Saga Absolution -- Dare Challenge Response Vignette Very AU --Replies Added 9/28

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Layren, Sep 26, 2005.

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  1. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Title: Absolution
    Author: Layren
    Characters: Qui-Gon, Dooku, Sidious, Shmi, Anakin
    Author's Note: Written in response to an evil dare sent to me by VaderLVR64 Look I finished it!
    Special Thanks to HealerLeona for giving me the idea on how to pull this off, and for betaing [:D]
    Special Thanks Also to Alethia Who through many talks tickled my muse into writing and beta'ed also when it was finished :D Thanks again you two!

    The Challenge: Dooku is sent to watch over the birth of the Chosen One. He must decide whether to leave Anakin on Tatooine or bring him back to his Master, Darth Sidious. Dooku must be purely evil, no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Qui-Gon must be mentioned, at least in passing. He may be in the story or not, as you choose. The following words must be in your story: parturition, collaboration, emancipation, and kitling. grin

    You can decide if Dooku will take Anakin or not, as this is completely AU. But?. You must give the identify of Anakin?s father, whether it is a Sith, a Jedi, or the Force itself.


    The night was as dark as a cave on Geonosis, but the figure standing on top of the hill did not mind. That was how he preferred it. The darkness here was pure, unspoiled by the Light of the Force, for the night was cloudy, and no stars were intruding on the serenity his Mistress offered him. He wrapped her around himself and she returned his love, increasing his power. His brow furrowed at the subtle changes in the Force, before a beam of purity came to his senses.

    At last it was time.

    He reached for his comlink, his lips pulled back in a sneer. He never gave a greeting or a closing, not bothering with the niceties of society. ?Lord Tyrannus, it is time.?

    His apprentice responded immediately. ?Yes, my Master,? he said, knowing immediately what his master was talking about. ?I will depart for Tatooine immediately. The Force is with us, Master Sidious,? he replied and then clicked the comlink off.

    The circle would soon be complete and the Sith Lord would have a new apprentice.


    ?Breathe in?.?


    Breathe in?" The midwife, her close personal friend Aida Lanas instructed, and Shmi Skywalker struggled to do as she had asked. Finally the time was here. After months of feeling her son?s movements in her belly, the parturition was upon her. She gasped for breath as the muscles in her abdomen contracted. The contractions had been coming faster and more intense than they had been the last six hours.

    Shmi thought fondly of her baby before the stabbing pains tore up her concentration and all coherent thought left her.

    ?Breathe!? Aida positioned herself to catch the infant. She could see the top of the newborn?s head. ?Push!?

    Another pain ripped through her and Aida barked, ?Push Shmi! He looks like he?s trying to crawl out on his own and join you!?

    ?I am pushing!? Shmi gritted out through clenched teeth. Her muscles contracted again and then the air was pierced with the newborn?s wails and Shmi wept from joy and exhaustion.

    She smiled broadly when her son was placed in her arms after Aida had cut the cord, cleaned him off and wrapped him in a blanket. The baby gurgled and she looked down at her son.

    ?Anakin,? She whispered, staring into her son?s eyes. He was destined for greatness, she knew. The child had no father, yet somehow this miracle had happened. This life, this precious one would somehow do great things. She didn?t know how she knew, but she did. ?My Anakin,? she said softly before sleep claimed her.


    Lord Tyrannus watched from the window of the slave hovel, the sand shifting beneath his feet. /This is supposed to be the savior of the Force- the Chosen One?/ He knew that the child was a collaboration between his mentor and the Force ? and he knew well the reason he had been created ? to replace him.

    His mouth curved upward in a sneer as he stared
  2. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Bravo! Wonderful job! I've got a big grin on my face, even though this isn't a humor piece, because you did such a great job with my admittedly evil challenge! :D =D= [face_devil]
  3. Alethia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 13, 2005
    star 5
    I love the way Dooku believes that killing Anakin is a way of emancipating him. Because it is in a way- if Anakin lives, he's only going to sucked into another kind of slavery- with the Jedi or the Sith.

