Adventures of funniness in RPGs

Discussion in 'Games: RPG & Miniatures' started by That_Random_Jedi, Nov 17, 2005.

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  1. dizfactor Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2002
    star 5
    The captain of the PC crew got mauled last session by a madclaw Wookie bounty hunter and had to take a dunk in the bacta tank. This is the third time he's almost gotten killed and had to recuperate in the tank. The first time he was tortured by a group of Sith - lost an eye and most of one arm, but the medic got to him in time to stabilize him and get him to the tank. The second time he got cooked by a repeating blaster.

    This time he got gutted, passed out, and woke up in the tank to find that the crew had painted THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS on the outside. Everyone now refers to the bacta tank as "the captain's quarters."

    ----------

    Speaking of bacta, the crime lord PC handles the money for the group. He's going over the budget, when someone asks if they should stock up on bacta, and then asks me how much it costs to fill the tank. I tell him it's 100 credits a liter, and a single tank is 300 liters, so 30,000 credits per tankful. The crime lord's player looks up from the notepad where he's been crunching numbers and says "Yeah, our bacta expenses are killing the budget. Going forward, we're just going to have to let people start dying."

    ----------

    I'm talking to the group about the structure of the game, and I say "Well, each of your characters has a particular specialty that they're really good at..."

    The elite trooper's player cuts me off, raises his hand, and says "Kill people!"

    The scoundrel cuts in and says "Cause trouble!"

    The crime lord says "Lie."
  2. dizfactor Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2002
    star 5
    Sorry I keep bumping this thread with one-off quotes from my game sessions, but here I go again.

    So some of the PCs are hiding out in a hotel on Nar Shaddaa, waiting for the rest of the group to come pick them up.

    I start off saying "OK, so the next 24 hours pass quietly..." and one of my players cuts in and says "... but since you're on Nar Shaddaa, 'passing quietly' means you wake up hung over with a dead hooker in your bed... as usual"
  3. Goo_Child Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 4
    Illusion + Krayt Dragon in heat = funny as hell...

    all the info you need...
  4. Aragorn327 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 2001
    star 6
    Renegade Clone post Order 66: *walking down street, hoping he's not noticed*
    Stormtrooper: *sees him* "What's your operating number?"
    Our Clone: "um...for...?"
    Chase scene ensues.

    They player hadn't realized what I was asking for, but everyone else in the room took it as him saying "um...four." Four's become our standard number for pretty much everything now.
  5. Goo_Child Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 4
    so my party was in a sewer and our female twi'lek jedi character made a spot check and found several creatures and in character she scream "OH MY GOD THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE ****!"
  6. Darth_Kuthuus Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2006
    star 1
    My first session ever (I was GM.) The heroes are chilling in a cantina. A Mon Cal senator is being roughed up by a low-level crime-lord. The heroes interfere. The Wookie scout who happened to roll three 18's and put them all into his physical attributes (for a str of 22.) goes into a rage and his player asks: "Are the tables attached to the floor?"

    "Yes."

    "What's the DC for ripping one out of the floor?"

    (I fumble for an answer.) "25."

    "I rip a table out of the floor. Strength check result is: 28"

    He goes on to throw said table across the room, taking out the only enemy thug that would have said anything and making me swear mentally.
  7. Koohii Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2003
    star 5
    "Your chair is securely fastened, isn't it?"
    "Uh, Yes, sir"
    "Good. Probablly with great big bolts that go deep, deep into the deck."
    "Uh, Yes, sir. Probablly, sir."
    "Good. Good. Wonderful..."

    Bonus points for those who get the reference.

    We turned a rancor loose in the cargo hold of a freightor delivering relief goods to a frontier world suffering from crop-failure.

    "Do you know what happens when a rancor eats 5 tons of garlic and a crate of protien soy?"
    "It get's bad breath?"
    "And do you know what happens when a rancor eats 5 tons of garlic and a crate of protien soy and follows that up with 400 gallons of a popular fizzy dring and an entire freezer of icecream?"
    "It belches?"
    "Very good. And do you know what happened to the security detail that was standing in front of the rancor when it belched?"
    ...

