Airing their problems

In the past couple of weeks I have found more and more users willing to put their problems on the boards for us to solve. I find this disturbing. Where there is romance and advice threads people are respectful and do the right thing but as of late I have found some users posting threads on the jcc trying to get help for themselves or others. One kid even posted his girlfriends entire name on the thread trying to get her help. Am I the only one disturbed by this. I know you mods have had to step in and shut them down as well. I commend you for that. Just tonight someone started and thread on have you ever thought about suicide. I had to be honest the author must have had some problems to be posting such a topic on the jcc. I commend Jedi Mind Trick for making the call to lock it but also asking the author to seek help from a friend. I mean did any of you mods ever think your job description included counselor/ pschologist?


Edit its not that I dont mind helping people its just people need to do it in the appropriate way. Not MY GIRLFRIEND NEEDS HELP!

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[color=indigo]Thread title changed by request[/color]

 

Beezel, do you mean "Airing" their problems? Well, when young adults don't have any place to vent, they seem to vent here in the JCC, and it's about the safest place to vent and ask questions, as long as it isn't offensive. There seems to be alot of suicide threads lately, but it goes in cycles, and the current cycle starts at Halloween and goes until about 15 January. It's that time of year/season when thoughts are to family and family activities, such as halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and depression mounts very fast for some folks. Many members just need to know that someone cares about them and their pain. Deep serious continuing discussion regarding their situation should continue as PMs when possible. It becomes a problem when members are disrespectful and caustic in their remarks; that is unneeded and uncalled for.

 

Very True Beez

But I also feel that even though this might not be the best place to find help and that it is not in anyones job description that yes, there might just be that one person that when he/she tries to talk to someone at home, they are not believed. It happenes. And there could be that one person that just might need to have someone listen, even thought that person is on the bet and has never met the person.

And just maybee someone would feel comfort in hearing others stories about it so that they know that they arnt the only ones out there with problems and see that life does go on, that is does get better. I would not discourage memebers from posting thier problems. But understand the Manegments position and support them.

 

I can't say that I disagree with beezel. No offense to anyone here, but this is the last place I'd go looking for advice about certain problems (suicide, eating disorders, etc). Not only do I think people should be seeking help from professionals, but it's inevitable that if you ask for help here, you will get some sarcastic responses.

EDIT: And in response to the two people above me. It always seems like the biggest response is either to go see a counselor/family/friends or it's "suck it up" and move on. Sure, there's some helpful advice sprinkled in the responses, but most of it never seems very helpful to me. IMO, if your family isn't listening, go talk to someone, like a friend, who will.

 

Yeah some people do get that way this time of year. I guess i didnt pic up on that mac. Thanks. Its funny but to me the jcc is not the place to air their problems. I mean exposing oneself can make you even more hurt when someone doesnt reply the way you want or just replies harshly. You really try to help these souls but you cant tell if they get it or not. I mean thats the problem doctors cant solve patients problems over the phone. They need face to face contact. And this is where i think some young people forget to see. There are others in real life that can make a difference.

 

Very good points.

You all have very interesting comments.

Yes it is to bad that most responces to problems are sarcastic and not helpfull.

But as I said I respect everyones opinions and support the management in there decision.

 

But I think heres the problem with opening threads about suicidal thoughts. You are opening yourself to criticism and some useful advice but not much. I find that most people who ask for advice in advice threads get some help if they are willing to listen. In Senile City Geriatric Ward thread we discuss personal issues all the time. But we support each other. Also most people open up to a friend via pms before confessing their problems whether it was a failing marriage or a health problem. But some of these young people just dont seek the right way of doing things. I mean they may not know how but at least least they should realize that posting a thread subject that is controversial may not get the response they want. And I think many do not. I guess what I am trying to point out is these kids should get away from their computers and seek real help.

 

> I guess what I am trying to point out is these kids should get away from their computers and seek real help.

That is also the thought of the mods.

While we do what we can to help, there have been some very scary situations in the past with mods being thrust into the position of real-time anti-suicide councillor while someone is genuinely trying to harm themselves.

Now the first course of action is to try and get the troubled person to seek professional help - and this often means preventing them from using the JC as their preferred outlet for getting help.

 

So you will ban kids for what attempting suicide or threatening to do it.

 

Sometimes, if we feel it's in their best interests to be forced to find 'real' help elsewhere, yes.

 

One quick thing: This "problem" isn't just limited to "kids".

 

It means we should do whatever is necessary to protect a human life, which is infinitely more important than the inconvenience of others. But in most cases that does mean banning the person, yes.

