Alternative Reactions--Feedback is welcomed!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi Master81, Apr 27, 2000.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jedi Master81 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2000
    This is a Fanfic which I have been thinking up for a while now. I was always disappointed, especially after seeing Episode I, that a character so AWESOME as Obi-Wan Kenobi had to die. Enter Alternate Reactions. Feel free to critique this Fic.
    And the battles are a little different, not just the outcome, but action wise.



    The Death Star was huge, it was tremendous in more ways then could be counted. From the inside, it was like a maze, a maze which Obi-Wan Kenobi, approaching sixty years old, could barely find his way through. Attempting to maneuver through the station to get back to the Millenium Falcon, he could feel a dark presence looming close by.
    Vader. Anakin.
    At the thought of the name Anakin, Obi-Wan felt a deep loss. He had attempted to train the man with so much potential and he had failed. All his attempts to restore Anakin to the Light Side had failed, and Anakin and been transformed into Darth Vader.
    Obi-Wan wiped the thoughts away. He was getting old, Anakin's loss had been so long ago, but the thoughts in his mind still dwelled on him. He had the feeling Vader knew he was here, and was searching him out. Obi-Wan could feel his presence, so strong in the force...and so evil.
    Obi-Wan finally turned around a corner and recognized the hallway. This one lead straight to the hangar. With his lightsaber hilt in hand, he hid behind a pillar until a group of jogging Stormtroopers had run by. They had been on alert for a while now, but Obi-Wan sensed Luke and the others were fine, and almost at the ship.
    Obi-Wan rolled out from behind the pillar and stopped short.
    In the shadows, he could only see the glowing red lightsaber, but it cast a dim light on the figure holding it, casting a red reflection off the metal. Like an image from hell. Then, Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker, emerged from the shadows, his dark black cape billowing out behind him, the frightening mask covering his face.
    Obi-Wan remained frozen as Darth Vader stopped short, waiting for some sort of movement. Obi-Wan could suddenly feel Vader trying to intrude on his thoughts, but Obi-Wan pushed him away easily. Despite the fact he couldn't see Vader's face, he knew he was scowling.
    Obi-Wan flicked his thumb and his glowing blue blade shot up, and he gripped his lightsaber with both hands, and slowly edged towards his opponent, the two deadly glowing beams edging closer. Vader quickly closed the gap between them.
    "We meet again at last," said Vader. "The circle is now complete; when I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master," Vader said, and Obi-Wan could detect his smugness, his cocky and arrogant demeanor. Nothing had changed about his apprentice, save for his evil intents.
    "Only a master of evil, Darth," Obi-Wan responded and executed a spear of swiftness and Vader parried with equal speed. Obi-Wan darted away from the tremendous figure. If Vader gained the upper hand...Obi-Wan just didn't want to give him the upper hand.

    "Your powers are weak old man," Vader said and slashed downwards at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan shot his lightsaber up and blocked it, moving into a parry move which brought him beside Vader. Vader spun, slashing to block Obi-Wan's thrust and Obi-Wan cut at his side, but Vader blocked as Obi-Wan momentarily gained the upper hand. Vader slashed down at Obi-Wan but the old master blocked it.
    "You should not have come back," Vader grunted.
    Obi-Wan grit his teeth and pushed Vader off him, cutting at his legs. Vader jumped over the slash and cut at Obi-Wan, but the old master moved quickly and Vader cut the wall. Obi-Wan extended his foot and kicked the Dark Lord of the Sith in his back. Vader slammed into the wall and turned to face his former master.
    "I see you still have some tricks left, old man," said Vader.
    Obi-Wan waited. His forehead was sheened with sweat, but Vader was breathing heavily, meaning he was tiring. His anger forced him to use his energy up quickly, whereas Obi-Wan used his energy sparingly.
    Vader charged in a running spear which Obi-Wan si
  2. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    Yes. This is an alternate universe that I have never seen done. Maybe he'll tell Luke about his father sooner.
  3. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    I like it much! Yes. Write more you must. For interesting it is, yes.
  4. Jedi Master81 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2000
    Okay, then, I'll go for Chapter 2...


