Saga Action Figure Theatre/ Humor, Classic Trilogy, Slight AU (Return of the Emperor, up 7/15)

Action Figure Theatre

Last summer a boy I know, I?ll call him by his initials?ZCM?and I made a trio of Classic Trilogy era Star Wars movies with action figures. They turned out to be quite amusing, and since I now have a copy, I decided that I would script all the movies?bloopers and all?and post them here as humor. I sure hope they?re funny. Hopefully my descriptions will give you a vivid picture of how the movies looked. These are somewhat AU as well, I thought I?d mention.

The movies are subtitled, Attack of the Creatures, Escape from the Death Star, and Return of the Emperor.

This is what I have scripted so far (by the way, if you don't like this and you're new to my work, please don't judge the merit of my other work).







Cast for Attack of the Creatures (in order of appearance)

C-3PO?me (my best voice by the way)
R2-D2?ZCM (because I can?t whistle)
Luke Skywalker (what I call the ?Confused Tatooine Luke? action figure)?ZCM
Owen Lars?ZCM
Beru Lars?me
Tusken Raiders?ZCM
Obi-Wan Kenobi?ZCM
Darth Vader?ZCM (his best voice by the way)
An assortment of Stormtroopers and TIE-Fighter pilots?the both of us (and I sure hated saying "Yes, Lord Vader."
Emperor Palpatine?ZCM (here he used what I call the Q voice, since it?s the villainous, nasal voice he used for Q when we made a Star Trek movie).
Boba Fett?ZCM
Han Solo?ZCM
Lando Calrissian?ZCM
Chewbacca?ZCM
Leia Organa?me


Star Wars I: Attack of the Creatures







"Star Wars: Attack of the Creatures" sign is displayed while ZCM plays the opening theme, rather well, upon the piano.



Scene I: Tatooine

[3PO and R2 are standing in a barren stretch of desert. 3PO is in a mood of wondering despair]

3PO: What a deserted planet this is.

R2: (Whistles a reply)

3PO: I do wish someone would come and save us?

R2: (Whistles another reply)

[Suddenly the sound of an approaching speeder is heard off camera, then the speeder comes into view revealing that Luke Skywalker is piloting it. When it stops Skywalker cocks his head to the right and looks at R2 and 3PO for a moment]

LUKE: You droids need a lift?

3PO: Yes? we do.

[The droids pop in, now hopelessly positioned in the somewhat cramped speeder. Skywalker pilots out of the scene]

Scene II: The Lars moisture farm

[The speeder blasts on scene with Skywalker and the droids]

3PO [an extra bit prissy, like he?s never been on a moisture farm before]: What is this place?

LUKE: Oh, this? This is just the moisture farm that I live on.

[3PO and R2 pop out and look at Skywalker]

LUKE [looking back at the droids, and sounding weird at first because ZCM got a frog in his throat] You can just go on in and meet my aunt and uncle? I?m gonna go park the speeder.

3PO: Okay? come along R2.

[the droids suddenly pop inside with Uncle Owen. 3PO is startled by Lars]

3PO: Oh!

Owen: Do you speak Bocce?


3PO: Why yes, I do.

R2: (whistles although I?m not sure why)

Owen: Good. We?ll have use for you. Follow me.

3PO [sounding concerned]: R2, they are our new Masters now, so don?t do anything wrong.

R2: (whistles a reply)

[Upon entering another room, the three see Aunt Beru]

Beru: What is it, Owen?

Owen: We have a new protocol droid. It speaks Bocce.

Beru: Oh.

3PO: (ZCM inserting a line for me) Come along R2.



Scene III: The Lars moisture farm, Interior/ Night

[Skywalker enters the room, looking around. Behind one of several gray cylinders (which are good for set pieces and for adding more effect to Darth Vader?s voice) he finds 3PO. The droid nervously flings his arms in the air (and by the way, he never takes them down in the entire scene)]

3PO: Oh!

LUKE: What are you doing behind there?

3PO: It?s not my fault, Master Luke. R2-D2?s going after Obi-Wan Kenobi again.

