"Above Ruin" -- pre-ANH vignette, Darth Vader

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Cheveyo, Apr 29, 2002.

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  1. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Above Ruin (previously titled "the Last Stand")
    by Cheveyo

    Era- The Jedi Purges, post Ep.III
    Focus- Vignette: Darth Vader and Original Character, Gyan Kumar
    Summary- Atop the crumbling ruins of an ancient fortress, the Jedi Knight Gyan Kumar chooses to stop running. In the torrential rain he will make his last stand against the murderer of Jedi.
    Hi everyone! Remember when you first saw Darth Vader on the big screen? I sure do! He had just stepped through the blown-out hatch into the haze of remnant blaster fire, moving purposefully over the piles of rebel and imperial bodies. I was awestruck!

    Since the original trilogy, we?ve come to know?and feel for?the man behind the mask, Anakin Skywalker. I wanted with this story to take the reader back to the feeling Vader gave us when we first met him. The fear he evokes is seen this time through the eyes of his prey.

    Extra special thanks to Mar17swgirl for beta-reading the story and helping me fine tune the scene! Enjoy!


    Gyan Kumar wiped away the rain cascading over his brow. From his perch atop the decaying ruins, the Jedi Knight could see for kilometers in every direction. Vast plains of grass?their blades taller than Wookiees?rippled like an ocean of green as the torrent pelted the land. The Jedi Knight could see no hint of the sun through the charcoal gray sky. This was the place; Gyan knew it would all end here.

    He was near. Gyan felt the chill of the Dark Side deep in his bones. Lying prone on the old stone, he scanned the horizon through his electrobinoculars. He?d first seen the vehicle lights as it crested the plains minutes ago. Now he could see it was a speeder moving fast toward him. His pursuer would be at the ruined stronghold in minutes.

    The Jedi slid off the tall stone and began his way down the chiseled stairwell leading to the main platform. The legends said this was hallowed land, left behind by a long-dead culture. Little detail was known of their demise, but the palpable essence that forever stained these eroding walls sent ripples through the Force. Gyan could feel the loss.

    The dark chill within him forced an uncontrollable shiver down his spine. Blood would once again be spilled here. He hoped it would not be his.

    The speeder came to rest at the base of the tall, carved steps leading up into the fortress. Gyan stood ceremoniously at their head, rain dripping from his sandy hair. His drenched Jedi robe felt heavy on his shoulders; he would need to lose it before the battle. He watched the speeder?s door slide away, revealing his pursuer?s midnight silhouette. As prepared as the Jedi thought he was for this introduction, he could not stifle the fear evoked by that mechanical visage.

    Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, stood at the base of the steps and looked up at the Jedi. Rain pelted his ebony helmet and glazed the flowing cape that trailed behind him. Three red pulsing lights on his chest plate were the only detail Gyan could see within the silhouetted figure. The Dark Lord began up the ruined stones, each footfall set with intense purpose. Gyan didn?t have to see the face behind the mask to see the dark lord?s hatred; it shone through the Force with a power Gyan could never have imagined.

    The Sith Lord?s mechanized breathing grew louder as he neared. Gyan moved away from the steps and slipped out of his outer robe. His hand fell over the flat pommel of his lightsaber, still secured to his belt. He would not be the first to draw his weapon. A Jedi used his weapon in defense, never for attack.

    Vader did not abide by such philosophies; but then, he was no Jedi. Gyan had not known him as Anakin Skywalker, though he had heard of the young man the Council had called ?the Chosen One?. Gyan knew him only as a murderer, a betrayer.

    Vader?s weapon came to life with the snap-hiss of blood red energy. The blade?s luminosity reflected off of his polished armo/>/>
  2. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
  3. Amy21 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2001
    star 2
    I starting to get hooked unto these Jedi purges stories. :)
    Great Job Cheveyo!
    Love your characterization of Vader and Gyan Kumar.
    Up! Some else should definitely read this.
  4. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Thanks Amy! I'm glad you liked it. :)
  5. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

    VIP
    Member Since:
    Mar 16, 2000
    star 4
    Nicely done. Very appropriate tone. Only one misspelling. Should be "pommel" not "pummel." One's what you do to someone when you beat them, the other's like the hilt of a sword.
  6. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Thanks, Belle :) It would figure that I'd miss that one. That's what I get for trusting MS Word's auto-spell.

