ALMOST - Qui/Obi - one memorable moment/DON FLAMEPROOF SUIT BEFORE ENTERING :D

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by CYNICAL21, Oct 7, 2002.

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  1. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    As always, I make no dinaro from this, and all belongs to the Great Bearded One - although why he can't keep his luscious characters from invading MY dreams and writing these tales that demand to be told, I can't imagine.

    Anyway - this is the result of one of those nocturnal visits - springing into being, full-blown, full-grown, and refusing to be ignored until I wrote it down.

    It hardly seems worth the effort to remind you - if you've ever read my work before - but I will, just to be upfront about it. Disney - it ain't.

    Italics denote Force communication, thought - or emphasis - and if you can't tell which is which by the context of the story, then I haven't done my job well enough.

    And now - here we go - Short, not terribly sweet, and, I hope, to the point.


    ************* *************


    ALMOST

    *************** ************


    "This planet used to be truly beautiful, my young apprentice. A place rich in the Force, and teeming with an incredible variety of flora and fauna - and remarkably free of scars inflicted in the name of progress. I came here, in my youth - with my own Master. We spent several weeks here, as I recall, mapping and observing the culture of the more primitive tribal societies that had arisen along the coastline. And deciding finally that there was little here to merit further intervention by the Republic. It was a primal paradise - that could remain untouched by civilization."

    At this point in my narrative, I am forced to stifle a sigh. "Of course, that was before the discovery of the angissporium in the forests here. The value of the serum is beyond calculation - but the cost to this ecosystem - well, I guess I don't have to spell it out for YOU, do I? You can certainly see it for yourself."

    I wriggle a bit, trying to find a dryer spot in which to conceal ourselves, as we await the rescue mission that even now draws near. It will be a while, of course - since the violence of the storm continues unabated and will certainly distort their sensors - and the Force, as well. But, of course, you know that too - my very bright young padawan.

    We will simply have to be patient for a while longer.

    I smile to realize that I'm not speaking aloud - and that I'm expecting to be heard, which, ordinarily, would be a given.

    "But this is no ordinary moment, is it? Forgive me, young one. I'm spoiled, I think - too accustomed to taking your gifts for granted. But, given the size of the lump on your temple, I think it unlikely you're in any condition to be monitoring my thoughts. Here, let me turn you just a bit - so you can rest the side of your head just so, against my shoulder. Is that better?"

    "No, don't try to talk. I know it hurts. That was a terrific blow you took - and I don't want you to aggravate any internal injuries. You're very pale, you know, and your breathing is very rapid and shallow - so just relax - and try to ignore the chaos outside. We're safe enough here - for the moment."

    He is looking up at me now - I can feel his gaze, although his face, in this watery light, is little more than a pale, blurred oval - but I observe with a small smile that there is nothing in this universe that could obscure the luminous brilliance of those eyes. They are almost too bright now - with a glitter like stars in hard vacuum - febrile, perhaps, and harsh with pain he cannot quite manage to channel into the Force.

    I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that image - the semi-boneless silhouette of his body tumbling in a steep arc against the blinding glare of the shield generator's explosion - the image that imprinted itself in my mind, even as my eyelids slammed shut against the painful brilliance. If I close my eyes - even here in this miserable darkness - I see it still.

    And I remember what it bought - that last minute, Force-driven leap - that allowed him to toss two tiny children to safety beyond a barrier wall - and then launched him into that parody of a springboard arch.

    Not his face! I remember thinking th
  2. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Ahhh!!

    You know, Cyn, you're just down right cruel. But I think you've already been told that. I'm surprised, but pleased, that you actully made Qui-Gon seem nice. Sort of. Some denial that borders on dense, but then I'm in denial too. You really killed him, didn't you. :( :_| :mad: *Sigh* Such is life. But it was very good and despite the un-happy ending, I loved it. :D

    I always look forward to your fics.

    ~Swede :p
  3. The Musical Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    You've done it again, Cynical. Brilliant as always, tragically sad, but realistic in all ways. Why is it that life seems to play the tragedy more than the comedy? And I can't argue with your portrayal of Qui-Gon.

    More?

    Somewhere?
  4. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4
    Cyn, you are evil.