    Obi-Wan Kenobi stood on the hills of Yavin 4 thinking. He was getting old, he'd barely defeated Darth Vader, and now he was thinking about his former, his first, apprentice. Anakin Skywalker, the chosen one.
    He'd brought balance to the Force...just not the way Qui-Gon had thought he would. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, recalling in sadness how Anakin Skywalker had been destroyed, falling into that pit of molten lava. But the Jedi had exherted supreme strength, in pulling himself from there.
    Now, his hatred for his former master was permanently etched into him, a part of his being. Obi-Wan opened his eyes again as he sensed Luke drawing near, the off spring of his first apprentice, and much like Anakin, sporting impatience.
    "Ben?" asked Luke.
    "Yes?" Obi-Wan said, turning to see Luke. Luke looked at him with young curiosity, still innocent, as Anakin had been before his fall.
    "Could you...before I go to fight that...thing...could you tell me more about my father and Vader?"
    Obi-Wan turned to face him. He scanned Luke's expression; he couldn't tell if the boy already had guessed Vader was his father, but Obi-Wan knew that now was definitely not the time to tell him that.
    "Your father was a great Jedi," Obi-Wan said, looking at the skies. "A great star pilot, he saved my life and your mother's several times, starting at the age of 9, in a Podrace on Tatooine," he said.
    "My father lived on Tatooine?"
    "Yes," Obi-Wan said to Luke. "He became the most elderly person to be trained as a Jedi at that time, most people were trained a few months after birth. But Anakin was trained later.
    "At this time, I was training my pupil, Darth Vader," Obi-Wan grimaced inwardly. He was lying through his teeth to the boy. "Vader was seduced by the Dark Side...and he killed your father."
    "How?" asked Luke.
    "I'm not quite sure," said Obi-Wan. "But in a lightsaber duel, Vader cut down your father."
    "Luke!" shouted Biggs from the base of the hill. "We're setting out!"
    "Farewell, Luke, and good luck," Obi-Wan said and turned away, walking down the opposite side of the hill that Biggs and Luke were on. He added; "I will not be here when you return."


    Dagobah was a small, swamp planet. The only sentient being, was a short, green being, who was far more powerful then his demeanor would suggest. Jedi Master Yoda, the most powerful Jedi in history, remained huddled in his home, when he felt the presence of another.
    'Yoda,' the voice said.
    Yoda looked up. 'Obi-Wan,' he replied mentally as Obi-Wan Kenobi's presence drew nearer, and he could tell Obi-Wan's thoughts were dwelling on Anakin, as they quite often were when he was near...


    ~Jedi Master 81~
  5. Jedi Master81 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2000
    Sorry Chapter 2 was short, had to leave the Net for a few minutes. I'm going to put up Chapter 3. Thanks for the good critique, you guys!


    Yoda exited his home, knowing Obi-Wan's height would be able to allow him in Yoda's humble adobe. He searched the surrounding swamps with his sharp eyes until he saw movement.
    "See you I can, Obi-Wan," Yoda said.
    Obi-Wan stepped into the clearing. "I must be getting clumsy in my old age, then, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan said with a slight grin.
    "Dwell on Anakin, your thoughts do," Yoda said.
    "I have to be honest, Master Yoda...I confornted Vader...Anakin, just recently," Obi-Wan said.
    "Mmmm," Yoda decreed. "Forsee this, did I," he said. "Yet still, you tell nothing of Vader's heritage to his son, Luke," Yoda said.
    "I don't think he's ready to handle that yet," said Obi-Wan.
    Yoda looked at him. "Always ready, a Skywalker is," said Yoda.
    Obi-Wan nodded. "Master Yoda, I do not believe the time is right," he said. "I also believe..."
    "Confront Vader again, you must? Bring him back to the Light Side, you request?" Yoda second guessed the aging man.
    "Yes," Obi-Wan agreed.
    Yoda sighed. "Reckless action, this is," said Yoda. "Defiance I sense. Made up, your mind is," he said. "Like Qui-Gon."
    Obi-Wan said nothing.
    "Agree with this do I," said Yoda. "Be careful, you must, Obi-Wan. Constantly gaining in strength, Vader is," he said.


