Before All the Correct Things - Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan - one-post - Monday Mush!!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Nov 5, 2007.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: All the Correct Things
    Author: ardavenport
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I, pre-TPM
    Genre: humor, mush
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon
    Keywords Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, OCs
    Summary: Qui-Gon teaches Obi-Wan the lessons of the Force. Written for Monday Mush Mania Challenge.
    And: Typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm; I?m just playing in their sandbox



    Obi-Wan tensed and started.

    Qui-Gon paused on a large flat rock and increased his grip fractionally on the body of his fourteen year-old apprentice that he carried. The motion of Obi-Wan's body and legs ceased. Qui-Gon continued to leap up the uneven stones of the pathway, toward the vine-covered cottage that was made of the same flat, streaked gray stones leading up to it.

    His young apprentice, now aware of his surroundings pressed his head to Qui-Gon's chest and did not move. Hardly slowing his pace, Qui-Gon extended only his fingers outward and the Force pressed on the locking mechanism of the door before him. It slid aside for them. Behind him, the Jedi Master heard several voices shouting and he smelled burning foliage.

    The lights automatically came on as the door closed. The frosted windows of the room were small, letting in only muted natural light from outside. The inside artificial light was white and harsh. Walking around the pale and spotless table and chairs, he carried his Padawan to the back of the room and set the boy down on a covered and perfectly flat sleep bench.

    "Stay," Qui-Gon instructed, his finger halting Obi-Wan's open-mouthed inquiry and motion to stand. The room was isolated, sound-proofed from whatever confrontation might be going on outside. Qui-Gon slid his travel pack and robe off into a pile next to Obi-Wan's dangling feet.

    In the fresher, Qui-Gon filled a large drinking cylinder; he sniffed the contents. It was fresh, clear and cool, purified, but still with a trace of the hillside springs from outside. He took it back along with a stack of thick, absorbent cloths, pale and unblemished, like the room and the furnishings inside the cottage. He put them on a stand next to the sleep bench and sat next to Obi-Wan who had slid off his own robe and travel pack and taken his med-kit off his belt. It lay opened next to him.

    Qui-Gon dampened a cloth and began wiping off the grit and mud from Obi-Wan's face, revealing the scratches underneath.

    The shadows of people darkened the window and something thumped against the closed door. Muffled voices, loud enough to penetrate into their refuge, drew Obi-Wan's startled attention.

    "That does not concern us, Padawan," he instructed sternly, taking Obi-Wan's chin in his hand and turning it toward him. Obi-Wan's eyes were wide with disagreement, but he said nothing.

    Qui-Gon continued cleaning, first the left cheek, then the right. Streaks of red stained the cloth along with the grime, but not much. Qui-Gon's eyes critically evaluated the bruises and scrapes while Obi-Wan watched his Master with increasing intensity behind his blue-gray stare. But he did not squirm or fidget while he submitted to the examination.

    Flipping the cloth over, Qui-Gon dipped the unblemished side into the water cylinder and continued wiping Obi-Wan's face, uncovering bruises on his cheek and forehead, and a long shallow scrape slashed across his nose. He dabbed the mud off from the ginger hairline and a round, shiny black bug crawled out onto the pale skin. Qui-Gon caught it on the end of his little finger and scrutinized it critically. Little legs and antennae twitched and wiggled, but it was clearly not parasitic. He flicked it away and continued to wipe away dirt along with tiny brown and black bits of dried muddy plants, but nothing else crawled out of Obi-Wan's hair.

    Pi
  2. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    A cool description of the Force and how they handled it.

    Qui-Gon nodded, his palm now resting on his apprentice's cheek. "Or I might have been ahead of you. And not fallen and been hit." He sighed. "But I did not. And I was not hit, and you were not as well. It was not chance that you fell. It saved you. But never think that you will always control such events to your favor. Do not think it. Do not feel it. Know it." He touched the side of Obi-Wan's head, the short thick hair and the thin braid that had slowly gotten longer over the past year. I liked that a lot.

    The whole thing with the old guy was funny in a way and the people around him making excuses. The Jedi could have died but luckily did not.

