn't need the Force to tell me that the handmaiden was frustrated. But, I was in need of such an otherworldly power to evade the back of a pale, white hand speeding toward the right side of my face. The danger sense tingling at the back of my spine allowed me to catch the hand in my fingers, my right brow furrowing as the white-haired, young woman stepped out from the darkness; her face was contorted, in a terrible way, in a mixture of the same anger and frustration palpable in the cargo hold.

    "And here I was," she began, pulling her hand away, "under the impression you would be here to support me."

    "Must you take everything so seriously?" I asked, settling against a nearby wall, my foot propped up for support, arms crossing my chest.

    She looked at me, a hand propped up on her tilted right hip. "Must you take everything with such a relaxed nature?" She retorted, her brow furrowing, lips pulling together in pouting fashion. She was pretty when she...

    No, no, no. This is your apprentice here.

    I smiled at her, still leaning against the durasteel wall. "I wouldn't call it a relaxed nature." I stated. "I would say that... I'm at peace. Well, for the most part. I can understand though why you're frustrated."

    I motioned with a tilt of my head at the small, metal-toned canister lying on the floor in haphazard fashion; through reaching out in the Force, it was obvious she had been attempting to raise it with an application of the Force. The handmaiden was a "big picture" sort of person - she understood using a lightsaber quite well, having been trained in a variety of martial weapons. As for the smaller things - moving objects, telepathy, and the like - well... she was an apprentice.

    She followed my gaze to the canister, and then quickly looked back at me. "That's not it!" She angrily said, looking down, arms crossing her chest like a child.

    I smiled; laughing again, walked over to beside the canister and took a seat, legs crossing over one another. I motioned with a hand to the floor beside me; she followed after a few seconds of obvious contemplation and followed my lead, legs crossing over one another. I folded my hands over in meditation, closed my eyes, and called upon the Force.

    The echoes of the Force rippling through my ears were a familiar sound, my smile widening at the harmonic rhythmic flowing down and through my body; the distance of the sound had lessened in the last few months, but it was still far away, like something calling out to me across the galaxy. Long ago, it had been different during... well that was the past.

    I reached out with a hand, returning to the reality that was the hold of the Ebon Hawk, and grasped the canister with tendrils of energy; the small, metal item trembled slightly before leaving the durasteel floor, finally settling upon the cold, recycled air as though it were settling on a table. I smiled, breathing in deeply, before lowering the canister back to the floor. I turned to the handmaiden who was som
  2. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Lovely picture of a great teaching moment. The comparisons between the two were great--one full of passion, one nice and calm. Great vig.
  3. LaForzaViva Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2008
    star 1
    Very good, I enjoyed that quite a bit! I hope to see more from you as an author, you have a good sense for scene.
  4. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    great interaction and discussion between the characters. I love them and want to see more.

    A male Excile and Brianna were my favorite characters playing KotOR II
  5. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    Nice short there! The interaction between the two was really believable, and I wasn't distracted at all by the first person perspective. It was very smoothly done.
  6. CorellianJazz Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2011
    I want to thank everybody for their kind and very quick comments!

    I'm glad I was able to get the point of the story across well, even though I've never delved into a first-person point of view. It was a fun experiment - something I'll definitely be trying out again in the future.

    - CorellianJazz
  7. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    Excellent story! Brianna deserves more love, and you manage to capture her well. Your unflappable Exile is a nice contrast.
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