Ahalik Gorena- a JA fic

*fanfic writer happy dance 'o' joy* WOW! Three beggers already! Lwyn'nya, I think I'm starting to see what keeps you going. Lucky for you kids I kept writing....

 

?Help it, help it!? Another Padawan dashed up and kicked the ball into the goal.

?Point!? Bakada declared. ?Good job, Rethin, on helping the ball in. Are you guys starting to see what I mean about teamwork??

?YEAH!? they yelled back, grinning big play faces. Bakada had been assigned to teach a class of four- to seven-year-old Padawans. Bakada loved teaching the littler ones? she delighted in the fascination on their faces when she told them stories about Nomi Sunrider and Vima-da-Boda and the wonderful unveiling sense of discovery when they realized they had learned something. Children that young had no barriers yet and the pure joy they had when they played went right into her.

?Are you guys tired yet??

?NOOO!? they shouted.

?Okay! Blue team?s got it!? she told them, and Lin-pa picked up the ball and tossed it to her teammates, putting it back into play.

When the score was fourteen to twelve, her Padawans looked suitably played-out to sit still for a story. She called for a halt to the game and took the ball, then asked if there was any stories they liked.

?Engharat!?

?Ulic Qel-droma!?

?Grazda and the Four Questioners!?

?That?s not a Jedi story, loquan,? Bir-nas scoffed.

?Bir-nas, Grazda and the Four Questioners is a very good story,? she chided gently. ?There is much to learn from it.?

?Right, she is, Bir-nas,? a gravelly voice said from behind her. Bakada didn?t jump anymore, but a hot wash of surprise flowed over her skin. ?And if eight hundred years old this story is and still is told, a good thing it must be, hm??

Bakada tried not to laugh audibly.

What was Yoda doing here? Bakada walked over to the lockers full of Force toys along the wall and opened them. Bakada was by no means above playing with them herself? she could spend an entire day with the picture-sand....

?Okay, cooties, it?s toy-time today. Perhaps later, Master Yoda can tell us a story...?? The gaggle of hip-high Padawans swarmed around her in their eagerness for the toys. While they waited, they stared at the Master, smaller than themselves yet so full of grown-up power, with something
between awe and sizing him up for a playmate.

?If understand my Basic you can, a good story will it be,? he nodded. Then he beckoned for her to come speak. She bowed politely, then came and positioned herself cross-legged in front of him. He sat down as well.

?A skilled teacher you seem to be, Healer Gozen. Respect you, your students do.?

Bakada felt a big smile come on. ?Thank you, Master. But...? The entire Jedi Council had isolated themselves in the Council chamber ever since that Master and his Padawan returned... meditating... they had searched the Force for the Sith, and now Yoda was here....

?Found him, we have.?

[This message has been edited by Hiroko01 (edited 10-17-1999).]

 

<the first version of this post was kinda pewey... fixed it up some and am working on the next. Enjoy! >
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Late that night, Bakada found Qui-Gon exactly where she thought he?d be.

?How is he?? she asked quietly, pulling the curtain closed. The Master looked away from his sleeping Padawan and up at her tiredly.

?He is well. He?s learned to address the pain.? She nodded in acknowledgement, then leaned over the Padawan and whispered, ?Wake up, Kenobi.? Qui-Gon started to ask her what exactly she thought she was doing, but it was too late? Obi-Wan?s eyelids had already fluttered open. Bakada drew away and sat herself on a stool. ?We?ve business to attend to.?

***************

?Could you start by telling us how we got here?? Obi-Wan suggested.

?What?s the last thing you remember??

Obi-Wan and his Master exchanged a glance. ?The Sith had a few close calls and decided to run. Obi-Wan and I pursued him.?

?When Qui-Gon was almost up to him, he dropped a scaffold on us,? Obi-Wan concluded.

?Yes, well...? Bakada looked down at her hands. ?Akretiry? my old Master? and I were on Naboo, very near Theed, at the time.?

Qui-Gon looked like he was preparing to hear an explanation. Kenobi looked angry.

?What?!??

?We did not come to your aid, at first,? Bakada quickly cut him off, ?because we were not prepared to fight against a Sith. Akretiry is with child.?