    But what did we expect? :D

    Wow. Tragic, moving, compelling you to read it a second time...and a third, then fourth...

    -Tim
  5. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    I seem to recall confessing - somewhere around here - to being of dour, depressed Scottish/English/Irish descent - and admitting to being part of a melancholy bunch. So you know it must be true if I tell you that I woke up with this story - almost complete - begging to be written down.

    Gonna change my name to 'Bad Ass'. :D

    Glad you like it - or should I say, 'like to hate it'?

    CYN
  6. The Musical Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    Nah, I'd just stick with like it. ;)
  7. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    He IS sleeping!!!! You did NOT kill him! Poor kid. Just keeps getting more and more abuse. How did he ever make it to knighthood?

    But, this is beautiful Cyn. Wow. So sad. I think you portrayed Qui very nicely as well as their relationship. Fantastic job.

    Now, would a sequel be in the works were we find out that Obi was indeed sleeping and not...the other? Pleaseeeeeeeeee! Dont make me beg. hehe

    Obi
  8. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Wow.

    Are you sure he's not sleeping? :_|

    No matter, that was beautiful, CYNICAL. [face_love]

    And terribly sad, of course. :_|
  9. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    Qui-Gon's denial is heart-breaking. Very realistic and sad, of a master unwilling to let go, and of his imagining that his padawan could not die so easily. Obi-Wan's pleas to Qui were sad, as well. :(

    A very touching portrait of Obi's death - that we all want to deny. :D
  10. Wild_Huntress Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 4
    OK I'm trying to get a post up to my funny story here, and this is NOT helping. :D Beautiful Cyn! I just loved it. So delightfully sad. Great job!
  11. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
  12. Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2002
    star 3
    If such goodness could be forfeit to the vaguaries of the moment, then what would be the point of our existence?

    I agree with Qui-Gon--he has to be sleeping. No other way--there can't be such a close death for our Obi-Wan, eluding it until the rescuers arrive, and then taking it. There's an unwritten rule that the Jedi has to be saved once the almost-too-late help finally comes.

    This story touched me right to the quick, and is excellently written from Qui-Gon's perspective. Also, there isn't a cliche to be found, as is usual in Obi-Wan death or near-death scenes.

    A truly beautiful masterpiece.
  13. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    Beautiful CYN, as always.

    It was sad, but a softer sad than we usually get from you :)

    I did feel bad for Qui, but on the other hand I couldn't help but think how selfish he was being. Surely someone as in touch with the living force as Qui is--would know whether or not it is his padawans time to join the force.

    He could have taken the time to tell Obi all those things he'd never said and then eased his padawans passage into the force. That is what he should have done.

    Very sneaky, you wrote Qui differently this time--letting us know his true feelings for Obi, but I think you were still sticking it to him :) He certainly didn't do Obi any favors.

    I also think that you really don't need the 'it aint Disney' warning anymore :) Just rate it CYNICAL and we'll all get the drift.

    Loved it as usual :)

    --Shan
  14. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Shan - you're getting way too good at diagnosing what I'm doing. Yes, this showed QG's true feelings - but it preserved the basic arrogance of same by having him refuse to acknowledge that HIS padawan could die in such an offhand, unplanned way.

    Very, very good. I'm impressed. [face_mischief]

    CYN
  15. astroanna Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderful, as usual, Cyn! :)

    You know, I agree with Shanobi, you've blended the inner thoughts and turmoil of Qui's mind, and yet, at the end, he was still in denial, unwilling to accept that it could be his Padawan that died.

    Truly wonderful, and heartbreaking, Cyn.

    "Rate it Cynical, we'll all get the drift"

    [face_laugh] Yep!!
  16. creelin Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 16, 2002
    star 1
    Cyn, if Ididn't know better I'd say you really don't like Obi-Wan at all. :)

    This was beautiful and so sad. I agree. Qui-Gon was still dense, but his refusal to accept that Obi-Wan was gone is touching.

    Beautiful post.
  17. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Guess maybe it does look that way, doesn't it? In point of fact, I adore him; he is
    THE classic definition of a tragic hero - but I think there is something in my mind that says he's too good for the life that is forced on him - especially given all the suffering that he's put through in all these fics. I mean, does ANYbody go through more misery and pain than our Obi?