LUKE: Oh, no. We?ve got to go get him? No, Sand Troopers [ZCM occasionally and accidentally called the Tuskens Sand Trooper instead of Sand People]

[Now ZCM is trying to mouth me a line. I think the camera?s off and so I say "What?"

 

Not bad. Since I cannot remember those action figures, it was a bit hard to picture, but I did get a good idea of what might be on that tape. I'm just not sure that it's translating well into the written medium. If you keep going, I'll read more though. Very original!

--later--

 

Thanks for reading Darth_Leia. Anyway, that was my worry that it wouldn't translate well to the written word. But if you want to come back and torture yourself for 2 and 3/4 movies, be my guest.

Another thing against me is that humor is not my strong suit. What was I thinking?

 

I liked it. I laughed out loud in places.

lordmaul13

 

lordmaul: must be the great minds thing again, and if you thought that parts were funny already, then you'll probably think some of the coming parts are funny too. Any particular favorites so far?

 

It sounds like a Leslie Nielson or a Mel Brooks movie, that's what I like the most.

I especially liked this part:

[all pop into the speeder. It takes off and 3PO falls out]

3PO: Oh my! {this is the both of us because the speeder, outside of the camera shot, runs off the cliff]

And this one:

[The speeder takes off, yet is followed by a great flesh-colored worm that resembles a giant young human male?s hand]

Stuff like that I like. *Abrupt change of topic* Did you ever read my Yoda story? Can't remember. Anyway, this quote:

He looked all the other conspirators in the eye. Obi Wan, Anakin, Darth Sidious, Count Dooku, the entire Jedi Council minus Yoda, and, even though their deaths years earlier made it impossible for them to be there, Qui Gonn and Darth Maul all nodded their understanding.

from that story, is my kind of humor. One of my kinds of humor anyway.

 

lordmaul: Well, those parts were pretty funny, funnier on tape probably though. And I guess I didn't read your Yoda story since I was thinking, "What Yoda story? He did a Yoda story? Which one was that?"

I'm going to put up the second part of Attack of the Creatures now. There's only one part left, after his one that is (they were short movies and this was the longest). Some of it will be like, 'well that's a repetitive,' or 'that doesn't make too much sense', but there's some funny parts. More than the first part I think.




Scene IV: The nearly decimated moisture farm

[The speeder sits parked at a distance]

LUKE [pointing]: Look? [The camera does a close-up of the farm, ruble is strewn everywhere. Owen and Beru are sprawled there, dead, a piece of debris crushing Beru?s legs]

[Luke pilots the speeder into the close-up and right into one of the large pieces of debris. 3PO and R2 pop out of the speeder, to Beru?s side, R2 beeping mournfully. Skywalker has also popped out of the speeder and is surveying the damage, his back to the still seated Obi-Wan]

OBI-WAN: There?s nothing you could have done, Luke. You?d have been killed too.

LUKE: Do you think the Tusken Raiders wanted the droids?

OBI-WAN: Tusken Raiders did not do this. Only Imperial Stormtroopers could have preformed such a feat.

Scene VII: The Death Star

[A TIE-fighter pilot is standing before Darth Vader. ZCM is humming ?The Imperial March? rather loudly. Then the breathing effects commence]

VADER: Did you destroy the farm?

PILOT [nasally]: Yes, Lord Vader.

VADER: Were there any droids?

PILOT: No.

VADER [In a tone that would make one jump if they weren?t expecting it] I want those droids! Now!

PILOT: I?ll get them as fast as I can, Lord Vader.

VADER: You will not fail me this time.

[The pilot exits and a Stormtrooper pops in]

STORMTROOPER: Lord Vader, there?s a call for you from the Emperor.

VADER: Tell him I?ll be there immediately.


Scene VIII: Palpatine?s private chamber

[Vader is standing before Emperor Palpatine, kneeling wouldn?t have worked]

VADER: You wanted to see me, my lord?

PALPATINE [hissing]: Yes. Have you found the droids?

VADER: No. We are still working on it.

PALPATINE: Give me those droids and in a hurry [then in a deepened would-be sinister voice] else we will replace you.

