Saga And The Little Dog, Too (Bizarre Response to Quotations Roulette Challenge)

Title: And The Little Dog Too
Author: The_Face
Timeframe: between TESB and RotJ
Characters: Boushh and Jebediah Fett
Genre: humor, one-poster
Keywords: quotations roulette, bounty hunting, morons
Summary: Boushh (the real one, he?ll be quick to add) is hired for a very strange bounty, and a delusional idiot convinced that he is Boba Fett?s distant cousin tags along.
Notes: This is my response to the Quotations Roulette ? Non SW Movie Edition challenge. My quote was Number 99, "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" - THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939) Evil? Yes. But here is my strange effort, well before the deadline of ?Whenever.? Both of the main characters can be found in my full-length humor fic The Astoundingly Amazing One and Only Boushh (link?s in my bio). Did I mention it?s strange?

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??and his little dog, too,? related Boushh.

Jebediah Fett blinked. I don?t mean under his helmet. I mean his Mandalorian T-shaped visor closed and opened again. It was weird. ?She said that??

?Exact quote. She wants me to kill the bountyhead and his pet. Otherwise, no deal.?

A third helmet-wearing bounty hunter, named simply ~^~, chimed in from his seat across the circle. ?I had a bounty like that once. The dog turned out to be a midget Shistavanen wolfman.?

?How?d that work out?? Boushh asked.

?His teeth were tiny but sharp,? ~^~ replied, staring morosely at his four-fingered right hand. In ~^~?s species, the hand was supposed to have four fingers, but he had been born with an extra finger on his left, so he pretended that he?d lost one from his right. So far, ~^~ had crafted seven hundred and thirty-five stories for what had taken his pinky. None of them were any good. Trust me.

Jebediah, Boushh, and ~^~ were meeting along with three other mercenaries for their quasi-weekly gathering of Helmetheads Anonymous (The helmets help with the anonymity thing. Calling each other by name? Not so much.). This was a big crowd for them. The three not yet mentioned by name were Trilo Xerxes, Fénac Ulornn, and Chad. Chad wasn?t actually a helmethead, but he was fairly anonymous as no one ever bothered to learn his name, despite his perfect attendance record. Jeb, Boushh, ~^~, and Chad were the four regulars, though Boushh?s presence was usually up in the air. Trilo and Fénac came only every once in a while, so it probably would have made more sense to list Boushh with them in this matter, wouldn?t it? Well, if you think this is so easy, why aren?t you narrating this story, hmm? That?s what I thought.

?I?ve had that kind of assignment before,? Jebediah noted soberly.

Boushh turned. ?Oh yeah? What happened??

?Nothing. It was just a little dog. My employer really hated it. So I slipped it something special.?

?You poisoned it?? Chad asked with a dumb expression on his dumb face.

?Heavens no,? Jeb replied in an offended tone. ?I slipped it a doggie treat so it could die happy when I shot it. Sicko.?

?Jeb, that anecdote was a complete and utter waste of time. It reminded me of you,? Boushh remarked. ?Anybody else have any smart ideas??

?No, but I?m sure Jebediah has some more dumb ones,? Trilo said.

?Boy do I ever!? Fett squealed. ?There?s one where we get a job as dog-catchers. It?ll require three years of free time, ninja-like patience, and a bulk-size thingy of Rogaine.?

?Don?t tell,? Boushh instructed. ?I really don?t know why I come to these meetings. You?re all morons, except maybe you. Who are you??

?I?m Chad. I?ve been to every meeting ever, own recordings of most, and stalk each of you equally. I keep files of your personal likes, dislikes, and social security numbers. Sometimes I pass the time by writing you all fictional exploits with me inserted into the plot??

?I don?t know what you just said, but I?ve decided I don?t like you either. I?m leaving.?

Boushh left. He entered

 

I loved it! Absolutely hilarious.

 

Congratulations, this is most certainly your most surreal work yet. Delightful stuff.

~^~ is truly a bizarre invention, but one that seems to personify the spirit of the story (that is, 100% bugnuts).

Chad is creepy. He reminds me of people I know. I don't want to think about Chad anymore.

?I?m Chad. I?ve been to every meeting ever, own recordings of most, and stalk each of you equally. I keep files of your personal likes, dislikes, and social security numbers. Sometimes I pass the time by writing you all fictional exploits with me inserted into the plot??
Okay, except this:

The hit was played to perfection, meaning there was a large explosion.

I am somewhat intimdated by the narrator.

That is all for tonight.

 

jedi_of_ennth: Thanks for reading and replying; glad you liked it.

Forcefire: Most surreal? Yesss! I knew it was going to be off-beat when I decided on the plot. It only went downhill from there.

~^~ is probably my favorite OC name ever. It has the ^. Who doesn?t love the ^?

Thanks for R&Ring.

 

That's about all I can say, besides: great response to this challenge!

 

Rogue_Pilot_2347, thanks for reading and posting. I?m happy this is being received well. I thought it might actually be too odd for most to appreciate. Actually, that?s probably the case anyway, but some of you liked it obviously.

 

Hilarious! You did a great job with a seriously evil quote!

