Alternate versions of "I am your Father"- Discovered!

Vader: Luke, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!.....yes.....

 

Vader: Luke *Makes a lancing stab at Lukes chest* I am yout muderer!

Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuhh.... *Plumits down the shaft*

 

Darth Vader: No, I am your...

Ben: (appearing suddenly) Luke. He is your father.

Luke: No! That's not true! That's impossible!

Darth Vader: Why you! (lunges for Ben)

(Ben steps aside, Vader plummets into the shaft.)

Darth Vader: (Emperor's death-scream)
_____________________________________________
OR EVEN BETTER...


Darth Vader: No, I am your father.

Luke: No! That's not true! That's...

(Ben appears suddenly)

Ben: And I'm your uncle.

Luke and Vader: Huh!

Ben: You see, according to James Kahn, I am Owen Lars brother.

Luke: Yes, yes. But we have absolutely no idea of how you are related.

Darth Vader: And, if you are indeed related, that would leave a plot hole the size of Jek Porkins...

(George Lucas walks on)

George Lucas: Yes, but how many other plot holes are there? See, I had no real control over what James Kahn would right. I gave him a story and he elaborated. A bit too much, I suspect.

Luke: Yes, but couldn't you sue him?

(James Kahn walks on)

James Kahn: Oh, he could. But I don't think he'd like to go to court against my lawyer.

(Johnny Cochran walks on)

Johnny Cochran: My client had full responsibility of elaborating on your story and that's what he did. I mean you could have taken some time out of your schedule of massages, vacations with the wife, and working for Spielberg to write it yourself.
(Cochran holds up a schedule book with the letters GL embossed on the front in gold)

George Lucas: Hey, where'd you get that!?

Cochran: Alfred wasn't much trouble to get it from.

George: You stole it from my butler?

Cochran: No, he did.

(Rick McCallum walks on)

Rick McCallum: Sorry GL. They told me they'd make bootleg copies of Episode III if I didn't...

George: Episode III's script hasn't even been completed!! Your fired! Wait a minute... I havn't hired you as my producer yet! This is still 1980! The book for Return of the Jedi hasn't even been written! Hey, what's Alec Guiness doing here?

Darth Vader: Ummm...so, getting back to the movie...

George: Oh, yeah. Sorry...

(McCallum, Lucas, Cochran, Kahn, Guiness all walk off)

Luke: No! That's not true! That's impossible!

Darth Vader: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Luke: Nooo! Noooo!

(From offscreen)

Spielberg: Cut! Now Mark, I want you to look down the shaft then back at Prowse. Walk over to him and hang your head. He will grip both your shoulders and...

Irvin Kershner: What! That's not what I wrote! Get off my set!

Spielberg: Hey George! I thought you said I could direct Empire?

George: Ummm... No Steve. I gave it to Irv.

Spielberg: Well, fine. I forsee that because of this, you won't direct another movie for twenty years. You will write action/ adventure movies for me... 3 to be exact.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! (walks off set)

Irvin Kershner: Let's reset. STart the scene over. Put this reel in GL's vault. Noone should see this.



You Rebel Scum!
~Bôba Fe++

Tucson Renaissance

 

- Luke, did you drop my old lightsaber

- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

V:No, Luke, you were born a girl.
L:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

V:No, Luke, I am your mother.
L:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo!

V:No,Luke, 3PO is your father.
L:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

V:Scooby Dooby Doo.
L:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

V:I am Barney
L:ARGHHHHHHHHHH!*Jumps off*

V:It's Godzilla!
L:NOOOOOOOOO-*face meets G's foot*

V:Wanna watch the Star Wars holiday Special?
L:NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

V:I love u, u love me....
L:NOOOOOOOOOOOO!*boots Vader off*

 

Up!




You Rebel Scum!
~Bôba Fe++

Tucson Renaissance

 

Vader: Luke.. amoronsayswhat?
Luke: What?
Vader: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luke: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vader: Luke... I am Sio Bibble.
Luke: Its unthinkable!!!!!