  8. dizfactor Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2002
    star 5
    The poodoo really hit the fan in my game tonight. Part of it was that the dice were nuts, but always in very dramatically appropriate ways.

    The players were trying to kidnap former Chancellor Valorum. Don't ask, seriously, it's best that way. Long story short, the whole party got scattered, and there were these armored security speeders with modified mounted E-Webs hunting them through these woods at night, with aerial surveillance support.

    The group's biggest tank (the Mandalorian Soldier/Tech Spec) got completely incinerated in the nastiest hail of blasterfire we've seen in the entire campaign. Out of six attack rolls, there were three natural 20s and one 19, and about one out of every three d8 damage dice I rolled came up 8, and another one out of three came up 7. New players have come into the game since it started almost a year ago, and people have secondary characters on these extended character trees, and this is the first time that one of the original four characters that started the campaign has gone down, so it was nice that he got his blaze of glory, but when the (kind of twinked out) character who has been the scariest thing on the battlefield every week for a year gets completely pwned, people start FREAKING OUT.

    The Mando's dead, the droid PC (another one of the heavy combat characters) has been taken down with an EMP, one of the characters who had been stunned and taken prisoner (the Rybet treasure hunter) has rocked an Escape Artist check and some stealth rolls and is hauling ass away from the battle, but he has no weapons or anything else, and he's totally alone and has no idea where anyone else is. The crime lord remains free, but he's totally useless in combat and has no outdoor survival skills, so it's really only a matter of time until they find him.

    Suffice it to say, **** is getting hectic, tensions are soaring.

    Meanwhile, the player of the droid character is a little upset because some of the other players have told him that since his character was disabled and is currently in possession of the enemy, there was really no realistic outcome other than the droid getting melted down for scrap. Because, you see, at the time the EMP went off he had been holding the former Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic hostage, and when they took him down, they had surely found the severed heads.

    You see, unbeknownst to the other characters, and for a while unbeknownst to the players too, the droid character was going more than a little bit nuts. The droid's player was a little bored with the character, and had taken me aside to talk about a new direction for the character. He decided to spice things up a bit by having the character start to develop a quiet hatred for biological organisms. He never talked about it, he just started to loathe the meatbags and long for a chance to take out his bloody vengeance on them.

    The other players knew nothing. For weeks, only I knew that the seemingly quiet droid was quietly seething and biding his time. The droid's player said he understood that the character probably didn't have a long life ahead of him, but he kind of wanted to see how far it would go and what kind of monkeywrenches having a closet berserker droid in the group would throw into the plot.

    Then, in last week's session, the group had staged a raid on Valorum's private compound, and when they took Valorum hostage, he ordered his personal guards to stand down. The group needed someone to watch the prisoners while they grilled the former Chancellor, and, God help them, they picked the droid to do it.

    The droid, of course, is thrilled. He would be very happy to watch the prisoners. He would just take them down into the (virtually soundproof) wine cellar while they went about their business.

    Needless to say, the players were horrified to learn what exactly was transpiring in the wine cellar, but their characters were still in the dark.

    Meanwhile, the interrogation went totally pear-shaped, and Valorum managed to trigger a secret panic button which called for r
  9. Rogue_Thunder FanForce CR, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2003
    star 6
    =D=

    I only have two questions: what city do you live in, and can I join your gaming group? ;)
  10. Koohii Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2003
    star 5
    Did the authorities get the registration information on the droid? Who is the registered owner? According to the WEG droids book, the owner of a droid that commits a crime is responsible for the droid's actions.
    Could be a fun adventure idea--the droid's former owner comes to track it down...
    Or hires bounty hunters to do it.

    [face_whistling]

    The Droid could find itself the new posterbot for the Droid Liberation Front.



    The anime druid: "Dire-wolf, I choose YOU!"
    Material component for his "summon Nature's Ally" spell: small red & white sphere.