VADER: Yes, my Master.


Scene IX: Aboard a Star Destroyer

[Boba Fett enters Vader?s presence]

FETT: You wanted to see me?

VADER: Go down to the planet and find those droids.

FETT: Yes? I will.

VADER: Do not fail me.


Scene X: A secluded section of a Tatooine cantina

[Han Solo, Chewbacca the Wookiee, and Lando Calrissian are sitting around a table (which is a small rectangular flashlight) playing sabbac]

LANDO [Almost with mirthful impatience?is there such a thing?]: Come on, Chewbacca, make your move!

CHEWBACCA: (responds)

HAN: He?s gettin? there, Lando.

LANDO [proudly]: I?ve got Cloud City here! [Chewbacca makes his move] What! What kind of a move is that, Wookiee? That a puny move! [Chewbacca leaps to his feet and pick up Lando by the throat. Han rushes over] Put me down! [Calrissian says through the stranglehold]

HAN: Chewie, stop.

CHEWBACCA: (responds)

HAN: Lando, you?d better take back what you said.

LANDO [as he chokes] I?m sorry.

HAN: Okay, Chewie, put him down!

CHEWBACCA: (grunts) [and drops Lando to the floor]

LANDO [gasping]: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

HAN: Now come guys. Lets just sit down and try to finish this game.

[they all sit down]

CHEWBACCA: (speaks warningly)

HAN: What do you mean Boba Fett?s here? Why would he be way over here on Tatooine. He has no idea where were-.

[Fett appears on screen, right behind Han. Lando and Chewbacca scramble to their feet]

CHEWBACCA: (speaks warningly again)

HAN: Let?s just sit down and play the game. Boba Fett?s not here.

FETT: I wouldn?t be so sure about that, Solo.

HAN: Oh no. Chewie [stands up and kicks Fett over] let?s get out of here now.

[

 

The Yoda one was this one, if you're interested. If you've seen TriggerHappy TV then it'll be really familiar.

[Vader is standing before Emperor Palpatine, kneeling wouldn?t have worked]

If he's like my DV he woulda had to do the splits. Painful. Even for a cyborg.

FETT: You wanted to see me?

VADER: Go down to the planet and find those droids.

FETT: Yes? I will.

VADER: Do not fail me.

No disintigrations either.

HAN [Ignoring his cohorts]: You?ll have to pay me to use it though. 17,000.

My farm just burned down! Where the heck am I gonna get 17,000? 17,000 what anyway?

ZCM issues a whispered ?Oh, my citrus.? (you want to know? Then ask)

Consider it asked.

You should check out theforce.net's humor section. They have some action figure, not movies, slideshows maybe? Anyway, they're funny.

lordmaul13

 

lordmaul: I'll check out that story sometime soon. Trigger Happy tv? I've never even heard of it, of now I'm getting as bad Confused Tatooine Luke.


*picturing Boba Fett disintigrating poor 3PO, and laughing about it for no reason* And Han is being really callous! I never really gave it a thought.

Almost forgot about the "Oh, my citrus". Well that all stems from the fact that I can't read, you didn't know that about me did you? Anyway I was reading the Episode II novelization and when Anakin and Padme approach 3PO for the first time, the droid says "Oh, my circuits" (I know it's "Bless my circuits" in the movie, but not in the book). Anyway I was around ZCM at the time when I was reading that part, and I couldn't fathom why 3PO was saying "Oh my citrus" and I started laughing when I caught my mistake.

Once on the internet I saw a still slide show lego version of the entire classic trilogy. All I remember about it was that Chewbacca and the Ewoks had red beards and Palpatine was smiling when he was falling down the shaft.

 

I just reposted Yoda to the new board,here It's a one post short story. Trigger Happy TV is a hidden camera type show. The guy goes out and does stupid stuff and tapes it. Great stuff. British humor.

*picturing Boba Fett disintigrating poor 3PO, and laughing about it for no reason*

Who's laughing? You or Boba Fett? I ought to write a giggly Boba Fett story. The Laughing Bounty Hunter, I'd call it. Oh my citrus, if only I had a plot...

