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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID--VERY AU post-ROTJ humorfic. 11/30 IT IS FINISHED

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by DarthIshtar, Nov 2, 2004.

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  1. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    "I think you've gone quite far enough."

    "Nope," the man mumbled through lum-lathered lips. "'S only to the knee."

    "Yes," the woman said through gritted teeth, "but your hand doesn't seem to be able to find anything that far down my leg."

    "I'll find it," he promised.

    His hand immediately ventured higher, whereupon the last High Princess of Alderaan decided to save her dignity and his life and grabbed him by the collar. Bringing him to within a millimeter of her face, she directed the patent Organa Glare of Death into his hazy pupils, hoping it would faze him even a little.

    "Look, Skywalker," she snapped, "you take a hands-off approach from now on or I'll be happy to show you the amazing surgical uses for that lightsaber of yours."

    Having thus spoken, she released his collar and let him slump indifferently to the floor, where he regarded her retreating form with bewildered dejection.

    "But I thought..." he stammmered. "In that medcenter on Hoth...after Bespin..."

    "Well," she said, turning a feral grin on him. "I guess you don't know everything about women yet."
     
  2. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    Uh... wow. I don't know what to think. I'm sort of creeped out.
     
  3. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    I should have warned in the first post that this is an AU challenge put to me where Luke and Leia are NOT twins and Han and Mara get married. Arin_Atona challenged me to write it backwards.
     
  4. RannOrgana

    RannOrgana Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Oct 2, 2004
    i've been lurking around the boards for some time now i just saw this fic and i love the idea!

    Rann Organa
     
  5. Jaina_Solo_59

    Jaina_Solo_59 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2004
    *Is very creeped*

    I haven't even started writing my challenge!
     
  6. C3SoloP0

    C3SoloP0 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2002
    ho.....VERY creepy!

    I mean, I think it's very hard to imagine Luke and Leia not being twins.....

    But I'm intrigued nonetheless....

    .....



    .....


    wait a second, does that make me a sick person?
     
  7. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    I can't wait to see what you do to them...I mean what comes next!
     
  8. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Well, the funny thing with arin's idea is that I start with the last event and work backwards, so this will probably end somewhere on Hoth some time before the fic began.
     
  9. maramijade

    maramijade Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 17, 2000
    looks interesting to me . ..

    how VERY AU is this going to be? ;)

     
  10. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    VERY VERY AU

    The movies happened, but nothing post-ROTJ is sacred.
     
  11. LukesTheMan

    LukesTheMan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 30, 2004
    Okay, so where's the rest? This promises to be too good to leave it here!
     
  12. Smuggler_Shidakis

    Smuggler_Shidakis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2004
    a Han/Mara fic.

    hee hee hee.
     
  13. Myri_Antilles

    Myri_Antilles Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2004
    <snickers> You might want to mention that they're not brother and sister before the first post starts... kinda creepy, otherwise. ;) :p

    I'm going to have to watch this one... :)
     
  14. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Sorry, all, I have a fever of 102 and a dress rehearsal for most of the night, so I'll not be sure when I can post.
     
  15. maramijade

    maramijade Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 17, 2000
    Ishtar, get some rest!!

    don't tell me you started posting a fic during hell week!!! doi!
     
  16. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    LOL. Actually, this is Purgatory week, not yet hell. This is dress rehearsal for singing concerts, not plays. We have 3 this week, sang the first yesterday morning (I was shown on tv 5 times according to my best friend!), have two more on Friday and Saturday. I had my folder partner, Kristin, making me sit down every time we stopped singing, which made everyone in choir laugh at me when I accidentally hit three notes on the organ in the middle of a pause in the music.
     
  17. Agent_Jaid

    Agent_Jaid Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 21, 2003



    *shrieks happily* YAAAAAAAAY!!! :D The pretty fic is started!! :D

    *dances*


    [face_love] At long last... the ultimate couple emerges!!! :p

    *dances*

    Go sis!! :D It's wonderful! Beautiful! :D


    *makes thee sit down and rest thyself*

    :(

    Stay well please... :_|



     
  18. SpeldoriontheBlended

    SpeldoriontheBlended Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2002
  19. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Ten minutes earlier

    "I love a good wedding," Leia sniffed from behind her glass of whiskey, "but I hate traitors."

