Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by jmsbndgrl, Oct 26, 2005.
With a loud cry, Anakin leapt high into the air and Obi-Wan took a step back to prepare to strike his former padawan as he came down on him. However, things did not go according to plan. Instead of leaping over Lord Avarik, Anakin used the Force to stunt his fall and allow him to drop to the ground in front of the Sith. By rolling forward, Anakin was able to take out the Sith?s legs at the knees. Then, as the Sith began to fall to the ground, Anakin spun on his heel and took out his right arm as well.
OMG you didnt! YOu did! No poor Obi! and poor Alia! This cant have a happy ending can it? ROTJ was bittersweet but still sad and now there is no room for more.
* goes off to mourn Obi-Wan*
You had me so scared that Anakin was going to end up in the lava again If you had ended it where you were originally going to, well, I would've definitely had a heart palpatation, so, Anakin fangirl me thanks you lots But, gaaaah, why did Obi have to go this time? Does someone have to get charred in this duel? So sad!!!!
Awesome update... I got to read two in the same day! Yay! Thanks for the PM!
He's not charred. At least, not yet...
Don't char him.
As the Sith?s body slid precariously close to the river of lava at the bottom of the hill his screams were met with those of another.
Oh no... It's Aila, isn't it? She woke up somehow, managed to follow, and witnessed what happened between Obi-Wan and Anakin, didn't she? Oh dear, this is very very bad...
Great chapter! I loved how you dealt with the most crucial part of this battle - the whole "high ground" moment. I thought at first that their positions would end up reversed, that Anakin would achieve the high ground and that Obi-Wan, arrogantly assuming he could make the jump intact, would end up skewered. But he still achieved the high ground, and Anakin was a lot smarter about making his jump. Heh, if he'd thought of that in the movie, things might very well have been different.
Wonderful job! This entire story has just been amazing!
"Avarik and Vader plunged together towards the lava." (emphasis added)
I didn't know that Anakin had turned or exhibited dark-side tendencies... did I miss something??
Typo on my part, it's fixed now. Eh, it happens, especially when you are used to Vader being in that scene. Thanks for pointing it out to me. I do proofread and edit everything, but I'm bound to miss something from time to time. Common problem when you are reading something that you have written, it is difficult to see the errors. However, my former Beta reader hated the ending to this story and tried to force me to change it. When I refused we had a bit of a falling out, so I've been doing this on my own. In the end I prefer doing the edits alone, but it can lead to issues like the one you found. Oh well.
What a treat!!! Two awesome posts from you in one day.
I, too, thought that Obi was going to do the jumping. I am assuming that the other scream belonged to Aila.
I guess I will wait patiently (tapping my toes) for the next update. I can't be too greedy now.
Great additions and changes to the fight. Can't wait to see what happens with Aila and Obi-Wan's health.
Thanks for not giving me palpatations .
Great action chapter! Anakin is whole (whew) but Obi-wan is not . Atleast he's not charbroiled.
I can only think of one other person whom that scream could of belonged to and I'm curious to see how all this will effect her.
No problem. i was just worried is all that I might have missed something important. I've been lurking throughout this fic and I love it so much.
BTW, you need a new beta, lemme know, you do awesome work and I'd be honoured to help.
it actually happened......
how is Alia going to react to this?? And is Obi-Wan...er...Avarik going to done the suit?
Whoa!!!! For a second I thought Anakin would get his limbs cut off!! Ah but it was Avarik. Does he end up on the iron lung?
Wow... what's going to happen next.. will Anakin leave him there on Mustafar, will he try to bring him back to the light? Exciting chapters yet again, and you write their emotions so well.
I loved the way you wrote both of the fighting scenes. But that last part. Ouch. Hmm, I'm just glad that I didn't get up and screamed at the screen like I did when I saw the movie. I'm glad that Anakin didn't get hurt. Now I'm just really curies to see if Anakin will leave or do what Obi-Wan didn't do in the movie, maybe he and Obi-Wan are more alike then I hoped for.
Amazing update and thanks for the pm, I?m looking forwards to read more.
Tatooine_Ghost: Thanks for reading.
obsessedwithSW: OMG! Yes, I did. I know it's a shock, all my other stories had happy endings. Believe me I prefer happy endings, especially when it involves Obi-Wan, but this story did not call for it. But take a deep breath and relax, we can fix him in the sequel.
EquestrianJedi07: I'll repeat it again, he's not charred yet. You'll see what happens....
Fat_Bird: You don't like your Obi extra crispy?
AngelQueen: Aila has not seen anything, something else is going on.
Amidala66: Look 2 more posts!
darksideyesplease: I have gone through about 12 different ways to make him injured before finding one that I could use in the sequel. I can always injure him some more later.
HandmaidenVeme: It is going to be rough on her, for lots of reasons.