If nothing else, I wouldn't want a person who wasn't mentally sound having to see sarcastic or hurtful comments from others who think they don't have to be compassionate because they're just typing text on a screen.

Edit: And yes, to Jeff you listen. It's demeaning to a person with a mental illness to suggest the root of their problem is immaturity.

 

true, But I have found some college kids prone to the same problem. I think the worse thing is that it makes mods or anyone else who are trying to do the right thing look bad! When they take the right step. i guess its a fine line we all walk when we try to help these individuals out. Especially with little or no training. I find helping adults with their problems are easier to deal with because of the maturity level in the adults. But with kids it isnt o easy. I mean you cant tell a kid that he will be allright and to suck it up.

 

I mean you cant tell a kid that he will be allright and to suck it up.

You can't tell that to anyone who's clinically depressed. Being sad because you lost a job or your dog died is very different from being afflicted with the disease known as depression. You wouldn't tell an asthmatic or a diabetic to "get over it," and it's no more valid to say that to someone with a mental illness. People just think that because the illness originates within the mind rather than the body, the sufferer should be able to think themselves out of it.

 

In my opinion it is a very grey line to walk.

On one hand you are trying to protect the person for sarcastic remarks and on the other hand you are trying to make sure the person doesnt feel that his problems are not important to listen too.

Deffinatly a hard place to be if you are a mod.

 

I agree with everythings been said, I prefer to be pmed instead of finding a thread. I help as much as I can. There are times I'm peeved off because I see hurtful comments, how are they suppose to know this person is not joking? It should be taken seriously, though sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger then your own family.

 

It is not possible to tell from a posting that the writer is sincere, or that the person is factual in describing herself, others, or anything else.

Should anyone on the boards pretend to understand problems that a person might or might not have? Not the mods, for sure. So when in doubt, the safe and decent approach is to be sympathetic, and to suggest professional help.

 

There was a guy in YJCC that posted that his ex girlfriend was losing weight, and he didn't know what to do, and didn't know what was wrong with her. People then picked him apart because she was an internet girlfriend. I thought it was pretty sad that people turned this guy's concern into a chance to make fun of him. I'm just afraid someone will post something when they are really down, and someone here will put them over the edge.

Now, I know what some people will say. If a post on a Star Wars message board puts someone over the edge, they have a problem. That's just it.. some people have problems. Heck, everyone has problems. I know that you can't moderate people's smart remarks and lack of compassion. But please, guys just remember that some people might take your comments to heart.

 

People never picked him apart. One or two were sarcastic. I was in that thread and the kid had put her entire name on the net for everyone to see without her permission. We all stated it was the wrong thing to do. If anything that was newbie mistake. Not a misinformed user. Trust me they never ever made fun of the kid about his e-girlfriend. But I did state the jcc was not the place to be putting his girlfriends problem on. It is one thing to put your own problems but those of another user are just wrong. Its like an invasion of privacy. Thats what everyone was upset about.

 

I thought this was a site about star wars?

 

I thought this was a site about star wars?

It is a site about Star Wars, but more then just star wars get discussed here.

 

The mods are like hosts at a party. Their job is to keep things interesting and moving. Disruptive or off-topic posts are not welcome, and why should they be? There are other places to do those things.

 

As far as airing out girlfriend problems and such, granted it's not where I would do it but it's within the TOS and a topic that's okay for the JCC.

 

By the time I got to that thread, the name had been censored. They weren't talking about the fact that he put her entire name, they were talking about the fact that he knew her on the internet. Yes, putting her whole name was wrong, but once that was corrected people were still picking on the poor guy. See the below quotes:

"1. You aren't 26 as your profile suggests, are you? I think you're 15. It's rude and disrespectful to all of us for you to lie to us like that. Why would you do that? What have we complete strangers done to deserve being lied to? "

"2. You haven't actually ever met this girl, have you? You live awfully far apart, and you're only 15. So how exactly can you be "boyfriend and girlfriend"? "

"3. Because you have never met her, how can you claim to be in love with her? It's perfectly fine to be concerned about someone, and to even care about her well-being, but you have a couple of things going against you if you expect us to believe that you are in love. First of all, you're 15, and therefore haven't a clue about love. Second, you've never met her. "

Now how is that helping him out?

Edited to include quotes.

 

The mods are like hosts at a party. Their job is to keep things interesting and moving. Disruptive or off-topic posts are not welcome, and why should they be? There are other places to do those things.

That's one of the better analogies for being a mod that I've heard, it's pretty accurate for JC mods.