    It was sweet. Good job.
  3. ginchy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2005
    star 4
    I've really been wanting to read more MMMs that are not romantic in nature so this is great! I like the aspects of the Force, and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's relationship. Nice work!
  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Simply beautiful, as your writing always is!

    =D=
  5. Fifilla Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 9, 2006
    star 3
    [face_love] That was so cute!
    Great job - I loved it! =D=
  6. Master_Tigris_Leigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2004
    star 1
    Awwww...that made my morning ten times better! [face_love] I loved your descriptions of the cabin and of the Force. Your portrayal of Obi and Qui's relationship is great. Excellent job! =D=

    And the old man reminds me of some of the characters we have up here in Alaska. :D :p
  7. Cole_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2005
    star 2
    Aww, this was so neat! Loved it! It had the right elements. The humor of the old man and his "big gun", the near death experience, the mush of master and apprentice caring for eachother. Aha. Just luved it! Great job! :)
  8. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    That was lovely. Touching and realistic, with a little quirkiness thrown in. I love your writing. :)
  9. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  10. Jinngerbread Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2007
    star 4
    Awwwww this was a very sweet vignette to read, and I needed a break from my NaNo novel :) Perfect!
  11. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    ardavenport and tales of the Force -- like peaches and cream!
  12. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Hurray, Just the thing for a Monday. Loved it as usual.
  13. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    That was beautiful

    [face_love] [face_love] [face_love]

    Though a ZT-type blaster cannon seems a bit much for kids messing with droids :p

    Great job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  14. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Very nice, gentle piece showing a warm nurturing relationship, imparting healing and wisdom both. :D :D

    SQUEE! :)
  15. wolf_kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2007
    star 1
    Mush! whoo hoo!
    This was very sweet. You captured their relationship perfectly. Loved it!
  16. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    dianethx: Thanks! The Force is an intriguing part of their relationship that adds an extra layer of meaning. They were in a well-meaning town that just wasn't used to dealing with anything really dangerous, like crazy old men with laser cannons.

    ginchy: Thank-you!

    VaderLVR64: Thanks! :)

    Fifilla: Glad you liked it, thanks! Cute is good with mush.

    Master_Tigris_Leigh: Thank-you! And there are some old geezers around here who kind of act that way, too. I didn't have to stretch much at all for him.

    Cole_Kenobi: Thanks for reading! Those near-death experiences are a great enabler for mush. :)

    LuvEwan: Thanks so much! I try for realism; makes the mush richer. :)

    PadawanKitara: Thanks!

    Jinngerbread: Thank-you! :)

    ratna: Thanks much!

    azizah: I'm glad that mush mixes well with Monday. Thanks for the reply!

    KELIA: This crazy old man doesn't have much perspective about big guns. Fortunately Jedi and the Force know when to duck. Thanks for reading!

    Jade_eyes: That healing mush works so well. Thanks for reading!

    wolf_kenobi: Thank-you! Qui-Gon and Obi-Wans' relationship have such good potential for mush.


  17. Glenstorm Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2006
    star 1
    Sheer perfection. =D=

    I've just dicovered this viggie and I love it. I think the way you've portrayed the characters and the relationship between them is simply spot on. Tender and touching without being over the top, like it's so easy to do.

    I liked the way Qui-Gon told Obi-Wan he could heal his own arm. Showing compassion whilst teaching his Padawan to stand on his own two feet. Just like I imagine a Jedi would.

    Absolutly brilliant writing as always. Thank you so much for sharing [:D]
  18. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Thanks very much! The teacher-student relationship is a good source of mush. :D It's particularly emotional because it's a one-to-one relationship and they get into life-and-death situations fairly regularly. So, they can't help but be close.

  19. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    A lovely bit of storytelling. I liked how you revealed the conflict in the conversation and let us as readers focus on the relationship between Obi and Qui. Very deft.
  20. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    I loved that. Mush without being 'mushy,' if you know what I mean. ;) Very well done, and I loved how you explained how the Force worked.
  21. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Ara-gon: Thanks much! It's those little moments and gestures that really bring out the relationship.

    p_stotts: Thank-you! I think what keeps it from being too mushy is that the action in the background keeps going on at the same time as the mush.

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