Before And Now For Something Completely Dooku--------(humor vignettes) 7/12! UPDATED! The Greatest of These

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Charmisjess, Jul 12, 2006.

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  1. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    Author's Note: Okay. *grinning*

    So, me, I'm doing this Dooku 100 thing, you may have heard; I've whined about it extensively. But as such, I have all these short, absolutely ridiculous little humor ficlets with no home. A mess of them. A mess of humor ficlet. A...series, even. [face_batting]

    These are all Pre-JA. As if there's any other genre. ;) And um, all very silly, so you've been warned.

    -----Laurie gets a big huge shiny star for thinking up the title for this saga. Don't you love her? :D I love that girl.


    ~*~

    Candy Stick

    ~*~


    ?Did you want a buy a stick of candy for your kid??

    Dooku dropped the toy with a guilty clatter, and looked up blankly at the fuel station?s clerk. While waiting for his fuel purchase to be processed, the new Master had been perusing through a display selection of igniters on the counter, igniters that had been curiously fashioned to look like tiny lightsabers, painted silver, with the flame as the blade.

    Really, Dooku did suppose that he ought to be properly offended that some company had reduced a weapon as elegant and noble as a lightsaber to a silly toy used to light smokesticks, but he couldn?t help examining them. (On a purely technical level, of course. He hadn?t been at all surprised to find that the store didn?t feature a curved hilt design.) Truly though, they were fascinating little things, and he had become deeply engrossed in clicking them on and off, when the clerk running his credit chip had posed his strange question.

    ?Ah,? Dooku wondered if he had missed some sort of context, but the young Bothan behind the counter was still staring at him expectantly, so he raised one eyebrow and murmured, ?Come again??

    ?You?? The clerk jerked his head at Dooku. ??want to buy some candy?? He tapped a clear jar of colorful sugar sticks. ??for your kid?? One hairy arm extended in a direction over Dooku?s shoulder.

    Dooku turned to see where he was pointing, and found his new apprentice, Qui-Gon Jinn, poking tentatively through the periodical section of the store. He had skirted the porn, apparently, and now held some sort of glossy cover in hand. If Dooku squinted, he could read the title: Home, Starship and Garden. Dooku rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the waiting clerk. ?Ooh, him!? He shook his head. ?No, no, no, he isn?t my, ah, ?kid??as you say??

    ?Right.? Shaking his long bangs out of his eyes, the clerk snorted, interrupting. ?I?m sorry.? He sighed. ?Well, he?s going to have to leave, then. We don?t allow street kids in here unsupervised??

    Dooku blinked. ?He?s with me!?

    ?So, surprise, surprise, he is your kid then.? The clerk eyed him, beadily.

    ?No, he isn?t!? Dooku shook his head. ?I mean, he?s with me, but he isn?t mine.?

    ?Whatever you say. I?m not a paternity lawyer.?

    ?We don?t even look alike!?

    ?All humans look alike.?

    ?We most certainly do not!? Dooku felt actually physically pained, by now.

    The clerk gave him a long-suffering stare. The characteristic length of his Bothan face magnified the effect. ?If you don?t want the candy, then you could just say so. You don?t have to make up elaborate lies.?

    Now irritated, and thoroughly flustered, Dooku drummed his fingers. ?No, I wasn?t?I?ll?stars, fine, give me the candy.? A stewing pause, as he stared at the little rack of tiny sabers again. ??and one of those igniter?things.?

    The clerk finally moved, unscrewing the jar of candies with a vaguely satisfied look on his hairy face. ?What color would you like??

    Dooku reached up to scratch at the phantom itch of his newly-removed Padawan braid. His fingers passed only through air, and startled, he drew his hand back. ?Ah, one with a red flame, please.?

    Another stare. ?I meant for the candy.?

    ?Oh,? Dooku glanced back at Qui-Gon. ?Perhaps green. Yes, green.?

    The exchange went through; the young Master collected his candy, lighter, and receipt, and swept away before the clerk could see the brief color warm his pale cheeks. He let the
  2. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5


    Dooku shook his head. But he couldn?t entirely ignore the slight glow he felt, at seeing this little child?his little child so happy. And it was such a stupid thing. Such a stupid, little thing. He turned on the engine, and concentrated hard on not smiling.

    ?You?re welcome.?