Qui-Gon suddenly realized why the name Bakada had sounded familiar.

[This message has been edited by Hiroko01 (edited 10-18-1999).]

 

Wow, great story!

You're not doing what I think you're doing, are you? Hurry up with more so I can stop biting my nails!

 

<innocent look> Why, Wryin, what do you think I'm doing? Actually, I'm pretty sure that's not it. Muhahahahaa.

Speaking of evil chuckles, this is my 1000th post. I am now S.I.T.H.! I'd like to thank the Hojos for making about 100 of those possible...

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Kenobi gave his Master a strange look. Qui-Gon returned it with a similar, sterner, expression. Bakada did not speak their private language, but she understood the gist of it. Later. Making a mental note that she may want to ask Jinn about it, she continued.

?We had gone there, under Senate sanction, to watch over a scratchy situation between the Gungans and the Naboo? you remember the fish-poaching scandal. It was supposed to be a cakewalk last mission before she delivered... and then, the siege started,? she finished with an ironic quirk in her voice. ?The Gungans spooked and kicked us out of their city, so we started heading through the forest to Theed.? Her eyes began to flicker and watch at things that existed only in her mind now. That strange lilt in her voice became harder to penetrate as her concentration went elsewhere.

Akretiry, are you alright?

You?ll have to talk to the Council, Bakada. The child fights it whenever I reach for them.

Yes, Master.

?When we contacted the Council, they said we ought to lie low until help was sent.?

Who is coming?

Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan, Kenobi.

Oh my... they?re reaching for the big guns, Bakada.

?Which we did, until the Sith arrived.?

Obi-Wan winced. Oh Force, they didn?t... A pregnant woman and a Healer should have more sense than to put themselves into the path of that trouble.

?Akretiry ordered that we come to the Palace.?

They did.

?I did not think it a good idea, her being with child, but the strategy does work out. It is very unlikely that he would have had the territorial advantage, and two opponents are trouble enough. Four... no. He did the intelligent thing and ran. He was long gone when we found you.?

?I cannot agree with you on the territory point,? Qui-Gon said. The girl turned a haunted stare on him.

?He seemed to know his way around the power core very well.? Bakada looked to the Padawan. He was nodding in agreement.

?Oooh, joy,? she sighed. What that meant could not be ascertained now, but the fact that he had been to the place of battle or studied it to that point of familiarity was very significant. Frightening.

?Moving right along, then. We got ahold of some enlightening comm records from the Trade Federation....?

[This message has been edited by Hiroko01 (edited 10-18-1999).]

 

Oooohh, cool!
You are escribir magnifico!
I think you are right, you're not doing what I thought. Oh well. A little suspense never hurt anybody... I think.

Congrats on the S.I.T.H.!! By the way, what in the heck is that?

[This message has been edited by Wryin Shanraa (edited 10-18-1999).]

 

This is excellent! I can't wait for more!

 

Okay, so mabye he is better than I am. So What! I still know about who Xanatos is and he doesn't. HAHAHAHEHEHEHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*In Sith fit of anger, lightes saber and plunges it through computer, still laughing."

 

That's not your mother, baby, that's a man! I'm a girl.

?Master Jinn, did I not tell you to get some rest?? A quiet, familiar accent greeted Qui-Gon?s morning. There was Bakada again, looking like she always did with too-large clothes on and her hair tucked under a scarf like all the other women from Mornay. Balancing on a tray atop her head was something that smelled like breakfast.

?I slept.?

?You?ve a red mark on your forehead from leaning it on the table all night.?

He shrugged. ?How?s Akretiry doing??

Bakada sidled up a stool next to the Master?s, careful not to wake Kenobi.

?She?s having trouble getting comfortable enough to sleep, but otherwise it?s coming along well. Have you seen her since you were here?? A pot of tea, steam rising leisurely from its spout, appeared on the counter. Qui-Gon poured himself a mug.

?No...? he admitted.

?That?s alright. But I do think she?d like to see you. Judging by the stories I?ve heard, you guys must?ve some interesting times a while back, mm?? She hid her grin behind the mug and watched Qui-Gon with one eyebrow shot up suggestively.

?What did she tell you??

