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And now a bedtime story: When you gotta go...

Discussion in 'Santa Cruz, CA' started by DarkLordSid, Sep 23, 2005.

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  1. DarkLordSid

    DarkLordSid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 3, 2004
    At a remote facility, the cream of the Empire met to plan the next steps against the rebellion. While the politicians and governors argued inside, it was up to the soldiers of the 500th to keep the peace outside. The brave men and women in white armor stood at their posts keeping a weather eye out for trouble, ?defending the Empire and its valiant leaders!?

    But these steadfast soldiers are organic, they are not machines, they have dreams, desires, hopes?

    ?and needs.

    Captain William Burns of the Second detachment checked his chrono for the third time in the same minute. Five hours now! He again cursed his luck at being at his desk when the com chimed, that he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, that he was stuck with this stupid endless field duty. He paced by a trooper and again checked the time.

    Nearby trooper TK4566 snickered very quietly at the officer's anxiety, but snapped back to attention when the officer whirled around and stomped over in front of him.

    A vein popped out on the officer's head as he demanded, ?Do you have something to say Sergeant? Some bit of wisdom to pass on?? Oh, no, he shouldn?t have said pass, it brought him thoughts right back to his discomfort, and he started to squirm again.

    The trooper said respectfully, ?No sir!?

    The Captain tried to focus on his anger, tried to forget the pressure of command, ?I suppose you like these long duties, have no problem standing hours on end here??

    ?I serve the Empire, SIR! I do whatever is asked, day or night!?

    The Captain, not realizing he was hopping gently from one foot to the other, said in a acid tone, ?And I suppose, you don?t have needs, eh??

    The trooper bowled over by the question, twitched a bit and tilted his head in surprise. He asked warily, ?Needs, sir??

    ?I don?t suppose you need breaks, do you??

    ?Ahhh. Not as such sir, we troopers, ah, well? it takes so long to get in and out of the armor, so any needs we have, well?? the mirth in the troopers voice cut off as he stuttered to a halt and then shrugged.

    The freshly recruited officer gaped, ?You?re not telling me that you??

    The trooper nodded, ?Yep, in the suit sir.?

    The officer looked horrified, ?But the smell, the?? he stammered and choked on the thought, and thanked his uncle?s connections for saving him from serving in the lower ranks. He backed away as though the trooper might explode and cover him in...

    The trooper said quickly, ?Oh, it not like that sir, not a problem actually, you see we have garments which capture the material, deodorize it and contain it, very efficient really".

    Amazement, then evil humor filled the officer?s eyes. ?Diapers??? You are saying you are wearing diapers in there?? He sniggered and tried not to laugh.

    ?They are called ?Imperial Sanitation Devices? or ISD?s, Sir. A trooper can?t always find the time or place to "unequip". It is a necessary battle contingency?. The trooper, speaking a bit sharply now, was a bit put off that 1) the officer didn?t know this and 2) was making fun of him.

    ?At least it?s better than trying to hold it, sir?, the trooper said, nodding at the officer hopping about, a little evil humor of his own.

    The officer?s smile faded and looking with ire at the trooper he began pacing again, ?Well, I had always wondered, and I have to say that today it sounds like a great idea?

    The stormtrooper looked the officer up and down, and said quietly and discretely, ?Need a break sir??

    The Captain muttered to himself with frustration, ?I HAD to have those five cups of coffee this morning. Was sitting down to hours of filing reports and shuffling paper in my nice comfy office chair when all hell broke loose, everyone gets flushed and runs out, not one word to me as to why. Then I get the call about this ?special meeting?. Of course it?s in a secure building in the middle of nowhere, no facilities at all, at least none for US. Seems like I?m always the one taking the odd calls.. er what??

    The trooper looked around at his fellow troopers walking the perimeter, then leaned i
  2. Master--Kenobi

    Master--Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 8, 2003
  3. mirax80

    mirax80 Retired Midwest RSA star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Aug 20, 2003
    OMGLMAO!!! [face_laugh]
  4. DarkLordSid

    DarkLordSid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 3, 2004
    I should have posted that the officer returning the disruptor was SINGING, "He had it coming" (nod to the musical Chicago), but I missed the editing window.

    Ah well.
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