Vader: I am your father!
Luke: *squirmy voice* DOHH!! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!!!

Vader: *slices off Lukes hand with his lightsaber* I am a little teapot Short and stout, here is handle.. here is my spout! When I get all steamed up I will shout...?
Luke: *screams in agony* TIP ME OVER AND POUR ME OUT!!!

Vader: Luke I am Ric Olie!
Luke: NO!!!!
Vader: You catch on pretty quick.

 

Good ones, OutlawYoda.



You Rebel Scum!
~Bôba Fe++

Tucson Renaissance

 

I hope this thread never dies!


Vader: No, Luke! Jar Jar is your father!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's impossible! Wait, you might be right...
j/k

Vader: Luke, you're standing in Bantha Poodoo!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Vader: Luke, in SE you're going to scream falling down there!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Vader: Luke, I am a nubian god, and I'm gonna kick your scrawny cracker ass halfway across the galaxy! Sith rage!!

Luke: What's a nubian?

---------------

Vader: Hey Luke... ever see Obi-Wan's ghost?

Luke: Ummmm... yeah....

VAder: Ever see Obi-Wan's ghost... on weed?






Eva_Pilot04
Insanity x2...

 

-"Luke, I am.. the Walrus. You are the Eggman. Goo-goo-gachoo.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"


Yeah!!

 

Vader: Luke. A midichlorian named Bill is your grandfather!

Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Vaderbi-Wan never told you what happened to your father?

Luke:He told me enough.He told me you killed him.

Vader:No.I am your father.

Luke:My father is the second most-powerful dude in the galaxy?COOL.

 

Vader: No. I am your father.

Luke: No, your Darth Vader. Anakin Skywalker is my father.

Vader: Well its me Anakin speaking from the Darth Vader suit.

Luke: Sure, I believe you.

Vader: No really! We are the same person.

Luke: Then show me yourself.

Vader: What?

Luke: Lift open your mask stupid!

Vader: But I will die.

Luke: Ha! See! You aren't Anakin! Nice try! I'm not falling for that one..... *slips off* AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Vader: I am Yoda!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Vader: I am Leia!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

"I am your father's, brother's, nephew's, cousin's former roommate."

"So, what does that make us?"

 

Oo, I love this thread! My fave so far has to be...

Luke, you are a frog!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ribbit.

for sheer silliness

 

WHAT IF LUKE ACCEPTED VADER?S PROPOSAL?



CUT TO: Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are standing on the vane in the main shaft of Cloud City. Luke, minus a hand, holds precariously to the mast.



VADER: (Hand outstretched) I am your father.

LUKE: (shocked and scared) No. It?s not true. That?s impossible.

VADER: Search your feelings, you know it be true.

LUKE: No!

VADER: Luke. You can destroy the Emperor; he has foreseen this. You don?t know the power of the Dark Side. Join me, and together we will rule the galaxy as father and son!

LUKE: (Pondering) The whole galaxy?

VADER: Yes.

LUKE: Every star system?

VADER: Even the ones with the big useless gas giants that nobody visits.

LUKE: Well? I?m not sure. Is there a health plan?

VADER: A health plan? What do you need a bloody health plan for? You?ll be ruling the galaxy!

LUKE: What about paid holiday? Do I get paid holiday?

VADER: Yes!

LUKE: How much?

VADER: Does it matter? You?ll be omnipotent. You could take off half the year, and who would say anything? Besides, it?s got to be better than the Rebel Alliance. Don?t go here, don?t go there, hide here, run away. Honestly, it?s pathetic. And I bet the pension scheme isn?t up to much, is it?

LUKE: That?s true. It kind of depended on whether we won the war or not. Will I get an office?

VADER: Right on the plaza. Your window will overlook the whole planet.

LUKE: Will it have an en suite?

VADER: (sarcastically) Bloody hell, you don?t want much, do you?

