Padu, KY Amateur hour

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

 

uhhhh, I don't get it, why would you go over there after she told you no one was home. You Mandalorians are silly pv

 

i've actually had that happen TT

 

It's post your own joke, dude. Post your own joke. Your own bad joke. And she said it sexy like nobody "else" was home. Ok? I mean, no, that never happened.

 

hehe, i kno. that was my joke. a sad attempt at patheticness. but here's one for you. my Platoon leader sent me this the other day:


recently i was emailed this and found it hilarious, enjoy:

Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her E-mail address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston .. a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her E-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2005
Subject: I have arrived!

Dearest Love:

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send E-mail to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.


PS . It sure is freakin' hot down here!

 

I can't think of any jokes that won't get me perma-banned.


Does that make me a bad person?

 

At a marriage retreat, a husband was asked the key to a long marriage. He told the story of his honeymoon in the Grand Canyon.

His new bride and him took a donkey ride down into the canyon. His wife's donkey was less than cooperative and started to buck up and down. His wife kicked the donkey with her heels and said "That's one." A little farther down the trail the donkey started to kick up again. She kicked him with her heels harder this time and said, "That's two." And a little more down the trail the donkey acted up again. She jumped off the donkey, pulled out her gun, and shot the donkey dead. Then she said, "That's three."

Her husband was shocked and a little scared. He said, "You're crazy! I've gone and married a psycho!" Then she replied, "That's one."

 

What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

 

wet feet

 

A horse walks into a bar,the bartender says "Hey buddy why the long face"

 

A Magician gets a gig on a cruise ship in the south pacific. He performs every night and the captain of the ship sits in the front row each night with his pet parrot Jack. The Parrot, being very smart, figures out each trick and yells out the secret to the audience. He would yell things like, "squawk, it's up his sleeve!" or "squawk, it's in his hat!" The magician was furious each night he went to bed. This went on all week and finally the last night of the trip the ship struck an ice berg and sank. The magician woke up on a piece of drift wood and sitting on the other end was the parrot. They stared and glared at each other for two days. finally at the after 2 days the parrot blinks and says,
"Squawk, Ok, I give up, wheres the boat."

 

what is the definition of 'good'?

 

A man who can describe Dolly Parton without using his hands.