    Awww I just loved this Jess! Hehe poor Dook getting all in a tiff about candy :p That was just hilarious!! I really enjoyed it!
  3. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ahhh! Wasn't that sweet! [face_love] Got his lil Paddy a treat! [face_laugh] Albeit that it was because of the Bothan's graining conversation!

    Well done! Loved it! :D Can't wait for more! [face_dancing]
  4. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    Awwwww! :D I absolutely loved it, Charmisjess! Your characterization of Dooku, the wacko clerk, Qui's adoring smile, Dooku's slight change of heart... *melts*

    It was fun and touching at the same time. I love stories like that. :) And you have a great style. =D=

    I look forward to more! Could you PM me when you do post another one?
  5. Fluff-Slayer Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2005
    star 2
    [face_laugh] That was just the thing to make a gloomy day brigher. Thanks, Jess!

    I love the characterization of Dooku here. We don't get to see this younger, less un-perturbable version very often. His examining the igniters was particularly funny--oh, nope, look, they've done the hilt all wrong! [face_laugh] Beautiful.

    And Qui-Gon, perfectly happy to be tugged about...what a picture.

    Keep up the great work!
  6. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    aw, very sweet...lovely little piece charmisjess...=D=
  7. micky-nikki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 1
    Aw, that was so cute [face_love] I really loved how Dooku interracted with the clerk. And the little igniters sounded cool :cool:

    ?and, remembered his Padawan.

    Now blushing furiously, Dooku cut the power, dashed back to the station, and yanked Qui-Gon out. The boy tottered along behind him, seeming quite happy to be found and dragged about by his new Master.


    Heh. Oops. Poor Dooku. This just isn't his day.

    Dooku shook his head. But he couldn?t entirely ignore the slight glow he felt, at seeing this little child?his little child so happy. And it was such a stupid thing. Such a stupid, little thing. He turned on the engine, and concentrated hard on not smiling.

    ?You?re welcome.?


    Aww, cute. Wonderful, as always CharmisJess =D= Eagerly awaiting the next one!
  8. Persephone_Kore Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2006
    star 4
    *pats Dooku and Qui-Gon* Off to a slightly rocky start... but sugar makes it all better, at least for the moment. Dooku's way too much fun when he's off balance a bit.

    I love that you made the "Candy Stick" of the title green.
  9. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Dooku buys Qui-Gon...candy...green candy. <snicker> And Qui-Gon was so charmed by it, he didn't even notice that his master almost forgot to get him. Yes, Dooku has much to learn about being a master, but I'm sure he iron the rough edges out with his usual style. And what is he going to do with the red-flame lighter?
  10. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    *g* Sorry, I didn't mean to vanish from the fandom. I've had a weird couple of weeks. My Dooku characterization and I have been fighting. He left, and took Qui-Gon. I'm sueing him for custody.

    It is Friday, though. :D

    --
    Laurie: It's their first mission. *g* The candy is a big deal.

    Kynstar: Yes, inadvertant spoils. :D Dooku's an awkward young thing. *pokes him*

    Nienna: Ahhh, thank you, my lovely! [face_batting] Consider yourself PM listed. Yes, I try to keep a little balance with the cute silliness/touching, and then trying to keep some bit of characterization, in spite of the fact that it's a humor fic. I don't know how well it always comes out, but I'm really happy you liked it. :)

    Fluff-Slayer: Hee. Yes, I think Dooku has a little tiny bit of a fascination with shiny, interesting things. At first its just little amusing things, lightsabers, and then as he gets older, it's things like....sailships...castles...Chancellor Palpy... [face_batting]

    micky-nikki: :D Thanks! No, it isn't. Poor Dooku.

    Persephone_Kore: How could I not? And good point. Sugar does make everything better. :)

    ardavenport: I'm afraid I haven't any idea what he's going to do with the thing. Not sure he does, either, actually. ;) Maybe light some fires. You know how Dooku does... :D Thank you for reading, and for the review! :D

    Next---

    ~*~
    Sage Green
    ~*~


    "How long have you not had boots?" Dooku asked, looking uncharacteristically bewildered as he studied his Padawan's bare feet.

    Qui-Gon was blushing very evenly by this point, wiggling his toes anxiously into the weave of the carpet. "Erm, do you remember a few nights ago, when I was in the sublevels with Tahl...?"

    "Yes."