 

Thanks, VaderLVR64. That quote was sinister. I had the darndest time coming up with anything at all, but once I got writing it happened very quickly.

 

That was totally crazy, random and great! I really needed a good, *bewildered face* WTK?, followed by ROTFLMAO. I shall make a note to check out your other fics.

Actually, I'm a rather big fan of the ~.

 

Thank you very much, Blue_Milkshake. If you enjoyed the craziness, I'd suggest The Astoundingly Amazing One and Only Boushh out of my fics. Most of the others are "serious" stuff. By which I mean they have some degree of depth, but they're still big on comedy.

As am I. It's a good one - very aesthetically pleasing.

Thanks again for reading and replying.

 

HAR! I gotta get me one of those blinking helmet things.

 

?I slipped it a doggie treat so it could die happy when I shot it.

That was disturbingly funny.

Nice job on the challenge

 

Nice work! Kind of crazily Monty Python-ish. I'm still trying to figure out how one goes about actually pronouncing ~^~'s name, though... Loved the touch with the illict purity dealer, and the non-disputed 'iah', and... so on. It was all great. Fantastic challenge response!

 

*bounces* It's funny! It's self-deprecating! You used ominiscient perspective. *bounces* What is there not to like?

It was undetermined as to whether Jebediah Fett was a Fett at all, or even a Jebed for that matter. The iah was not in dispute, but that Jebed could really be a Hezek, for example. The Fett issue was undeniably the more important. The only proof Jeb could offer up for his kinship was a holo of a family reunion with a vaguely Boba-esque figure in the background. Hundreds of years later, an anthropologist would find this holo and claim that it had been PhotoShopped, but no one would know what that is. Also, the anthropologist would be squished by an overly heavy display case for the blaster pistol of Greedo the Rodian. But that?s another story. So what?s it doing in this one?

I think I'd actually love to read that story. You're a really good writer to combine all these elements and make them work so well.

 

Great job!
It was a really mean quote, but you wrote a great story around it.
Your narrator is one creepy guy, but funny without end.

?Heavens no,? Jeb replied in an offended tone. ?I slipped it a doggie treat so it could die happy when I shot it. Sicko.?

Now that's animal friendly. I bet the dog didn't mind.

?Anybody else have any smart ideas??

?No, but I?m sure Jebediah has some more dumb ones,? Trilo said.

And the ship, Your Name Here. Hilarious idea, that one really cracked me up.

The iah was not in dispute,

Like being pronounced ee-yore?

?Stop following me around everywhere!?

?Can I follow you around mostwhere??

?No!?

?Somewhere??

?You know what? No!?

?Onewhere??

?What does that mean??

?I don?t even know.?


*conquers her urge to quote about everything*

A wonderful, delightful, entertaining, hilarious, funny, amusing, lol&rotfl, laugh until I cry story.

 

More readers!

BaronCoop: Thank you! Yeah, I liked that visual of visors actually blinking and narrowing. The helmetheads needed some comedic expressiveness.

KELIA: Disturbing? Great! Funny? Even better! Thanks for R&Ring.

Knight_Aragorn: Kind of crazily Monty Python-ish.

That is an honor.

I thought about how to pronounce ~^~, and then I decided it was better left a mystery.

The lollipop-dealing Balosar is one of my favorite gags, as well. Glad you liked it, and the rest of the story. Thanks for reading.

leia_naberrie: The narrator didn?t start out with so much personality; he just kind of took over as his own thing as it went. He?s kind of inspired by the style Douglas Adams uses in the Hitchhiker?s Guide to the Galaxy five-part trilogy, and by what 1Yodimus_Prime does in the excellent fic Planet Hopping.

That paragraph you quoted is one I liked, too. I actually did get a plot bunny as I was writing about Greedo?s blaster squishing that anthropologist. I may yet tell that tale. I?m just crazy enough to try it.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

MsLanna: Mean isn?t the half of it. It took me a while to come up with the idea, but once I had it, the thing just snapped onto the page.

I think of the narrator as less creepy, and more snippy. Now, Chad. Chad is uber-creepy.

The Your Name Here was a gag left over from The Astoundingly Amazing, One and Only Boushh, which stars both Boushh and good ol? Jebediah, as well as an out-of-work holo-actress, Ice Cream Maker Guy from TESB, and the most exaggerated canon characterizations you?ve ever seen. It?s not quite as surreal as this one, but I like to think it?s as funny.

Thanks so much for reading and replying!

 

So far, ~^~ had crafted seven hundred and thirty-five stories for what had taken his pinky. None of them were any good. Trust me.

So strange, but I loved every bit of it. The above was just one of my favorites.

 

Hahah, Face, you are the master of comedic hijinks If I were to try and list all the things about this post that were utterly awesome, I'd be banned for plagiarising your entire story.

Just...brilliant If any author could have come up with such a response to as difficult a quote as that, it was definitely you

 

JadeSolo: Thanks so much! It?s something completely different, that?s for sure. Glad you liked it.

Mjs: Hey, great to see you! Thanks for the vote of confidence! What?s scary is how quickly it came together. Says something about my (in)sanity, doesn?t it?