"All That I've Been Living For" (K/J AU - One Poster) Tear-Jerker!

Okay. I was up until about 6 AM writing this story. I just sat down and wrote it straight through.

NOTE: The lyrics used in this song are from Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You". They're in italics, between the story sections.

Please note, this story is VERY SAD! You WILL need tissues!

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"All That I've Been Living For" by DantanaSkywalker [PG]

"Jaina? Hi. Uh, I just stopped by to ask you- No, that's stupid. Hi. Am I disturbing you? Uh, I'm here because I was wondering if- No, that won't work, either." Kyp Durron stopped pacing. "Hi, Jaina. I'm an idiot, and I waited too long to tell you how I feel, and now you're dating someone else. Yeah, that'd work real well."

He sat on the edge of his sleepcouch and sighed. He shoved a hand through his dark hair, which was desperately in need of a trim.

"What to do?" he murmured. "I can't think of anything suave to say. It all sounds stupid."

After several moments, when any sort of magical voice or spirit being failed to tell him the answer that would solve all his problems, Kyp stood up. A brief wave of dizziness passed over him.

The Jedi Master placed a hand on his desk to steady himself until the room stopped spinning. "Need to get more sleep," he grumbled. "Oh, well. Nothing to do now but go to Jaina and make a fool of myself."

He left his quarters and walked through the corridors to Jaina Solo's room. He paused outside, hand hovering above the touchpad that would alert Jaina to visitors.

Was she even in? Kyp stretched out with the Force. Yes, she was in. And she already had a visitor. There was no mistaking Jag Fel's presence in the Force. He sighed.

Then he heard sounds from inside the room. It was Jaina's voice, very muffled.

"Oh, Jag. Oh, yes . . ."

Kyp's blood turned cold, and nausea boiled in his stomach. No, it couldn't be. But, of course, it was.

His head started to pound, and he leaned weakly against the wall. He should have said something sooner, before . . . Before this.

Kyp stumbled away from the wall, suddenly desperate to get away, to go, to be anywhere but here.

How could he not have anticipated this? It was the natural course of things, and Jaina had been dating Jag for quite a while. I loved her first! a voice cried in Kyp's mind. You have no right to touch her!

He barely made it to his rooms before the world began spinning again, and he slipped into unconsciousness.

I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it
Straight from you


"Wow, you look excited today!"

Kyp eyed Jaina glumly as she plopped down into the seat across from him. His head hurt, and he didn't want to face her. Not now that he knew . . .

"Are you okay?" Her voice was suddenly concerned. "You don't look too good."

He sighed. "I'm not feeling well. I've got a headache. And . . . I'm in love with someone."

Jaina blinked, damping down a sudden stab of jealousy. You have no reason to be jealous! she told herself. You're with Jag. There's nothing between you and Kyp! Stop thinking about that! "Oh? That's usually not something to be depressed about."

"I just found out she's sleeping with someone."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That stinks."

*You have no idea,* he thought. "So, where's Colonel Fel?"

Jaina waved her hand dismissively. "Don't know. Around. Maybe. Or maybe he left." She leaned forward. "Tell me about this woman. Does she know how you feel about her?"

"I don't think so. I haven't told her." Kyp closed one eye, hoping it would help the migraine.

Her large, brandy-brown eyes took that in, and said, "You should do something about that headache."

He moved to stand up. He needed to get away from her for a while, and deal with all of this when his head didn't hurt. "I think I will."

Jaina caught his hand. "Kyp?"

One blood-shot green eye turned her way. "Yeah?"

"I'm not the galaxy's foremost expert on relationships, but my advice i

 

I . . . uh . . . well . . . am the first one to um . . dang that was good!!! I hate it when brain tumors are mentioned. My grandpa has one but hes doing fine . . .

 

Thanks. It made me cry while I was writing it. I don't even know where the idea came from.

I wanted it to work out in the end, you know, so that he lives, but . . . it didn't feel right.

Dana

 

Aw, that's so sad! But it's an awesome story.

 

Wow, that was awesome, and very sad. My grandmother had lung cancer that spread to her brain and your story is quite realistic.

I would also like to applaud you for resisting the temptation to give Jaina a "little Durron" at the very end of the story. Such things are cliche in fanfiction, and a story that ends on a sad note is actually refreshing to me.

Jae Angel

 

That's so sad! but it was very well-written and I loved the title!

 

Eh, Jaina's had enough babies for the time being. I did that with "Anchor" and its sequel "All At Once". I don't remember if I posted that one here. It's over on the KAJSU website. And she's expecting twins in "Aftershock". It would be overkill if I did that, right? So I'm not going to.

Besides, she and Kyp only have sex once, and he's really sick, so who knows if it was even possible.

I kept thinking about "A Walk To Remember" while I was writing this, but mostly because, when I was in the theatre watching the movie, durin the part where Jamie Sullivan sings that one line that says "You're my only hope", I said, "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi!" and the entire theatre erupted in laughter.

