main
side
curve
  1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

  2. Hey Fanficers! In fixing the prefixes something happened and now you can't edit titles. Don't panic! We're looking into what happened and trying to fix it.

Before - Legends Aludra Jinnobi's Poetry?UPDATED 11/9

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Aludra_Jinnobi, Sep 1, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    I wish to include all my poems in this thread, and they will likely span all eras. Moderators, please send me a "C&D" if this is inappropriate for this forum area, but I couldn't find a place that included all eras of fanfiction.

    Characters: various, possibly OMC
    Setting: all
    Rating: G?PG
    Summary: poetry
    Warnings: may be spoilers for SW movies and/or books, angst, violence, romance, non-canon, and extreme silliness ;)
    Beta: will be credited with poem, if applicable
    Disclaimer: I don?t have any claim on the characters, places, things, or events of SW. They belong to masters Lucas and Watson. I only borrow them and try to do them justice. No Republic credits or boring U. S. money is being made from this, nor is it sought after.

    Now for the poetry...


    Master?s Invocation

    O Sleep, you herald
    Of every night-thought,
    While the moonbeams
    In his braid are caught,
    As my young padawan
    Lies so restless here,
    Grant him sweet peace,
    Not dreams of fear.
     
  2. mujapple-juicey

    mujapple-juicey Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Wow, very simple and innocent.
    Good job.

    tapping fish
    more?
     
  3. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Thank you, mujapple-juicey. :)

    Raining

    These drops run down the window
    Like my tears run down my face
    And I reach for my padawan braid
    But it?s gone without a trace

    Your large hands should have been
    The strong, kind ones to cut it free
    And I try so hard to picture them
    But your dying face is all I see

     
  4. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Inferno

    What is this fire burning inside?
    It?s searing my soul.
    I can?t fight; I can?t hide.
     
  5. mujapple-juicey

    mujapple-juicey Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2008
    In so few words, you made me use up tissues.
     
  6. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    *blushes* Thank you, mujapple-juicey.
     
  7. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Backpacking One Pack a Day Mod of New Films star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Very, very nice! Nice imagery.
     
  8. Nienna_Narmolanya

    Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 5, 2005
    Even though your poems are short (and that's not a bad thing at all), I'm moved by the vivid imagery in them. You know how to pack an emotional wallop in the fewest words possible, which is what the art of poetry is all about - choosing exactly the right words. Very nicely done. :D

    I especially liked this passage:
    Your large hands should have been
    The strong, kind ones to cut it free
    And I try so hard to picture them
    But your dying face is all I see


    A very, very poignant choice of words. :_|
     
  9. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Thank you, Master, and thank you, Nienna Narmolanya. :)
     
  10. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    I promise to post some happier poems soon, but in the meantime, here's...

    Padmé?s Darkness

    How could I be so greatly blind?
    My heart spoke louder than my mind
    And now he?s gone, my Anakin
    If only he would come home again

    The world has all come crashing down
    My own warm tears stain my gown
    Please, hold me while I fall apart
    I?ve got a black hole for a heart
     
  11. mujapple-juicey

    mujapple-juicey Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Poor Padme!
     
  12. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Okay, so this one's angsty too. My SW poetry muse is off meditating right now, so I'm posting a slightly older one. Hope y'all don't mind.

    You Were My Brother

    Closer than my closest friend
    A padawan like none other
    My companion through the years
    You were my brother...

    From that moment long ago
    When I first laid eyes on you
    You were always destined
    For greater things, I knew

    I taught you everything I could
    And your power grew in the Force
    My rescuer you were nine times?
    Though you?d say ten, of course

    Rash you were, a crazy pilot, too
    Without stopping to ask ?why??
    You?d jump into the thickest fight
    But at least you?d always try

    I did not understand, or heed
    When the wise warned me
    ?He is too old, and too afraid?
    For my heart refused to see

    The Chosen One, you were
    How could you ever fail me?
    The Dark Side and the Sith
    For you would never be

    When I heard you?d been deceived
    I could not believe it true
    But reason overcame my heart
    And then, at last, I knew

    Lost innocents, the younglings lay
    Dead, upon the bloodstained floor
    You knelt in service to the Sith
    And I could watch no more

    I ran at once to rescue you
    But there, above the fiery fray
    I saw that all the wise were right
    For you were gone that day

    And facing me with blazing eyes
    In your place, a Sith Lord stood
    My heart broke in a thousand shards
    As I removed my robe and hood

    And as you drew your saber
    All that I?d believed of you
    Fell to ruins ?round our feet
    With everything I?d held onto

    By your first strong saber slash
    Your dark heat seared my soul
    And as I felt our two blades meet
    My agony was swift made whole

    The flames welled ever higher still
    As we locked blades of passions high
    The flood of fire flamed around
    As sparks shot through the sky

    On we fought in deadly struggle
    Your doom and mine was in that fire
    I leapt free as we neared land
    But you found it your funeral pyre

    And I could only stand and watch
    There was nothing I could do
    As you killed the man you were
    My brother, Anakin! I loved you...
     
  13. mujapple-juicey

    mujapple-juicey Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Poor Obi too!
    Poor everyone.
    Somebody lend me another tissue box.
     
  14. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    *hands mujapple-juicey a tissue box* Hope I'm not depressing you *too* much.
     
  15. mujapple-juicey

    mujapple-juicey Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2008
    OOOO cool, a Wall-e tissue box.
    Everyone else thinks I like princesses and give me pink ones.
     
  16. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Newly written...

    What is he Like?