Palpatine was smiling when he was falling down the shaft.

Well, you know he always wanted to go out with a bang.

lordmaul13

 

lordmaul: I meant me laughing not Fett. And I was laughing when you said "Oh my citrus, too. That's the first time I've ever heard from anybody besides me and Zac. I also made another similar mistake concerning Star Wars. When I got 'Shadows of the Empire' I was reading the back cover and it said something about Palpatine being Vader's and Xizor's mutual Master. My messed up mind read "their mutated Master." That was pretty funny too.


So here's the final part of Attack of the Creatures...



Scene XV: The Death Star execution chamber

[3PO, R2, Chewbacca, Han, Lando, Luke, and Obi-Wan are hidden behind a quartet of gray pillars, though only 3PO, R2, and Chewbacca?s elbow are visible to the camera]

3PO: Oh, no. They?re about to terminate her.

R2: (whistles a reply)

HAN: I think I have a plan.

[Off-camera in the other part of the chamber, Vader?s breathing can be heard]

VADER [still off-camera]: Start her termination.

STORMTROOPER [Off-camera as well]: Yes, Lord Vader.

[The execution siren begins to beep]

HAN: Uh, maybe I don?t have a plan.

[The siren finishes its beeping as the camera turns to the heart of the chamber. Leia is surrounded by the two big beasts (which I just found out Saturday are Dewbacks) They are chomping their massive jaws at her]

3PO [Off-screen]: Oh, R2. We?ve got to do something.

R2: (whistles a reply off-screen)

3PO: R2, where are you? where are you going?

[The camera moves slightly to show that R2 is on the move towards Leia. The big beasts are still chomping at her]

HAN [Off-screen, almost irritated] What are those kooky droids doing now?

LUKE [Off-screen] Hey, they?re not that kooky. They?re mine.

HAN [Off-screen, and those beasts are still chomping]: Who cares? We?ve got to go save the droids now? or we could let them die too.

[R2 pushes himself further into the scene with Leia and the beasts]

3PO [Off-screen] Oh, wait, R2! Come back!

HAN [Off-screen] What are you doing, old man?

OBI-WAN: [Off-screen]: I?m going to go try and see if I can destroy this battle station.

HAN [Off-screen, the beasts still chomping at Leia but not on her]: Good idea? Using ourselves as bait is not a very good idea.

[Now the beasts start making odd, hungry groaning noises, R2 is now fully on-screen, and Boba Fett is somewhere nearby]

FETT [Off-screen]: All right. You guys are mine.

[Fett appears, facing R2, and now 3PO who has also just appeared.

HAN [off-screen]: Boba Fett!

3PO [fretfully]: Oh, R2?

[Now one of the beasts turns its mouth toward Fett, but then the camera cuts to the far end of the chamber. Vader and Obi-Wan have met. Both have their lightsabers ignited]

VADER: You should never have come back, Obi-Wan.

OBI-WAN: You?ll never be able to defeat me, Darth. If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine.

[Cutting back to the heart of the chamber, the beast grabs onto Fett?s jetpack]

FETT: Ah!

[At the same instant Chewbacca has mounted the other beast]

HAN [who has still not made it on-screen]: Let?s get out of here now!

3PO: Oh my!

[Fett gets knocked down, the beast still hanging onto his jetpack. It?s trying to chomp down on Fett?s leg but is having a time of it]

LEIA: Will that walking carpet get that monster out of my way?

[Chewbacca tries to lead his mount away, speaking the Wookiee dialect the entire time]

HAN [Still not on screen]: Chewie, watch out!

[Lando, screaming, is knocked over by the mounted beast and topples into view. The other beast finally bites Fett?s leg and the bounty hunter screams too. Then the scene flashes to the far end of the room where Vader and Obi-Wan are dueling]

VADER: Your powers are weak, Old man. You shouldn?t have come back.

[The scene switches to the heart of the room again. The one beast, losing the jetpack, gains a grip on Fett?s head and drags the bounty hunter out of view. Chewbacca?s mount nearly knocks over R2, then manages to knock 3PO over on Lando. R2 whistles and Lando releases a shocked noise. The rema

 

I thought that was you laughing. Still, it would be funny to see Boba Fett disintegrate 3PO and laugh about it.