    Ultra-liberal druid: Pita. "Did you ask that horse for permission before putting a saddle on it? You, wizard--did you ask permission of that cat before bonding it as your familiar? Elf! I heard that bush scream when you plucked her berries without asking. You know what that's called among mammals?" [face_monkey]
  11. Koohii Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2003
    star 5
    Here's a cute AD&D story from college.

    Player has ring of undead control [face_skull] and has found some low-level undead to boss arround (skelletons & zombies). He starts handing out orders (first time he's had a chance to use this in 7 sessions).
    "You, open that chest. (trapped--poison darts) You, open that door. (also trapped--explosive runes) You, go down this passage, kill anything you see, and come back to me here. Oh, wait, you can't talk. Don't listen to me..." beat. GM smile. "Oh ____!!!":eek: :_| :_| :_|


    Another time, when that person was GMing, he had a couple of Ninja sneak up behind us to backstab. They catch us completely unaware (as ninja are want to do). He rolls their attacks. "GODDAMMIT!" Fist pounds on table. Everything from the minis to the beverage glasses shakes. Seems that one roll was a 3 and the other was a 1. Gee, nice to know he didn't have anything in for us. :D
  12. Koohii Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2003
    star 5
    Player uses auto-chef to supply enough Ananab Fruit to cover the floor of the cargo hold right before the stormtroopers catch up to them.

    Defel: "Why Ananab Fruit?"
    smart-ass Brash Pilot: "I like Ananabs [face_batting]"
    Party: <groans> :rolleyes:

    Ananab = Banana
  13. Fanficfan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2005
    star 3
    My first ever D&D session.
    I was playing a half Elf Ranger and I went stealthy. I was tracking the bad guy who had kidnapped some girl we were supposed to be looking after.
    I followed him into an alleyway and he pulled a sword on me. I took a swing with my halbard and promptly split the poor girl in half... Gotta love those 1's...
  14. Darth_Kuthuus Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2006
    star 1
    DnD.
    We're playing a pre-set dungeon. My sis and I are fighting direwolves. I'm having a heck of a time killing them because I keep rolling ones for damage. We win and when we rest, the DM (the guy who plays the wookie with the inordinate STR) and he points to me. "Oh yeah, you see him lift a leg and take a leak on the wall." Never did find out what that was about, a giant spider killed the two of us in the next room.
  15. Pawnnolonger Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2005
    D&D Oriental Adventures Campaign.

    I have two characters in my group that like to play pranks on each other in character. One rogue and one ranger. I let this go on because one it's funny, two I like to have a fun environment from time to time and the players know when it's time to be serious. Anyway one session they get back to the camp from their adventure and are winding down. The ranger sneaks over to the rogues pack and dumps sake all over her clothes. The rogue finds this, knows who did it and decides. My clothes are wet i want to steal the clothes right off his back. I said all right, make your roll behind my screen. She reaches over and rolls a natural twenty. I look to the ranger and go "You find yourself naked and reasonably confused."
  16. Darth_Kuthuus Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2006
    star 1
    I dunno if this counts as threadomancy, but I figured I'd add this.


    Later in the SWD20 session I described, the party (4 of the total 6) is walking down to the shuttle that will carry them to the plot-devic- uhh I mean the Jedi council, they run across the 5th member of the party (ewok scoundrel) being forced to dance like a monkey for an organ grinder. There's a steel pipe near by, which she grabs. She swats he captor across the face and runs behind the legs of the Wookie scout, and the bruised organ grinder starts shouting at the wookie, who gets tired of it. His player turns to me and says "I kick him in the nuts." He rolls a 20. He doesn't have martial arts, so he can't score crits, but just for fun I turn the damage up a notch. Conveniently enough, he rolls max damage, for nine. The poor guy was a 1st level expert, and only had eight WP to start with. If I recall, my description of the event was something like, "Urik (the wookie) kicks the boss in the groin and hits with so much force that his pelvis caves in on itself and he's sent flying through the air to careen off the ceiling, the floor and, finally, crashes down on a set of benches with a growing red stain spreading through his pants. I have him burble out a few words before he lapses into unconsiousness. "Ok... You can keep the monkey...Blofff" Out like a light. Urik's player just shruggs at me and smiles sheepishly.
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