?Mm... I remember hearing about some pretty creative Padawan hazings that went on right about the time you two passed the Trials...?

?Don?t you believe a word that woman says,? he warned, pointing a stern finger at her.

A muffled voice drifted out of the blankets. ?I smell food....?

?Good morning, Obi-Wan,? Bakada said breezily. ?Breakfast?? She turned and offered him a chunk of yellow bread in an outstretched hand.

?That sounds good...." The hungry Padawan sat up and was quite surprised to find that she didn?t stop him.

?Alright." Bakada's sense sobered suddenly. "Now that you?re all awake,? she said, ?The Council concluded that Maul is a menace to society at large, and we are to... apprehend... him. A team? you, Master Jinn; and you, Padawan Kenobi? and me.?

Qui-Gon charged a very good question. It was plain to see why he and Obi-Wan were involved, but... ?Pardon my asking, Bakada, but why you??

The Healer was very slow to answer. She probably didn?t have a good idea herself. ?Unlike most Healers, I am not squeamish about defending myself.?

That made sense. From his missions with Akretiry, Qui-Gon was very familiar with the the ethics of the Mornay Jedi. They were... different.

?I have experience with the Zabrackian mind and physiology from a couple duty tours I did with Akretiry that is apparently above-average. The glaive probably has something to do with it too.?

?You fight glaive?? Obi-Wan asked.

?Mm-hm.? A glaive was a normal lightsaber head mounted on a staff? a sword on a stick. ?In this situation it?s far better than a plain saber.?

?Only if you know what to do with it. You will start practicing today,? Qui-Gon told her.

?Yes, sir,? Bakada responded. She?d worked out already that morning, warming up for the rest of the day. The slowness of the morning was gone from both her body and mind. ?And if I may ask, Master... I need to see the duel. From both of you.?

[This message has been edited by Hiroko01 (edited 10-20-1999).]

 

Very cool story, Hiroko! I like! I like!

 

C'mon, people, post! I need feedback. Criticism and comments are really, really welcomed. <hint, hint.>

 

Veeeerry good!!!

Criticism is something that I cannot give, I am afraid. As for comments, a little more description might be in order. It's probably just me, but I like knowing a lot about how people react and the surroundings and stuff. (smiles)

Love this story! Keep up the *excellente* writing!!!

[This message has been edited by Wryin Shanraa (edited 10-21-1999).]

 

Oh nooo!

Thanks for the input, guys. I feel better now.

 

Kenobi made sure the Healer girl was out of earshot before he spoke.

?Last night, Master, when she told us about Akretiry- what was it were you going to say?? When Obi-Wan said that, his Master?s posture and expression suddenly became very neutral. That meant that whatever Bakada?s words had brought to his mind was troubling him, deeply if Obi-Wan knew his Master at all.

Qui-Gon shook his head. ?I was going to say nothing, Obi-Wan. It?s not my story to tell.?

[This message has been edited by Hiroko01 (edited 10-22-1999).]

 

*lol* feedback, my dear Hiroko? How?? You're story's left me breathless with intrigue!

A suggestion? You've got a great flair for the dramatic, you keep the suspence and intrigue going, but most of your story is more or less skin-deep. Perhaps delving into the thoughts or feelings of the characters? Or perhaps go into a little detail maybe on appearances, scenery, history, thoughts, etc? Your story is wonderful, but most of it is all conversation Not that that's bad, but the soccer scene you wrote was perfect! Just the right blend of conversation and detail

Awaiting more!

~ Lwyn'nya Kenobi

PS: My friend, if you could check your email while you're online? ) I fear I might have myself committed soon, and your response would help to smooth over the edges of the day Gratefully yours, ~ Lwyn'

 

This is great! Please write more. Please?

 

HELLO PEOPLE!!!!

start posting! We've got to keep this girl writing and the only way to do that is POST!

Hiroko01: I sincerly hope that you won't have any mushy or embarressing stuff in here!

And you better not have Qui in any <ahem> suggestive situations or I will personally do a little Sith manuver and drive a lightsaber through you!

 

Don't you guys worry about Qui-Gon, he's safe here with me.

Actually I've got about the next 2 posts written but I'm so incredibly anal that I have to get it all right. I'm almost done with this next one, though...