PALPATINE: Die, rebels! [Laughs] Give me the droids and all of you will die, either that, or all of you will die anyway? either way I win. [The remaining beast approaches him] Huh? No! [Makes a very odd, elongated noise as the beast shoves the Emperor into his mouth and slowly (I mean slowly!) backs out of the shot]

You'd think they'd do the executions in a sealed room or cage of some sort so the animals can't get out. But this is the Empire we're talking about here, they got beat by teddy bears with sticks.

lordmaul13

 

That's definatly a new take on the OT. I found it funny, expecially the Empi getting gobbled by the dewback! Nice job!

--later--

 

.....hi pppl,


lord maul whats up:i agree dude.

darth leia hi gurl:i'm so happy you thought it was funny lol.




laterz peeps!


EDIT : That was the kid twisting my words again.

 

So here's the second movie...


Star Wars II: Escape from the Death Star

Cast (in order of appearance)

1. C-3PO?me
2. R2-D2?ZCM
3. Lando Calrissian?ZCM
4. Leia Organa?me
5. Han Solo?ZCM
6. Chewbacca?ZCM
7. Non-speaking rebels such as Frank (that?s what we called the Oriental-looking Cloud City Security Guard), Lobot, an X-Wing pilot, and some other guy
8. Boba Fett?ZCM (No, he didn?t die. Boba Fett always gets away)
9. Yoda?ZCM
10. Luke Skywalker (mainly Jedi Luke)?me
11. Admiral Motti?ZCM
12. Darth Vader?ZCM
13. A few Low-ranking Imperials?the both of us
14. Governor Tarkin?me (no British accent though)
15. Several stormtroopers and TIE-fighter pilots?the both of us
16. Emperor Palpatine?ZCM (Yes, I know he died, but he must be cloned because he always comes back)
17. The Ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi?ZCM


?Star Wars: Escape from the Death Star? sign is displayed while ZCM plays the opening theme upon the piano.


Scene I: Princess Leia?s Ship

[The camera records an exterior shot of the vessel, then goes inside to a room filled with rebels. The group is made up of Leia, 3PO, R2, Han, Chewbacca, Lando, Lobot, Frank, and three others. A probe droid, like those at the beginning of ?The Empire Strikes Back?, appears before the camera]

3PO: Oh my! [prissily] What?s that?

R2: (whistles a reply)

HAN: Shoot it!

[Someone does and though something blasts off the probe, it starts humming and soaring higher. Then it begins firing projectiles. The first one blasts into 3PO?s foot]

3PO: Oh my!

LANDO [When it looks like the probe is leaving for good]: It looks like we?re safe now.

[Then Boba Fett appears and shoots Frank, who falls to the floor, groaning]

LEIA: Frank!

[Fett shoots 3PO, who makes a quivering noises as he collapses. R2 rolls over to check on the other droid. Then the bounty hunter shoots the two unidentified rebels]

FETT [Grabbing onto Leia?s wrist]: You?re going with me, Princess Leia. There?s big plans for you.

[The probe reemerges, Fett grabs a hold of it, and blasts out of sight]


Scene II: Dagobah/ night

[Skywalker is standing near Yoda, the X-Wing is nearby]

YODA: Complete your training is, and ready you are.

LUKE: Ready for what?

YODA: Face Vader you must, and something else there is.

LUKE [actually a bit impatiently] : But what else is there?

YODA: Hmm. Find out for yourself you must.

LUKE [having popped into the X-Wing] I will be back to complete the training, I promise. [Huh?]

YODA: Hmm?


Scene III: The second Death Star

[Admiral Motti is before Darth Vader, ZCM has now taught himself to play part of ?The Imperial March? on the piano, though he is playing it an octave too high. Then Vader?s breathing commences]

MOTTI: I?m sorry, Lord Vader. Please forgive me. [Then he begins to make these awful choking sounds. After a few moments he drops dead]

VADER: I forgive you, Admiral Motti.