    And I'd hate to be Shmi when she awakes. That must be a horrible thing to wake up to.

    I'd write more, but I'm tired... So this will have to do for now. *grins*
  4. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Wow, reading what the challenge was you succeeded extremely well. Dooku certianly doesn't have no redeeming qualities whtsoever... down right creepy and evil I'd say. I can't believe you killed off Qui-Gon even sooner than GL did.. Evil woman you!! LOL!

    Wonderful fic.
  5. RK_Striker_JK_5 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2003
    star 7
    Nice, Lauren! He killed Anakin? :eek: Nice look into his mind, though. And for lack of a better term, good birth scene with Shmi.
  6. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Wow, that was great, Layren. Creepy! And now the galaxy will be plunged into darkness because there is no one to bring balance. And I can't believe you killed off Qui-Gon. :_|

    Great job.
  7. Siaynoqsbride Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2005
    star 4
    :eek: Whoa! I actually gasped aloud when you killed Anakin! Evil! :p But a very good vignette none the less.
  8. stormqueen874 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 2005
    star 4
    Oh wow, Layren. You killed him! Both Anakin and Qui-Gon! :_| I certainly wasn't expecting that... but it was certainly believeable. I've been reading more and more Dooku-centric fics as the character continues to appeal to me, and I certainly could see him doing something like this.

    Bravo, my dear! =D= Great job!

  9. Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Ohhhh! That was so very good. You've outdone yourself, my dear. I still can't believe what Dooku did. :mad: :_| Everything was so well detailed, and that sharp twist in the end...

    Bravo! =D=
  10. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Wow, wasn't expecting that! :eek:

    *blinks several times and reads a second time*

    Yeah, that really did happen.
  11. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    I love the contrast between describing Anakin's innocence as Dooku holds him and the murder. Very evil and shocking. You even turned kitling into an evilly sarcastic word! Great job. =D=
  12. PadwanKayla Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2005
    star 4
    That was evil! I was not expecting that. A very creepy Dooku! But killing Anakin - say it isn?t so. Now what would Palpsy be saying to these actions of his apprentice! Excellent work. =D=
  13. oqidaun Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 5
    ?No,? Dooku said after a moment. ?I?m afraid I don?t.?
    ?But Master! Master Dames? was a revered Jedi prophet!?
    Dooku snorted. ?He spent too much time in the future and none living his own life.?

    I really liked this exchange.

    Delightfully evil.
    Snapping babies little necks, what a rat!

    The opening birthing scene was really nicely done. Good job.
  14. Exeter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 2, 2005
    star 4
    What a wicked dare response! Dooku is a very cool character, and your darker version of him was all the better...

    Didn't see Qui-Gon's death coming - and certainly not Anakin's.

    And let's be honest, Anakin deserved it :p

    Awesome work, Layren!
  15. Kynstar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ohhh but Palps ain't gonna be happy, that's for sure. [face_laugh] Shoot if I had been Dooku I'd taken the child for myself and raised him, trained him [face_devil]

    Well done my old Master! :D Poor Shmi indeed... :(
  16. Gina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2003
    star 4
    :eek: :eek:

    Did NOT see that ending coming. So shocking, but so well done.

    Excellent vignette! =D= =D=

  17. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :eek: :eek: that was...was...just evil [face_devil] [face_devil]

    Excellent response to the challenge, though

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  18. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    VaderLVR Well you should! That was an evil evil challenge and my brain fried and fried over it :p Even my husband didn't know what parturition meant when I asked him :p

    Alethia Exactly right! And in a way, Dooku is also emancipating himself -- free from following Sidious's orders as you can bet Sidious wasn't pleased when he heard the news ;) And I thought about having him kill Shmi also, but he was supposed to have no redeemable attributes and I figured that would be too kind :p I'm just glad the way I wrote it didn't make it a PG-13 rated fic :p Thanks for everything [:D]!