    ?What is he like, your master?? she said,
    And countless memories filled my head.
    A comforting hand, in a difficult task.
    Laughter lines, at the questions I ask.
    Strands of long hair, all damp with sweat.
    A rebuke for bemoaning the cold and wet.
    Sharp eyes that take note of my every flaw,
    Yet a heart that touches my own with awe.
    What to tell her, to answer her true?
    How could I name what I see in you?
    And then I saw it, clear and bright:
    My master?s a star, of pure green light.
     
  17. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Another older one... Probably written right after I saw RotS for the first time.

    The Death

    I look down at her, lying so pale and frail.
    Her breath is not steady now.
    Her brow, so often raised in amusement or temper
    Is lined with pain.
    And I know.
    I know she will not live.
    In truth, she has already died.

    Betrayal.
    Its scent is that of consuming smoke
    Its searing heat that of Mustafar.
    She knows it now.
    But it is too late.
    Too late for her?and for me.
    It is her death summoner.
    It calls her away.

    It could have been different.
    If only
    I?d never met the boy,
    If he?d not been so headstrong.
    Perhaps if I?d trained him better...
    But no.

    I will live.
    Death has not called me.
    Yet what life will it be?
    Living with the bitter memory
    That I never thought to know
    But cannot forget.
    I will never fail to remember.
    I cannot fail to remember.

    Fiery eyes have emblazoned it
    Into my very soul.
    Eyes of he who was my brother
    Have fastened on the darkness.
    There is no return now,
    No reversal of the curse.
    He is gone.

    And so, now, is she.
    Her eyes, once so full of love and hope and fear
    Are closed, her breast is stilled.
    And in the silence
    Two small children wail
    For the mother they will never know
    And a father who is no more.
     
  18. mujapple-juicey

    mujapple-juicey Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2008
    :_| There goes that tissue box! Again!
     
  19. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Wow! You're very talented! I'm a big fan of well written poetry. Beautiful! =D=
     
  20. Nienna_Narmolanya

    Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 5, 2005
    Again Aludra, I really enjoy your poetry. :) The rhythm, the vivid language, and the way the last lines drive the meaning home perfectly. I like the image of Qui-Gon as a star of pure green light, and the closing lines of the last poem are definitely tissue-worthy.

    And in the silence
    Two small children wail
    For the mother they will never know
    And a father who is no more.
    :(

    Keep posting! I'd love to read more. :D

    EDIT: I just realized I somehow missed "You Were My Brother." :oops: What a gem! Very lyrical, and again, vivid. I like how it tells the whole story this time, and I love how you describe Obi-Wan's emotions. That last stanza... :_|
     
  21. Seremela

    Seremela Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2008
    Beautiful! All of them! Retelling what happened between Anakin and Obi-Wan in rhyme I think was particularly awesome!

    I hope you don't mind that I especially like the next one. You don't say who the master is, but I so see Qui-Gon in these lines.... I think you managed to capture both sides of him, the man and the teacher, and you only need so few lines to do it. And at the same time you show us what Obi-Wan feels as well. =D= =D= =D=


     
  22. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    *hands you another one* ;)
    [face_blush] Thank you.
    Thank you. [face_blush] Probably needless to say, but I'm a Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan girl, so I'm glad you liked my portrayal of them. I'll keep posting as long as I've got poems to post.
    I don't mind at all. And you guessed correctly about "What Is He Like?". I definitely had Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi in mind. ;) Thank you. [face_blush]
     
  23. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 30, 1999
    After reading your other story, I knew I had definitely better check this out, as I knew I wouldn't be dissapointed! And of course I wasn't! [face_love] :D

    I really loved every poem, so I hope you don't mind if I review all of them:

    Master's Invocation- Awww! [face_love] Very sweet.

    Raining
    Your large hands should have been
    The strong, kind ones to cut it free
    And I try so hard to picture them
    But your dying face is all I see
    :_| So sad! Poor Obi-Wan! :(

    Inferno- [face_thinking] I'm not sure who this about, but it was sad! :(

    Padme's Darkness- :_| Wow, you actually made me feel sorry for her. :p

    You Were my Brother- :_| This one was so sad! And so very good!
    And I could only stand and watch
    There was nothing I could do
    As you killed the man you were
    My brother, Anakin! I loved you...
    :_| Poor Obi-Wan!!

    What is He Like?- Awww!
    How could I name what I see in you?
    And then I saw it, clear and bright:
    My master?s a star, of pure green light.
    [face_love]

    The Death- :( There you go making me feel sorry for Padme again. :p
    I will live.
    Death has not called me.
    Yet what life will it be?
    Living with the bitter memory
    That I never thought to know
    But cannot forget.
    I will never fail to remember.
    I cannot fail to remember.
    :_| And poor Obi-Wan too!

    You really are very talented, to write such great poetry and great stories too. :D I'm hoping there's more where these came from!
     
  24. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    [face_blush] Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed them.
    Not at all, I like reading what people think of them. ;)
    I had Anakin in mind, though it could fit many people, I suppose.
     
  25. Aludra_Jinnobi

    Aludra_Jinnobi Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Newly written...

    Don?t Cry, my Padawan

    Don?t cry, my padawan.
    See, my fingers touch your glistening cheek.
    They?re trembling, but not like you.
    I can feel your body shake against
    My broken one.

    Don?t cry, my padawan.
    You?ve learned, and loved, and fought well.
    Both pain and hope, I leave to you.
    And the boy who walks the sky,
    The chosen one.

    Don?t cry, my padawan.
    The night is dark, but it won?t last forever.
    We?ll met again, I promise you.
    Farewell, for this breath is now
    My final one.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.