I finally located my Michael Bolton tape, which has "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You", which is the song lyric I used in this story. After having written this story, I listened to it, and the song made me cry.

Dana

 

it always does. I'm not abig fan of Kyp and Jaina but that was heartbreaking! I cannot imagine losing someone like that!

 

Oh God....that was so sad! I'm still crying now....*sniff*...that was a tear-jerker! and i love the song...it's so relevant!

My best friend's mother passed away last year of lung cancer...they didn't know how she got it, because they didn't have a family history of it and she wasn't a smoker or anything...The world is not a fair place.

*sniff*

-JSD

 

Very awesome. Very sad. But very awesome. I'm really glad it ended the way it did.. well, not really, but you know what I mean.. Its so hard to resist a fairy tale ending sometimes!

Great story!

 

Wow.....

That was amazing.

I actually just finished watching A Walk To Remember again, kind of ironic. I laughed when I read what you said in the theater.

But anyway, I like the way you ended the post. I wanted it to end happily, being a happy ending kind of person, but it wouldn't have been right for this story. Thanks for the great read!

Very nicely done!

 

That was so sad, Dantana . You had me worried there for a moment with your "YOU NEED THE TISSUES" statement that you were going to kill off Kyp. I'm so glad that it's a happy ending

Aunecah_Skywalker

 

*grabs the tissues*

 

Dang! that is the saddest thing i have ever read... i am crying here, seriously. that was so beautiful and full of love... this has been your best writing. Kyp and Jaina were so real, and had the purest form of love. ::wow im really crying::
Excellent writing Dana, even tho Kyp died. I loved it.

Jez

 

[face_shocked] You didn't just do that, did you?

I can't believe you! This fic is so good, and then she goes to kill my favorite Jedi. How can you do that!!!!


Ai caramba... so sad

 

Wow! This amazing, very sad, but really good! I can't believe you killed Kyp, this way I might add. I always had a feeling that if Kyp were to die it would be in a Blaze of Glory!

But then again, you can't predict deseases.

 

Thanks, guys. My best writing ever? Cool. Though I don't know why I'm so good at writing really sad stuff.

I thought it would be interesting if someone died of something other than getting chopped apart by a lightsaber or an amphistaff, or exploding in their fighter/ship, you know, typical Star Wars type deaths. Kyp, who is an extraordinary person, dies of a fairly unextraordinary thing.

I desperately wanted him to live at the end, but I actually started writing the happier ending, and it just . . . the words wouldn't go down on paper (or wouldn't type into the computer, as it were). SO I wrote it the way it had to end.

I was just listening to the song again (it's one of my favourites) and I was just thinking that I don't specify who the song is narrated by. At the beginning, it seems like it's Kyp, but by the end, it's Jaina. It's both. If you read the story viewing the song from Kyp's POV, and then read it again with the song from Jaina's, the lyrics take on a whole different meaning.

Dana

 

AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DANA!!!!!!!!!!!

What is it with you and the K/J angst?

Not that I don't like it...

That was wonderful, babe! I love it!

VERY SAD!

 

Just upping this...

 

Wow that was a sad post.

 

I AM THE QUEEN OF ANGST!!!

I don't know, I just . . . have a knack for it, I guess. All my stories have this . . . really angsty undertone (or overtone). I'm trying desperately to write an upbeat K/J 'fic, though. It's really funny. So far. I hope it stays that way. A brief summary: When Jaina and Jacen are two, Kyp has to babysit. This is before he goes to the Jedi Academy. They play dress-up, and force Kyp to dress-up, too. Then Jaina decides she is a bride, and since she can't marry Jacen, Kyp must marry her. Threepio performs the ceremony. Only, he actually performs the ceremony. See where this is going? Fast-forward 16 years. Jaina's secretly in love with Kyp, Kyp's secretly in love with Jaina, neither think the other is interested. So Jaina thinks, "I'll just date this pasty guy over here". Threepio thinks, "Oh, they're having marital troubles. I must help them!" But they don't even know they're married.

Gotta run, got a doctor's appt. this afternoon.

Dana

 

that story idea sounds very interesting, despite the fact that i'm a total Jaina/Jag person.

even though i'm pretty much against Kyp and Jaina in a romantic relationship with each other, that was really sad, and really realistic. nice job on it!

 

Thank you.

Dana

 

Poor Kyp! Poor Jaina. That was really good and sucked at the same time.

And please take that as a high compliment (as I'm wiping a tear from my eye.)

 

I finally got around to changing my sig! That line from "Against All Odds" is my fave at the moment. Maybe I'll rotate quotes monthly, from all my 'fics. What do you guys think? Let's see, for October . . .

EDIT: Just noticed that this was my 1,000th post! Yay, me!

Dana