    You may notice that - although he endures plenty of angst in my fics - and emotional turmoil, there isn't too much actual physical Obi-torture. The idea of putting that gorgeous bod through the tortures some people think of just turns my stomach sometimes.

    And death sometimes, is kinder than the alternative!

    CYN
  18. naw ibo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 1999
    star 5
    You killed Obi-Wan! Again! ;)

    Great post, CYN love the combination of true feeling for his padawan yet thick headed stubborness on Qui-Gon's part.
  19. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    :_|

    Beautifully written, as always.

    Picks shattered heart up off the floor and shuffles to the kitchen for some ice cream.

    :(
  20. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Yawning and stretching - mornin', All. Man - this thing is sinking like a stone!

    Oh, well, Up, Up and Away - just this once.

    :D [face_mischief] :eek:

    Trying to work on a post for 'Vignettes' but my mind seems to have disintegrated into mush lately - which makes it difficult to compose literate prose. (Hey - I can still rhyme it though - :eek: )

    CYN
  21. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4
    And death sometimes, is kinder than the alternative! >>

    Ironically, I think Ani would agree with you (despite some of the things you've said about him :D)

    -Tim
  22. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Tim - it may shock you to know that I agree with you - in some timelines. In others, however, depending on his actions (and have you taken a peek at RRK'snew offering?) he is and forever will be the Brat from Hell.

    However, in the films - in certain contexts and under certain conditions (could I possibly qualify it any more?) I will concede that there may be a tiny little remnant of the boy he once was - the one who loved his mother, and revered the Jedi, and wanted, more than anything, to be accepted and to free slaves - lingering within the near-monster he became, a remnant that would have welcomed death.

    Are we ranting here? :eek:

    CYN
  23. Padawan_Travina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2002
    star 4
    CYN...

    You have gone a done it again...reduced me to tears at work..good thing I am the only one here right now..

    Another excellent and heart wrenching post..Just what I like...

    I never thought I would see the day that you would right Buckethead in such a "nice" way..

    Great post..and I look forward to reading more posts soon...


    PT-Off to work on TPOL...
  24. The Musical Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    *laughs* Buckethead...

    You know, maybe I'm just projecting my opinions here, but I don't think it's so much that CYN here doesn't like QGJ as she dissaproves of the way he trained Obi-Wan. In my opinion, she's downright civil to the old man in Freeze Frames!

    And, in any case, he's just not her Obi-Wan.
  25. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    You know, TMJ - you're actually right - for the most part. And I'm not even entirely sure I dislike the way Obi was trained; after all, one can hardly argue with results - and he certainly turned out to be a superlative Jedi - the one who would, despite all odds, set in motion the actions that would defeat the Darkside. And I've recently come to the conclusion that the Jedi - noble as their cause may be - were not an order dedicated to compassion within their own ranks. I think they set out to make things as difficult as possible for their padawans, to learn if they could cut it as Jedi - and, if they couldn't, I think the Order hardened its collective heart - and cut the kids loose. And if that seems harsh, for an organization that took these kids from their families as infants, that's because it IS harsh. Though dedicated to justice and peace, this is basically a single-minded Order - and single-mindedness frequently equals bloody-mindedness, I find. And I hope, in my little series of vignettes, to demonstrate this more completely as time goes on.

    But, in Obi's case, what I object to - and can't get beyond - was the incredible cruelty and betrayal of what Master Lunkhead did to his apprentice in the Council chamber. If I see it a thousand times, no one is ever going to convince me that the look on Ewan's face conveys anything except an awareness of the keenness of the blade sliding into his back. Then, to add insult to injury, we have the conversation of the landing platform, culminating in, "Now get on board." Even if the Master had behaved like a total lout all during their association - which he might have - I don't think anything could have prepared the apprentice for those exquisitely painful moments.

    At which point, invariably, I am screaming and calling the big lout every name in the book, most of which are unprintable on these pages.

    THAT is what I find unforgiveable - and why, in some settings, I write him as such a complete jack-ass.

    But, at the same time, I admit that he's a fascinating character, with conflicts of his own. I just hate the fact that all his conflicts seemed to conspire to land right on Obi-WAn's head - a clear case of the innocent paying the price for someone else's sins.

    Comprendé?

    CYN
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