    HealerLeona Thank *you* enormously for all your help and giving me the idea for the twist in the first place :D Without that, I don't know how I would've pulled this off :D And I killed Qui-Gon because I had to have a reason for Dooku to leave the Order sooner than he otherwise would. In canon Qui-Gon's death was his breaking point, and I had no reason to suppose that it would be different even in AU :D Thanks so much for *everything* [:D]

    Striker Thanks Jon! I have a really hard time getting into Dooku's head and I'm glad you liked the birth scene! I was really worried about it, since I had never been through labor myself before :) Thanks for reading!

    Dianethx Yep indeed it will -- unless Obi-Wan has children or something :p And he was a necessary sacrifice ;) Thanks for reading!

    Siaynoqsbride :D Glad I could make you gasp outloud! I have succeeded in what I intended to do then ;) Thanks!

    stormqueen874 The scene that inspired me the most with this particular vig was his taunt to Obi-Wan "Master Kenobi, you disappoint me, Yoda holds you in such high esteem.." And You know I always thought it was awful that he got killed so quickly because I don't think that Dooku wasn't intelligent enough to know what Sidious was up to with Anakin. Thanks!

    Princess_A Thanks so very much! Your comments are always so nice! And I worked really hard on the description as it is one of my weak points as a writer. I have a lot of trouble with it.. thanks!

    Master_Noi Yeah it really did ;) Thanks for reading!

    Lovely-in-Orange I almost couldn't write that ending :p I work in a nursery for a living and I found it very difficult to do -- but Dooku wouldn't :p And yes I did :D Thanks !

    PadawanKayla Glad I caught you off guard! Palps won't be happy that much is certain ;) Thanks for reading!

    oqidaun As connected to the Living Force as Qui-Gon and Dooku both were, I thought that Dooku would have little time for the prophecies of the future. Thanks so very much for you comments :) I worked hard on those scenes particularly :)

    Exeter Exactly! For all the Jedi he'll murder he definetely deserved it..didn't he? :p Or maybe not -- we'll never know now [face_devil]

    Kynstar Nope Old Palps'll be pissed won't he ;) Thought about that idea but then there's the idea that something could go wrong and the child could fall into Jedi hands ... Palps could get his hands on him..etc etc.. so he decided the simplest and least messy way would be to kill him ;) And I wanted a vignette -- not an epic :p Thanks for reading!

    Gina Lulled you into a false sense of security eh? :D Thanks for reading!

    Kelia Glad it was! That was my intention! :D Thank you!
  19. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Oh man that was just creepy! Loved it all the same but it was just so....creepy *shudders*
  20. Ladynaye Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2005
    star 4
  21. raisedbywolves Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2005
    star 2
    :_| OK, maybe now I don't feel SO evil about the ending of my dare answer!!

    Gah! That was so creepy. Dooku emancipating the Force from its chosen one... Fond memories of being a Jedi, despite his depravity... Yikes.

    Very good Layren!
  22. Knight_Dilettante Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    star 4
    Whoa! Creepy. Uh, I mean that in a good way. [face_worried]

    That was an evil challenge that VL gave you. But you did an amazing job with it.

  23. DarthNaughtious Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2005
    star 2
    That was...disturbing. Disturbing, but more well written because it was disturbing. It was realistic for someone who has given themselves to the Dark Side completely, as we saw in RotS (and Anakin hadn't even completely given himself over to the Dark Side yet when he murdered the younglings). Dooku wouldn't want anyone taking his place.

    The snapping of the neck...I could almost hear it when you wrote that part, so now I feel a bit nauseous. Poor baby Anakin. Poor Shmi--it's going to be a nasty shock for her to wake up to the sight of her murdered baby.

    The way he died has a bit of morbid dramatic irony in it though, what with Darth Vader's penchant for strangling people with the Force. Granted he won't get a chance to become Darth Vader, now, so that macabre sense of fate will never get a chance to be realized.

    ]-} [face_pumpkin] [face_skull]
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