LUKE: Well, if I?m going to be part of what will tantamount to Vader and Son, I?m going to want to be sure I?m getting a good deal. I mean, I don?t want to be stuck in a broom cupboard office somewhere whilst dad gets to put his feet up in a big swanky office, do I? If this is going to work, then I?m going to need some guarantees.

VADER: Such as?

LUKE: Well, I?m going to have to have my lawyers look at the employment contracts. And what about notice to the Alliance?

VADER: Did you sign a contract with the Rebels?

LUKE: Actually, no.

VADER: Then there?s no notice needed. If there is no signed contract with them then you are not obliged to give any notice, although a formal resignation might be a good idea to make sure you don?t burn down any bridges.

LUKE: I?m not too sure they?ll want me back after this, dad?

VADER: True. But it doesn?t hurt to make sure you keep a few contacts as a fallback option. How will you word your resignation?

LUKE: Something like ?I hereby resign my commission as an officer in the Rebel Alliance, with immediate effect?.

VADER: No, no, that?s far too cold and simple. How about ?with regret I resign my commission from the Rebel Alliance. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Alliance for their support and guidance through what have been some very enjoyable years but recently I have noticed that things have not been going too well?.

LUKE: As in the Hoth thing?

VADER: That?s right. Anyway, you could close with ?other opportunities have arisen that I cannot pass up on, but please be aware that if the position of the Rebel Alliance was to change and their future prospects improve I would not hesitate to re-join your marvellous organisation.?

LUKE: That?s great. I can make a clean break and make sure they know that I appreciate what they have done for me so it doesn?t look like I?m just quitting on them for my own reasons.

VADER: Exactly right. Now, do you need a hand??

LUKE: Actually, that?s another matter I wanted to raise with you.

VADER: What?s that?

LUKE: Well, you see, I?ve just found out you?re my dad, and you want me to rule the galaxy with you and everything, but that didn?t stop you from cutting my hand off. This isn?t a sign of our future partnership and how it?s going to go, is it?

VADER: Ah, but I maimed you before all this was discussed. Anyway, you whacked me in the shoulder. That?s going to smart.

LUKE: It was self-defence! If I?d known we were related and that I was going to be offered a lucrative job in this galaxy-

 

trinto_duaba great stuff!

Vader: Luke, you are a dug, an especially DANGEROUS Dug called Sebulba.
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo.
*luke falls*
Vader: You will never reach the outskirts in time, the wind on BESPIN is very very dangerous!

*Vader chops off Lukes hand*
Vader: Sorry Luke, I can fix ANYTHING! Always could.
Luke: I believe... *huge breath*....you can.

Vader: Luke, when I'm around you, my mind is no longer my own.
Luke: NNOOOO!!!!!

Vader: Luke, NEE!! NEE!!!!!!!!
Luke: No!!!! Not the Sith lord who says nee!!
Vader: THE SAME!!!
Luke: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vader: Luke... *rips off his clothes to reveal him wearing red robes* NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOSOOOOOO What have I been accused of?
Vader: *takes out a scripture from his robes* FOR BEING MY SON!!!!
Luke: WHAAAAAA?!!
Vader: Cardinal FANG!!!!
*Imperial Officer jumps out*
Vader: Bring me.. THE SOFT CUSHIONS!!!!
Luke: NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps off*

*Vader chops off lukes hand*
Vader: Luke, can you... HANDle it?! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Luke: That joke was lame.
Vader: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!

 

Vader:Luke I ate too many beans at dinner and now I'm going to float a Star Destroyer-size eggbiscuit.
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!!

 

Vader:Luke they replaced my "pee-pee" with an Oscar Meyer Weiner.
Luke:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
oooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Vader: Luke,....I'm Batman! (Michael Keaton's style)
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

NOOOOOOOOOO!

But why?

 

Vader: Luke think fast! *twirls around and pulls an electric guitar out of from his backpack and smashes it right on Lukes forehead, creating a thunderous sound that echoes all around Bespin*

hmm.. something tells me if George had stuck with that version, that he probably has been watching too much FLCL (Fooly Cooly)