Saga Against A Dark Background - Ep3 Anakin / Vader POV one post viggie

Title: Against A Dark Background

Genre: Angst

Timeframe: Near the end of Ep3

Characters: Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader

Summary: Anakin Skywalker, on the brink of becoming Darth Vader, reflects on the loves and losses of his past and the uncertainty of his future.

Notes: I tried this at the Archive before I knew about the JC, under a different title. It was rejected for continuity reasons, but the reviewers said they thought it was good. I fixed the continuity thing but never got around to resubmitting. I found it the other day and thought I'd post it up and see what happened.

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[b]DISCLAIMER[/b] All the characters and places mentioned in this fic are the property of George Lucas and I am not making any money out of this.

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I can stand here and search my memory, and the image I see of myself in my mind's eye is no longer my own. Instead I see a black-clad cyborg, a marvel of corrupted ingenuity and unholy science. A horrific blend of man and machine created by an evil genius, like in the stories my friends and I used to tell each other, fantasising about how we'd grow up to be heroes and take on the forces of evil.

The forces of evil . . . I suppose I'm part of that now.

Soon now the Emperor will turn round. As I stand here in his throne room, I can feel his presence dominating the room like a black cloud dominates a horizon. He's there,
facing away from me, staring out the window, his black throne sharply silhouetted against the backdrop of stars.

He'll turn, and I'll start sweating with fear, because although I tower over him he exudes an aura of sheer mad power that terrifies me. He'll turn, and he'll ask me to join him.

And I'll say yes. I'll say yes because I'm a coward. On Geonosis, years ago, for the first time I felt the soul-draining agony of Sith lightning racking through my body, the lightning that brings a horrible, agonizing death, burning the body from the inside. I survived it, but only just.

I never want to feel that again. Even the horrible burning pain of the lava that cost me half my body pales by comparison. I don't doubt I have the power to do it myself, but I'll never use it, because I wouldn't wish that pain on anybody.

I'll say yes, because of Padmé. Because Padmé, the only person I ever truly loved, drifted away from me when she saw what I was becoming, and then when our child was born she disappeared, taking baby Luke with her. And then that message came, just a few days ago, from Bail Organa of Alderaan, saying that she'd died, and that her last words had been to me, to say she loved me.

She died long before her time and the only person who I'd ever really loved was gone.

Even my mother had been distant, overprotective, as my nine-year-old self saw it. I never realized how much pain I caused her, risking my life on the racetrack for the thrill of speed. The day she died I cried my heart out, because she had cared for me when nobody else had, and because I'd
failed her. Like I failed Padmé. I'm unworthy of her memory, so I'll go and skulk in the darkness and hide, and hope my conscience never finds me.

I'll say yes, because of Luke. Because I was supposed to be the Chosen One, and I failed, so now it's up to Luke. And when Luke faces the Emperor, as he will one day, I'll be more use to him alive than dead. Until then I'll just have to carry out the Emperor's orders, and hide from my conscience, and hope Luke can forgive his father.

I know that one day Luke will have to make the same choice. I only hope he has the sense to think about it first. For a long time. Because if he refuses the Emperor's command to turn to the Dark Side [i]he will die.[/i] All I ask is that if Luke is going to die he knows, and has chosen to die for the greater good, instead of doing the noble-hero thing and saying 'no' because it's the first thing that comes into his head.

Although how I'll endure the sight of my own son's life draining away before my eyes, I don't know.

I can feel the Emperor's

 

Great job - you can feel Anakin's hopelessness. I especially liked this line: I'll go and skulk in the darkness and hide, and hope my conscience never finds me. Very powerful.

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you mention Obi-Wan as you were going through the people who had meant the most to him in his life? I kept expecting his name to pop up and it didn't (not that I care since it's a wonderful piece regardless - but I'm just wondering).

Cheers,

Shaindl

 

This has got to be the best 'inside Vader's thoughts' vignettes that I've ever read. All the others are just mere shadows compared to this, I think. Am I baised?

Hmm. I didn't even notice Obi-Wan wasn't there until I read Shaindl's statements.

 

Ah, old friends.

Shaindl To be honest, I never really thought about putting Obi-Wan in. Anakin / Vader's train of thought just went from his mother to his wife to his son and back to himself... Obi just didn't come into my mind anywhere so I left him out. And failed to notice. Sorry.

t-wiz This has to be the best 'inside Vader's thoughts' vignette I've ever read. . . Am I biased? If you are, I guess it's a compliment. Hmm. I didn't even notice Obi-Wan wasn't there until I read Shaindl's statements. As I said to Shaindl, neither did I.

I'm glad you liked it. This was an early effort and I spent about a month on it.

Thanks for R&R'ing you two.

