Alan's Peace Conference.

I am Alan, a lost soul. Welcome to ALAN'S PEACE CONFERENCE.

We must make peace, not war.

Here is the table we will sit at:

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I will occupy the Green Chair. The purple chair will be for a Monk, and the Red Chair will be for a Vjiking. I hope we can establish that this table - and the paths towards it - are HAVENS OF NEUTRALITY. I hope that the Vjikings will allow a Monk to emerge from the Monastery and take his or her seat at the table. The Vjiking who is brave enough (and be sure that attending this meeting will represent bravery far beyond that of a man who can swish a sword or hold a shield aloft) to take his or her seat at the table will be revered by myself and the Monk.

Once we have assembled, I will distribute pieces of paper:

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And pencils:

[image=http://www.grand-illusions.com/acatalog/side_knock_pencil.jpg]

to each of you. I will ask not that you write, but that you draw. I will ask you to draw a happy scene featuring your adversary. You can choose any setting, but it must be an image of peace and love. We will then exchange images. I will pass them across the table. I will then ask for a period of study. Look at the images, understand that yor enemy can indeed picture you in bliss. You are not that far apart. Look into your hearts, and you will find, there's nothing there to hide. Look across the table. Take him as he is, take his life (but not literally). You must give it all, you must sacrifice (again, not literally). Don't tell me it's not worth trying for. You can't tell me that it's worth dying for. You know it's true, everything I do - I do it for you.

I have also arranged for Scandanavia's foremost balloon animal expert to join us, and I have arranged for Saint Aiden himself to descend from the heavens and perform a medley of songs. Some will be from Vjiking folklore, some will be from the Monk's hymn books, and some will be Chris de Burgh hits. Something to please everyone, then. It will be an evening to remember.

So I ask you. Can we sit, and resolve? Can we prevent the monks leaving, can we prevent bloodshed?

I must put right what once went wrong, for you see if I do, my next leap... might be the leap home.

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Please complete the following form if you are strong enough to join the conference:

Vjiking:

Monk:

 

YOU CHALLENGE MY HONOR!! VERY WELL, ALAN-GIRLIE-MAN! I WILL JOIN YOUR PEACE-THINGIE!!! HAHAHA!! YOU ARE BRAVE AND STUPID AT THE SAME TIME!!

MAKE THE LITTLE ONE COME TO THE TABLE!!

 

These heathens no nothing of diplomacy. We are the heirs of the thinkers of Great Rome; they are but the barbarian infestation that sweeps down from the North and consumes all vestiges of enlightened civilization.

I'll go back to hiding in my monastery now.

 

HAHAHAH!! YOU'RE FUNNY LITTLE MONK! I WILL KILL YOU LAST!!

 

BJRIANN WILL MAKE A PRETTY PICTURE FOR MONK MAN!

OK. 'ERE YOU GO!

[image=http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c80/bosouder/deadvillagers.jpg]

 

BALDIEMONK MAN!! COME BACK 'ERE! BRJIANN WANTS 'IS PICTURE!!

 

[image=http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/7823/v0216wm2.jpg]

It is not my creation, for I only put words and pictures to paper for the Lord and His Glory.

But it expresses my sentiments appropriately enough. We are but innocent servants of God pitted against the minions of Satan's evil.

 

WHO IS DIS SATAN?? WE WILL STRIKE 'IM DOWN FOR YOU!!

NICE PICTURE, TOO! I REMEMBER DAT DAY! IT WAS MOST FUN!!!

 

Satan takes many forms, namely that of the so-called gods you worship.

 

DON'T YOU TALK BAD ABOUT MY GODS, BALDIEMONKMAN!!

*flips table over*

BAH! BRJIAAN DON'T LIKE THIS PEACE THINGIE! I'M LEAVIN'!!!


OOC: Off to go see Bourne Ultimatum! See you all later.

 

Ah, a violent form of entertainment for a man of violence. How appropriate.

 

*smacks baldimonkman in the face on the way out the door*

 

Nothing a little bloodletting and cow dung can't cure.

 

OOC: Bloody movie was sold out!! What the hell?? Isn't it like the second week it's been out??

 

It would have been different if you were on the side of God.

Yes, I have been waiting around here for two hours.

 

WHO IS YOUR GOD? IS HE AS POWERFUL AS THE THUNDER GOD?

BAH! NOT POSSIBLE!!

YGSLCATGOT!!!

 

Well, my three-gods-in-one is better than your single god. You shall be confused by the concept of the Trinity!

I have compromise to propose: we shall agree that beezel-- over in the JCC yonder-- is creepier than Veh-jeh-kings leering at women.

 

BAH!! TRINITY-SCHMINITY!! HEL IS BETTER THAN YOUR LITTLE LUCIFER!! HAHAH!!

NOW SHUT IT, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO NIFLHEIM TO MEET HER FOR YOURSELF!!

 

PEACE CONFERENCE?

WHO AUT'ORIZED THIS?

WAS IT VOTED ON BY A 2/3RDS MAJORITY?


*GETS OUT THE CATAPULT AND LAUNCHES A GLOCKENSPEIL AT THE MONESTARY*

 

MOCK OUR MUSICAL TASTES WILL YOU POSSIBLY NONEXISTANT PEASANT SPIRIT?

*GETS OUT THE CATAPULT AND LAUNCHES A MOAI WE PICKED UP FROM EASTER ISLAND INTO THE MONESTARY*
*FOLLOWS THAT UP WITH A KEG OF SOUR CREAM*

 

You people never went to Easter Island.

Oh, I mean, what is this Easter Island of which you speak?

 

EASTER- YOU KNOW, OUR PAGAN HOLIDAY TO CELEBRATE THE GODS OF SPRING?

YOU DOUBT THAT WE HAVE BEEN THERE? WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY AND DISPROVE THAT?

THESE GALAPAGOS TORTISES COULD GIVE YOU A GOOD DEBATE!

*THROWS TORTISES AT PEASANT, WHO'S NAME DID NOT CONCERN ME ENOUGH TO REMEMBER IT*

 

We all believe in peace!

Chris de Burgh belives! He sings this for the Vjikings.