    Darth Vader looked around the planet Io. A long time had passed since his last visit to this planet, a long time. He breathed in deeply through his helmet. He still remembered that day...

    "ANAKIN! GRAB MY HAND!" Obi-Wan's arm, outstretched, their recent battle forgotten, nothing else on his mind except for rescuing his apprentice.
    Anakin scowled back up at his master. "YOU BETRAYED ME!" he screamed over the bubbling rocks.
    "ANAKIN, I DIDN'T! PLEASE! GRAB MY HAND!" Obi-Wan pleaded.
    Anakin shook his head. "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP--"
    He never finished. A sudden earthquake, and his grip gave way. He briefly shot his hand for Obi-Wan's, and their fingers touched, but that was all. Anakin fell, and fell...

    Darth Vader shuddered as he remembered that day. He knew Obi-Wan would come to this planet, and it would be the end of the old fool.
    "Anakin," a voice said behind him. Vader whirled, his lightsaber shooting up, dropping to an attack stance, as he saw his former mentor in front of him again. "Anakin, your son is waiting for you...he yearns for a father's love."
    "...son...?" Vader asked.
    "Before you left...Amidala was...pregnant."
    "Pregnant?" Vader asked again.
    Obi-Wan shook his head. "Amidala has disappeared, Anakin," he said. "She refuses to come out of hiding...because she fears what you have become."
    "...become...?" Vader stammered.
    Obi-Wan drew his lightsaber from his cloak and Vader was about to charge when Obi-Wan threw it over the edge of a ravine and into the dark recesses below.
    "I'm tired of fighting," Obi-Wan said. "I've done it for so long," he continued as Vader watched. "Strike me down if need be. My pride has brought too much disaster to this galaxy already," he said.
    Vader seized the opportunity. Obi-Wan's eyes closed as Vader swung his lightsaber blade directing at the old man's neck.
    Obi-Wan squinted and prepared for death, prepared for absolution. 'Anakin....' he thought sadly.
    But the killing blow never hit. Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open and he saw Vader's lightsaber glowing right next to his ear. Obi-Wan didn't flinch. "Why do you hesitate?" Obi-Wan asked.
    "Of all the rid me of my anger..." Anakin Skywalker said, hurling his lightsaber into the pits. "...I never thought it would be you."
    Obi-Wan nodded. "Have you heard of Bacta Tanks my apprentice?" he asked cautiously and reached up to place a hand on Anakin's shoulder.
    "" he said.
    "Come then," said Obi-Wan.



    The Jedi Council consisted of three, now. The head of the Council was Master Yoda, very old and tired. He could barely stand, now, he was frail
  6. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    Oh boy! <chuckles gleefully>
    Keep it going, this is really good!
  7. Jeff 42 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 14, 1998
    star 5
    This is pretty cool. One question, though: what happened to Palpatine?
  8. Qui-Dawn Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 1999
    I'm curious about something....have any of you ever watched a TV show or even film non SW-related, let's say, and seen therein a person or some aspect of them that reminds you *very* strongly of a character in your own fanfilm....indeed, someone who in many ways embodies the character in question, and when you see them in action all you can think of is your own fanfilm and just how *perfect* they are for it, how that's the very thing you're going for. And since I brought the topic up here, well, it only seems fair to mention what I myself have seen in this regard. Strange though it may seem, I found that the character Livia (Eve) in a recent trio of "Xena" episodes, particularly before her redemption, was *very* much reminiscent of a prominent character in my fanfilm thus far.