 

Bakada returned to the room shortly, minus one load of dishes. Doing a confused little pirouette after she came in, she seemed to be looking for something.

?Where?d your Master get off to?? she asked, looking at Obi-Wan questioningly.

?I think he went to see yours.?

?Good,? she said, sounding as if her something on her mind had been satisfied. ?Do you feel up to walking??

?I?ve been feeling up to it for a while,? Obi-Wan replied a little sourly.

?Let?s out of here, then,? she said, offering a hand to help him up. ?I don?t like to meditate in the labs. Sickness and antiseptic, pleh.? Turning to sit on the edge of the bed, he braced himself for a
second and stood up on his own.

?Where to?? he asked after they passed through the curtain.

?I?ve really no preference. Is there some place here that you feel especially comfortable at??

?Mm...? The actual process of thought, Bakada knew, had taken only an instant? the delay was because of the distance between their minds. He didn?t feel comfortable telling her.

That distance would have to close, and soon. They would be dealing with a Sith? and possibly his Master, this other one they called Sidious. The coordination of a bond between the three of them would be the difference between their lives and their deaths.

?There?s a small practice room, on the outside wall with a window that the sun sets through,? he told her.

?Which would be...? Bakada?s pointer finger starting wandering in a close circle, questing for the proper direction.

?Down two floors and past the equipment-storage hallway for the practice rooms.? As they started towards the nearest stairwell, Bakada shook her head apologetically. ?I have no idea where that is.?

?You don?t know where the storage hallway is?? Obi-Wan repeated, sounding like he thought he hadn?t heard correctly.

?Nope. I haven?t had a very long stay here since they moved things around last.? Walking slowly? Obi-Wan was still in some pain, for the wound in chest still oozed a little? they began to descend down the stairs.

?That was two years ago.? The stairwell was dusty-smelling, and the steps were cold and gritty under Bakada?s bare feet. It distorted their voices like small places do, but not by echoing and smudging them loudly together like most stairways, walled with their brittle concrete. This one swallowed them up. Its plaster walls were clothed with thick, dark green fabric, roughly embroidered with legend like pictograms scrawled into the coarse wool. Reaching out and brushing a finger over the fuzzy weave, Bakada made a short confirming nod.

?I know it was.?

?How can you not have been here in two years?? The Padawan was probably imagining some strange circumstance that had left them out of the Council?s favor. The real reasons were quite more mundane than that... well, most of them, anyway.

?I know this is going to surprise you, Obi-Wan, but there are a lot of things you won?t learn at the Temple.?

?Like what?? he challenged. Her expression drew inward, her lips pursing a little.

?The way that people act... as opposed to how they should...?

Something about those words and the voice that formed them conjured up the shadows of
intrigue. Things dark and private that should have been kept that way, and others that should not have been...

Obi-Wan pulled away from them. The chances were good that Bakada would not want to
linger on those thoughts.

"What was your training like?? They walked many steps in silence, out of the green stairway and into a sunlit grey-walled corridor, while Bakada raked her memory into words. The air and walls here were warm from the yellowy panes of sunlight coming through the windows, a comely change from
the cool damp grittiness in the stairway.

?Mm... pretty much the same as here, I think. Just not at the Temple. We spent a lot of time running around in the woods? you know, out of all the places in the galaxy, I can?t understand why they decided to put the Temple on Coruscant. It?s just wrong.? Traffic streaked by outside in
complete disembod

 

Sorry, the 2nd one (actually they just became three, they're kinda long) needs more revision and I need to go to sleep right now. Tomorrow! Maybe two!

 

I think its great, my friend! Very soular refreshing! I wouldn't touch it

Love always,

Lwyn'nya

 

Uh, bad news, guys. I lied. No fic tonight, I have to beta it first. But tell you what, I will move it up to the top and get everyone's hopes up and then crush them with this lame little "sorry" note.

 

GREAT story, Hiroko!

Hey, what's up with this "betaing" the story? I just posted a whole buncha paragraphs on the luuuv triangle, and not a beta reading in sight! We just want to read it, no matter how it looks!