Nem

 

Good job, Nem. I like the transitions among the various people in his life and how they have affected his decision. I didn't even notice the lack of Obi-Wan til Shaindl said something.

Glad to see that you are writing and posting (even your old stuff). You have a great talent and it needs to be nurtured!

 

diane Another old friend. I'm glad you liked it. Also thanks for the PM. You have a great talent and it needs to be nurtured! Thanks!

Nem

 

Upping this on the off chance someone else will read it

 

OK, no one else is interested. I get the idea.

 

Up after a long gap ... someone read. Please.

 

Very good, I like the ideas in it.. made ma feel sad. It's not as angsty as the other but the peace is misleading. Powerful fic *nods*

 

That was an interesting little piece. You did something different, here, I think, then most Anakin/Vader fics do. He's so aware of his faults here, and yet too weak to do anything about them. It gives new perspective, I think, on RotJ, where he saves Luke. Not only did he turn from the Dark, but he overcame his fear, for his son's sake.

So, nicely done.

 

Whoa! Readers!

Ana_Labris Made me feel sad. Thank you - this was an early effort and I'm glad it worked on some level

obaona So, nicely done. And from the Queen of the vignette herself! Thank you very much

Anyone else?

 

Excellent.

I like the very last part.

 

JediNemesis, I found this through the link you left on VaderLVR64's Ascension into Darkness.

Wonderful viginette.

This must go UP!

 

When I left that room, the old Anakin Skywalker died. What's left is the wreck of what was once Anakin, lonely and sad and old before my time.

Who am I now?

I'm Darth Vader.

This ending gave me the shivers, literally! WOW! Amazing vignette that gives great insight into the character of Anakin/Vader. Kudos, and you picked my favorite character, too.

 

Loved this viggie. I especially like how you talked about his fear of the Force lightening. It alluded to the ending of ROTJ so well. Also, I liked how you portray Anakin as joining the Emperor not out of evil or hatred but out of despair and fear. Beautifully done!

 

UPing one more time...

 

Hey . . . it's been a while. . .

CrystalKenobi Excellent. Thank you

JalendaviLady Wonderful viginette. Again, thank you very much (and for the up! ) and I'm glad you liked it.

VaderLVR64 WOW! Amazing vignette that gives great insight into the character of Anakin/Vader. Kudos, and you picked my favorite character, too. I think Anakin/Vader is fascinating. Although my heart will always belong to Luke. Glad you liked it, and glad I managed to give somebody the shivers.

Gina Also, I liked how you portray Anakin as joining the Emperor not out of evil or hatred but out of despair and fear. Beautifully done! Thank you. I could never quite reconcile Anakin's character with joining the Dark Side out of hate . . . I'm happy that that seemed to come through.

Nem

 

Well, see Luke is my favorite GOOD boy and Anakin is my favorite BAD boy. One of each for different mooods! Yes, Luke is a very special sweetie. Anakin just has that whole "bad boy" thing going for him. Great work!

 

Nem, I just found this and can I just say, "Whoa!" Incredible insight into Anakin/Vader's thought process as he takes that final step, the one from which there is no turning back.

Interesting that he knows about Luke all along, but still not Leia? I also like the way he says that the Force-lightning is worse than the lava and that's why he'll never do it. Anakin didn't truly die, he was just buried VERY deep for a long time.

As if anyone will ever see my face again. My helmet will only leave me when they take it from my dead body.

That makes the scene in ROTJ that much more poignant, when Vader asks for Luke's help in removing his mask!

Wonderful, wonderful job!!

 

JN that was awesome! A totally kick ass vignette! Good work man!

 

Very interesting! I never thought of Vader joining the Emperor to bide his time and wait for Luke. Terrific twist to Vader's motivation. Now I wonder....hmmm. Good story!

 

Hey . . . where did all these people come from?

VaderLVR64 Yes, Luke is a very special sweetie. Anakin just has that whole "bad boy" thing going for him. I agree.

kayladie I just found this and can I just say, "Whoa!" It's been buried for a while. Glad you like it! I also like the way he says that the Force-lightning is worse than the lava and that's why he'll never do it. Anakin didn't truly die, he was just buried VERY deep for a long time. That's the way I see it. Anakin was always in there, somewhere.
Wonderful, wonderful job!! Thank you.

Obi-Wan21 JN that was awesome! A totally kick ass vignette! Good work man! Thanks! BTW, I'm a girl.

Dally never thought of Vader joining the Emperor to bide his time and wait for Luke. Terrific twist to Vader's motivation. Now I wonder....hmmm. Good story! Thank you very much I could never quite come to terms with Anakin turning to the Dark Side because of hate. It's not in his character.

So thank you everyone! Especially nice to log on and find all these replies on my first anniversary on the JC!

Nem