    The correction has been made. ;)
  7. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    I'm just going to up this a little. :)
  8. FurryDuck Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2001
    star 4
    Chilling. When I saw SW the first time, I was only a few years old but I remember being terrified of Darth Vader. You really did a great job writing him.

    I liked how Gyan sent a little message to his family at the end. So sad :(.

    Anyway, it was great!
  9. Mar17swgirl Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 26, 2000
    star 7
    Ack, I missed this one... :p

    Great job, Cheveyo. Really outstanding work. I loved your characterizations of Vader and Gyan, and your writing style is very impressive. :) I loved this vignette!
  10. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    FurryDuck ~ I know the feeling. I was 5 back in `77. That hazy image of Vader's close-up as he enters the battle-ravaged blockade runner is forever etched in my memory! :)

    Thanks for reading this and for he compliment. I'm glad you liked it. :D

    Mar ~ Such high praise! Thanks! :D
    And thanks again for all of your suggestions. It reads with more fluidity now, definitely.
  11. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    maybe just a quick "up"? ;) thx



    Also, just an FYI. I've made a few grammatical and syntax changes to help the flow of the story. probably unnoticeable...
  12. princess-sari Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2000
    star 4
    Wow, Cheveyo, great job!!
    Your descriptions are wonderful--they help capture the chilling terror and frantic feelings Gyan feels as he fights Vader. And the ending, with his wife and son mourning him, is very powerful. It wasn't just the Skywalkers who were effected by Ani's turn--many other families suffered as well. So again, great job! And thanks for sending me the link!! :)
  13. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Thanks for reading, Sari :), and for the compliments! For about ten minutes, I had a section at the end where Gyan reflected on the "death" of the Jedi Order, and of galactic peace. It didn't feel right that he would reflect on such a general and vague thought as he drew hi last breath. Instead, he turned to his own family. At Mar's suggested, I expanded the single-sentence thought to what it is. I'm pleased with it. ;)

    Although this is a new vignette, it's based on another story I wrote years ago (just before TPM came out), about the end of the Purges, maybe five years before ANH. That story dealt with Gyan as he went on the run with his wife, Namita, and toddler son, Dev (who, incidentally, was the RPG character I created and played back in "the day" with the old WestEnd Games books--all of this was to be Dev's backstory!). I never finished that tale, because it dragged too long, and I grew bored.

    This vignette has sort of revived my desire to tell that story, though. Maybe I'll go back and play with it. Who knows...

    One thing with this story that does not follow what has become SW canon is the issue of Jedi really having families. At the risk of revealing spoilers, I won't elaborate. I will only say that if I do continue with the original story, I will work in that "law" and how Gyan and his bride overcame it... maybe. ;)

    But I digress... a lot! I'm happy that you enjoyed this tale!! :D
  14. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Just a little "up". ;)
  15. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Hi everyone....


    ...Up! ;)
  16. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    I hope I'm not confusing everyone... but the previous title just didn't do anything for me. Hopefully, this new title is a little more creative. ;)
  17. Amy21 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2001
    star 2
  18. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Hey! Thanks for the up, Amy ;) ;)
  19. Kriare Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 1998
    star 1
    This is great Cheveyo. Vader is especially well done. I remember how terrified I was of him when I first saw ANH.
    Up.
  20. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Thank you, Kriare!! I just saw AOTC yesterday... it's interesting to finally see more of how Darth Vader comes to be! He really is an evil dude!! ;) Thanks for reading.
  21. jedifighter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    Very nice. It prob expains him in ROTJ.
  22. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Interesting take, Jedifighter. Thanks for reading. :)
  23. jedifighter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
  24. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Upping for a new generation of readers. ;)
  25. Darth_Silenous Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 21, 2002
    star 4
    Nice take on Vader. . .chilling, actually. Good work!
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