Just kidding... really, your writing is very good, and I can see how your style is developing. Your mood is getting better a la Lwyn'nya's comments, you're delving into your characters a bit more. And there's nothing wrong with dialog-driven stories...you can convey a lot about character and motivation thru dialog. My favorite author, Papa Hemingway, wrote LOTS of dialog and no one seems to complain about him.

So, let me join the ranks of pesterers: MOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Thanks everybody for their comments and up-age of the thread.

Bad news: The school musical is coming up (November 11, 12, and 13th) and I'm first flute and piccolo in the orchestra. The four-hour-long rehearsal we had tonight was only the beginning.

Good news: The upcoming four-day weekend!

 

<I think you guys'll love these next two. The Kinky Chinese Lady lives! heheheh >

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?Qui-Gon!? a familiar voice called, and he whirled around. Trotting up to him in a long brown skirt and dark-blue scarf was Akretiry-ni-Nomiya. And none too gracefully, either? for she was in her final half-month of pregnancy. The same woman who had harried him with her terrifying skill at the glaive, now unable to even run properly for the heartbreaking swell of her belly.... and still, she laughed with joy to see him.

?Qui-Gon, where have you been off to?? she asked, pulling him into a tight embrace. He returned it, but pulled uncomfortably away after a second? he felt like he was going to squash her swollen midriff. Not only that, but it reminded him far too clearly of what had happened, of...

She saw him take on that blank mannerism. Two all-knowing, grey-blue eyes looked up at him, their face set in a look of disappointment.

?Don?t pull your ?mask? rubbish on me, dear. I know I look like a bloody house.?

She also knew where his true concern lay, and he couldn?t rightly be scolded for that... not now, anyhow.

Offering his elbow, Qui-Gon apologized, repeating the immortal words of their first exchange, back when he was seventeen and Akretiry hadn't learned much Basic yet.

Waiting in line at the commissary, Qui-Gon bumped into the girl standing behind him again? the third time now? and apologized, also for the third time. She was a complete stranger to him. He?d never seen her before and she didn?t seem to talk.

The stranger behind the thin, sharp face with the aquiline nose smiled good-naturedly and assured him that ?Is alright! I like to touch.?

Akretiry chuckled and accepted his arm as naturally as would any high-blooded Lady from Alderaan, ready to promenade into the ballroom. ?You?ve perked up a bit since the last time I saw you.?

When was? Oh, yes. The four days in the Healers? lab. The last time they had spoken face-to-face had been seven months ago, when the only sign of her pregnancy had been horrible bouts of morning sickness.

Seven months was almost an eternity in some ways, and next to no time at all in others. The way time went long/short like this, cut by without you knowing... it was a little frightening.

Akretiry turned her face up to regard him curiously, and with a playful tinge of that earlier disappointment.

?...But not an awful lot. Good Force, Qui-Gon, you are getting so damn gloomy in your old age. But anyhow... I was on my way to breakfast. Would you care to join me??

Bakada wouldn?t be done with Obi-Wan to train for quite some time yet...

?I?ve already eaten, but I?ll come. The better to bask in the sunlight of your glory.?

?That?s the spirit,? she told him, patting his arm. Somehow the woman had managed not to lose the impertinence that characterized many Padawans, in spite of her status as a Master. It might have explained the Council's willingness let her stay on Mornay most of the time, in spite of her skills. It was also meant that time spent around Akretiry was never time wasted.

She was right about his mood. Time to change the subject. According to Bakada, the two had taken Anakin in for the time being....

?How?re you and Anakin getting along?? Akretiry groaned briefly, then gave a wan smile.

?That boy is absolutely deaf to instructions.? The beatific expression on her face? if she had an equivalent to Qui-Gon?s blank, that smile was it? suggested that some vivid memories had already been formed.

?Oh?? he prodded.

?Huy....? She rolled her eyes eloquently. ?Bakada insists on bringing her sheet music wherever we go? and mind you, the parts are all written out on paper. Anakin got into them, because Anakin gets into everything....?

Qui-Gon chuckled, remembering a few choice examples of Anakin?s tendency to get into things. It was a small miracle that the child had survived being himself for so long.

?He sees this bizarre kind of writing in some language he?s never seen before, five lines and little running dots an