    "Since then."

    Dooku shook his head slowly. "It seems...odd to me that you would have only had two pairs to begin with..." He exhaled through his nose in exasperation. "Dare I ask what happened to the final pair while you were down there?"

    "Er, well, they pinched my feet, so I threw them away..." Qui-Gon looked down sheepishly, and then remembering his Jedi training, forced his gaze to meet his Master's. "...we had to run, and they were slowing me down. I forgot that they were my only pair..."

    Dooku was giving him a particularly stern stare.

    Qui-Gon squeaked. "But, they never really fit to begin with so-"

    His Master's voice sounded strained. "You are the limit, Qui-Gon Jinn, did you know that?"

    Qui-Gon nodded shamefully. "Yes, I know. I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you. We haven't really gone any where lately, so it hasn't been an issue, and I don't mind going barefoot..."

    ?No.? Dooku blinked, and then jerked toward the door. "Well, I suppose you?d better come along now.? The Master considered. ?Have I ever taken you for new clothing?"

    The Padawan shook his head meekly, trailing after Dooku. "I don't think so...I?ve gone with Tahl once or twice?"

    "No wonder you look so drab all the time, Padawan, why didn't you ever say anything?" Dooku despaired, weaving them a path through the marbled halls of the Temple. He stopped at the main vertical turbolift, jammed his thumb down on the 'call' button, and resumed his mini-lecture. "I mean, honestly, I wouldn't have been upset, strange child...and now what must the other Masters think of me, letting you wandering around like..." he gestured toward the bare feet hopelessly, "...like that!"

    Qui-Gon shrugged. "It wasn't ever much of a problem. Clothing isn't that important..."

    "Please hush, your attempts to downplay this situation are only making me feel worse." He stepped inside the turbo lift, and Qui-Gon followed. They lift gave a slight jerk, and they rocketed downward toward the Seamsmaster. Dooku regarded the shuddering ceiling with some disapproval, and Qui-Gon mentally added turbolifts to the broad list of things his Master seemed vaguely suspicious of.

    The door finally hissed open, after what seemed like longer than a turbolift would usually take. He seldom went down to the Su
  11. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5

    "...somewhat?"

    Qui-Gon colored. "I just borrowed a pair of yours."

    Dooku's voice acquired a slight waver. "You are...wearing my..." He closed his eyes, choking softly. "Stars,...I...stars!"

    "But I didn't have any!" Qui-Gon appealed, with a slight whimper. "Would you rather me go without?"


    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]


    Dare I tell him there are people here who would say "yes" to his question? [face_devil]
  12. Lady_Snow_Kaguya Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2005
    star 1
    Jess, I adore you.

    Dooku was glad for the arm rest between them; otherwise he would have felt in immediate danger of being hugged.


    XD Thats totally Dooku, all over!


    "My clothing is built to last years, wars, and lightsabers!"

    "Your clothes have not met Qui-Gon Jinn, apparently."


    ..Wait till they meet Obi-wan Kenobi [face_laugh] I smell a drabble!


    "You wear black all the time." The boy observed, giving his Master a sulky stare.

    "That's because it looks good on me." Dooku shrugged nonchalantly.


    What a prima-donna! He's such a prissy man.


    Qui-Gon colored. "I just borrowed a pair of yours."

    Dooku's voice acquired a slight waver. "You are...wearing my..." He closed his eyes, choking softly. "Stars,...I...stars!"


    *dies laughing*





  13. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    oh dear...that was insanely funny [face_laugh] ...

    Wonderful!...oh my...*wipes tears of laughter from eyes*...

    Loved it! =D=

    Please can you pm me with updates? Thank you!
  14. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I love this. That Qui-Gon would steal some of Dooku's underwear and it wasn't clean either since it was in the laundry. Didn't Dooku notice the smell? If Qui hasn't had many clothes, he must be rather ripe. And losing the boots. You are hilarious. I love the dynamics of the pair.

    I just hope Qui-Gon gets those green tunics eventually![face_laugh]
  15. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    Dooku regarded the shuddering ceiling with some disapproval, and Qui-Gon mentally added turbolifts to the broad list of things his Master seemed vaguely suspicious of.

    [face_laugh] You know, I copied this line as I was reading, thinking it absolutely hilarious, but then I found so many more that trump it... :D I thought I was going to die laughing.