    In her mannerisms and body language in particular, the feelings of arrogance and hate and bloodlust and a cold killer's instinct that radiated from her....I just got a very strong impression of the character I had in mind when I watched these sequences with Livia, and I think this in turn helps to further my awareness of the character in *my* fanfilm....indeed, I think it helps to get a better handle on the character and some innate mannerisms, the look of it and so on. Indeed, I also think it quite true that you can draw inspiration from all kinds of places....and I'd certainly be interested to hear where, and perhaps even *who*, others have drawn theirs from....
  9. elwood731 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2000
    star 1
    Well, for Highlander: Ascension I can't say there are any famous characters that our characters are based on, but in writing there are definitely some style of characters that have been used.

    The characterization style of Buffy, The Vampire Slayer has been used. In other words, characters wise to their world.

    Then Highlander's style of characters has been used. Silent characters who let actions do their talking.

    That is the best I can respond.
  10. Short Round McFly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 1999
    star 6
    Only Jon Bon Jovi's music!
  11. JaysDicta Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    All around.

    Take yesterday for example; between reading through some of the posts on this board, driving around my town on a bright sunshiny day, and an evening of revelry in the past 48 hours, I was just bubbling with scenes, quotes, and script ideas.

    The worst thing is finding a way to visualize it, BUT I'm getting there; some good advice I heard someone give a while back (re: writing fan fiction) was just carry a notepad around with you and write write write. Some ideas and inspirations will die almost as fast as they were born, right there on the page. Others last longer, develop, and become obsession. *grin*

    So, places; let me describe to you a scene from yesterday.
    I drive my car around, 50% of the time there's the Radio on, regular ol' public broadcasting CBC-1. The other 50% is split between my favorite "cruising" tape of the month (recently, it's been Utah Philips and Ani DiFranco, "Fellow Workers") and the other part of the time its a CD, most likely a soundtrack CD of some kind. I have a JOhn Williams 2 CD "Best of" album now thats getting major play. So, I drive up on this sunshiny day to Signal Hill, which is about the highest standalone geographic point in town, overlooks St. John's from the southeast side. I park facing out to sea, the sun's beating down, I have John Williams playing, and I'm watching these gulls literally soar past me on the currents being driven up from sea level. Most of them are just slipping effortlessly from my left to right, striaght line, mostly in groups of 5-6, and always in some kind of formation (see Yavin Fly-by in the SW: Ep.4 special release?); two of them even did the convection current/soaring thing and circles around and around, gaining altitude without flapping their wings at all. It was beautiful, it reminded me of a poem I wrote a while back, I could see modelling flight scenes on these gulls, a hundred ideas, spurred on by the sight and the sound of the soundtracks. All of them worked in some way, esp. ET's Flying Theme (which, FTR, I don't particularly like much). On my way back down the hill, I'm struck again by at least three-four scenes which just jump out at me; the look of the city now that all the foliage is coming back, various shades of green, hides the whole place, a veritable "forest moon". The sight of three or four sailing ships lugging tourists along the briny blue. Watching for whales. Driving thru the city, seeing menacing machines at the construction sites.

    As for people and other film/media sources, I've been beating around writing a script that takes the premises of "The Right Stuff" (book and movie) and ports it into Star Wars. Not so hot on that now, not original enough in some senses. Remakes are just plain that. However, there are some neat things I've seen in recent movies... like the whole IKEA catalogue commercial stuff in "Fight Club" (for a fan movie, that'd be kinda neat, I think, provided the right context).

    Long and the short of it is, yeah I think we carry too much to even be fully aware of from the media and culture surrounding us, and it will inevitably find its way into the conscious mind, or work itself out in the visualization subconsciously. Perhaps you'll be lucky enough from time to time to be able to put your finger right on it ("Oh look, that character there, right there, that is SOOO like my character.") or perhaps you'll decide "Oh my sweet Nerfburger, what the hell is Travolta starring in now?? How god-awful is that, God I hope I don't do THAT to my main character."

    I'm scripting a different kind of flick now. It'll have SW elements, and some pretty surreal stuff I think, but its more "me" recognizing the things that cause my imagination to flow. Maybe it'll never get made, but I needed to write it down, you know?

