Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by poor yorick, Mar 30, 2008.
LOL. Notice the AFD thing at the top.
Kill off every character after a long, angsty story.
Write Palpatine/Jar-Jar romance and take it seriously.
It looks like there are a LOT of ways to get people to stop reading! This has been a fun thread.
Make a Leia/Ben story. Not also will you get banned but no one will read the story except some weird guy in the lit. forum.
No, no, write a slashy Han/Ben story and pimp it in every thread you visit that has ever talked about either character.
Post in the same color as the background.
^You know what, someone might actually read that and love it. Weird, i know.
Not only write a Leia/Ben story....have it be a sequel to an Obidala fic. Eeeeeewww. Posting in the same color as the background only works if you use the forum's colors - if your browser is set to use your Windows default colors that wouldn't even be noticed.
Tell everyone that you write all your fics in advance so your readers KNOW that they don't have to beg you to finish it.
Post your story two paragraphs at a time. In separate threads. With no punctuation marks.
Don't post your story.
Just post the summary and the words "OMYGAWD PALPATINE IS SO HAWT! I LOVE HIM 4EVER!"
Horribly mischaracterize the canon characters you're using. It doesn't matter if the protagonist is a hardened war hero or otherwise traumatized individual who has survived many years on nothing but his/her own abilities, make him/her a fainting, swooning, delicate individual who falls in love at first sight and then absolutely cannot live without his/her chosen sweetheart.
Do what one Harry Potter fan did:
Turn Ben Kenobi into a mob boss, turn Luke into a crack assassin, have him drop the f-bomb every other sentence and be really lascivious. Then, when someone criticizes your characterization, scream profanities at them. Then write 50 chapters more of the same thing. Then when you're criticized again, tell them that you have the copyrights to everything you've written about and they can't criticize it because it's your copyrighted material. See how long Lucasbooks will take to sue you.
Post links to Lazy's search engine in your review replies. (And now I'm done making fun of myself. )
There's been a lot of very effective advice here. I think the options for writing poorly or choosing unpopular topics have been pretty well covered, but if you just can't seem to swing that, here are some more strictly behavioral possibilities.
1. Lament! Tell them your work is terrible. This should drive off a number of people from the start, as they will take you at your word. Others will assume you are humble or insecure and try to reassure you, but be persistent. Insult their taste, judgment, and intelligence by constantly assuring them that the stories they compliment are in fact worthless, which obviously means they can't tell good work from bad.
This is a very common method across multiple fandoms, but surprisingly inefficient.
2. Scold your readers! There are several ways to do this; I will address the two main categories.
a. Hypersensitivity. One option is to take offense at every little thing: if there's any possible way, however convoluted or unlikely, to interpret a comment as negative, assume that's what they meant. If they praise one aspect of the story, assume that means they think a different one is horrible. If they don't gush, assume what they did say was forced through lack of enthusiasm. If they leave a short review, accuse them of not really reading your story or of not being able to find much to say; if they leave a long one, pick it apart for hidden messages or wonder if they're talking down to you; if no one responds at all, tell them they're horrible people and are defrauding you of the only pay you can get as a fanficcer. (Careful; that last one can backfire, as some people are really easy to manipulate through guilt. Most readers with firm self-respect, however, will probably be tired of you by this point.)
This works especially well in a venue where people are encouraged to give their honest, balanced opinions and constructive criticism (in the correct definition of "analysis and evaluation, intended to be useful to the author and presented so as to make that clear, preferably including both positive and negative points so as to provide a direction other than 'away'" as opposed to the official use here to mean "any negative comment between the level of minor mechanical corrections and a personal insult") is widely appreciated.
b. A contrasting possibility is to demand that they find something wrong with your story. Insist that the purpose of writing fanfic is to improve your writing, and therefore the purpose of posting it must be to get other people to improve your writing. If someone dares to express approval or enjoyment, especially without elaborate justification, rip them apart! You're not doing this to have fun or entertain people, you know! Any feedback that doesn't at least point out a typo can be complained of as useless, and anything that doesn't give an elaborate plan for fixing it must be looked at somewhat askance. Be sure to ignore the fact that being told what you did right (and how and why -- a legitimate part of concrit and actually permitted here), or even simply knowing the effect you had on a reader, is also useful information; definitely ignore any possibility that reading a story for the fun of finding out what happens and how, or of feeling the emotions stirred by the imaginary events, could produce any kind of valid reaction.
(2b) may be combined with (1) for mutual reinforcement, or with (2a) to produce general confusion and a sense of being jerked around. For these boards specifically, give some thought to the choice of whether to claim at the top of your story that you accept concrit. If you don't, (2a) will be strengthened, whereas (2b) will produce an initial strong sense of shock but then be taken as permission. If you do, (2a) will be contradictory and exasperating, whereas (2b) will simply be strengthened -- though it will still seem out of place for the board culture.
Whatever you do, don't learn to accept compliments, fault-finding, or critique graciously, thank the person for taking the time to talk to you abo
Write your story using not words and prose, but emoticons and smilies.
Luke at Han's , and Leia just at the . Meanwhile, Chewie but then .
I just don't get it. You don't want people to read your story? I can't get new readers to read my story and I want them too, and I've been here almost a year now. Perhaps you can send some of those people commening on your story my way. LOL
Oh, ha ha ha, AFD = April Fools Day. Boy did I get fooled! Sorry everyone, I have been gone for since December because of my studies. I must be the only moron who got suckerd as badly as I did. LOL
ROTFLOL. And if you really don't want people to read your stories, go with what DarthIshtar last said.