    I loved this, Charmisjess! [face_love] I can feel the relationship between Qui and Dooku; it has a very genuine quality to it...even if it is slightly absurd. :p But that's what I love about these stories.

    And Grinn... Put simply, Grinn made me grin. *blinks as everyone groans* What? :p

    Lovely work! =D=
  16. micky-nikki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 1
    Such a wonderful story to come home to after two days of wedding stuff :)

    This was so funny! My favorite parts:

    Dooku smirked and turned to Grinn. "If we could please get some light brown tunics..." he rolled his eyes. "..and I suppose some 'sage' green undershorts as well.." he sighed, turning back to Qui-Gon, "...do I humor you, or do I humor you?"


    Qui-Gon grinned, distinctively impish. ?I may have to wear the shorts and only the shorts around our quarters, then??

    ?I may have to kill you in your sleep, then?? Dooku mimicked his tone.



    You are indecent!"

    "Yes, Master."

    "And thieving!"

    "Yes, Master."

    "And we need to have another talk about Master/Padawan boundaries!" Dooku finished, lurching forward again.


    Grinn was a neat little OC. Kinda talkitive(sp?) and chipper. I like him :)





  17. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    Laurie: :D Thanks! *snorts at your question* Oh, yes, you'd better believe it Qui-poo.

    Lady_Snow_Kaguya: The feeling is so mutual, my dear. :D And yes. Dooku's obessive compulsive things are fun to explore. As are Qui-Gon's boundary issues. *nods, wisely*

    Kestrel_Kenobi: Consider yourself PM listed! :) I'm so glad you liked it!

    dianethx: *laughing* Apparently not. Although, if they're Dooku's, they were probably fairly clean, anyway. I'm so happy you liked it, Diane! :)

    Nienna: [face_laugh] Grinn made you grin? That makes me happy. And also, that you like my Qui-Gon and Dooku. I go back and forth with them a great deal, but they make me happy, so I keep writing 'em. ;)

    micky-nikki: I confess, I made up Grinn mostly as someone who would just bug Dooku out of his mind, but he kind of took his own little path there. Hee. :D Thanks for reading, dearie!


    [face_batting] I may have a little birthday flavored one, for posting on Sunday...not that I know anyone around here having a birthday...[face_devil] *coughs* Laurie. *coughs*

  18. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    Hokay, I'm leaving for vacation in like an hour, I haven't packed, and I'm only online right now because of a clever lie on my part------but! I promised Laurie I would post her a little birthday something. 8-}

    Here's your birthday something, Madame Layren. I think I should get points for this. [face_batting]

    Short, possibly absurd. You have been warned. ;)


    Prompt: 93. Celebrate
    Rating: G
    Summary: It's been almost a decade, but Qui-Gon finally figured out the day.
    Warnings: Fluff. Yelling. Implied drinking. You know how I do. ;)
    Author's Note: Qui-Gon's about 20 in this. I don't know why that's noteworthy, except I expect he's more candid with his Master as he gets older. More apt to harass, if you will.

    ---*---

    Thirty

    ---*---


    The front door of the quarters slammed, and Qui-Gon looked up from his datapad in surprise.

    Firstly, it was the fact that their door, by design, did not slam. It was an automatic slide device. But Dooku had come in at such particularly high speeds, that when he dashed his hand against the close button, it hadn't even had a chance to fully open. The confused machine beeped, and shot the opposite way, sliding back into the wall with a bang.

    Secondly, it was nearly midnight.

    "Master Dooku?" He tried, straightening up from where he sat at the kitchen table.

    Clearly, Dooku was in a high bad temper. The Master gave no answer, instead stalking passed him, opening the refrigeration unit, and then violently slamming it closed again. Next, he moved on to the cabinets.

    Qui-Gon watched him with vague unease. "Good...evening."

    "Is it?" Dooku barked, crashing the cabinet door closed, and ducking under the counter to hunt through the stores below. "Qui-Gon, why are we always out of stim caf?"

    Qui-Gon chewed his lip, and regarded the tabletop. He didn't think it would be helpful to point out that Dooku was the only one in the quarters who drank the stuff. Or that it was somewhat late at night to be downing stimulant, anyway. But Dooku was now shaking out their breadbox in a rather alarming manner, as if thinking his packets of caf were somehow stashed inside, so Qui-Gon spoke up again. "Top shelf, Master."

