Saga Anger Leads To Hate: Anger Management With Darth Vader - Humour (Vader etal) Update 11/19

Title - Anger Leads To Hate: Anger Management With Darth Vader
Authors - AnakinGirl05 and PadwanKayla
Characters - Vader, Shmi, Qui-Gon, Padme, Obi-Wan, Luke...and the list goes on.
Genre - Humor
Timeframe - The Saga (really post ROTS but reflections on the rest.)
Summary - Vader, as part of on-going therapy sessions, writes letters to those in his past and present who he feels have contributed to his ongoing Anger Management issues.
Authors? Notes- This is a collaboration between the two authors and we will each be posting our update. And as the one whose name is in the topic section, I get to throw my two cents in and thank AnakinGirl05 for agreeing to write this with me. We seem to inspire each other to heights of silliness, at least from our perspectives!!

This first post was written by AnakinGirl05

Dear Reader,

Well here I am, Lord Vader, second most powerful being in the Universe, sitting at this Force forsaken relic of a computer typing up a letter. A letter to whom you ask? A letter to just about anyone who I have ever had ?issues? with, that is who. It seems that I have some anger management issues and my therapist thinks it is a good idea to address them in this fashion. Yes, I have a therapist. It is part of this new sensitivity training that has been implemented. No, I do not like it. I find that I get more done with anger and with a good Force choke hold. However, I am willing to give it a try. I rather like my therapist. She reminds me of a certain brunette senator from my past, if you know what I mean.

I have decided to start with my mother, Shmi Skywalker. I will be moving on from there to a host of other useless people that have come through my life. My therapist tells me that though I will start out in anger, I may come up with some emotion that even I am not aware of. We will see about that. There are plenty of people on my list here: mom, as I mentioned before, Qui-Gon, Mace, Yoda, the Emperor, even Luke and Leia, oh and most definitely their mother, that same brunette senator I spoke of before. We do not speak her name. Then there is Obi-Wan, my former Master, the most stoic, insensitive, unfeeling man I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Cut my legs off and leave me to die, whatever. How is exile on Tatooine there, old buddy? We will get to him later, I feel my blood pressure rising and I must find my happy place now.

Yours,
Darth Vader

 

I feel my blood pressure rising and I must find my happy place now.



Happy... place... *gasps, trying to breathe* Holy... Darth Vader has to find his happy place?!

Kayla, that was hilarious! I'm literally cracking up!

AQ

 

This should be long lol, for we know Vader has ALOT of anger.
Can't wait until he gets to OBI...he'll rip him to SHREDS! lol

 

I must find my happy place now



Somehow I think Vader's happy place is going to cause somebody else a whole lotta pain

Very funny! I look forward to more

 

This looks good!!!

Please PM me when you update!

 

It seems that I have some anger management issues really?? wouldn't have noted it if you didn't tell

Then there is Obi-Wan, my former Master, the most stoic, insensitive, unfeeling man I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Cut my legs off and leave me to die, whatever. How is exile on Tatooine there, old buddy? no lost love here!

 

Ok, it is time for Padwan Kayla's letter, but first I have to thank everyone who has started reading!! This has been great fun for both of us so far, and we really do seem to inspire the sillies in eachother. I hope you all stick with us and like what you see!

AngelQueen Yeah, I am not sure yet if he actually has a happy place that is, well, happy! But we will have fun finding out. Thanks for reading!

iloveAnakin7 Yes, this may prove to be long, but hey, Vader has lots of anger! I am glad you like it so far!

KELIA Thanks and I hope you stick with us for all of his anger. Of course you are probably right that his happy place will cause other's pain...

Anakin Heartbreaker Thanks! To the PM list you have been added!

Healer Leona Fun this will be, we promise!

michaellover Yeah, he may have some issues. And you never know on that love lost thing...

 

Aw man that was a SCREAM!! PLEASE!! I MUST HAVE PMS!! Oh, here is a little token of my gratitude for making me laugh!

[image=http://members.tripod.com/~monarch41/stamos/stamos08.jpg]

Jasmine

 

Great story. Anger and Darth Vader mix so well, this is going to be interesting

 

Ooh, great start, can't wait to read the actual letters! Anger management issues indeed... Give me a PM, too!

 

Love. This! So incredibly funny and you've only just begun!

The thought of Darth Vader having a "happy place" just tickles my funny bone!

If you send out PM's, could you please put me on the list?

I can't wait to see more of this!

 

More readers, great!

HanSoloIsSoCute, thanks so much! So glad you liked the first bit.


Darth_Malvagio yes, I agree about Vader and angst, they go hand in hand. I have a feeling we will see some more angst here! Thanks for reading!


Shrunken Jedi Anger Management seemed so perfect for Vader...Glad you liked it!

VA Parky Thank you! Can't you just see him sitting there trying to find his happy place?

Just a note to PadwanKayla here, thanks for being my co-author! This is fun!

 

Vader's happy place = The Jedi Temple during the Purge? Maybe?

I love it!