[A low-ranking Imperial enters]

LR IMP: Lord Vader, the bounty hunter has arrived.

VADER: Good, tell him I will be there immediately.

LR IMP: Yes, Lord Vader

[The camera pans and stays on the dead Motti for a few moments]


Scene IV: The second Death Star?s hangar bay

[At the far end of the bay Fett and Leia are standing by Slave I (Leia has Fett?s blaster pointed at her back). In the center there are two parallel lines of stormtroopers each. Closest to the camera are Vader, Governor Tarkin, two LR Imps, and a TIE-fighter pilot. The tripod loudly creaks as the camera goes for a close-up of Leia and Fett]

LEIA: So this is where you were taking me. I don?t appreciate it.

FETT: Would you appreciate a missile in your back? more?

[The camera zooms out and Leia and Fett are before Vader, Tarkin, and the rest]

LEIA [With Fett?s blaster still at her back]: Grand Moff Tarkin, I recognized your foul stench the moment I was brought on board.

TARKIN [with a bit of anger]: Take the princess away.

FETT: Very well.

[The bounty hunter disappears with Leia. Vader turns to face Tarkin]

VADER: The Empero

 

[The camera pans and stays on the dead Motti for a few moments]

You have and Admiral Motti action figure?

[Han, Lando, Chewbacca, Frank, Lobot, 3PO, R2, and the others are together]

Who the Hades is Frank?

PALPATINE: Yes, I do [turns to face Tarkin and extends his arms in a would-be frightening gesture] You shall not stand before me! [zap! Comes the sound effects of invisible Force-lightning]

TARKIN: Uuhhh! [falls over dead]

PALPATINE [laughs] Now I have control of this battle station! [does that make any sense? He?s the Emperor.]

Muwhahahahahahahha! *maniacal laughter* No that doesn't make much sense but, oh my citrus is it funny!

Ok, that was hilarious. I'd love to see the actual video.

lordmaul13

 

lordmaul: no I don't have any action figures at all. Zac's the one that has all the action figures. I'd swear he has thousands. I like to say he has everything but the Millennium Falcon.

And if you don't know who Frank is you didn't read the cast list. Frank is that Oriental-looking Cloud City Security Gaurd. Zac named him.

And that "You shall not stand before me" line came from a slip up I made. Zac once made up some Star Wars trivia questions, for me to answer. One of them was 'What character said "I do believe they think I'm some sort of god?"' I'd only seen all the movies but Episode II, once, well maybe twice depending. I was stumped. I finally answered correctly with 3PO but I told Zac what my first thought had been: Vader. So we were going to make a movie (and we never got to) where at some point the Ewoks were going to worship Vader and Palpatine was going to ticked about it. He'd tell Vader "You shall not stand before me!" Then, well, you know what.

PM with your regular address, and I'll send you a copy if you're serious and want to.

 

No, I didn't read it, I just skimmed it. It looked mostly the same as before. *Looks up* Yep, Frank is in there.

I'm envious of Zac. I have a bunch of action figures but not thousands (or seemingly thousands for that matter).

lordmaul13

 

Star Wars III: Return of the Emperor

Cast (In order of appearance)

1. Ewoks (2 Wickets, the Medicine Ewok, and Chief Chirpa?who is called High Emperor Ewok)?the both of us
2. Darth Vader?ZCM
3. More Low Ranking Imperials?the both of us
4. Emperor Palpatine?ZCM
5. Boba Fett?ZCM
6. Leia Organa?me
7. Han Solo?ZCM
8. Lando Calrissian?ZCM
9. Chewbacca?ZCM
10. C-3PO?me
11. R2-D2?ZCM
12. Frank?ZCM
13. Non-speaking rebels (just Lobot and Biggs I think)
14. Stormtroopers and TIE-fighter pilots?the both of us
15. Luke Skywalker (Just Jedi Luke this time)?me
16. Yoda?ZCM


[You know the drill. The title sign is up. ZCM is playing the theme]