    *S* and regards,

    [This message has been edited by JaysDicta (edited 06-07-2000).]
  12. The_Scream_Man Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2000
    star 5
    See, my problem with my insiriations comes form my job. Im a comic artist, so i see all these AWESOME scenes and ideas, but probably wont be able to pull them off IRL. It sux really. Why cant we just make stuff like i can draw it?

    But outside inspiration? Id say the Matrix and SW: Ep1 are the visual insspirations u will notice. and all of SW for overall inspiration. I dunno if our charatcers are similar to others. I guess rath and Sith are very Darth Maulish...
  13. Darth Maniacos Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2000
    star 1
    Movies (The trilogie special edition,EP1)

    Reading books(Zahn+Andersons trilogie)

    Play games(Jedi Knight,Xwing Alliance,Force Commander)

  14. Jaycen_Kayde Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2000
    star 2
    AH, where do I get my inspiration from.....well, in all truth, it's this horrible little space inside my brain that forces me to become very forgetful at times. It is a truly terrifying place where man has not yet dared to venture, and even the Bene-Gesserit mothers fear

    No seriously, I think you have to have a place in your head to draw inspiration, otherwise the stuff you do can be considered unoriginal. That's why I hated Mission Impossible 2 so much. It was a blatant rip off of Darkman in most cases. Before you go looking for inspiration in what others have done, look inside yourself first, you'd be surprised what you's scary.

    Just my humble opinion.

  15. elwood731 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2000
    star 1
    Wow, I have heard MI2 as a ripoff of a lot of films, but Darkman? Now granted, it has been a long while since I've seen Darkman, but can anyone explain how?

    I think much more obvious examples are Notorious and the James Bond films. There were blatant ripoffs from these. But how Darkman? I know, off subject.
  16. Jaycen_Kayde Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2000
    star 2
    Actually, I should have edited my message to say some of the scenes were ripped-off from Darkman. The whole bit with the masks and the silver tape underneath. Just the whole mask thing seemed right out of the original Darkman. Like I said, just a humble opinion, and it's probably not yours.
  17. lokmer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 15, 2000
    star 4
    Actually, Darkman borrowed the masks from the two MI TV series, extensive use was made of the rubber latex masks in particularly the short-lived second series, but they did show up in a less sophistocated (and more realistic) form several times in the original Mission Impossible TV series. I actually noticed its absence from the first movie, and was glad they brought it back in the second (though they did take it a bit far...)
  18. GilesP Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2000
    star 1
    I agree on the fact that M:I 2 had "some inspired action sequences punctuated by disappointing dialogue and reheated plot-leftovers."

    But still, the whole mask thing just wasn't from Darkman. It was from the Mission: Impossible television show that aired from September of 1966 to April of 1968. I don't mean to say that you aren't allowed your own opinion, I just don't know that it is based around the proper information.

    As for my own personal review, I considered it to be John Woo introducing himself <I> en masse </I> to the public. That's just me. It was a Woo-fest and I enjoyed it.

    -Brian P. Gefrich
  19. Nathan PTH Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 11, 2000
    star 4
    Inspiring shows . . . inspiring shows . . .

    Well, for me in particular, since writing is my primary gig with CCP, I tend to be influenced by things like J. Michael Straczynski's Babylon 5/Crusade work, the humanity of things like Quantum Leap, and the like.

    As for CCP as a whole, there was a lot of inspirations, but in the latter stages of work on PTH, one of our biggest inspirations (and obsessions) has been Fight Club.

    "With a gun barrel in your mouth, you speak only in vowels."
  20. JaysDicta Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Re: Rubber masks in MI 1 and 2, Darkman Ripoffs, et al.
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>... but they did show up in a less sophistocated (and more realistic) form several times in the original Mission Impossible TV series. I actually noticed its absence from the first movie, and was glad they brought it back in the second (though they did take it a bit far...)

    If I'm not mistaken (and often am), didn't they have some kind of a "face changer" in the first one, but (like in Darkman) it was only good for so many minutes and then it would disintegrate?? Anyone else rememebr that? I know that one gadget made it into the MI game for N64, but I remember it in the movie too.

    *S* and regards,


Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.