 

Happy Place? Priceless. This is great.

 

Yes, I have a therapist. It is part of this new sensitivity training that has been implemented. No, I do not like it.

How is exile on Tatooine there, old buddy? We will get to him later, I feel my blood pressure rising and I must find my happy place now.

*dies laughing* *is resurrected* absolutely hilarious! happy place...*dies laughing again*

-Roain

 

VaderLVR64 hmm...never thought of that! Could be...
thanks for reading so far!


Valairy_Scot...Thanks so much! I hope we do find out what that happy place is...


Roain_Xantos Wait, wait come back!! Don't die yet...or you may never know where that happy place is...Thanks for reading!

 

Letter to Shmi Skywalker

Well, readers, I have returned. As promiiiised, III am...ah, friiiick...someone has been usiiiing thiiiis computer and has spiiiilled somethiiing stiiiiicky on this keyboard...iiiif I fiiind them, III swear IIII?ll use that Force choke hold agaiiiiin, therapiiiist or no therap...okay, count to ten.

There, keyboard fixed, well replaced actually. It seems in my anger, I destroyed the other one. Now that that problem is solved, on to my mother.


Dear Mom,

Let me say that I loved you but now as the second most powerful being in the universe with a more experienced perspective on life, I have some questions that I?d like the answers to.

First, you must come clean about my father. That story you told me when I was a youngling was a nice tale but the mother of my children, whose name we do not speak, actually explained where babies came from. There are rumors around the galaxy that Darth Plageius was my father. Come to think of it, those rumors were started by my current Master. As I have found, Sidious or Palpatine as he prefers to be called, does have a tendency to spin the facts to suit his purpose, but that is another letter altogether. Do you have any idea how much I got teased by the other Padawans at the Temple when I told them that I had no father? I used to get so angry with them. I can feel my anger rising just as it did then!

1,2,3,4,5,6... Better.

Second, Qui-Gon. Tell me, what were you thinking? You send me off with a man you knew for less than a week? I know Qui-Gon seemed like the entire honorable Jedi package and all but what did you really know about him? He could have been a very bad, bad man, the kind you always warned me about! But, noooo. You just decided to hand me over to him. And the stories I could tell you about him now! What were you thinking woman? But then, I suppose things could have turned out a great deal worse than they have. Wait, what am I saying? Qui-Gon gets himself killed (did you know that?) and then I get stuck with his Padawan for a Master who in the end leaves me to the will of the Force on a lava bank. But that?s also another letter. And now I?m stuck in this suit and it?s all Obi-Wan?s fault. It?s not fair!

1,2,3,4,5,6,7...okay, better.

Third, the Jedi Order. Did you really know what the Order was all about? Did you know that they would not let me have any contact with you? They have a very strict rule about attachment you know. But I guess you didn?t know. Did you think to ask? Noooo! No one at the Temple understood that, that I needed to see you. If they had let me have at least some contact or if you had even tried to contact me, things might have turned out differently. Did you ever, ever try getting in touch, a letter, a card, a holonet message? I don?t think so. And you can?t use the excuse that you were a slave, I know better than that. And who exactly was this Lars fellow? Sure I met him once and I?m not sure what you saw in him. And that whiny kid of his, what was his name? Oh, yes - Owen. Well, I took care of him. Hiding my son from me! Who did he think he was? The nerve of that outer-rim moisture farmer!

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8...drat, the AC in this suit needs recharging. Where is that maintenance droid?

Well, it appears that there are others to write to, Mom. Can?t blame you for everything, I suppose, although I would like to. A lifeday card at least would have been nice, you know! Hopefully, you are proud of how powerful I have become.

Your once handsome son
Darth Vader
(btw, how do you like the new name?)

 

First, you must come clean about my father. That story you told me when I was a youngling was a nice tale but the mother of my children, whose name we do not speak, actually explained where babies came from.

Hilarious

Wow if that was just the leeter to his mom, which was a little harsh at points, I REALLY can't wait for Obi's!!!

P.S. I love you icon

 

There, keyboard fixed, well replaced actually. It seems in my anger, I destroyed the other one.

now where have we heard THAT before?

great work and thanx for the PM!

 

Hmmm... he has a point about handing him to Qui-Gon.

Excellent work... the keyboard interlude was hilarious

 

This story is priceless!

I loved the counting between the subject matter - so funny (And evidently necessary)! And he needs recharging at the end? Hee! No wonder - all that emoting is tough work! Poor lil Vader.

Great update!

 

your mother can't answer you buddy, she's too busy rolling in her grave!! nice person you turned out to be, forget the anger management class get yourself a lobotomy, that'll work with you!

 

*chokes with laughter*

Aren't the shrinks always supposed to blame the mother?

Hilarious, Kayla! Too bad Shmi isn't there with her son. Contrary to what he thinks, she'd probably put him over her knee!

Great job!

AQ

 

Awesome update!!!

You know the funny thing, most of the questions he asked were valid!!

If he is like that with his mother, I can't wait for the others!!!