    "There, there," Mon Mothma sighed, patting her on the shoulder. "It'll be your turn someday."

    "But he promised me..."

    "That was a long time ago," the older woman gently reminded. "And who could have known he'd fall in love with another of Jabba's..."

    "She was there to kill us!"

    "Well, then she was about as suitable for General Solo as you were," Mon Mothma reminded. "After all, it took you a long time to admit what the rest of us knew."

    Leia knocked back the shot, then reached for the next. "And now I'll be left alone, an old maid of the Rebellion..."

    "I don't know," her friend teased. "Commander Skywalker might change that."

    "Luke?" she hiccoughed. "Never. I can't marry someone that..."

    She knocked back another drink, then grimaced, lips puckering.

    "He feels like a brother, not a lover, Mon."

    Somewhere across the room, Mara was in the process of mashing a piece of cake into her beloved's teeth, laughing uncontrollably as he tried to fight her off. He retaliated by shoving her face into the top tier, much to the delight of the onlookers.

    "It would be so much easier if they didn't look so happy," Leia grumbled.

    "I know," Mon Mothma reminded, standing to wander off to find some more cheerful company.

    Her seat was quickly filled by someone else.

    "Hey, Princess," Luke drawled, obviously having found some liquid fortitude, "wanna see my lightsaber?"

    The drink intended for her stomach instead sprayed all over his face, but he seemed to be too dazed to care.

    "I won't kill you," Leia spluttered, "because I think you're too drunk to mean that."

    "I'm never too drunk," he leered, hand clamping on her shoulder. "It's an innocent enough question."

    "Only if I get to use it," she said with equal innocence.

    His grin began to spread...

    "And only if it can be shoved up your exhaust port," she finished. "Have another drink. I'm going to find a 'fresher."

    General Rieekan, however, had different ideas. He intercepted her halfway to the door and insisted that she share one Alderaanian waltz with him. Given the unlikely prospect of hearing anything else from their homeworld tonight, she relented.

    Halfway through the song, someone cut in.

    "Hey, Your Worship," Han grinned, "didn't think you'd make it."

    "That makes two of us," she said archly. "Don't you think you should be with your..."

    She could not bring herself to say 'wife.'

    "It was her idea, since I've only danced the Alderaanian waltz with one woman and I'm not about to break tradition."

    "Well, then," she gritted, "you'll be sitting out a lot of waltzes for the rest of your life."

    He sighed, the long-suffering, knowing sigh that had always infuriated her. "I knew you still had a soft spot for me."

    I have more than that, flyboy, which is why I've been trying to escape all night.

    "Do you forgive me?"

    "For marrying her?" she snorted. "There's nothing to forgive. I can't choose your path, can't pick who you fall in love with from one week to the next..."

    That was a low blow, but he didn't acknowledge it.

    "Forgive me for breaking your heart?"

    The song ended and they stood lightyears apart.

    "As soon as you stop doing it, I'll work on forgiving you for it."

    "Attention," the bandleader called, "in a few minutes, we will be tossing the garter and the bouquet, so if the single gentlebeings will line up on the right side of the room..."
     
  20. owphoenix

    owphoenix Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Sep 7, 2003
    shutter....
    can't get past the twin issue
    I know its an AU
    will have to read more
     
  21. owphoenix

    owphoenix Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Sep 7, 2003
    Poor Leia

    Love the light saber exchange
     
  22. SpeldoriontheBlended

    SpeldoriontheBlended Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2002
    :D

    This is going to be... interesting. :D

    And I second that motion...

    Mind if I steal 'shove it up your exhaust port' one day? :confused:
     
  23. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    I'm not picky about my lines, so feel free to steal any lines, as long as you tell me where it happens afterwards, so I can laugh at it.

    The lightsaber thing was hard to write because one of my best banters ever is Han/Leia: "Hey, sweetheart, want to see my hydrospanner?" "Only if it's jammed where the twin suns don't shine!" So I always want to use that.
     
  24. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Hey, whatever happened to no angst? I think H/M is cruel enough! ;)

    Interesting, though... Very cool. Stupid Luke. Very, very stupid Luke.

    Augh! I can't get my mind around H/M! That's just... urgh! :p
     
  25. Myri_Antilles

    Myri_Antilles Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2004
    <is having problems not seeing Luke as the kind, understanding brother> :p

    Funny post! I loved the wedding cake! :p
     
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