Scene I: Endor

[Four Ewoks, those stated in the Dramatis Personae, are walking around the forest, weapons in their hands, releasing annoying battle hoots. Coming from off-camera you can hear the sound off an approaching ST-AT. Then the ST-AT appears in the frame, mostly. Over the vehicle?s comm system Vader?s breathing commences]

VADER [referring to Chirpa]: Bring the green Ewok to me [Chirpa?s headdress is green]

LR IMP: Yes, Lord Vader

[The Ewoks are still hooting, and the ST-AT releases fire so strong that one of the trees is knocked down. One Ewok lets out an ?ooo? of fright as Chirpa is taken down. A Wicket uses his spear to help him scale a tree and he throws himself on top of the ST-AT]

LR IMP: Dang Ewok! [Suddenly all the Ewoks are frightened off. Chirpa lies unconscious at the foot off the ST-AT] Lord Vader, I have the Ewok.

VADER [Over the comm]: Good. Bring him to me.

LR IMP: Yes, Lord Vader


Scene II: Palpatine?s private chamber

[Vader is before the Emperor, ZCM has found the right key for ?The Imperial March?. Vader?s breathing commences]

VADER: You wanted to see me, my lord? [Palpatine ought to say ?no? one of these times]

PALPATINE: Yes, start the invasion on the rebels.

VADER: Yes, my lord.


Scene III: Rebel base on Endor

[Leia, Han, Lando, Chewbacca, 3PO, R2, Frank, and two other rebels are hidden behind a barrier. Most have blasters drawn and are chancing shots as the camera pans over to a battalion of Stormtroopers, TIE-fighter pilots, and (guess who) Boba Fett]

FETT: Kill them.

FRANK: What are we going to do? [Unseen from overhead, Fett rockets over and shoots Frank] Ah!

LEIA: Not again.

[Fett blasts into view and sets down behind the rebels]

FETT: You?re coming with me [He shoots Lobot]

LANDO [As Lobot collapses]: Lobot!

[Fett shoots another rebel]

HAN: Biggs! [So I was right!]

[Blast! As the camera pans toward the troopers and pilots, the troopers start making the insanity noise again! Guess that?s what you get when you re-clone too many times. Panning back to the rebels]

3PO: Oh my! They?re insane, R2!

R2: (whistles a reply)

FETT: Put down your weapons.

[3PO turns around and sees Fett with his blaster drawn]

3PO: You wouldn?t shoot an unarmed droid, would you?

R2: (whistles)


Scene IV: Dagobah/ night

[Luke and Yoda of course. Skywalker is wearing his black cape and looks at his father]

YODA: Well you have done. Training, over it is.

LUKE: Thank you, Master Yoda.

YODA: Hmm. Something else you must do.

LUKE: What?s that?

YODA: Hmm. Face Vader again you must. [Suddenly Yoda disappears to the X-Wing, and he whispers to himself] Use the Force I must to open cockpit [grunts and he falls in]

LUKE [looking around]: Master Yoda? Master Yoda, where are you?

YODA [like a disembodied spirit]: hmm. Go. Face Vader you must.

LUKE: Yes, Master Yoda.


Scene V: Palpatine?s private chamber

[Vader is before the Emperor, his breathing commences. The tripod creaks as the camera pans for a wider view. An LR Imp is bringing in Chief Chirpa, the High Emperor Ewok]

LR IMP [nasally]: Here he is, my lord.

PALPATINE [As the camera pans back to Vader and the Emperor]: Good. Bring him here.

[now the LR Imp and Chirpa are before Palpatine and Vader]

VADER: What do you want with him, my lord?

PALPATINE: What do I want with him? I want

 

[3PO turns around and sees Fett with his blaster drawn]

3PO: You wouldn?t shoot an unarmed droid, would you?

Yes! Shoot him! Disintigrate him! Disintigrate him!

PALPATINE: What do I want with him? I want him to know who?s the High Macho, Macho [laughs] (It?s funny but that?s probably the worst line in the whole thing)

I laughed out loud there.

I want to know what the 13 secret spices are in KFC's extra spicy chicken.

Scene X: the catwalk

Scene XXX: the catwalk. Starring: Frank.

That was full of laughs. Good job.

lordmaul13