Josh_Halcyon: I'll think about it. I've been beta-free since Chapter 17 (eons ago) , and I'm fairly used to it now. I have a bad tendency of wanting to post once I have a chapter written and can get impatient when I have to wait for more editing. Part of it is because DRL gives me limited time. Oh well, but I will think about it.
Lady_Jade: You'll see....
WANNA-BE-JEDI-KNIGHT: You'll see....
FitJedi: Complicated answer, you'll have to read. I'll leave you with a clue: Chapter 107.
Star_Angel: Sith Lords are stubborn, that is all I am saying.
To Everybody: Ok, you did read the top correctly, I am posting both Chapter 113 and the Epilogue, so this story is now complete. I'm going to be busy the rest of this week and I am not sure if I will get to post again. I also know that a certain someone who will not be able to join in on the sequel will be catching up on his reading in the next few days. This way he can at least finish this story (since he's been here since day 1), before he leaves the boards.
Ch 113: Severing the Bond
Two pain filled screams, one masculine, the other feminine howled across the boiling landscape of Mustafar.
?Aila!? Darth Avarik called out in alarm, grinding his teeth at the intense pain he felt at losing his arm and legs. He was lying on his stomach, his body having twisted itself when his legs were cut out from under him. He used his left hand to try to pull himself up, but the ground was loose and he slid down the sloping bank towards the molten river of lava below him.
?Obi-Wan! Give me your hand!? Anakin called out in horror. Moments before he had been intent on finishing the battle, but now that he saw the helplessness of his friend, he knew he could not leave him. He extended his hand out towards his fallen friend while he tried to maintain his own footing.
The yellow that had glowed fiercely in Avarik?s eyes faded to its natural blue green color as he continued to hear Aila?s pain filled screams, he tried his best to prevent his own pain from leaking to her over their bond. However, the loss of his limbs was excruciating and it was overriding his ability to control the flow of his emotions and feelings.
?Obi-Wan!? Anakin called out once more trying to capture his friend?s attention. He knelt down on the soft ground, his left knee brushing against Obi-Wan?s fallen lightsaber. He called upon the Force to help him drag Obi-Wan out of harm?s way.
?Aila!? Avarik screamed feeling a wave of pain, confusion, and desperation wash over him from her. He could tell it was all becoming too much for her and she was weakening with each passing moment.
Anakin managed to touch Obi-Wan?s fingertips and with the help of the Force was about to grab his friend?s hand. However, the Sith abruptly pulled his hand away, shouting, ?No! Help Aila!?
?I need to get you to safety!? Anakin shouted, trying to reach for Obi-Wan?s hand.
?No!? The Sith shouted once more, fighting against Anakin?s us
Sad to see it end 1-2 weeks to sequel? It'll come sooner than I think! I get out of shcool for 2-3 weeks next Friday! Perfect timing!
Please PM me with the sequel!
Once again great job and Congradulations
Wow. Just... wow. You really never cease to amaze me, jmsbndgrl. Just when I think Obi-Wan is going to be all good again and everything will be back to the way it was... no. Great job!
And of course I want to be on the PM list for the sequel... wouldn't miss it for the world
It's so hard to believe that this story is actually over...
That was so awesome. Congrats on finishing this story. I can't believe that I read the whole thing.
I eagerly anticipate the sequel. You should be proud of this work. It was a tremendous effort.
Oh dear... Anakin's been framed! He saved Aila and gets framed for her supposed murder! *headdesk* It really just sucks to be every character in this fic right now, doesn't it?
Jmsbndgrl, this has been a real treat to read! The threads that have been left dangling are extremely tantalizing! Aila's still alive, though deeply lost to her grief and hidden where Anakin has put her. I wonder where it is... And she's pregnant! A baby Kenobi's on the way! A boy or a girl, I wonder? I know Obi-Wan mentioned at one time that he wanted a boy, but just imagine if it was a girl!
Avarik and daughter ride the elevator on the 2nd Death Star to meet with the Emperor.
Daughter: "I hear you wanted a son. Sorry to disappoint you."
The potential for the sequel just seems limitless! *bounces* Can't wait to see it! I'd love to get PMs for when it starts and is updated! Wonderful, amazing work!
Oh man!!! Anakin should have saved Obi-Wan right then and there-- augh the heart ache! Poor Aila, pregnant and not knowing, in hiding and all alone. I'll be anxious for the sequel to see where you go next with this great story.
It is finished, then...
Wow, over a year, what an accomplishment and what a setup to the sequel!
Will you be starting a fresh thread for the sequel or keep it here in this monster of a thread?
loved it. could you please add me to the sequel's pm list?
OMG..... what a way to keep it going! Way to keep the suspense going right THROUGH the very end! PLEASE add me to the PM list for the new one!!