    "Mmhm." Dooku reached up to secure his caf, and then began a new hunt, for a pot this time. "I don't see why we can't have just one place for things!"

    Again, Qui-Gon wasn't going to point out that it was, after all, Dooku who rearranged their entire quarters on a biweekly basis. He flipped closed the holonovel on his datapad, and set it down, listening to the clattering sounds of Dooku attempting to boil water.

    After a moment of kitchen-fiddling, the Master made his way to the table, and took his seat across from Qui-Gon. He glanced over at the boy by way of grumpy recognition, and then, abruptly stiffened. Qui-Gon saw, felt, his focus change to the thing set on the center of the table.

    A single rose rested there, captured in a slender crystal vase. A blot of ruby-red color against the creams and browns of the quarters.

    Embellished with a bright ribbon.

    And a little card.

    Dooku recoiled, in some horror. "What's this?"

    Qui-Gon simply grinned.

    "This isn't for..." Dooku's eyes grew very wide, and he looked suddenly, strangely vulnerable. "How did you--?!"

    "Surprise?" Qui-Gon gave him a mild shrug.

    "You---!" Dooku's chair scraped as he scooted backward, appalled. "You must have looked it up in my file in the archives, or..."

    "...Yoda," Qui-Gon supplied, cheerfully.

    "Yoda!" Dooku cursed, drumming his long fingers in a frenzy.

    "I can't believe you weren't even going to tell me!"

    "It isn't your right to know!"

    "I disagree, Master!" Qui-Gon paused, and steeled himself, as if he were about to dive off of something. "And I think we should go out."

    "Out?" Dooku gasped, somewhat wildly. "No!"

    "Please!" Qui-Gon leaped up, in appeal. "Just once!"

    Dooku struggled to his feet as well, still looking utterly scandalized. "No! Not on your life! This is why, exactly why,
  19. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    [face_laugh] I absolutely loved it! Priceless! =D=

    You'd better start writing more of these soon, Charmisjess, because I start school in a week and I'm going to need something to lift my mood. ;)

    And happy birthday, Layren! :D Hopefully is doesn't turn out like Dooku's...
  20. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]Charms that was adorable!!! I can so totally see Dooku not wanting to celebrate well *anything* but especially not *his* birthday [face_laugh][face_laugh]
  21. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    [face_laugh]

    Lovely little scene charmisjess!

    :D
  22. Lady_Snow_Kaguya Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2005
    star 1
    *snerk* Poor Dooku just cant face the big 3-0. XD
  23. leia_naberrie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2002
    star 4
    You?re doing dooku100 at lj? <rushes to go friend Charmisjess> Yah!

    These were so super! I loved all of them. My favourite part in the first one was when Dooku almost forgot Qui-Gon in the shop.

    You know? totally OT, but you really should write original fiction. You write vividly. I can ?feel? the physical and emotional atmosphere in your stories. Thinking of ?Scorch? now? You?re also very good with characters ? bringing out the little defining quirks in them. Then I loved the one of the robes and the nutty seamstress :p. There was something very Hogwartsy about it all. You paint such colourful supporting characters! Thinking of Clasp now? (And Congratulations for the Awards! You deserved them! :D My only complaint is that you ought to write more often. :p )

    Erm? I?ll still come back and give a more coherent review, but I just wanted you to know that I?ve found these, I?m reading them and I absolutely love them! :D





    Loved the title, by the way! :D
  24. micky-nikki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 1
    Teehee :D I really liked this one. Lots of little things in this that makes it really fun to read, like the slamming door, and Dooku trying to find the stim caf and pot when he was the one that moved them.

    Good job and Happy Birthday to Layren!
  25. Star-Foozle Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 24, 2006
    star 2
    Haha, these were brilliant!
    I have to admit, this side of Dooku makes me laugh. He gets flustered so easily here, in contrast to his usually unruffleable, controlled attitude. I loved these little vignettes, particularly Sage Green. Between Qui's lost articles of clothing, Grinn's hyperactive cheeriness and those unconventionally-colored undershorts, poor Dooku seemed like he was being driven up the wall. Which is, in itself, a very amusing concept.:D
    Are there more of these? Will there be more of these at some point in the future? If so, PM me, please!
    Great job, keep up the good work!
    =D=
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