Sth Bend, IN And now for something completely different.

http://starrgazr.wordpress.com/2008/02/15/john-cleeses-letter-to-america/

Dear Citizens of America,

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up ?revocation? in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up ?aluminium,? and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter ?U? will be reinstated in words such as ?colour?, ?favour? and ?neighbour.? Likewise, you will learn to spell ?doughnut? without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ?ize? will be replaced by the suffix ?ise.?

3. You will learn that the suffix ?burgh? is pronounced ?burra?; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ?Pittsberg? if you find you simply can?t cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up ?vocabulary?). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ?like? and ?you know? is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as ?US English.? We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ?u? and the elimination of ?-ize.?

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, ?God Save The Queen?,
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called ?Come-Uppance Day.?

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you?re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you?re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you?re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables? Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling ?gasoline?) - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called ?crisps.? Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as ?beer,? and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as ?Lager.? American brands will be referred to as ?Near-Frozen Gnat?s Urine,? so that all can be sold wi

 

from the Simpsons:

[image=http://watch.windsofchange.net/pics/try_and_stop_us.jpg]

 

I am smart...'smrt'...Homer Simpson

 

So, the theme music for this is still the LIBERTY BELL, by Sousa,
right

 

On a different note, don't lose your wedding ring. Gold is over 900 dollars an ounce and to get a plain gold wedding band is over 600 dollars right now. I have lost 2 so far.

 

Mine is titanium which is only around $6.95 per pound scrap compared to gold which is over $900 per pound. Maybe next time you loose yours you should try one. They have some neat designs.

 

Not to mention the environmental effects of gold mining.

 

nice info TW...and Robbie I think Titanium may be the way to go.

 

Isn't the ridiculous for something that is shiny. Don't get me wrong, gold has some important uses such as contacts on electrical equipment and other uses but do go through all that for some ring or earring is a waste in my opinion. It is just a kind of metal people! Is that worth all the pollution, etc.

 

but I have to believe that at over $900 dollar an ounce most people would sell their soul for the cash

oppm

 

Truly, who here still has a soul to sell


ok, could not resist, plus it helps the post count, right?

 

Well mine is hanging on by a thread seems to get stronger at church but as the week goes on seems to fade in power.

 

Maybe you should just carry it around in a briefcase like Marsellus Wallace and you don't have to worry about losing it.

 

I could also pimp it out...except that path leads to the darkside.


oppm

oppm

 

Wow, you totally had me. But I looked it up on Snopes, and it turns out that this is a hoax!

 

Before using the pronoun "this" I think you should have made sure it was clear what "this" you were talking about. I'm assuming you mean the whole "Marcellus Wallace had his soul in the briefcase" statement, but it was a bit unclear. anyways, i always thought the briefcase contents were left ambiguous on purpose so you could decide for yourself what was contained within.

 

Isn't there some cliche about surgeons who lose their jewelry?

 

like: surgeons who lose jewelry shouldn't throw stones?

 

Since this thread seems to cover a little bit of everything...

I'm sure this will not be news to you IT types. I like the attempts to put this in perspective, like "if each of the world's 6 billion people worked on hand-held computers for 24 hours a day, it would take them 46 years to do what the Roadrunner computer can do in a single day".



Shall we play a game?

 

is that the computer we're getting for MT?

 

Excellent idea, I didn't even think of that!